mental health – Page 12 – The Misadventures of MHC

Day 24: What I’ve Learned About Life

February 24, 2014February 24, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Crazy Talk, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Through my life I’ve learned many lessons, but here are the ones that are most important.

Disclaimer: I am a moron. You probably shouldn’t take anything I say seriously pretty much ever.

1. Relationships are about give & take. I used to give too much & end up broken. Then I took too much & felt abandoned. It’s about balance, communication, telling people when you appreciate them & being upfront when they’re pissing you off.

2. Love isn’t enough to keep someone with you. They have to want to work at it & so do you. But there’s no sense in beating yourself up when you tried your best. If you didn’t try your best & you wrecked someone, the most humane thing you can do is let them heal & not continue to torture them so you get closure. You don’t get to “feel better” about what you’ve done to hurt someone; that’s your cross to bear. Leave them alone. Let them be okay.

3. Honesty may not be how you see things, but it may be what is. Respect someone’s truth & that their side of the story has pieces you don’t know & that the full story may not be like either of you see it. Respect others interpretations of life.

4. The only thing people will remember is how you treated them on your worst day; make sure it matches your best day.

5. The most important love affair you’ll have is the one you’ll have with yourself. No one can love you until you love yourself. No one can be your partner until you no longer fear being alone. Be your own best friend & do things that make you happy; whether it’s fitness, arts, or teaching lizards to dance, you will never be happy with someone until you are happy on your own.

6. You do not have to tolerate passive-aggressive, emotionally abusive, catty & toxic behaviour because someone is your friend/partner. It’s okay to tell someone that you are not happy with them. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to tell someone that you are hurt. Bottling it up or ignoring it only makes it fester. Tell people how you feel.

7. You are not perfect; you can be a giant, raging Doucheface. Own those actions, apologize for them & change them. Even still, you’ll probably be a raging Doucheface 100 more times before you die.

8. There is one person in this world that I could forgive everything, literally everything they’ve ever done and said. You will have one too. We all have that person that we love so unconditionally that we just want them to be happy & we could forgive & forget anything. That’s okay. But you also have to remember that they need to learn from it & want to treat you well too.

So, those are my life lessons & they’re helping me grow every day until I’m the best MHC I know.

Day 23: My Thoughts on Television & How It Affects Our Lives

February 23, 2014February 23, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Celebrity Fluff, Just Fun, Social Media, Television, Vampire Diaries, WWE Wrasslin'

Confession time: I am an entertainment reporter who rarely watches TV.

I have had some friends recommend Dr. Who for me, as well as Supernatural and Reign. I’ve given the latter a try and haven’t been able to get into them. Even Law & Order: SVU is hit or miss for me without Stabler. I’m just not a big TV person, I get too bored or annoyed and quit watching. The only show I almost watched to the end was Dawson’s Creek and even then, I gave up after season six.

I pretty much only watch TV two days a week, which is Monday and Thursdays, when I watch Monday Night Raw with my daughters and The Vampire Diaries with the sometimes angry Tween.

I used to love WWE as a kid and as a grown up it became my favourite soap opera. All of the camp of real soap operas, but much better looking men! However, the storylines are getting lame (or I’m growing up) and the only thing that interests me are the Divas, who get very little love from the WWE writers. However, watching my children laugh and get invested in their campy characters (the overlord has long joined Daniel Bryan’s Yes Movement and the angriest tween of course idolizes AJ Lee) and get happy or angry with it, knowing it’s fake all the while.

The Vampire Diaries was my favourite book series as a tween. I remember sitting on my couch sobbing as (SPOILER ALERT) Elena died @ the end of the Fury (and later was resurrected in Dark Reunion). However, the show (which was a staple for seasons 1-3) has strayed so far from the novels that I loved as a young girl that I can’t seem to get into it anymore. But I must admit that the chemistry between Paul Wesley’s Stefan and Nina Dobrev’s Elena sucks me back in periodically. I sometimes wish I could enjoy the show again, as I used to love it so much and there is still one scene in the season three opener that gets me every time.

I think I struggle with this show because season four & five have Elena spurning her compassionate & gentle suitor Stefan in favour of “taming the bad boy” in brother Damon. Sometimes, the angry tween will tell me that love can fix the broody bad boy, BUT IN THE REAL WORLD, IT DOESN’T. I’ve learned after my last few relationships, all with broody, emotionally stunted bad boys & want to be players, love does not turn a bad boy good. A bad boy has to want to be a good man & he has to want to do it for himself. Too often, a TV shows teach girls that love tames the bad boy. Carrie converted Mr. Big. We all swooned over Jordan Catalano (I still do. Jared Leto. Sigh) & Joey Potter abandoned nice guy Dawson Leary to reform Pacey Witter. Maybe the reason we women spend so much time crying into our Ben & Jerry’s is because we’re conditioned through these love stories that we can love a man into wanting to grow up & be a good husband & father. In reality, it’s up to him to look @ the people he claims to love, look @ his children & look in the mirror & if he wouldn’t want his son to be just like him or his daughter to date someone like him, he needs to become that person. But he has to love himself first. A man will never love a woman enough to better himself for her; he has to love himself enough to be the good man that lives in every bad boy.

Women need to stop being so simpering (especially me) & realize that the bad boys aren’t good for us. We need to find the Stefan, not the Damon that will chew us up & spit us out, strangle the life from us & leave us for dead the minute it gets too hard. We need to marry the Aidan, not Mr. Big. It may not be as thrilling, but at least we won’t be abused & neglected & crying in our ice cream or driving our friends nuts wondering why we weren’t enough to tame the bad boy. Because TV is TV & reality is much uglier. We are good enough. We are all good enough to be loved by the right person. But we’ve got to also recognize that love isn’t enough to make someone want to treat you better. You’ve got to love yourself enough to sit back & wait for the right person & not let the fact that the bad boy didn’t see the good in you ruin that. This is a lesson every woman learns the hard way at least once.

So ladies (& guys), let’s stop letting the romance novels & TV shows sway us into believing that we were put on this Earth to reform a bad boy & our love is powerful enough to make him a good man. It’s not. Instead, let’s accept that our self love is enough to make us good people & the rest will be better than any passionate & stormy TV romance on Earth.

Protected: Day 19: A Letter to A Former Lover

February 19, 2014February 25, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Crazy Talk, Current Events, Dear Blank, Fitnesslicious, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Day 16: Body Image

February 16, 2014February 16, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships

I used to love my body…then I got fat.

I got REALLY fat. I weighed almost 300 lbs @ the time I graduated college & had my second daughter. I felt disgusting, so I worked out, did weight watchers & lost 70lbs.

But it’s a yoyo thing; I get depressed, I gain weight. I get motivated, I drop it. I had friends tell me “you look fine!” Maybe I do, but not to me. I think I’m fat. I can understand how Rachel Frederickson ended up underweight during her recent stint on the Biggest Loser. When you’ve been a thin girl & now you’re a fat girl, there is nothing more intoxicating than the compliments, the scale number going down, the smaller pants. It’s amazing! So, you keep on wanting it & that’s how you go too far.

One of the things I realized is that my low self esteem kills my relationships. I choose men who are narcissistic & then feed their egos because I don’t like myself. I think it’s okay to be ignored, neglected because I’m a fat & ugly basket case & they’re great guys & are “putting up with me.” That’s not true; they were lucky to have me! I treated them well & was supportive & loving. Then I drain my friends because I feel like I let those men and my family down by not being good enough and kill those relationships by feeling unworthy of friendships. I need to get out of the mindset that I’m unworthy or ugly. I need to look @ myself & think I’m pretty & bright & sweet & kind & I deserve to be loved. But I don’t see pretty; I see fat. So, I decided to take control & stop being fat.

I started eating better. No more days of not eating while focusing on work, the kids, etc. Three meals & one snack. I watch my calories & fat through the Lose It! app. I talk to my best friend the Psych Major (who, along with her husband, are personal trainers) about the right eating habits & I work out every night. Every night is Stratusphere Yoga. I did the 30 squat challenge & I’m on Day 17 of the ab challenge. I’m going to do 30 days of push-ups next & come spring, I’ll be ready to start couch to 5k. All of these things have helped me safely lose 15lbs thus far. I have a long way to go, but I prefer to look at how far I’ve come.

I need to take responsibility for my own happiness, my own self esteem. After all, if I can’t love myself, how can anyone else, so I’m taking responsibility for my weight & I’m committing myself to losing it. After all, there are no magic pills or fad diets. The only way to lose weight is to eat right, drink lots of water & get up off of your ass & exercise. So, that’s what I’m going to do & finally lose the weight & gain my self esteem back. It might take a long time, but that’s okay. I’m in no hurry to do anything. But the more I work towards getting my body to the way I want it to be, the more confident I feel and the happier I am. All of these things will count towards me getting to be the person I know I’m capable of being.

Day 14: A Year of Change

February 14, 2014February 14, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, ASH General, ASH Photography, Current Events, My New Life As Me

The challenge was to post a photo from last year & discuss how I have changed. Normally, I’d say I’m the same girl I’ve always been, but that’s not true.

Last year, I felt life was hopeless. My daughter was mad at the world & I felt like a failure as a mom. My education wasn’t going well. My friendships were strained. My magazine folded & life without journalism felt bleak. I was healing from a breakup. I was freaking miserable.

But, I kept going. Sometimes, when life feels hopeless, all you’ve got are the little victories. I went to school today. I got my kid in therapy. I handed in my assignments. I went to placement & did well. Soon, those little victories become big ones. I finished school. I found a job. I did well at my job. I helped my child cope with anger & she’s doing well & doesn’t need counselling anymore. I became stronger & more self aware. All of these things helped me be happier.

Then there are the physical changes. I’m 15 lbs lighter. My arms are thinner. I wear a smaller size, and of course, the most obvious; my hair. My once jet black hair is now a warmer brown. The change brightened my face, made my eyes stand out & dare I say I feel like I’m prettier.

The year was hard but I’m grateful because once again I learned what I can accomplish if I try, which is a lot. So, I’m stronger, wiser & more at peace. These lessons I will take to my shiny new home, that I will move in to in 75 days.

Day Seven: What Makes Me Happy

February 7, 2014February 7, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, Dorkdom, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Social Media, WWE Wrasslin'

What makes me happy? Everything!

It doesn’t take much to make me happy, as I pride myself on making myself happy every day. I couldn’t imagine living a life where tiny things, such as my favourite song coming on my iPod just when I wanted to hear it, or shopping, or something funny my daughter said didn’t make my whole day awesome. So, to compile a list of things that make me happy is actually quite easy. But, for the sake of not boring you, I’ll keep the list small.

1. My daughters. Duh. They’re my pride & joy, my source of happiness every day. Nothing brings me greater happiness than my girls.

2. Yoga. I love yoga. I love how it makes my body feel better, with less back pain. I love that it’s helping me lose weight. I love that I feel so rejuvenated after a good sweat session with Stratusphere Yoga. Even while I was house hunting, or ill, & couldn’t do a full workout, I still made time for twenty minutes of yoga poses. I even have yoga goals; like someday I’ll be able to do Crow pose properly & not just prep & I’ll do those preacher curls while in Flamingo. Yoga helps the body, mind & spirit.

3. Music. I love all music. I identify with so many songs & they take me back to snippets of time that make me happy. I couldn’t go a day without singing along with the radio or listening to my iPod. I love all music, from death metal to classical & I think it’s my second favourite non-parenting thing in the world.

4. Writing. Another duh. Never a day without a word was my former professor’s motto & I think I live that. I love to create & give my random ideas life. I love telling stories, recreating memories of concerts, sporting events, the first time you heard that song. It’s my passion & it’s everything to me. Writing is like oxygen to me. It makes me a better person, & once I’ve finished moving, I’ll have a byline again & I’ll be telling my stories again before you know it.

5. Edgar Allen Poe. My all time favourite author. I love his work so much. So much, that my favourite work by Poe is often a “How well do you know MH?” Staple. There’s just something about his macabre works that draw me in every time.

6. Tim Burton Films. I used to own his entire filmography until my ex husband pawned them all. My copy of Nightmare Before Christmas was all that survived (although I do have a copy of Edward Scissorhands as well). Jack is tattooed on my shoulder, he’s regularly my Facebook cover photo & even my phone’s lock screen. My all time favourite line from Nightmare was once a text tone on my phone, but I don’t use that one anymore.

That’s my short list of happy things. I hope you have a quality list too. Everyone deserves a list of awesome things that makes them happy, as everyone deserves to be happy every day.

Say Something

January 25, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Crazy Talk, Life, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

I can’t sleep in hotel rooms well (not that I sleep well on a good day. Useless MH fact, I get wicked insomnia & suffer from night terrors or at least really vivid nightmares. Stress means no sleep. Looking at houses all weekend is stressful). My mind always ends up wandering to weird places. So, I’m gonna jot it all down & pretend it makes sense.

Throughout our lives, we’ll be happy. We’ll be sad. We’ll be epic douchebags. This is everyone. This is life. Throughout our lives we’ll pretend to be happy when we’re sad. We’ll use sad to make excuses for being douchebags. It’s a circle.

But through all of these moments, who was with is through it all. When you were happy, who was by your side? Who was with you for a little while during your sadness but once you hit bottom, walked away? Who got sick of your douchebaggery & left?

Part of life is owning your douchebaggery, something I’ve tried to do. Owning your pain. Creating your own happiness. But humans need each other too. So, think about everyone you’ve ever met. Who did you stand beside during their douchebaggery? Who did you walk away from? Who stood with you In your joy but left you in pain? When you were your cruellest, who (did the right thing for them) left you behind because you were a dick & who silently endured your cruelty & hopes you find joy?

Hopefully, when you think of the list of people who were there in your joy, held you through your sadness & took your douchebaggery with grace as you took theirs, your list has your parents & siblings, your best friends & your soulmate. I know mine has most of those. If not, then I truly feel sorry for you, as you have no true emotional connections.

We all go through periods of awesome & periods where we’re an awful person. However, it’s comforting to know that sometimes, there are people who will love all of that, if this makes any sense @ all, because I feel like it doesn’t.

Of course, even those who leave you (or you leave behind) are still connected to you, because hate & love are connected. Hate is love enraged. You are so angry with the person you love that you loathe them for not being what you believed they could be or what you wanted to mold them into. The absence of love is indifference. I learned this post-marriage when I hated him for all he did & continued to do. Then one day, I didn’t care anymore. Same with two friends, one I despised for betraying my trust. Loathed him. Now I see it was my love for him as a person that made me hate; I felt like he was not the person I thought & I felt let down. The other, I actually have thought “I hope she’s well,” when she’s mentioned, but I just don’t think we’re meant to be close friends. I think we bring out negative traits in each other.

I think I’m done rambling, as this didn’t make me any sleepier & I don’t think it makes sense. So, I’ll leave it with a quote that I think explains my thought process better.

“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.“

My Way

January 17, 2014January 17, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Fitnesslicious, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

I’m on this big self help kick lately, so let’s keep it going, shall we?

I was out for dinner with a friend who said, at our age (early to kid thirties), any long term relationship may be our last shot at love so we kind of gotta hold onto them. I disagree. I think everyone has a chance to find their one, whether they’re 21, 33, or 102. I refuse to define my life by my age. I can understand feeling the fear if you’re getting closer to the big 3-0 or 3-5 & you’re not married, not even close, or whatever. But, I can’t look @ my life that way. I need to think positively so positivity follows suit. I refuse to allow negativity or fear to penetrate my state of mind. Maybe that’s why I disagree. Who knows?

But I do know one thing I’ve learned is that to attract the right mate you have to be the right mate. You need to hack out the negativity , negative influences & focus on making yourself the most desirable person you can be for you as well as a mate. After all, you’re stuck with you forever, people can leave. So, I’ve been focused on making myself the type of person I want to be so the right type of person will appear in my life. Makes sense, right?

This is why I’m so focused on health, fitness, etc. It’s not just to show my daughters the right way, it’s to evolve into a person I love so others can love me. It doesn’t matter how many times the man in my life says “you’re not fat,” I THINK I AM FAT. I can keep making excuses for being overweight or I can do something about it. For twelve years I’ve said this is the year I’m going to get back to my pre-pregnancy body, and every year I’ve made excuses. No mas. I’m working harder than I ever have & I’m using the Facebook group my friend Yogi created for accountability. I will succeed this time. Once I can look in the mirror & think I’m beautiful, more people will see it.

But true beauty is on the inside too. This is the other reason I’m focused; exercise makes me not crazy. No more panic attacks. No more hyper focused & annoying MHC. I’m much more chill. I’ve often said the man who chooses to put up with me & my general kookiness deserves a medal, well, I need to change that mindset. I should think a guy is privileged to be with me, just like I see him. I will never be the easiest person to love , but I’m making it easier. However, if I make it seem like it’s a horrible challenge, then I’m sabotaging my own romances before they start. I need to look @ myself as a dating jackpot, the living Tal Bachman song, not a simpering moron. By doing this, I’ll attract people who see me this way.

By making myself into the person I want to be, I’ll attract the person that’s right for me. Maybe it won’t be until I’m 102. But I don’t believe there is a time limit on love. If it’s right; it’s right & it may not come easy. You may have to try again or you may be alone for a long time while you enjoy a relationship with the only person you truly can count on; yourself. Either way, it’ll happen if you remain optimistic & create the life you want for yourself. Then you’ll find the person who compliments it, & you’ll be truly happy.

Don’t Want To Go Home

January 11, 2014February 3, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

Strengthen the body, strengthen the mind.

This is my life in a nutshell. That’s not true; my life is parent, work, work out, sleep, repeat. But I’m focused on making my life better one day @ a time. It’s important to me to make my fresh start in my new city a successful one, so I’m focusing on all the areas of my life that need to change so I can build a better life for myself & my daughters.

I take a lot of flack & I see your subtweets where you call me annoying & I read the “you’re a prude” texts but I’m very focused on being a role model for my daughters. They see what I do & emulate. It’s why I’m focusing on keeping my house clean, because if they see slovenly Mama, they’ll do it. If I don’t promote healthy living, they won’t do it. If I act like casual sex is cool & I need to “get mine,” they won’t see their bodies as temples. Children see & how I treat others, how I date, all of this is what they will learn. Kids are watching even when you think they aren’t & I’m determined to teach them kindness, empathy, wellness, self love. A womanizer dad teaches his daughter she is an object. An abusive man teaches his daughters it’s right for men to hit women. A doormat mama teaches her daughters that she has no value. This applies in reverse. I consider how all my choices affect my girls. It’s why I struggle with this dating thing, because I need to know by the end of date one if I’d want you to be part of their lives someday. The answer is always no. So, dating is going to continue to take a backseat. Besides, why enter a relationship that I’ll end in four months? That’s stupid.

I can’t just keep focusing on strengthening the body, although it does wonders for anxiety levels…and my butt. I need to start living smarter. I need to show my girls how to live smarter, interact smarter. That includes being less of a doormat. Part of this is dating smarter, which is why I bought THIS.

Yes, cue the laughter but every man I’ve ever loved is a toxic man. I always knew this & thought loving them would make it okay. The silent treatment would stop because if I loved him & accepted it, he’d finally learn to communicate. The violence would stop because if I loved him, he’d quell his rage & go get help. If I loved him, he’d stop running & coming back because he’d make up his damn mind & stop keeping me on the hook. For months I held on to all of this self defeat, because none of these men saw my love as good enough. Then one day I realized that they don’t love anyone; themselves, their children, me, enough to look @ how they sabotage their lives, make messes, fall into patterns of self loathing, serial womanizing, & generally crushing the world around them. I loved them the best I could, but they’re toxic; they need to fix it, not me. It’s not about me; I can’t make someone stop hurtful behaviour with love. If they did love me, they would be here. If they loved themselves & their children, they’d work @ stuff. They’d have made the doctor’s appointments & gotten the counselling. They’d have told me what was bothering them when it was a minor issue & not shut me out for weeks until it was a huge, made up issue & ran. They wouldn’t have manipulated me for months after the relationships ended & watched me cry, whether it was from the window across the street or from my blog. That’s not love; it’s control.

I can’t show my daughters that it’s okay for men to mow them down & destroy them. My job is to show them the right way. My job is to teach them to love themselves first & foremost & the rest comes as it should. So, I need to stop choosing men that cannot love themselves, because they cannot love me. Right now, I cannot love a man because for over a year, I’ve hated myself. I hated myself because I blamed myself for the actions of others. He left me because he’s perfect & I’m a terrible girlfriend. That friend is mean because I’m a bad friend. So I gave more & more to others & left nothing for me. That’s not a good example for my girls @ all! So, I’m dedicating myself to loving who I am so I can love someone else someday. But when you continuously hurt people that love you, over & over again. When you cut out people who care about you; friend or lover & it’s over a minor, easily fixed issue, or something made up, you need to ask yourself…what’s wrong with you, not them. I had to ask myself what was wrong with me, what poor choices do i make in my relationships with men & friends. I chose toxic men & friends & felt depressed when they’d hurt me because I never got angry. I never told people when they made me angry because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings (or risk them leaving me). I never stood up for myself so I invited cruelty & hurtful behaviour in. I never said “You need to talk to me about stuff because I’m sick of this crap. I love you, but I’m doing all of the work. Talk to me. Try a little. Stop setting every relationship up for failure & hiding everything until you panic. Trust me,” because they’d leave me. I never said “you know what? I find you are a non-supportive friend & your continuous mocking of my makeup, hair & weight makes me feel insecure.” I never said “if you don’t like being in the middle, don’t put yourself there. Tell him to talk to me & give him my number & butt the eff out. You’re always in the middle because you cross boundaries & revel in the drama you create. Then you play victim to all of the guys because you can’t keep girlfriends but it’s because you Stab them in the back, meddle in their affairs, talk poorly about everyone you know & I don’t know why I keep trying to be your friend, but I do because I think you’re a good person underneath & I care & I want the friendship we used to have.” But I never did that because people would get mad & I feared anger. I continued to cultivate relationships with people who are toxic because I loved them & didn’t want to lose them, but it didn’t discuss things or work on anything. I just blamed myself. It had to be my fault; & it was because I set the standard that this is okay. I accepted responsibility for their actions instead of accountability for mine (like yes, I let my triple broken heart seep into the rest of my life, making it almost impossible up breathe or allowing the silent treatment to send my insecurities & anxieties through the roof, making me insufferable. I couldn’t handle pain, I fixated on minor things. I allowed sadness to take over my life. I needed to work on the things I do that drive people crazy, like the insecurities & low self esteem. Those are things I was doing wrong & I accept that). But that’s toxic too. Believing that love will fix someone’s demons is toxic. Letting people step on you & then languishing feeling like a victim even though I never stood up for myself is toxic. Victimizing myself is toxic. So, I won’t be a victim. I’ll stand up for myself & if friendships, relationships die, well, I’ll remember the amazing memories & wish you well in your life & move forward in my journey. Now, I’m cool with getting angry. I’m not going to coddle & worship anyone again. I’ll still love like I do & give like I do, but I’m not going to gloss over flaws or tell you jerky behaviour is okay. It’s all about living smarter, by learning how to identify what I do not want in a person & how to avoid making the same mistakes over again.

Cruise

January 8, 2014January 8, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

One thing that I’ve stressed over the last three years is that I like to be in control of my own life.

Not “let’s make MH think she’s in control while we make her think what we want is her idea” or “let’s keep MH guessing so she feels out of control of her life,” but legit in control of my life.

Unfortunately, life rarely allows me the pleasure of being 100% in control of my life. The girls’ schedules & routines, my work schedule, and the insane things that could only happen to me seem to keep things from following my master plan. Things like the clusterf*ck move from Hell (it hasn’t even happened yet & this is how I feel haha), the first date that became a last date, all of these things keep me from feeling like I’m in the driver’s seat. It’s times like this when I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something & I get annoyed and all weepy & whiny & stuff. Yuck.

So, I changed that.

I decide to take my mind of the stressful things I cannot control & throw myself into things I can, like fitness. I’m working out seven days a week as well as doing a 30 day squat challenge. I’m focusing on my diet & healthy choices & watching what I eat. I’m trying new recipes & things. Next month I’m starting a 30 day ab challenge to go with my workouts. I’m super excited about it too.

I cannot control crazy things, people, things that seem crazy. But I can stop letting the stressors get to me by channelling that into something that makes me feel & look better, not to mention helps me feel in control of myself. I’m making decisions about food, exercise, etc. while setting a good example for the girls, improving my overall mental health through yoga and endorphins & the feeling like I’m still in control of my life helps me sift through the day to day weirdness with a happy smile! Also, I’ll have an amazing ass. This helps.

Instead of trying to control the world, I’ll control myself & make improvements that will help me make the right choices to get through the move & my “change at a moment’s notice” work schedule and all the things that come with parenting. Maybe I’ll be less anal retentive…

…or I’ll just be anal retentive with a killer ass. That works too.