When Things Suck Hard – Page 10 – The Misadventures of MHC

Day 26: My Dream Wedding

February 26, 2014February 26, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, ASH Photography, Dear Blank, Douchers, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

I hate weddings.

Like, a lot.

I hate planning weddings.with the exception of the psych major’s wedding and my friend Sarah’s upcoming nups, I don’t really like attending weddings. I’m not big on standing up in weddings. I hate every little thing about weddings almost as much as I have no desire to ever remarry. I wasn’t terribly keen on it the first time & found my vow renewal to be a pain in the ass. The absolute WORST assignment I’ve ever been given was to go to a wedding show & review it by planning a wedding. My photographer was dying of laughter when the florist said “you look like you’d rather be shot.” Yup. I probably would have preferred it.

A photo from the wedding show...this is right before I texted people asking for help — A photo from the wedding show…this is right before I texted people asking for help

The most wedding planning I’ve ever done was a file on my computer while I Skyped a friend & mocked her Pinterest account & picked some wedding dresses and bridesmaids crap & some flowers for my future wedding (as it was planned I would be announcing my engagement on my birthday & we had half seriously picked a wedding date) & nearly puked. Then, some kind hearted person booked an appointment for me (on my birthday) with the dress @ a bridal shoppe with all of those details; my tentative wedding date, my “fiancé’s” info, the dress I had picked, the bridesmaids dresses, all ready to go. My relationship ended 18 days before. I have never cried harder than after that phone call where the wedding store associate was excitedly congratulating me on my engagement, and ON MY BIRTHDAY and why didn’t I come in to try on the dresses?! The Gleason Table called to wish me a happy birthday only to hear my heartbroken sobs. To that person, you are mean & you suck. But even then, when I was happy about wanting to spend my life with a person, the idea of a wedding made me kind of want to barf. Personally, as I said to the guy when he brought up marriage the first time (Because he brought it up often & even spent one night picking tentative wedding dates) if a man could be content with us being engaged forever, I’d be thrilled. It’s not the commitment that scares me, or the life (well, it would now); it’s the idea of being MARRIED. Getting married AGAIN so people can quietly judge me from their seats. I tried being married and it failed and I’m afraid to do it again. Having people cluck their tongues while saying “oh, you’re getting married…again?” and worried about them disapproving. I felt self conscious that people would wonder how I thought this marriage would work when the first one didn’t. I worried my lack of enthusiasm would dampen his desire for the big party. I’d have to plan a wedding where everyone fights and bridesmaids feel entitled and all of the guests make demands and you spend a bunch of money that you could have used to buy a house and by the end you just want it all to go away. It’s not about the couple or the commitment, it’s all “Ew. Why those colours? Why that bridesmaid? Why that dress?” While I buy food & drink for relatives I never see & don’t terribly like. Blah.

But I digress.

My dream wedding sucks. There is no dress. There is no party. There is no engagement. There is nothing. There is me & my partner & some chapel that specializes in elopement. There is no one we know, except maybe my daughters. There is just us, the celebrant, and the witnesses they provide. We’ll tell people when we’re ready; or on Facebook with a status update. Whatever.

I think a marriage is two people. I get sharing that moment, but from years of over sharing when I’m happy or confiding in the wrong people, I’ve learned to be more cautious…as I write on my blog for strangers to read & people I know to dissect. But, even when I’m in a relationship, I keep my relationship posts high level or I comment on why they’re great, etc. I will share with my besties but I’m still a girl. I guess I want to keep that moment between us, our moment. A friend of mine reminded me that even my high school dream wedding was to elope. I remember when my marriage was failing, all of my family and friends mentioned they were at my wedding and therefore, they had the best advice for me. I learned from going to people for advice when my last relationship was ending that people can not always be trusted. I would confide in them and they would turn right around and I learned later that there was no confidence, my private feelings were being exploited & twisted like telephone. The judgey people when planning the wedding. The nosy in laws. I would think about what part of all of my past relationships made me happiest, and it was when it was just the two of us. If I did choose to get married again, I would want to be comfortable. I wouldn’t be comfortable @ a big party. I would want it to be just us, so I could get through my jumbled nerves, and spit out what I would want to say in my vows without a million people boring holes in me, placing bets on how long it would last. I would want my partner beside me, and that’s it, because the only person who needs to know what kind of wife I intend to be is him.

I’ll never be Bridezilla; I don’t want to be a fairy princess. I want the man I’m committing my life to by my side while we promise to be partners for life. No one else needs to be there to make that promise any less meaningful.

Day 24: What I’ve Learned About Life

February 24, 2014February 24, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Crazy Talk, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Through my life I’ve learned many lessons, but here are the ones that are most important.

Disclaimer: I am a moron. You probably shouldn’t take anything I say seriously pretty much ever.

1. Relationships are about give & take. I used to give too much & end up broken. Then I took too much & felt abandoned. It’s about balance, communication, telling people when you appreciate them & being upfront when they’re pissing you off.

2. Love isn’t enough to keep someone with you. They have to want to work at it & so do you. But there’s no sense in beating yourself up when you tried your best. If you didn’t try your best & you wrecked someone, the most humane thing you can do is let them heal & not continue to torture them so you get closure. You don’t get to “feel better” about what you’ve done to hurt someone; that’s your cross to bear. Leave them alone. Let them be okay.

3. Honesty may not be how you see things, but it may be what is. Respect someone’s truth & that their side of the story has pieces you don’t know & that the full story may not be like either of you see it. Respect others interpretations of life.

4. The only thing people will remember is how you treated them on your worst day; make sure it matches your best day.

5. The most important love affair you’ll have is the one you’ll have with yourself. No one can love you until you love yourself. No one can be your partner until you no longer fear being alone. Be your own best friend & do things that make you happy; whether it’s fitness, arts, or teaching lizards to dance, you will never be happy with someone until you are happy on your own.

6. You do not have to tolerate passive-aggressive, emotionally abusive, catty & toxic behaviour because someone is your friend/partner. It’s okay to tell someone that you are not happy with them. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to tell someone that you are hurt. Bottling it up or ignoring it only makes it fester. Tell people how you feel.

7. You are not perfect; you can be a giant, raging Doucheface. Own those actions, apologize for them & change them. Even still, you’ll probably be a raging Doucheface 100 more times before you die.

8. There is one person in this world that I could forgive everything, literally everything they’ve ever done and said. You will have one too. We all have that person that we love so unconditionally that we just want them to be happy & we could forgive & forget anything. That’s okay. But you also have to remember that they need to learn from it & want to treat you well too.

So, those are my life lessons & they’re helping me grow every day until I’m the best MHC I know.

Day 20: What If?

February 20, 2014February 20, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, Dear Blank, Dorkdom, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

I used to wonder this a lot.

What if I had been more understanding of my ex husband’s mental illness? What if I had treated my boyfriend better? What if I had just spit the words out by the water? What if I hadn’t befriended that person on Twitter? What if I hadn’t introduced our friends? What if I had been nicer to people? What if I had kept my big mouth shut? What if I had stood up for myself? What if I hadn’t wanted my kid to spend their first Xmas with their dad? What if I had kept going to the gym? What if I had tried harder to be a better friend? What if I hadn’t have walked out of that exam? What if I had just switched seats on the way to the art gallery? What if I hadn’t entered that contest, even though my intentions were good? What if I hadn’t left the bar?

It went on & on. Then, one day…I stopped.

While I was wondering “what if?” my life was passing me by! My girls were growing up & I was missing it! So, I stopped wondering, as none of it would change the current outcome. But what would was coming to terms with it, hence my summer of cathartic blogging. I got it out & I refocused my energies on me & my girls & I don’t wonder anymore. It’s helped me become a happier person.

If things are meant to turn out a certain way, they will & nothing will change that. Nothing I do will change it. The universe will make it happen. So, I’ll just continue to be happy & let it go, just like Queen Elsa of Arendelle told me to do.

The universe will put things as they should be & I’ll just ride out life while pursuing my dreams of being the best mother & journalist I can be while the universe puts everything as it should be. When that day happens, I’ll understand why everything else happened & it’ll all make sense. But until then, I’ll just enjoy the ride.

Protected: Day 19: A Letter to A Former Lover

February 19, 2014February 25, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Crazy Talk, Current Events, Dear Blank, Fitnesslicious, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Day 18: Something I Miss

February 18, 2014February 18, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, ASH Photography, Dear Blank, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

I miss lots of people in my life.

I miss my father, who died when I was a little girl. I miss a little boy who was just a baby when I saw him for the last time, but I struggle to discuss that even now. I miss children that I’ve never even met, because they had to go before they came into the world. I miss my best friends Gigi and Meghie, because they live 2.5 hours away and I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like and sometimes, I feel like digital communication doesn’t always properly convey emotions, sarcasm, wit & not to mention all friendships need that face time & I miss girls’ night & daiquiris. But there are two people I miss more than most and that’s my former best friend and a little girl.

I loved that little girl. I loved her as much as if she were my own little girl and she loved me. My absolute favourite memory from my time in this house was after I finished writing my second semester transcription exams and my girls were playing with her and her dad in my backyard and she saw me before anyone else and she ran to the gate to meet me, giggling and laughing and gave me the biggest hug. In that moment, we felt like a family and I can honestly say, in that moment, I was the happiest person in the entire world. During this past year, my therapist actually questioned if I missed her dad, or her. (I thought I knew the answer, until the incident at Thanksgiving that left me fleeing a bar in tears made me reevaluate). But I do miss her, especially when my youngest daughter asks for her. Fortunately, she asks less and less now that she has her new BFF Josy. But every couple of weeks, she will ask when her friend will come over and play with her and Josy and her little face still crumples when I remind her that she’s not coming over anymore. I know why I can’t see her anymore & it’s what’s best for her. I know that she’s likely forgotten me. I’m glad for that, for I know how much it pains my youngest when she sees a silver, two door car go down our street & she gets so hopeful. I hope she’s happy & healthy & has a wonderful life. I know that this is the best way, but I miss her so very much and the night @ the bar, I bombarded my companion with questions about her; had she grown, was she healthy, does she still smile that giant toothy grin when she sees a camera, does she still look just like her dad, did she still sing the word “no?” I wanted to know about her more than anything. But, unfortunately, part of life is learning that sometimes you lose people that you love, which also meant this little girl. I also learned what I can handle, & while I would have loved to be this child’s stepmother & help raise her, I know that I cannot date a man with kids. I’m too afraid of once again getting attached to a child that can be taken from me when the relationship goes to Hell. This was a good learning experience for me, if nothing else & I’ll take the lesson into my future relationships.

The other person is the person I used to call my life mate, who was my favourite guy in the whole world until he got sick of my being super depressed and found out that he lied to me about a whole bunch of stuff, including telling me to wait for the little girl’s dad, we’d work it out. For months, I let my anger fuel my refusal to miss him, because I trusted him and he lied to me over and over again. I felt betrayed. But one day, after a long period of months, I got thinking that maybe he lied because, in his mind, he was protecting me. He didn’t want to see me hurt, so he wanted to make it better. But, his lying kept me living in misery, and as my life continued to fall apart, he kept the lies up and I kept falling apart. I thought about it though; I was a super crappy friend. I was so miserable, missing a man and a little girl and flailing at school and struggling to live without journalism. I literally hated my life and I wanted something to make things better and I leaned on him so hard to make things feel a little better. So, he lied, trying to give me a silver lining. Yes, it was cruel, but his intentions weren’t. Sometimes, I want to apologize, but then I think about how he deserves an apology but I’m always the one apologizing & he’d need to apologize to me too. I was a miserable friend; but it takes two to wreck a friendship and when he wrote me the “break up” letter, he barely acknowledged his part. It was a lot of how he and another friend were blameless, and that’s not how things work. It takes two to mess things up. Just like it took two people to sever the tie that took the little girl out of my life, it took two people to wreck our friendship, and if he apologized, I would accept it and maybe he could accept my apology. He & I could talk and he could see that I’ve found my own happiness without anyone and I like my life. The Pirate Princess could tell him about her shoes. We’d go to Starbucks and laugh @ the hipsters and I’d text him tales from the new city and one name would forever be banned from conversation. But, I doubt that would happen, so I just prefer to think that he’s happy with his life. I hope he meets an amazing guy and get his six coloured wedding. I hope he does well in his career and takes a million pictures and expands his portfolio. I hope he knows I’m not mad about his actions anymore, because I understand that my actions helped him make the choice to do that and I own those actions and I’m sorry. But most of all, I hope he looks back on all of the memories and smiles.

That’s the one good thing about people; we remember. I’ll always have the awesome memories with my life mate. I’ll have the flowers from his promotion, the birthdays @ Hoi. I’ll have the blue Darknuts being stupid, the Hedley concert and our Valentine’s day date @ Olive Garden & Maroon 5. I’ll have the moments on his porch, walking his dog and the time he embarrassed me @ Chili’s. All of those plus the other memories will go with me wherever I go. I’ll always have my memories of that little girl and I can take them with me wherever I go and remember these people as the good people I loved and will always love and hope they’re happy in everything they do.

Day Nine: The People Who Mean Most To Me

February 9, 2014February 17, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Fitnesslicious, Just Fun, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Aside from my children that is.

Today I’m supposed to post a favourite photo of my best friend, but I couldn’t narrow it to just one. I have a group of awesome friends that I love.

Whether I’ve known them my entire life, or a few months, these are the people that have been there for me through good, bad, ugly, mopey, whiny, batsh*t crazy & everything in between. I’m lucky to call them friends. So, thanks amazing friends, for being you. I love you all lots & may have (for the purposes of this post) stolen your FB display photo because I don’t have a pic of you without my kids in it lol. ❤

Say Something

January 25, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Crazy Talk, Life, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

I can’t sleep in hotel rooms well (not that I sleep well on a good day. Useless MH fact, I get wicked insomnia & suffer from night terrors or at least really vivid nightmares. Stress means no sleep. Looking at houses all weekend is stressful). My mind always ends up wandering to weird places. So, I’m gonna jot it all down & pretend it makes sense.

Throughout our lives, we’ll be happy. We’ll be sad. We’ll be epic douchebags. This is everyone. This is life. Throughout our lives we’ll pretend to be happy when we’re sad. We’ll use sad to make excuses for being douchebags. It’s a circle.

But through all of these moments, who was with is through it all. When you were happy, who was by your side? Who was with you for a little while during your sadness but once you hit bottom, walked away? Who got sick of your douchebaggery & left?

Part of life is owning your douchebaggery, something I’ve tried to do. Owning your pain. Creating your own happiness. But humans need each other too. So, think about everyone you’ve ever met. Who did you stand beside during their douchebaggery? Who did you walk away from? Who stood with you In your joy but left you in pain? When you were your cruellest, who (did the right thing for them) left you behind because you were a dick & who silently endured your cruelty & hopes you find joy?

Hopefully, when you think of the list of people who were there in your joy, held you through your sadness & took your douchebaggery with grace as you took theirs, your list has your parents & siblings, your best friends & your soulmate. I know mine has most of those. If not, then I truly feel sorry for you, as you have no true emotional connections.

We all go through periods of awesome & periods where we’re an awful person. However, it’s comforting to know that sometimes, there are people who will love all of that, if this makes any sense @ all, because I feel like it doesn’t.

Of course, even those who leave you (or you leave behind) are still connected to you, because hate & love are connected. Hate is love enraged. You are so angry with the person you love that you loathe them for not being what you believed they could be or what you wanted to mold them into. The absence of love is indifference. I learned this post-marriage when I hated him for all he did & continued to do. Then one day, I didn’t care anymore. Same with two friends, one I despised for betraying my trust. Loathed him. Now I see it was my love for him as a person that made me hate; I felt like he was not the person I thought & I felt let down. The other, I actually have thought “I hope she’s well,” when she’s mentioned, but I just don’t think we’re meant to be close friends. I think we bring out negative traits in each other.

I think I’m done rambling, as this didn’t make me any sleepier & I don’t think it makes sense. So, I’ll leave it with a quote that I think explains my thought process better.

“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.“

Don’t Want To Go Home

January 11, 2014February 3, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

Strengthen the body, strengthen the mind.

This is my life in a nutshell. That’s not true; my life is parent, work, work out, sleep, repeat. But I’m focused on making my life better one day @ a time. It’s important to me to make my fresh start in my new city a successful one, so I’m focusing on all the areas of my life that need to change so I can build a better life for myself & my daughters.

I take a lot of flack & I see your subtweets where you call me annoying & I read the “you’re a prude” texts but I’m very focused on being a role model for my daughters. They see what I do & emulate. It’s why I’m focusing on keeping my house clean, because if they see slovenly Mama, they’ll do it. If I don’t promote healthy living, they won’t do it. If I act like casual sex is cool & I need to “get mine,” they won’t see their bodies as temples. Children see & how I treat others, how I date, all of this is what they will learn. Kids are watching even when you think they aren’t & I’m determined to teach them kindness, empathy, wellness, self love. A womanizer dad teaches his daughter she is an object. An abusive man teaches his daughters it’s right for men to hit women. A doormat mama teaches her daughters that she has no value. This applies in reverse. I consider how all my choices affect my girls. It’s why I struggle with this dating thing, because I need to know by the end of date one if I’d want you to be part of their lives someday. The answer is always no. So, dating is going to continue to take a backseat. Besides, why enter a relationship that I’ll end in four months? That’s stupid.

I can’t just keep focusing on strengthening the body, although it does wonders for anxiety levels…and my butt. I need to start living smarter. I need to show my girls how to live smarter, interact smarter. That includes being less of a doormat. Part of this is dating smarter, which is why I bought THIS.

Yes, cue the laughter but every man I’ve ever loved is a toxic man. I always knew this & thought loving them would make it okay. The silent treatment would stop because if I loved him & accepted it, he’d finally learn to communicate. The violence would stop because if I loved him, he’d quell his rage & go get help. If I loved him, he’d stop running & coming back because he’d make up his damn mind & stop keeping me on the hook. For months I held on to all of this self defeat, because none of these men saw my love as good enough. Then one day I realized that they don’t love anyone; themselves, their children, me, enough to look @ how they sabotage their lives, make messes, fall into patterns of self loathing, serial womanizing, & generally crushing the world around them. I loved them the best I could, but they’re toxic; they need to fix it, not me. It’s not about me; I can’t make someone stop hurtful behaviour with love. If they did love me, they would be here. If they loved themselves & their children, they’d work @ stuff. They’d have made the doctor’s appointments & gotten the counselling. They’d have told me what was bothering them when it was a minor issue & not shut me out for weeks until it was a huge, made up issue & ran. They wouldn’t have manipulated me for months after the relationships ended & watched me cry, whether it was from the window across the street or from my blog. That’s not love; it’s control.

I can’t show my daughters that it’s okay for men to mow them down & destroy them. My job is to show them the right way. My job is to teach them to love themselves first & foremost & the rest comes as it should. So, I need to stop choosing men that cannot love themselves, because they cannot love me. Right now, I cannot love a man because for over a year, I’ve hated myself. I hated myself because I blamed myself for the actions of others. He left me because he’s perfect & I’m a terrible girlfriend. That friend is mean because I’m a bad friend. So I gave more & more to others & left nothing for me. That’s not a good example for my girls @ all! So, I’m dedicating myself to loving who I am so I can love someone else someday. But when you continuously hurt people that love you, over & over again. When you cut out people who care about you; friend or lover & it’s over a minor, easily fixed issue, or something made up, you need to ask yourself…what’s wrong with you, not them. I had to ask myself what was wrong with me, what poor choices do i make in my relationships with men & friends. I chose toxic men & friends & felt depressed when they’d hurt me because I never got angry. I never told people when they made me angry because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings (or risk them leaving me). I never stood up for myself so I invited cruelty & hurtful behaviour in. I never said “You need to talk to me about stuff because I’m sick of this crap. I love you, but I’m doing all of the work. Talk to me. Try a little. Stop setting every relationship up for failure & hiding everything until you panic. Trust me,” because they’d leave me. I never said “you know what? I find you are a non-supportive friend & your continuous mocking of my makeup, hair & weight makes me feel insecure.” I never said “if you don’t like being in the middle, don’t put yourself there. Tell him to talk to me & give him my number & butt the eff out. You’re always in the middle because you cross boundaries & revel in the drama you create. Then you play victim to all of the guys because you can’t keep girlfriends but it’s because you Stab them in the back, meddle in their affairs, talk poorly about everyone you know & I don’t know why I keep trying to be your friend, but I do because I think you’re a good person underneath & I care & I want the friendship we used to have.” But I never did that because people would get mad & I feared anger. I continued to cultivate relationships with people who are toxic because I loved them & didn’t want to lose them, but it didn’t discuss things or work on anything. I just blamed myself. It had to be my fault; & it was because I set the standard that this is okay. I accepted responsibility for their actions instead of accountability for mine (like yes, I let my triple broken heart seep into the rest of my life, making it almost impossible up breathe or allowing the silent treatment to send my insecurities & anxieties through the roof, making me insufferable. I couldn’t handle pain, I fixated on minor things. I allowed sadness to take over my life. I needed to work on the things I do that drive people crazy, like the insecurities & low self esteem. Those are things I was doing wrong & I accept that). But that’s toxic too. Believing that love will fix someone’s demons is toxic. Letting people step on you & then languishing feeling like a victim even though I never stood up for myself is toxic. Victimizing myself is toxic. So, I won’t be a victim. I’ll stand up for myself & if friendships, relationships die, well, I’ll remember the amazing memories & wish you well in your life & move forward in my journey. Now, I’m cool with getting angry. I’m not going to coddle & worship anyone again. I’ll still love like I do & give like I do, but I’m not going to gloss over flaws or tell you jerky behaviour is okay. It’s all about living smarter, by learning how to identify what I do not want in a person & how to avoid making the same mistakes over again.

Cruise

January 8, 2014January 8, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

One thing that I’ve stressed over the last three years is that I like to be in control of my own life.

Not “let’s make MH think she’s in control while we make her think what we want is her idea” or “let’s keep MH guessing so she feels out of control of her life,” but legit in control of my life.

Unfortunately, life rarely allows me the pleasure of being 100% in control of my life. The girls’ schedules & routines, my work schedule, and the insane things that could only happen to me seem to keep things from following my master plan. Things like the clusterf*ck move from Hell (it hasn’t even happened yet & this is how I feel haha), the first date that became a last date, all of these things keep me from feeling like I’m in the driver’s seat. It’s times like this when I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something & I get annoyed and all weepy & whiny & stuff. Yuck.

So, I changed that.

I decide to take my mind of the stressful things I cannot control & throw myself into things I can, like fitness. I’m working out seven days a week as well as doing a 30 day squat challenge. I’m focusing on my diet & healthy choices & watching what I eat. I’m trying new recipes & things. Next month I’m starting a 30 day ab challenge to go with my workouts. I’m super excited about it too.

I cannot control crazy things, people, things that seem crazy. But I can stop letting the stressors get to me by channelling that into something that makes me feel & look better, not to mention helps me feel in control of myself. I’m making decisions about food, exercise, etc. while setting a good example for the girls, improving my overall mental health through yoga and endorphins & the feeling like I’m still in control of my life helps me sift through the day to day weirdness with a happy smile! Also, I’ll have an amazing ass. This helps.

Instead of trying to control the world, I’ll control myself & make improvements that will help me make the right choices to get through the move & my “change at a moment’s notice” work schedule and all the things that come with parenting. Maybe I’ll be less anal retentive…

…or I’ll just be anal retentive with a killer ass. That works too.

Dear Olympic Committee, Sponsors & Networks: Why I won’t Watch Your Games

January 3, 2014January 3, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Political Fluff, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, Television, When Things Suck Hard

(I understand this deviates a bit from my normal formula of self depreciating wit, I promise to bring it back tomorrow.)

Dear IOC, Major Television Networks & Corporate Sponsors,

Let me introduce myself. I am a 30 something single mom who lives in works in Canada. I’m not a celebrity, of anyone important by any stretch of the imagination. I have never won an Oscar or an Emmy & my only medal is a silver medal when my eighth grade class represented Thun, Switzerland in the bid for a pretend Winter Olympic Games.

I am, however, a huge supporter of the Olympic Games. Every four years, a school project was dedicated to an Olympic sport. I waited with baited breath & stayed up all night to see if you would let Ross Rebagliatti keep his gold medal. I stayed up all night to watch the Beijing Olympics live. I forced my then boyfriend to sit through events we had never heard of (Keirin? What?) & even saluted when the US teams won medals (even though I’m a proud Canadian). I have six pairs of those red mitts, stuffed mascots & books everywhere. I cry when Canadian athletes stand on the podium & stand for my anthem with pride. I love the Olympic Spirit…

…but I will not watch one moment of the Sochi games.

There are things in life that I love more than the Olympic spirit & those are my daughters, my family & human rights. I cannot in good faith celebrate a host nation that punishes people for loving whom they choose or people who support them.

I’ve read about the state-sanctioned corrective rape, the sickeningly high suicide rates & Vladmir Putin’s claims he’s defending “traditional family.” Fifty years ago, my family was not traditional. A single mother, that wasn’t a widow, working full time while building a career was unheard of! Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon would have been stoned in the street for their interracial marriage & children. Traditions change, families are redefined every day. Same sex families are every bit the new normal. I can’t imagine how anyone could look at photos of Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka with their children & not see a beautiful & loving family. Traditional is so subjective. BDSM isn’t traditional, is that banned? No Fifty Shades of Gray? Or is that okay because it’s heterosexual relations? But I digress.

As much as I love the Olympic spirit, I love people more. I love my LGBT family members & friends who would be forced to live a horrible life if they were in Russia. I love my daughters, whom I need to teach right from wrong & the Russian law is WRONG. I cannot support the spirit of the games when your host nation breaks human spirit every day. So , you can keep your games; I’ll watch reruns of Glee. I won’t be enjoying any sponsors during the games either. Sorry.

I know I’m a nobody. I’m not Lady Gaga or Stephen Fry or George Takei. I’m just one woman & I won’t affect your ratings or your games. But I’ve always taught my girls that one person has a voice & I am using mine to tell you that what you are doing is wrong. I’m also using it to implore all athletes to use their time to perform well & if they support LGBT families, use this chance to support them. Use the spirit of the games to support the human spirit, the greatest thing we as people have.

Sincerely, MHC