Category: Life
Day 13: Goals
Day 12: What I Never Leave Home Without
There are many things that I never leave home without; my purse, my iPhone, my headphones, my passport & my Certificate of Divorce HAHAHAHA. But that’s all normal crap that everyone brings with them everywhere.
So, I guess the one unique thing that I never leave without is my necklace.
I never leave without it because I never take it off. I’m a nerd who loves the Legend of Zelda & when I bought my now ex best friend this necklace, I bought one for myself too because I’ve always wanted a Triforce necklace. The Legend of Zelda was my favourite thing growing up & I’ve played every game, I’ve studied the timeline religiously & even own Hyrule Historia, the LoZ encyclopedia. I wear my nerdiness proudly, although I do sometimes get asked if I’m in the illuminati, which is always fun. My district manager has taken to only calling me Princess Zelda, which I’ve decided to take as a compliment.
So, the one thing that I don’t leave my house without is my necklace. If I took it off, I would likely feel naked without it.
Day 10: My Biggest Fear
I’m afraid of lots of things.
I’m afraid that I’ll never fall in love again.
I’m afraid I’m not the best mom I can be.
I’m afraid I’ll never reach my fitness goals.
I’m afraid that I’ll never work in media again.
I’m claustrophobic, I’m afraid of mice & I’m not terribly fond of snakes. But my biggest fear is the most horrifying creature on Earth. The source of all terror. To demonstrate the most evil being alive, I shall post the photo that my friend Dawna made for me & posted on my Facebook.
Day Nine: The People Who Mean Most To Me
Aside from my children that is.
Today I’m supposed to post a favourite photo of my best friend, but I couldn’t narrow it to just one. I have a group of awesome friends that I love.
Whether I’ve known them my entire life, or a few months, these are the people that have been there for me through good, bad, ugly, mopey, whiny, batsh*t crazy & everything in between. I’m lucky to call them friends. So, thanks amazing friends, for being you. I love you all lots & may have (for the purposes of this post) stolen your FB display photo because I don’t have a pic of you without my kids in it lol. ❤
Day Seven: What Makes Me Happy
What makes me happy? Everything!
It doesn’t take much to make me happy, as I pride myself on making myself happy every day. I couldn’t imagine living a life where tiny things, such as my favourite song coming on my iPod just when I wanted to hear it, or shopping, or something funny my daughter said didn’t make my whole day awesome. So, to compile a list of things that make me happy is actually quite easy. But, for the sake of not boring you, I’ll keep the list small.
1. My daughters. Duh. They’re my pride & joy, my source of happiness every day. Nothing brings me greater happiness than my girls.
2. Yoga. I love yoga. I love how it makes my body feel better, with less back pain. I love that it’s helping me lose weight. I love that I feel so rejuvenated after a good sweat session with Stratusphere Yoga. Even while I was house hunting, or ill, & couldn’t do a full workout, I still made time for twenty minutes of yoga poses. I even have yoga goals; like someday I’ll be able to do Crow pose properly & not just prep & I’ll do those preacher curls while in Flamingo. Yoga helps the body, mind & spirit.
3. Music. I love all music. I identify with so many songs & they take me back to snippets of time that make me happy. I couldn’t go a day without singing along with the radio or listening to my iPod. I love all music, from death metal to classical & I think it’s my second favourite non-parenting thing in the world.
4. Writing. Another duh. Never a day without a word was my former professor’s motto & I think I live that. I love to create & give my random ideas life. I love telling stories, recreating memories of concerts, sporting events, the first time you heard that song. It’s my passion & it’s everything to me. Writing is like oxygen to me. It makes me a better person, & once I’ve finished moving, I’ll have a byline again & I’ll be telling my stories again before you know it.
5. Edgar Allen Poe. My all time favourite author. I love his work so much. So much, that my favourite work by Poe is often a “How well do you know MH?” Staple. There’s just something about his macabre works that draw me in every time.
6. Tim Burton Films. I used to own his entire filmography until my ex husband pawned them all. My copy of Nightmare Before Christmas was all that survived (although I do have a copy of Edward Scissorhands as well). Jack is tattooed on my shoulder, he’s regularly my Facebook cover photo & even my phone’s lock screen. My all time favourite line from Nightmare was once a text tone on my phone, but I don’t use that one anymore.
That’s my short list of happy things. I hope you have a quality list too. Everyone deserves a list of awesome things that makes them happy, as everyone deserves to be happy every day.
Day Six: Pet Peeves
I don’t think I have anything that truly annoys me, well aside from the standard dishonesty, abuse, etc.
I suppose all of mine are social media related.
1. People who display gross things to promote “awareness” on their Facebook page. It’s not helping, it’s freaking sick. No one needs to see a photo of someone’s black & gross frostbitten toes, or a blown up stomach, or someone’s lip half torn off. I read real news for that. I don’t need it on my Facebook news feed. Sharing that story didn’t make anyone more concerned about that health issue, it just made me & all of your other Facebook friends want to throw up.
2. Passive Aggressive Status Updates & Tweets. I love all of those status updates where someone is clearly pissed or upset with someone so they’ll use their status to talk about it rather than call that person. I’ve begun deleting people who do it. Same with subtweets. If you’re constantly crap talking a person & adding #subtweet, you’re clearly trapped in high school & that’s cool. But grown ups call people & work out issues. Try it sometime.
3. Social media narcissism. Yes, clearly I’m blogging about you, and my tweets are all about you & my Facebook status updates are all about you. Dollars to doughnuts there are at least three people who are looking at these thinking ” I can’t believe she’s calling me out like that,” & I’m rolling my eyes because it happens all of the time. Chances are, I am not talking about you. Just like that tweet wasn’t about her & Chris Hemsworth hasn’t proposed to me. Most people are likely not thinking about any one particular thing & just say random crap. The fact that you read into it because you’re desperate to be in someone’s thoughts 24/7 is cool & all, but they’re probably not talking about you. Makes you wonder how much you’re thinking about them to analyze them so much or if you engage in the first two.
Those are my big pet peeves. That and the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
Day Four: Parenting
The actual topic is my relationship with my parents, but my father has long passed away & my relationship with my mother is both complex & interesting & very hard to explain. Also, my mother regularly reads my blog (waves to my mother), so I’d rather not say anything good or bad, as I’d just rather not.
However, my relationship with my children is different. It’s a source of pride for me. As their only stable caregiver (as their dad has his own issues and anger management problems & is more concerned with other things than being a dad, which is why he doesn’t pay child support or like schedules or routines or anything constructive), it’s important to me to be the role model. I went through a period last year when I wasn’t the role model, so now it’s even more important to me to be the role model. I need to go to work every day & not miss a single day. I need to work hard. I need to think of my career & how continuing to work at building a portfolio helps me show them to work towards their goals. I have to be careful who I date, as that person will the be the person they build their standards around. This is something that comes up a lot with my tween and her penchant for liking bad boys on TV. She says love will fix them, sadly, it doesn’t.
Maybe I take this too seriously, but I feel like it’s my job to teach them the right way. It’s my job to teach them how to become strong young women & I need to live that example. So, each day I need to model myself as the type of woman I want them to grow up to be. That means live healthy, be healthy. Focus on being emotionally strong & confident in myself & that I’m setting the right example. This is important to me. This is my job as a mother.
Fortunately, I’ve been lucky to have been given three smart, beautiful & compassionate girls to raise. They care about others, they’re helpful & kind. They all get good grades in school & are talented musicians & love to read. They’re all growing into young women & I want them to become strong & proud women who reach for the stars, focus on their goals & know they can do everything. Society will try to pigeon-hole them into vapid morons who have to be barefoot & pregnant while also maintaining a bikini bod & live to serve their husband. The media will make them think they should want a career & a husband while maligning both. Other women will teach them to tear down other women. That’s why I need to live the example I want to set for them. If I want them to feel they can have a career & don’t need a man to complete them, then that’s how I must feel. If I want them to respect their bodies, then I mustn’t go out & have one night stands or whatever (no disrespect to moms who do. Everyone’s thoughts are different). If I want them to choose a partner that will cherish & respect them, then this is the partner I must choose. I must walk my walk every day so my good, wonderful girls do not turn towards influences that will only tear them down. So, yes, maybe I take it too seriously, but that’s okay. I’d rather be “too focused” on being a role model than not at all & when my children are struggling, wonder where it went wrong, knowing they emulated my poor choices & the example I set for them.
Day Three: First Love
Truthfully, I’ve only ever had one love; the written word.
I truthfully think I may die alone because I don’t think any man will truly understand how much I love what I do. I’ve never wanted to do anything else, I had no plan B. My half assed plan of law was a big fail because in the end, it’s all about my writing, my words. Men already take a backseat to my daughters, but that makes sense. I can’t see any man loving me enough to read every word I’ve written. I don’t think anyone will understand that I hate going days without writing something. I love this. I love my blog, I love that people read it. I love every word I’ve ever written. I would love a mate, but no man will ever take an interest in my work enough to get that this is my non-parenting everything.
I did have a person first love & that was my good friend The Gleason Table. We dated for maybe a minute (or a couple of months) & went to prom & have settled into a comfortable friendship. We talk about our families (he has a beautiful wife who compliments him in every way & two amazing kids), sports, life. He’s been an amazing support through every horrible & awesome thing that’s happened over the last fifteen or so years & I’m lucky to have him as a friend.
Maybe someday I’ll meet someone I love as much as writing, but I doubt it. This is my greatest passion, my heart’s desire & I know deep down, no man will ever understand enough to support my drive to be the greatest writer in the world, read my blog religiously, read my articles & take as much pride in my successes as I do. Maybe that’s why I’m so comfortable alone. I have my work. My words, my passion to make me feel whole.
Say Something
I can’t sleep in hotel rooms well (not that I sleep well on a good day. Useless MH fact, I get wicked insomnia & suffer from night terrors or at least really vivid nightmares. Stress means no sleep. Looking at houses all weekend is stressful). My mind always ends up wandering to weird places. So, I’m gonna jot it all down & pretend it makes sense.
Throughout our lives, we’ll be happy. We’ll be sad. We’ll be epic douchebags. This is everyone. This is life. Throughout our lives we’ll pretend to be happy when we’re sad. We’ll use sad to make excuses for being douchebags. It’s a circle.
But through all of these moments, who was with is through it all. When you were happy, who was by your side? Who was with you for a little while during your sadness but once you hit bottom, walked away? Who got sick of your douchebaggery & left?
Part of life is owning your douchebaggery, something I’ve tried to do. Owning your pain. Creating your own happiness. But humans need each other too. So, think about everyone you’ve ever met. Who did you stand beside during their douchebaggery? Who did you walk away from? Who stood with you In your joy but left you in pain? When you were your cruellest, who (did the right thing for them) left you behind because you were a dick & who silently endured your cruelty & hopes you find joy?
Hopefully, when you think of the list of people who were there in your joy, held you through your sadness & took your douchebaggery with grace as you took theirs, your list has your parents & siblings, your best friends & your soulmate. I know mine has most of those. If not, then I truly feel sorry for you, as you have no true emotional connections.
We all go through periods of awesome & periods where we’re an awful person. However, it’s comforting to know that sometimes, there are people who will love all of that, if this makes any sense @ all, because I feel like it doesn’t.
Of course, even those who leave you (or you leave behind) are still connected to you, because hate & love are connected. Hate is love enraged. You are so angry with the person you love that you loathe them for not being what you believed they could be or what you wanted to mold them into. The absence of love is indifference. I learned this post-marriage when I hated him for all he did & continued to do. Then one day, I didn’t care anymore. Same with two friends, one I despised for betraying my trust. Loathed him. Now I see it was my love for him as a person that made me hate; I felt like he was not the person I thought & I felt let down. The other, I actually have thought “I hope she’s well,” when she’s mentioned, but I just don’t think we’re meant to be close friends. I think we bring out negative traits in each other.
I think I’m done rambling, as this didn’t make me any sleepier & I don’t think it makes sense. So, I’ll leave it with a quote that I think explains my thought process better.
“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.“
The Misadventures of MHC 