The Misadventures of MHC

Seven Things

December 26, 2013December 26, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Douchers, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

AKA: The seven rules for dating MHC.

After meeting (& casting out) “the guy,” I realized more than ever that I have a series of unwritten rules when it comes to dating. That’s why no one gets past date one hahaha. I asked my therapist who told me it’s good that I’m being picky, as I’m finally looking out for me. I’m in a place where I love myself more than I care to protect people around me & I need to protect myself from ending up hurt again or settling. Settling is how you end up married & miserable. So, while it may not be ideal for the guys, I’m not willing to compromise what I’m looking for (it doesn’t hurt that no one is giving me butterflies or has been someone I’ve wanted for a long time. Less attachment is better). But, I talked to my friends the Psych Major & the Gleason Table & told them my unwritten rules for dating & they agreed that it’s not a bad list. I figured I’d share them in case there’s any I missed.

1. Don’t spend the entire time telling me how pretty I am. I know this. I OWN A MIRROR. That might sound horrible, but I think all women should feel comfortable in their own skin. I love a good compliment, but there’s got to be more than wasting oxygen telling me what I already know. The guy spent all of his time telling me I’m gorgeous. That’s great, but I have a brain. I’m smart. I’m funny. I have great opinions on politics. Why aren’t we discussing current events? ANYTHING?! I love good conversation & I’ll want you to keep up. If you can’t discuss pop culture or politics or even a book you read, please go away. There’s more to life than looks.

2. I don’t give a rat’s ass how much money you make. See this house? I pay for it myself. All of the bills in it too. Everything I’m wearing too. This is because I HAVE A JOB. I don’t need a sugar daddy, I’m not impressed by your bank statement & no one takes care of me but me. While yes, I feel a gentleman should offer to pay on the first date, I’ll likely pay my own bill.

3. This doesn’t mean you can be a broke ass, you MUST have a job. The Gleason table always wants me to add “and not at a call centre, because only losers work @ call centres.” I’m not that picky though. I don’t care if you dig ditches; you have a job. A legit, gainful form of employment with a T4 and everything. I support myself & my daughters; I expect you can support yourself. If you jump from job to job, I’ll probably send you packing. I think you should be able to hold said job.

4. How you treat others is how you’ll treat me. Do you continuously belittle your friends behind their back? Do you talk down to the waitress and badmouth every ex lover as “insane” or “a bitch” and every relationship you were wronged because you’re perfect? Well, that’s how you’ll treat me so goodbye. I may not have 100% glowing things to say about everyone in my life, but I’ll try. I’m also quick to point out my part in the failure of a relationship. No one is perfect, least of all me & my life has no room for narcissism. My foster dad always taught me the true measure of a man’s character was how he treated those in his life, including the waitress & his mother. So, if you treat those around you poorly, you’ll treat me poorly. Also, I don’t tolerate any racist or homophobic remarks. I walked out on a date because the guy said the beers on tap were “gay.” Respect goes a long way.

5. Trust is EARNED. You don’t just get it. The guy said I seemed mistrustful of people because I wouldn’t tell him which store in the mall I worked in. I don’t want you visiting me @ work (his intention). I don’t think it’s your business after date one. I won’t add you on FB either. My friend got flamed for saying that he has “social networking rules” for his girlfriends. I have them too. I don’t advertise my relationship on FB (I once changed the status as a joke between myself & the Gleason Table) & I don’t add photos of us until we’ve been dating for at least four months. I was once more open on my Twitter, but I learned not to do that. Keeping a separation until the relationship is serious isn’t a bad thing. It’s like my children; you won’t meet them for at least one year. I don’t need someone to play quasi stepparent & then leave them & hurt them. They have a dad; he’s not the best, but he’s their dad. If you’d like to step up & be their stepdad, then you’ll show me that you’re here for the long haul. But let’s get to date two. Shall we?

6. My name is Mary-Helen. Simple right? I abhor nicknames (although there are still about six people left on Earth who still call me Melon, but they’ve all known me for over 10 years), short forms, pet names of any kind. Like A LOT. If we ever progress into a real relationship then I will tolerate your need to call me some cutesy name, but until then my name is not “honey,” “sweetie,” “Dollface,” or “baby.”

7. Remember how I said that looks aren’t the number one thing? That applies to you too. I don’t care about your muscles or abs; if you have a feature that attracted me, it’s your eyes & smile. That makes you attractive to me. You know what else is hot? A man with a brain. A guy who starts a conversation about books. A guy who’s read Edgar Allen Poe and didn’t just see the Simpsons version of the Raven. A man who is passionate about something, whether it’s his sports team or the world around him. A gentleman who still holds doors & calls when he says he will. That’s attractive.

Those are my simple rules. Anyone who follows them may make it to date two! (Hey, it could happen!) I don’t think they’re that hard; I think they’re common sense honestly. I don’t need to be impressed by big talk & the like. I want to be impressed by actions, something tangible, a real person.

Best I Ever Had

December 23, 2013December 24, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, ASH Photography, Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Just Fun, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Social Media, WWE Wrasslin'

AKA a series of photos detailing my year.

As I’m getting ready for my move, my plans & my amazeballs 2014, I wanted to showcase the awesomeness that was 2013 in a series of awesome photos.

So, in 2013, this happened…

So, I decided to celebrate. By torching my wedding dress.

Lifehouse concert...best show of the year. — Lifehouse concert…best show of the year.

My friend is leading a campaign against the Adventures of Tintin. She's doing fairly well I think — My friend is leading a campaign against the Adventures of Tintin. She’s doing fairly well I think

WWE wrasslin with the littles. I needed to be decked out too, so while they're in their AJ Lee digs...I chose CM Punk. — WWE wrasslin with the littles. I needed to be decked out too, so while they’re in their AJ Lee digs…I chose CM Punk.

Let the house hunting begin! On this empty train

I changed my hair colour for the first time in 10 years. I felt this warranted a mention. I'm not just that vain to put a random selfie in there...or am I? — I changed my hair colour for the first time in 10 years. I felt this warranted a mention. I’m not just that vain to put a random selfie in there…or am I?

The Angriest Tween's first concert: The Wanted — The Angriest Tween’s first concert: The Wanted

Since the Texan is too far away to celebrate with, we have to stick with Bitstrips where she hurls food @ me in front of the President

Have a great holiday everyone & I hope your year was full of awesome moments too.

The New Year

December 14, 2013December 21, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Current Events, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Social Media

Can you believe 2013 is almost over?

It seems like just yesterday I was heading to classes after my winter break. However, it’s not yesterday, it was months ago. Since then there have been triumphs, setbacks, a Maroon 5 concert, milestones, a Lifehouse concert, a Lionel Ritchie concert,The Wanted concert, my daughters celebrated birthdays & I just finished their holiday shopping. Now to count down the days until Sandy Claws brings them loot & we enjoy another holiday together.

This means 2014 is just around the corner & I can’t wait! 2013 brought me the end of my collegiate studies, a good job, I learned who my real friends are & my blog was successful. My girls were academically successful & successful in music. My divorce was finally final & now I have a whole big wonderful future to look forward to! I hate the idea of resolutions, but I love lists & goal setting. LOVE THEM. So, I compiled a list of goals I’d like to accomplish for 2014. I’m hoping by next year, I’ll have met them all. In the interim, I’m looking forward to what these journeys bring. And without further adieu, I present: MHC’s goals for 2014!

1. MOVE. This move is the big task of 2014. Finding a house, painting & decorating, buying the new furniture, all good things. I’m looking forward to my fresh start. New city, new people, new adventures. I hate that I’m moving the littles so close to the end of their school year, but they’ll make friends for the summer! I’m excited about the move. I’m excited to start over & build new memories in a new city.

2. Get in shape & stay that way. I have trouble staying motivated, but thanks to the Psych Major & the Squatties, a FB group I joined, I have a tonne of encouragement. I work out with Stratusphere yoga every day & I jog with the angriest tween. I also started meal planning & eating better. Looking forward to rocking a LBD for my birthday.

3. Continue to be a role model for my girls. This means improve my self esteem, work hard, back up what I say & support them in their pursuits. Being a good mom is important to me, so it’s something I’m going to continue to work towards.

4. Get a new media gig. Find a magazine. Apply. Get job. Admire byline. Working in my field will bring me so much joy & I’m looking forward to it. I’ll mail everyone copies of my first byline when it happens.

5. Fall in love. After 15 months of self imposed solitude, I’m going to attempt to meet men again! I think I’m glad that I took this time to be alone, because I know who I am, what I want, & that I don’t “need” anyone to complete me. I was on my own for over a year, with no man, & I didn’t die. I finished school by myself, with the only people helping me were my classmates. I got a job by myself, paid my bills by myself, with no help from anyone, not even my daughters’s father. I did well at my job by myself, raised my girls by myself, and I may not have done it perfectly, but now I know that I can be on my own. This will help me find the right relationship, because I know that I don’t need anyone. I can take care of myself so if you’re in my life, it’s because I want you there. I won’t need to devalue myself for someone anymore. I’m going to be an equal & a partner & that person is going to love me for all the things that I do to make them happy & for who I am.

6. Be happy. Every day. I’m going to make myself happy every day. Whether because it’s I heard my favourite song on the radio, my house is clean & I get to enjoy a bubble bath after work, my daughter made me a picture at school or because I got everything I ever wanted, I’m going to be happy. I’m going to make the most of crappy situations. I’m going to smile & laugh & sing along with the radio & it’s going to be super awesome. I’m going to revel in how awesome life is every day & just be happy.

Those are my goals; I hope you make some quality goals for yourself & accomplish them too! Because everyone deserves to live a wonderful life.

Cannonball

December 10, 2013December 23, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Fitnesslicious, Just Fun, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Social Media, WWE Wrasslin'

I’ve always been a highly motivated person.

I think that’s why I love journalism so much; there’s always something new & amazeballs to do. New deadlines, new challenges. Always new projects.

Part of the reason I was such a sad sack throughout 2013 was my lack of goals. My entire life was my career & I wasn’t working in my field. I had nothing to work towards, no goals to work for. That was one of the reasons the Texan & I started our parenting blog, The ASH life. We wanted a goal to work towards.

A big part of my growing as a person is taking my journalism motivation & applying it to the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I can’t always work in journalism & living a complacent life with no goals or aspirations is just boring as crap. I can’t imagine being just a Charlie punch clock & then going home to my kids & living the most mundane life. How do I teach my girls to reach for the stars if I’ve stopped? I need to create! To succeed!

So, I’ve been focusing on the move. No, the timetable isn’t what I wanted, but I’m focusing on my new home. New home, new designs & colour schemes. New couch, putting the chore charts & routines into practice so we can continue to try & keep the old house spotless & the angriest tween is currently designing her AJ Lee themed bedroom. The angriest tween is training for next year’s colour run which means Mommy is jogging. My friends & I are doing a squat challenge. The Psych Major & her hubby are designing me a workout routine on top of my daily workout routine. I’m overachieving again & I’m so stupid happy. I love having so many projects to work towards, with friends working together & supporting each other & all of these projects will make my life better, more organized, & I’ll be healthier.

That's right, my kid is designing a bedroom completely around this pillow. — That’s right, my kid is designing a bedroom completely around this pillow.

Eventually, I’ll have a media gig again and I’ll have a million deadlines & interviews to strive for. But until then, I’m going to work towards all of my personal projects and goals & continue to fulfill my need to overachieve that way, and I’ll be happy. So very happy.

I'll be happy and chill and just hanging in my blanket fort. — I’ll be happy and chill and just hanging in my blanket fort.

Through the Dark

December 8, 2013December 12, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, Dear Blank, Dorkdom, Douchers, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

***I apologize in advance that this is all kinds of ADD. I have about four things that I’m thinking of and they’re all like minded. We’ll see how this works out.***

My decision to start dating again had a lot to do with the fact that I was interested in a guy I met casually by chance. He was cute, seemed funny, and he was the first man in 15 months that appealed to me…until I got to know him. We had literally NOTHING in common. He didn’t care for pop culture (you know, how I makes my livings when I’m not schilling phones), thought the media was biased, only liked documentaries, and didn’t understand how one good song makes life magical. So, when I mentioned that maybe we were meant to be friends, he said his only interest in life was me…ew. I like having a life separate from the men I date. I don’t like us sharing friends, I like being able to go out with my friends if I want while he’s out with the guys, no asking “permission,” etc. So, it was curtains.

That’s how it works. One tiny mistake, or tell me one thing I don’t like and out you go. I guess it’s why I recognize it in others, because it’s what I do. My friends tell me it’s because I’m still standing by the water, frantically trying to say the right thing (without saying the one thing I cannot say), stammering with tears trying to fix what I didn’t know was broken, but the truth is, I’ve always been fairly closed off and now it’s worse. My best friend the Psych Major mentioned that because she didn’t feel nutured as a child, she loves to cuddle now. I’m the opposite. I’m detached. My marriage wasn’t a love match and I’m afraid of going through the motions and finding myself wishing I could blow out my brains than spend one more second in this loveless joke where we fight and hate life. I’m also afraid to fall in love. Because if I do, we’ll plan a life and he’ll leave me…and I’ll have to start over again. Because I’m hard to love and I don’t want to fall in love and risk them leaving me again. I’m scared of giving someone my blind, unconditional love & them throwing it back in my face like it was nothing…like I was nothing. I’m sure eventually I’ll get over that fear, I’m working on it, but right now, you likely are sent packing after that one mistake.

My girlfriend challenged me about my love life and I realized I’ve always been the dumb girl with the long term crushes, aside from that guy in high school I crushed on and Gigi and I laugh about it to this day. My first crush was on my friend’s boyfriend’s brother when I was 15. I crushed on that guy all through high school and when I ran into him at the beach 4 years later, I jumped @ the chance to date him to make my ex boyfriend jealous (Trust me, I learned how BAD an idea that is). That boyfriend I was interested in for two years before I made a move. My ex husband was the only guy I sort of just fell into a relationship with. Even my quasi attraction to my former best guy friend simmered for a year and even then, there was another man that held my interest, so much so that I was a total bitch and wouldn’t even add him on Facebook because I was married and I shouldn’t have been thinking such impure thoughts. I’m always a long term, awkward, I want this but I’m too chicken to do anything sort of girl.

This made me think of the kinds of men I would want and I realized that it’s a guy like Christian Bale.

It’s not just because he’s the hottest guy on the planet. It’s because he tears up talking about his loving, supportive, patient wife Sibi Blazic. He doesn’t need to flaunt her and his daughter everywhere. In fact, no one even knew his daughter’s name until a couple of years ago. He wants to keep their marriage private and away from the meddlers and the instigators. He even cut his mom and sister out of his life to protect Blazic from their unkind thoughts. He adores her, worships her, is happy that she accepts his temper and physical transformations for work and the separations and loves her. He loves her so much that he breaks down in interviews talking about her. Candid photos show him opening doors for her, pulling out chairs, etc. They do their charity work in private. He may yell @ sound techs and sound like a douchebag in interviews, go through dramatic weight losses (the Machinist) or gains (American Hustle) to play a part, but the reason Christian Bale is the hottest man on Earth is because he respects his wife and daughter.

So, I want someone like that, but I’m so afraid that if I fall, they’ll leave me like everyone else I’ve driven away by you know, the crazy. So, I want someone to share my life with, but I won’t look, I hold them to unrealistic expectations, send them packing the minute they displease me and I still leave that front light on. This probably means I shouldn’t be actively pursuing a relationship, so it’s for the best that I’m not. I just don’t know how to let go of that fear of that boring, blah life that I hated or getting my heart broken again. Also, part of me likes my life. I like being alone. I love being left alone. I like that I’m home almost every night. I like that no one is nitpicking my life under the guise of “helping me.” I like that I talk to my friends once a week or so and I’m good. I like that I play with my kids and hang with the angriest tween @ night and I sleep alone and sprawl like a starfish. For my entire adult life people have controlled me. First my ex fiance, then my former husband, then my own best friend (which everyone noticed but me) and I don’t want to give up control of my life. If I could have my independence, and a partner, that would be kind of awesomesauce. But I don’t feel lonely, like there’s a void. So, these are the new things I need to work on so I can continue to be the most awesomest MHC I can be…or unless Christian Bale calls (although he breaks my dad rule). I also need to get this move done and out of the way and get situated in my new life before I think about adding anything to it.

But I think it’s a good thing. It’s good that I’m not afraid to be alone. I don’t fear life thinking I’ll die without a companion. I love my life & I love that it’s MY life & that I do things MY way. I love that I make my own choices & I’m working on loving my body image & I’ve even embraced that I’ll always be a little skittish, a little anxious & that I need to work on those things. I needed to work on not allowing my friends to take over my life, interfere because I’m a shy bunny who needs protecting. I needed to learn that I matter too & I can’t expect someone to make me happy because I give them the world. I have to make me happy. But I like me & that will help me when I’m finally no longer gun shy about falling in love again. Because I know I’m awesome & you should too. Like Katy Perry said recently, this time helped me love me so that the right person can love me the way I deserve & I’ll find my John Mayer (only not Douchey) & we’ll realize that “Who You Love” was about us too.

Been There Done That

December 8, 2013December 10, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

Have you ever been so close to everything you’ve worked for, prayed for & wanted, but it’s been dangled in front of you so many times that you’re sure that it just won’t happen?

Welcome to my life.

I hate being so pessimistic, but every time I get so close to figuring out this move thing, something blows up. My hippie friend says it’s because there’s something in my past that should never have happened & the universe wants to make it right. I say, the universe can go f**k itself.

Imagine my surprise when my realtor calls me THE WEEK AFTER I DECIDE TO STAY LONGER to tell me that my second choice house is available! I’m pretty sure I’ve left 45 voice nails hoping to take it for February or March, but my goal to leave Windsor is almost here!

However, this has happened to me sooooo many times this past year. Something would happen & everyone would tell me that I was finally getting everything I’ve ever wanted & it would end with me in tears with a broken heart over & over & OVER again. So, I’ve learned not to get my hopes up. I’m not going to get excited about anything. I’m not going to be hopeful.

My friends worry that I sound pessimistic, but I assure you I still believe that everyone is capable of goodness & my life is amazeballs. I’m just not going to get excited about long shots anymore. Chances are this house can’t wait & I’ll have to continue to aim for May 1/14 to move. But it’s hard not to get excited when it’s just so close & it could happen.

I figure I’m challenging the universe, “it’s your move. Surprise me. Make it all come together. I’m not gonna do anything or get all my hopes up to end up crying & depressed again.” Because in the end, everything will work out & I’ll have my amazing new life in a new city. It will just take longer. I just want to be realistic & not cling to tiny shreds of hope that likely mean nothing & won’t turn out like I had hoped because it’s not good for my psyche.

But I’m not going to lie, somewhere deep down, I’m looking @ all of those little shreds of hope & wanting one of them to work out. Because no matter how much I try to be objective, I’ll always be a child-like optimist who thinks this time, it’ll be okay.

A Daily Anthem

December 4, 2013December 5, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Dorkdom, Just Fun, Life, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Every morning when my alarm goes off, I hit snooze.

But I don’t roll over & go back to sleep like everyone else. I instead, sit up, and say my morning prayers. I thank God that I’m alive & healthy in a world where so many aren’t. I thank God for my girls & I thank him for my job & my talents & for another day. Then I meditate with my “MH affirmations,” which are reminders that I’m a strong, beautiful woman with a lot of great character traits & that I deserve to be happy. Most of my life, I have put my own happiness aside to please others; my friends, my partners & once they took what they wanted, they left. My happiness never mattered. They kept me under clouds of funk so they could keep me as super nice MH and when I fought back & demanded to matter too, it was curtains. So, I decided instead to remind myself every morning that I deserve to be happy & I’m going to make myself happy because that’s my job as a person. I tasked myself with the job of making everyone else happy & then would be sad that no one wanted to make me happy too. So, I’ve learned that my job in life is to make myself happy & love me more than anyone else could.

When I was first diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, my former best friends called me mentally unstable & said I needed to be medicated for the rest of my life. Too bad like everything else they say when it relates to me, they were wrong. Antidepressants aren’t right for me. They make me loopier, more panicky. So, my doctor weaned me off of them, as much like birth control, they just don’t work. Instead, exercise, herbal remedies & better eating controls the panic attacks. But my hippie friend reminded me that one of the major things that helps her is positive self talk. Loving yourself is the first step to feeling good about yourself.

I am not in any way dogging antidepressants. They’re wonderful & helpful; I just happen to be among that 1% that ends up with the horrible thoughts like the commercial says. So, this works for me. I have only had one panic attack since April & I’m feeling emotionally stronger. The main reason is that I no longer believe that I’m a second class citizen. I deserve love. I deserve respect. I deserve to be treated the way I treat people. I deserve to be happy & I will make myself happy by raising happy girls & setting the right example & with my writing & if you don’t like that I’m putting myself first, then you’re welcome to vacate my life. There are more than enough friends & loved ones who do appreciate that for the first time, the only adult I’m looking out for is me.

So, each morning, I’ll hit the snooze & I’ll thank the universe that I get another day to enjoy it. Then I’ll remind myself that I’m pretty & strong & capable of moving mountains. I’m a worthy partner to any man. I’m a good mother & an awesome friend. I’m the best in the world @ what I do, which is write things that make people think. I’m also really good @ my day job. I may not believe these things every second of every day, but I’m going to try so that I can keep making myself happy & create my own happily ever after.

The Giving Tree

December 3, 2013December 3, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Celebrity Fluff, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Social Media

This was originally going to be a Wordless Wednesday with a cool meme I found from The Hunger Games: Catching Fire on Tumblr, but then I decided to write about it more because I don’t really know how to shut up.

My obsession with this Trilogy knows no bounds. One of my first blog posts that generated attention for this blog was defending Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss. Shortly before the first film was released, I gave my the angriest tween my copies of the books to read. I won’t post spoilers for those who haven’t read them, but after completing the series (and her sobbing at the fate of one of the book’s supporting character), I asked her what she learned and she gave me an answer that shocked even my adult friends who read the books:

“War doesn’t discriminate against anyone. Katniss is a beacon of hope even though she’s not a nice person. Also, Peeta was the only truly good person in all of Panem.”

My friends all were like “Katniss is a good person,” and she corrected them. “No she’s not. She’s selfish and rude and uses Peeta to survive and the only person she cares about is her sister. She’s strong and she’s cool but she’s not nice. Only Peeta is nice. Only Peeta cares about other people, only Peeta cares Katniss.”

It’s true. War brings out the worst in people. Katniss cares only about survival. During a poignant scene when her two potential suitors, Peeta and Gale talk while they believe Katniss is sleeping, Gale mentions that the one who has her heart is the one she cannot survive without, a sentiment that hurts the Mockingjay. Katniss is willing to kill anyone she has to in order to survive while Peeta cares about preserving life. Katniss is petulant, spoiled, and rude. Stephen King was once quoted as saying that Suzanne Collins made Katniss a character to root for despite her not being very likable.

But Peeta is the opposite. Peeta loves Katniss. Peeta forgives Katniss’s failings, even her manipulating him in the Hunger Games arena. Peeta does everything to save Katniss, uses any chance he has to save himself to save Katniss. Everything is for his beloved girl from the seam. We could all hope to be loved as much as Peeta loves Katniss. Like Haymitch says to her “You could live a million lifetimes and not deserve him.”

But Peeta cannot survive in a world like Panem. The cruelness of the war torn life tears away at Peeta bit by bit. Much like Katniss needs Peeta to get out of the Hunger Games arena, Peeta needs Katniss to help him get through the harshness of life. They rely on each other to make it through and I was so proud that my child figured this out on her own.

The world could use more real people like Peeta, who simply love and want to protect the person they adore, so much that they’d die for them. However, we also need people like Katniss, who are a titch bit selfish and are only willing to protect a select few and only care about saving their own arse. We need a little bit of each of us if we’re going to muddle through life, because life, much like war, doesn’t discriminate between the good and the bad and good people can be ripped apart just as much as the selfish and we all need to develop some strength and self preservation to make it through.

Baptized

December 1, 2013April 28, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships

Sometimes, I feel that the universe is more invested in my love life (or lack thereof) than me.

Seriously.

My friends will casually ask when I’m going to meet someone & don’t even get me started on my mother. I’ve become a character in a sitcom.

...and my friends and mother care A LOT — …and my friends and mother care A LOT

I’ve been writing about it quite a bit because well, it needs to be an option eventually. I’m young, I’m pretty & despite being a general lunatic, I know I’m a good partner.

One of my dear friends is getting married & wants me to bring a plus one to her engagement party & her wedding. My beloved friend & owner of the Gleason Table will casually ask me when I’m going to meet a “real man.” My best friend the Psych Major will hint @ it & Gigi thinks I need to get laid haha. So, naturally, I need to consider the idea again. My last couple of blog posts about my future soulmate (and the criteria I’m looking for) had everyone excited. Clearly MH is ready to date! Hooray!

But I don’t want just anyone. I want the last one. I want this to be the right person for me & I want it to work. I always invest myself into relationships only to find that I’m the only one investing. I don’t want to introduce someone to the girls only for their hearts to be broken again. I don’t want to meet someone online or in a bar. I guess I just want something normal.

If anyone would like to clarify how my love life is like the novel, please contact me immediately

Dating has never really been high on my list of priorities. Love has been, sort of, as I still wonder how we are supposed to devote ourselves to someone who doesn’t share our DNA and adore them when they suck (I often write about love for this reason, it confuses the effing eff out of me), but never dating. If I’m in a relationship, it’s because I want that person & likely did for a long time. I don’t understand the concept of picking up a random person. I don’t want to add more to my “magic number” aside from the last one. So, here we are.

I guess I’ve always just focused more on my career & my girls. Men are just…meh. I’d love to have a partner, but I want the person who makes me better, who drives me, who loves me & my girls & can’t get me off of his mind. I want what my parents have & I don’t want to have to go through any more frogs (or princes that decided that their princess is in another castle) in order to find it. My daughters, my job and my writing take up too much of my time for me to really “look” for a mate and my friends and family seem concerned that I’m wasting my life by not mooning over the fact that I’m on my own right now. I’m a firm believer that when the right person comes along, you’ll know and eventually, it will all work out somehow. Forcing things by rushing from relationship to relationship or practice dates or continuing to seek out someone doesn’t work. The right thing happens organically and once you’ve found it, nothing will stop it, not even you. That’s the love that you find yourself looking for when you think no one is watching, the one you fight for even when you’ve lost the war and it’s generally not found when you’re looking for it…unless you’re looking for to get back to it, like some kind of Nicholas Sparks novel (I do so love that comparison hahaha). But I don’t want to casually date a million losers while waiting for the one. That’s too much freaking work & I have kids, a job & a career. I know it works for some people , but that someone isn’t me. Gigi goes on dates, but she’s usually seen a connection & wants to see if there’s more. That makes sense. I haven’t met anyone I’ve felt a connection with lately. Maybe I will soon. I keep telling my friend that I’m going to her engagement party solo because I’ll meet someone there & we’ll totally hit it off. Because it could happen. I’m just not going to force anything along.

So, I’m perfectly content to wait for things to happen when they’re supposed to and let God and the Universe do what it needs to do in order to make things happen for me. My love will find me when the time is right. I need to work on me some more, but it’s nice to think about and picture that right person and a nice little life. It will never be a priority, but it will happen eventually. But it’ll be with the right person in the right time. I’m sorry to disappoint everyone, but I won’t be updating my FB relationship status anytime soon. But when the man I’m supposed to be with does come along, he will have been worth waiting for.

Bless the Broken Road

November 30, 2013December 1, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Just Fun, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, Political Fluff, Relationships

Thanks y’all for your awesome feedback to my open letter to my future soulmate, making it my most successful blog post ever! I appreciated the emails & texts from people mentioning it was cute…oh, & that dude on Twitter who DM’ed me a proposal? It was a letter, not an application, but hey, thanks!

Anywho, since the rest of my life revolves around deciding where to move (London, Cambridge & Guelph are the top options) while listening to the peanut gallery explain why I should stay here, despite my previous statement that there is nothing that could keep me in Windsor (aside from “winning @ life” hahaha), and scrambling to get Christmas together for the littles while working retail sucks the fun out of the holiday for me, I figure I’ll keep going on this subject, as the move & the peanut gallery & the choices have too many facets for me to adequately express right now. I’d rather write something lighthearted. & silly. I’m not looking for a partner; they’re going to find me & it’s going to be amazeballs. Hell, maybe you read this blog (unlikely) & you’re wondering “am I this crazy girl’s soulmate? Because sure she’s pretty, but she’s a bit loony & scatterbrained.” Well, it’s possible, I guess. So, I’ve compiled a list of things that seem to exist in all of the men I date (& the things I want) & created this handy dandy guide to determining if you are MH’s soulmate!

***Disclaimer: Handy Dandy guide is for entertainment purposes only***

1. You’ve read my writing. Oh, you didn’t just read this, you read ALL OF IT. I’m not kidding. You’ve read both of my blogs, you’ve read every published byline, you actively make plans to read my future work. You love my work, you think it’s awesome. My words connect with you, resonate with you, make you think. You ask me about my work. You understand that these words are not just random ideas that I come up with; they’re my heart & soul & source of pride. My soulmate will read my work one day & tell me that something I wrote helped him understand me better, himself better or brought us closer.

2. You love my girls. Duh. But you understand them. You know their interests. You know which one is afraid of the blow dryer. You know which one loves the Saints. You know which one cries @ the same scene of Harry Potter & the Philosopher’s Stone. You know which one is going to take over the word & which one hates stripes. You know them as well as you know me. You know how important it is to me to be Supermom & you’ll understand. You’ll want to be a part of their lives & you will eventually, but I need to know that you get that they come with the deal, their dad is emotionally abusive to them & they’ll come to see you as a father figure too. That will mean something to you & soon you’ll be bragging about their cuteness, report cards et al just like I do.

3. You’re probably f***ed in the head. When I say someone is screwed up, I generally don’t mean it to be as insulting as it sounds. It means that you likely have a past, a tonne of baggage, trust issues, self sabotage issues, commitment issues, etc. I have them all too. I try to be empathetic to everyone, because I’ve been written off so many times because sometimes I’m a dark, melancholy person. This is why the people I love get infinite chances; no one should feel written off by someone that they trust. Not to mention anyone can love someone “normal.” I’m not normal. I’m scarred & fragile. It takes a special man to love me, so I want to love your scarred & fragile right back.

4. You’re stubborn. I sure am! Once my mind is made up, there’s no turning back. I need someone just as set in those convictions. A passion for Canadian and American politics would help.

5. You’ll talk to me. Tell me I’m being a douche, or crazy, or to shut up. I may cry. Oh well. My soulmate knows that I’m an annoying brat & loves me. He knows we’ll fight & he’ll piss me off but we’ll get through it with communication. He also knows that I won’t start the conversation after a fight or my feelings have been hurt because stubborn. He’ll need to suck it up & talk to me.

6. Music. You’ll like everything. Even crap I hate. I’ll make fun of it. But music is a huge part of my life. All of my blog post titles are song titles of what I’m listening to (today: Rascal Flatts). I spent years training to become a singer. My daughters are talented musicians. I need you to love music & sing along with the radio, even if you’re tone deaf. I used to joke that I would marry the man that could make me stop talking when he sang (because nothing stops me from talking) & could play the piano & in high school, said my dream proposal would be someone who played & sang me a song while it was snowing outside (I watched a lot of Full House. Uncle Jesse…swoon). Maybe someone will give Gavin DeGraw my number.

7. You’ll like sports. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t give a crap & I’ll roll my eyes when you talk, but I like guys who like sports & drink beer and go out with the guys & eat red meat & do guy things.

8. You’ll get that love takes work. You’ll get that sometimes I’ll hate your face. You’ll get that sometimes you’ll hate mine. You’ll get that times get hard. But you’ll try because I know I will. I fought for 8 years to make a marriage work while covered in bruises. Imagine how hard I’ll work to make it work if it’s healthy.

9. You won’t like geese. Okay, maybe you will. But I’m not feeding them.

10. You’ll be prone to random but awesome romantic gestures. Show up @ my door @ 1am because you just needed to see me. Buy me movie tickets just because. Send me a cute text saying you miss me. I expect these rarely, but it’d be nice.

11. You’ll “get” me. You’ll understand how I think. You’ll get that I don’t mean to be crazy. You’ll even find the crazy a little endearing. You’ll know that I mean well when I generally make a mess of everything & you’ll try to understand. You’ll let me fix my own mess & support me from the sidelines, because you know how important it is for me to do it on my own.

If this sounds like you, this either means;

a) you have a huge ego.
b) you are potentially my soulmate.
c) you’re going to give Gavin DeGraw my number.

Please let it be C!

Either way, I know what I want & deserve & this is the type of man I want & when the time is right, this is who I’ll end up with. I need to be finicky, as I have daughters who deserve the best possible stepfather & I think I’ve been hurt enough thank you very much. I think looking for love only impedes the process. Real love is that person in your mind that you can’t stop thinking about, etc. & it’s organic & unavoidable & it’ll happen. Not likely until after I get my butt out of Windsor into a new house & settled. & established & maybe with a shiny new byline. But it’ll happen…& now I know what I’m looking for.