Roads Untravelled

I’ve found the key to packing before a big move; THROW IT ALL OUT.

I’m not even kidding. I’m throwing it all out.

So far, the only things I’m packing from my living room are my television (which is really only used to play workout DVD’s and watch Frozen. If I ask you if you want to build a snowman, I apologize) and the Overlord’s piano. All three of my daughters are getting new beds. I’ve packed up bags of clothes, and brought the toys down to two bins. Almost every knicknack has been tossed out.

Isn't it cute?
Isn’t it cute?

I’m a sentimental person; things hold meaning for me and part of preventing the nostalgic feeling while packing has been to throw it all out. That “date night” shirt that I specifically bought because my date said I looked good in that colour? Throw it out. The wooden box that a former friend painted for me? Throw it out. Unless it is something I absolutely cannot part with, I’m throwing it out. It’s rather therapeutic, getting rid of stuff that I don’t need so my new house and my new future is going to be a complete fresh start.

I’m in the middle of this awesome change right now, where I’m sort of reinventing who I am by becoming some kind of hybrid of who I was in high school (adorably cocky bitch) and who I am now (overly sympathetic and compassionate) and it’s been nice. I’m working on my body (down 22.5lbs), changed my hair to the brighter ombre and continue to focus on making this new chapter the most positive chapter it can be. I like that I’m finally making steps to make my life what I want. Too often, I hear people make excuses for why their situation never changes & I don’t want to be that person. I had to take some steps back to step forward, but that’s okay, I’m on the right path to a great future.

I just really like my hair in this picture.
I just really like my hair in this picture.

But back to the sentimental stuff. Apparently my daughters have picked up on this too and it’s both a positive and a negative thing. It also helped me learn that I have to learn to keep some of that sappy stuff in check. While packing their toys and downsizing, I went through each toy and asked them if they actually played with it and if they said no, then off it went. The Pirate Princess held on to a stuffed bunny that she doesn’t play with often, but she fought me tooth and nail, citing that her Uncle Drew bought it for her for her birthday as a baby (how the eff she remembers that I’ll never know) and she needed to keep it because she wuvs him. The Overlord did the same thing with a stuffed…uh…thing (it’s a weird little creature). She couldn’t let it go because Blank gave it to her for her birthday and he even wrapped it and he never wraps gifts and it was special and she needed to hold onto it. She’s slept with it ever since. I probably should have tossed em, as they weren’t toys that they played with much and I’m trying to downsize, but I decided to pick my battles and let them keep those sentimental toys. After all, I’ve kept a necklace that I’m allergic to but wore every day & a copy of Edgar Allen Poe’s complete works buried in a box in my room because they were gifts from these people. Why can’t they keep these small mementos?

But part of moving forward is getting rid of some of the stuff that no longer serves you, or that will hold you back. I don’t need my hoard of stuff to keep memories, I have them locked away. Aside from baby pictures, concert ticket stubs and a handful of other mementos, there’s not a whole lot of stuff in this life I need to hold onto as cherished stuff. All of that stuff is in my amazing box of stuff and packed away. There’s no sense in moving that stuff from place to place, as it’s unnecessary and bogs you down. So, I’ll just keep purging so I can focus on moving forward and making my new house as clutter free and warm and positive as possible. Also, it’ll be a lot cheaper to move as Ikea will be delivering most of it six days after I move in, so there’s that too. But there’s still the matter of moving that piano up a flight of stairs, so I should probably do some burpees. With weighted gloves. Until I puke.

Day 30: Five Good Things

It’s the last day of this challenge!

While nothing overly earth shattering has happened to me over 30 days, great things happen every day! So, here are five of the most awesome things that happened this month.

1. My transfer was approved, all official-like. I signed all the papers, paid the deposit on my house & it’s all mine! I’m outta here Windsor! Peace out!

2. I’ve lost a total of 20lbs in 8 weeks! Quelle success!

3. Ronan Farrow favourited my tweet, which means he knows I’m alive. That’s step one towards our wedding in the Hamptons & us becoming a journalist power couple.

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For those of you unfamiliar with Mr. Farrow, he’s a journalist who served as the Special Adviser for Humanitarian and NGO Affairs in the Office of the Special Representative for Afghanistan and Pakistan under the Obama Administration. He recently got his own show on MSNBC thanks to his background & being a smart ass on Twitter. He also loves Zelda. If there was ever a human being designed for me, there it is. Also, he looks like this:

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I may dislike matrimony, but my wedding to Ronan Farrow, which exists entirely in my imagination (and I then get a job @ the New Yorker) is quite lovely…& will feature Taylor Swift.

4. I made a friend. It was awful.

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Okay, so Grumpy is actually the Overlord’s friend, a gift for her seventh birthday, which was minion themed. We’ve been calling her Grumpy Cat for a year because she glared in our Easter photos last year & someone said that’s what she looked like. She even placed third in a Grumpy Cat lookalike contest (she was robbed). But I like to think Grumpy enjoys my company too, probably not. He’s Grumpy for a reason.

5. I finally made an appointment to make my hair a colour & not just 19 shades of whatever.

Sure, they’re not exciting things, but it’s fun & life is meant to be fun. So, I like to focus on the positive & fun things that make me & the people I love smile. I feel like that’s where I fit in this world; journalist & mom who makes people smile.

I hope this made you smile.

Day 29: People Who Inspire Me

I’ve already talked at length about my Fangirl love for Trish Stratus & Amanda Marshall, so let’s continue on.

When I was little, I wanted to be just like April O’ Neil. Chasing stories, breaking scoops, so awesome. Yes, April O’ Neil inspired my career path. I even had an April O’ Neil doll! I don’t jump into fires or hang out with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which sucks), but it’s still the right path for me, so clearly eight year old me chose wisely.

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Next would be Katy Perry. I relate to her music so much & wish I could rock the pinup girl look as well. I think she’s beautiful & talented & funny & I’m sad that she got her heart stomped on by John Mayer…again. Katy’s songs have gotten me through a divorce, a breakup, and some big housecleaning days & I can’t wait to go see her in August with the angriest tween, who also loves Ms. Perry. It’ll be a cool mother/daughter memory for us & we will sing along with every song.

From: Katy Perry Official site
From: Katy Perry Official site

I don’t care how old I am; I love Taylor Swift. Yes, she writes about her exes, but oh well, we bloggers write about ours. Men shade theirs on FB. Whatever. Taylor is raw & honest & beautiful. Her album Red was the story of my life when it came out in 2012, as she wrote about meeting & losing the man she felt was the love of her life (widely speculated to be Jake Gylenhaal…how could you do it Jake?! hahaha). But her refreshing sweetness, honest lyrics & eternal optimism make me love her so much. The tween calls her the Queen & was even on #TeamTaylor over her crush Harry Styles. I love that my kid can listen to an entire Taylor Swift album and I don’t have to worry about suggestive lyrics or cussing & I can love “Queen Taylor” without feeling like a loser.

From: Muchmusic
From: Muchmusic

My non-Stratus fitness idol is WWE Diva Nikki Bella. Yes, wrestling is fake & the world of Total Divas may be scripted “reality” but one thing that isn’t scripted is Ms. Bella’s commitment to being in shape, becoming strong & working to the top of her division. She’s gone from delicate ingenue to being called fat by detractors to a strong & powerful Diva. Between crossfit, strength training & the Change Time program (created by beau John Cena), Nikki looks amazing, & is far more athletic in the ring. Detractors will say what they will but to me, Nikki’s amazing abs & rocking curves look phenomenal & she’s making strong the new sexy.

Courtesy: Nikki Bella Instagram (@baciamibella)
Courtesy: Nikki Bella Instagram (@baciamibella)

Finally, the non famous person who inspires me is my friend The Gleason Table’s lovely wife. She is a sweet & earthy young woman who raises two beautiful children while teaching them healthy living, kindness & a passion for art. She shares her ideas on her awesome blog Charcoal & Crayons & you can’t help but get excited to try the crafts & recipes she shares with her family. She’s an artist, a wife, a mom & still runs marathons. She’s just a cool person & it was her amazing performance @ a marathon this Christmas that helped give me that last nudge to get up off of my butt & make health changes. You should definitely read her blog to get some great ideas.

These are the people who inspire me, whether it’s through music, health, walking their walk or because they hung out with ninja turtles. Either way, they help me see what kind of person I want to be & learn from their shining examples.

Day 28: What Stresses Me Out

There was a time when everything in life stressed me out.

During my marriage, I walked on eggshells. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t do anything. After the marriage, I was walking on different eggshells. I was so afraid to be alone that I didn’t want to make anyone mad at me. That way, they would love me.

Now, I focus on things by breaking them up as I need to. Cleaning my basement? We’ll do it in four days. Budgeting? We’ll plan it at the start of each month. Chores through the chore hat. Instead of procrastinating and letting things build up in my mind, I handle them as they come. I meditate each night. Yoga helps me detstress. I keep a list of goals I’ve accomplished. All of these things help me keep focused and almost sane. Then, of course, there is my writing, which always helps me, no matter how stressed I am. When I was in school, I often wrote about inane garbage because the subject matter sucked so hard that I couldn’t focus. My writing helped me focus on what needed to be done to get through. Same with the rest of my life; writing helps me find my balance.

The other thing is that I no longer feel dependent on others. I have realized that no matter who comes and goes in my life, I have my children and I will survive. It might sting, but that’s okay; because as the singer Jojo says “Disaster strikes and I’m alright because my love’s on his way.” Whether that’s a friend, a lover, a relative I’m reconnecting with, there will always be someone who loves me in this life and I will cherish those people. However, sometimes, their time in my life has an expiration date. That may sting, but it’ll be alright because I have myself, my daughters, my faith and my determination to make all of our dreams come true will get me through.

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Also, if that doesn’t work and life throws me for a loop, I’ll simply spend an hour doing yoga and between that and chivasana, my mind will be cleared enough to write, which always helps me find my way. Or there’s wine. There’s always wine.

Day 27: My City

My current hometown isn’t known for it’s picturesque settings (nor am I known for my photography skills) but I took this photo before an Amanda Marshall concert & I’m pretty proud of it.

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Of course, this won’t be home much longer as I’m packing up & out of here in 63 days. While I’ll miss my friends here, I’m looking forward to escaping the dark cloud of negativity that seems to hang over Windsor. Most people who have left seem happier to be out of here & there’s just something exciting about moving forward, starting over, making everything bright & beautiful again. However, I must admit, that this view will always remind me of home.

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Day 22: What My Future Will Be Like

In the words of my future husband Adam Levine, “I’m not a fortune teller, I won’t be bringing news of what tomorrow brings.”

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I always had a clear career path, I’m going to be a reporter, even if I just freelance on the side and I was going to be a Mommy. But the rest, I never really planned out. When I was married, I let my husband sort of control our future. The one thing I wanted was to live here in Windsor so I could work for my magazine. After the divorce, I had a picture in my mind of my future. I knew who would be my husband and what our house would look like and I’d work in a law firm and as a reporter and he’d work in management and the kids would attend music lessons and we’d hire a cleaning lady because I’m not exactly Suzy Homemaker. I got so caught up in this idealistic future this person & I spun that when I lost it, I struggled with finding a new plan.

So, I decided that I had no plan.

Nope, no plan.

Besides my job, my plans to find a new magazine to call home and to raise my girls, I quite literally have none plans. I fully intend to just live life from day to day and enjoy them. If my true love magically appears in my life; great! If not, oh well. If I interview 50 more celebrities, fantastic! If not, I’ll still be the princess of telecommunications and that’s fantastic too. Obviously I’ll plan for my daughters college funds and my retirement savings, but financial planning is just smart. But aside from that, I’ll let the universe help me find my path. I know what I want for my life and that it’ll all work out when the time is right.

This is the best way for me, because there is no pressure, no timelines, no nothing. Just me and my girls and my friends enjoying my life the best way that I can.

Day 21: Something I’m Proud Of

I’m proud of many things. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve put my life back together after numerous setbacks. I’m proud of my 16lbs weight loss in the last seven weeks. I’m proud of my daughters & how they inspire me to be a better mom every day. I’m proud of my yoga progress.

But my biggest source of non-parenting, personal pride is my journalism career.

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As I’ve well documented, journalism was literally my ONLY career path. I didn’t have a plan B & my legal assisting career led me to working retail. All I ever wanted to do was cover wars, report on world news & share those stories with the world.

But a conversation with the CF after my embedding training (yes, I could get a job travelling to war zones if I wanted to. I was going to refresh my training two years ago, but the person I was dating talked me out of it, citing he liked my much safer beat) about safety & my love of live local music, most notably MicLordz & Sauce Funky, led me to a different path; entertainment journalism. While it’s never been for a major magazine, I have written 26 cover stories, interviewing some of the world’s most famous people. I still have a bucket list of about 10 artists & entertainers left, which are;

1. Trish Stratus
2. David Draiman
3. U2
4. Raine Maida & Chantal Kreviazuk
5. Jennifer Lawrence
6. Oprah
7. Katy Perry
8. Morgan Freeman
9. Elton John
10. Shawn Michaels

Perhaps I’ll get a chance to interview them when I start work at a new magazine in my new city (which I move to in 70 days!), as I’ve already started applying at local mags. It’s a good way to refresh my portfolio & have more than one writing credit. But I fully intend to keep working at my craft every day, until I’m the best writer I know.

Day 20: What If?

I used to wonder this a lot.

What if I had been more understanding of my ex husband’s mental illness? What if I had treated my boyfriend better? What if I had just spit the words out by the water? What if I hadn’t befriended that person on Twitter? What if I hadn’t introduced our friends? What if I had been nicer to people? What if I had kept my big mouth shut? What if I had stood up for myself? What if I hadn’t wanted my kid to spend their first Xmas with their dad? What if I had kept going to the gym? What if I had tried harder to be a better friend? What if I hadn’t have walked out of that exam? What if I had just switched seats on the way to the art gallery? What if I hadn’t entered that contest, even though my intentions were good? What if I hadn’t left the bar?

It went on & on. Then, one day…I stopped.

While I was wondering “what if?” my life was passing me by! My girls were growing up & I was missing it! So, I stopped wondering, as none of it would change the current outcome. But what would was coming to terms with it, hence my summer of cathartic blogging. I got it out & I refocused my energies on me & my girls & I don’t wonder anymore. It’s helped me become a happier person.

If things are meant to turn out a certain way, they will & nothing will change that. Nothing I do will change it. The universe will make it happen. So, I’ll just continue to be happy & let it go, just like Queen Elsa of Arendelle told me to do.

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The universe will put things as they should be & I’ll just ride out life while pursuing my dreams of being the best mother & journalist I can be while the universe puts everything as it should be. When that day happens, I’ll understand why everything else happened & it’ll all make sense. But until then, I’ll just enjoy the ride.

Protected: Day 19: A Letter to A Former Lover

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