Have you ever just looked at your life & thought “yup, this is kind of rad?”
That’s me right now.
I’m working on the coolest assignment for one of the magazines I work for. I’m really good at my new job & I love my coworkers (and I won’t lie, one of the managers is like, ridiculously hot), the girls are doing well in school, and I have never been more content in a relationship. I don’t even stare at my surroundings and wish I was at home anymore. This feels like home now. Of course, I’ll also be home with my best friends in just a few days. I may only have $150 to spend while I’m there, but I’ll be home God Dammit. It’s going to be nice.
But I’m feeling very settled into my life. I don’t know if settled is the right word, but it’s the only one I can think of. But my life feels very much the way it should be I guess. Things that used to freak me out don’t bother me anymore. I just feel like the pieces are falling into place & life is really kind of rad.
I guess it’s nice because for years I’ve tried to piece my life together & it never seemed to work. My professional life would be good, but my personal life was a mess. Or my personal life would be good but I wouldn’t have a job. Or there would be chaos in my life. Things weren’t just chill & calm & dare I say easy. Things right now have challenges, like my commute can be long & a pain in the ass, but they’re all things that have an easy fix. My bills are paid, my family is healthy & I’m in a healthy relationship with someone that loves me as much as I love them & I feel very much in control of my future.
I guess I feel very fortunate right now, because even though things are busy & sometimes stressful, my life is actually so lovely. My girls are thriving here. They’re doing well at school & have made positive friends & they no longer feel dejected when their dad doesn’t bother to call or text. I guess my best friend Melissa was right; the abandonment is easier to swallow when he’s two time zones away, not in the next city where he could easily pick them up & he just doesn’t. They don’t even ask about him coming for Xmas anymore. They’re focused on their own lives & not that he’s chosen not to be part of it. I’m really enjoying my writing here. My audience really likes what I’m doing. Now that I’m focusing on friendships here, I feel like I have some connections. I know restaurants now. This seems stupid, but I love being able to tell my boyfriend “this place has great wings, remember? Let’s go there.” And my boyfriend shows me how much he loves me in a million small ways. He works so many long hours, devotes his free time to his daughter, but still finds time to spend with me to make me happy. Even when I know he’s exhausted, he still plans date nights for us, or picks me up from work to give us 20 minutes together. He’s so kind and thoughtful, he spoils me, is attentive to my feelings, and for the first time in the four years that I have loved him, I feel like we are equals. He’s not afraid to be blunt with me. And I don’t feel like he’s going to leave me any second. I feel loved & every time he does something that seems so small to the outside world to make me smile, I fall even more in love with him. And for the first time, normal relationship things, like him spending the night with me doesn’t scare me. It just feels like that’s how it should be.
I don’t feel like an island anymore. I have good friends who are a lot of fun. I am starting to finally enjoy my new gym. I feel like I belong here in Cow Province & this is home.
So, for once in my life, I’m not going to be afraid of the future, what could go wrong, panic & fear, because my life is just so good. Every single thing about it is good. And I’m going to just enjoy how awesome my life is & look forward to the next chapters…& seeing my friends in a week.