Day 20: What If?

I used to wonder this a lot.

What if I had been more understanding of my ex husband’s mental illness? What if I had treated my boyfriend better? What if I had just spit the words out by the water? What if I hadn’t befriended that person on Twitter? What if I hadn’t introduced our friends? What if I had been nicer to people? What if I had kept my big mouth shut? What if I had stood up for myself? What if I hadn’t wanted my kid to spend their first Xmas with their dad? What if I had kept going to the gym? What if I had tried harder to be a better friend? What if I hadn’t have walked out of that exam? What if I had just switched seats on the way to the art gallery? What if I hadn’t entered that contest, even though my intentions were good? What if I hadn’t left the bar?

It went on & on. Then, one day…I stopped.

While I was wondering “what if?” my life was passing me by! My girls were growing up & I was missing it! So, I stopped wondering, as none of it would change the current outcome. But what would was coming to terms with it, hence my summer of cathartic blogging. I got it out & I refocused my energies on me & my girls & I don’t wonder anymore. It’s helped me become a happier person.

If things are meant to turn out a certain way, they will & nothing will change that. Nothing I do will change it. The universe will make it happen. So, I’ll just continue to be happy & let it go, just like Queen Elsa of Arendelle told me to do.

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The universe will put things as they should be & I’ll just ride out life while pursuing my dreams of being the best mother & journalist I can be while the universe puts everything as it should be. When that day happens, I’ll understand why everything else happened & it’ll all make sense. But until then, I’ll just enjoy the ride.