Author: maryhelenc

I read this interesting blog post on my beau’s FB page & it made me cry.

It doesn’t hurt that I was listening to rapper Jay-Z’s song Glory, penned for his two day old daughter Blue Ivy (who is “featured”).

I grew up without a father for much of my life, as he passed away. My foster father (whom I still refer to as my dad to this day) spent a lot of time telling me I was a beautiful & charming woman & not to waste my potential. I learned all of my best character traits from his shining example. I just wish I was better at parenting, working & was more like him.

But for every amazing father out there (& I know a few), there’s a deadbeat who doesn’t call his kids, refuses to do what he needs to do to spend time with his kids, barely pays support (or doesn’t @ all) & would rather go party than be a parent. Meanwhile, their kids wonder where he is.

Daughters look to their Daddies as the standard bearer & will want to marry a man just like their father. My dad told me the true measure of a father was to ask himself this “if my daughter brought home a man just like me, would I throw him out? If my son was just like me, would I be proud of him?” I wanted a man just like my father. Even to this day, he’s who I look to as the male standard. I used to ask my former spouse why he didn’t treat me the way my father treated my mother.

Society practically forces women to develop maternal instincts, but men are almost always given a pass. It’s like we devalue the role of father. Then we see someone so blown away by the birth of his daughter that he has to scream from the rooftops & we’re reminded that a father’s love is a very important thing. Perhaps we should put more emphasis on fathers & perhaps more would “step up” instead of essentially abandoning their children once they’re done with their mother.

Perhaps we as women bear some blame. We have somehow defined masculine as “detached” & “douchey.”
Many soft spoken, quiet men are considered “pussies” because they’re not getting drunk every weekend or picking up random women. To me, there’s nothing sexier than a man who loves his kid. I see those dads @ the park pushing his child on the swings or feeding his baby a bottle & swoon.

So, kudos to the dads out there who do the right thing. Who teach their kids the right way. The dads who love their children and do what’s best for them. Kudos to the dads who gaze lovingly at their child while they play. You are the a very rare breed, the real man.