Category: Seriously WTF?

Kiss Me

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Photography, Celebrity Fluff, Dorkdom, Douchers, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

“In the end, even if not in the short-term, love will conquer all.”

I found this quote on Twitter & I thought it was too cute.

It made me think as lately most of my friends are at these relationship crossroads. It happens to everyone after you’ve been with someone for more than a few months and that warm fuzzy infatuation feeling wears off and you’re in that real love stage. We all end up in that place and for some reason, when things get a little hard, one person wants to work on it while one person always seems to want to bail. We live in a society where love is disposable. When life gets hard, we throw it away & think everything gets better. Oh, we’ll get a new partner & it’ll be better…until chances are we ruin that relationship. It probably fell apart the same way too. But why?

Because the problem never went away…because the problem is you.

Yes, YOU.

You are the problem, just like I am the problem, everyone is the problem! The truth is that we think because we left a relationship, then we “fixed” the problem, when in fact the problem is still there. It’s internal and it’s never going to get better and just because you’re going to make the same mistakes over again.

Maybe you never tell your partners when you’re angry, so they’re constantly guessing why you’re mad and then you just walk away because well…they’re still doing that thing that pissed you off. People don’t read minds, how were they to know when you didn’t tell them? Maybe they asked and you said it’s fine (SUCH a chick move). Maybe you overreact when you need to have a frank conversation and cry, so that your partner doesn’t feel they can tell you when your relationship needs work. Maybe when you feel confused, you try to rationalize & take everyone’s advice but your own & make a giant mess & ruin everything. Maybe you bury your head in the sand like an ostritch and pretend everything is fine when in reality, everyone is pissed off and nothing is working. Maybe you displace aggression and yell about the floor mat but in reality you had a bad day at work. But there is something that needs work and that something is how you handle conflict, how you handle stress, how you handle arguments, you, you, YOU. The reason you can’t find someone is because of you.

This is one of the reasons I continually try to evolve as a person. I know that friendships and relationships end and it’s because of something I did (as well as something they did), so I try harder to improve myself because remaining static will only hinder your life’s journey.

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However, chances are that much like the quote says, there is that one person that you can conquer odds with…eventually. Maybe it’s the person you’ve been with for years, maybe it’s that old flame that sticks out in your mind but you treated them really crummy. But that’s the person you need to know about the most and you will loop back over and over to that person. People believe once something fails, it’s broken but just because you’ve found “the one” doesn’t mean the path to forever is going to run smoothly. In fact, a lot of times there will be periods of damn hard. However, running away from the problem doesn’t make it go away. It just eats at you, damaging the rest of who you are until you become a broken person. Look at Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel. Timberlake left Biel when she was hoping for a commitment and he wasn’t ready to settle down. He dumped her unceremoniously and slutted it up. Six months later, Timberlake went back to Biel and asked for another chance and the couple wed late 2012.

Sometimes things just don’t effing work at the time, but they won’t ever work if you don’t even try. They won’t work with the next person either. It’ll be a continuous loop of failed relationships until you look at yourself and start looking at how you treat others, how you communicate with them, how much you invest in actually attempting to make it work. But eventually, you’ll meet someone that you can’t stop thinking about no matter how many times you eff it up and eventually, it’ll work. I mentioned it back in September and it bears repeating, that couples who have been married 40 or 50 years will tell you that in their day, you fixed something when it didn’t work right, you didn’t just throw it away.

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Carry On

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Celebrity Fluff, Political Fluff, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Television

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Dear Dr. Martin Luther King,

Today we celebrate your life & legacy. Almost 50 years ago, you had a dream. A dream that all men were created equal & that all minorities would be treated as equals. In a way, we’ve done that, as today your nation is also publicly swearing Barack Obama in to his second term as President, the first biracial president. During your time Dr. King, that couldn’t have happened, so that is progress. There is no more segregation, everyone seems equal on the surface, so there’s that.

However, things aren’t ideal sir, & for that I’m sorry. We’re still a racist society. People still crack jokes about the disrespectful folks on Maury as if they are the spokespeople of your race, instead of the lowest common denominator. You’re dismissed as drug dealers & criminals & you can count the number of Oscar winners on your hands. We still segregate people, only we’ve moved on to the LGBT community. Your nation lets them vote, but not get married. Your nation looks down on immigrants, giving them low paying jobs, stereotypes based on those jobs. I don’t feel you would approve of the way Mexican Americans or Arab Americans are treated. Your nation responds to threats by bombing every nation to the ground. I don’t think that was part of your dream & I’m sorry.

We as people are apathetic now. A man of your conviction would be treated as a sideshow act, while we waited for the Kardashians to come on TV. Your nation celebrates a man who beats his girlfriend, treats criminal records as “cred.” Your nation uses charity work as a status symbol, a chance for photo ops while the issues with poverty, homelessness & a fractured foster care system go ignored. Inner city schools are closed, so children are sandwiched in classrooms, but more concern is paid to the NHL lockout. Your nation cares more about their right to bear arms than the death of Trayvon Martin, a 15 year old boy who was attacked and shot for wearing a hoodie & refusing to answer a man on a power trip & the victims of the Newton CT massacre. We are a society of “Me” not “We” & I’m sorry.

We don’t love each other. We push away those who love us & hurt those who love us when our ego is bruised. We don’t forgive mistakes, we punish. We milk past hurts as an excuse to ruin the present & very few of us live up to our potential. You gave a message that love could change the world & somewhere along the way we lost that message & lost what love is. It got lost in the pursuit of money & notoriety, the quest to be right instead of be understood. You taught us about non-violent resistance, how assertive words & passion bring about the reward. You taught us that faith in your conviction, truth in your words & love in your heart could change the world. Somewhere we became selfish & missed the mark & I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that your nation & others lost your message & now only listen to you today because they’ll be forced to. You can take solace in the man that leads your beloved country heard you & continues to fight for your weakest, those without a voice & hopefully, change will come. I hope that today, everyone hears a transcript of your great words, whether that you had a dream or that you were on the mountaintop & focuses on loving their fellow man. Maybe they can quit their “harmless” jokes (that I too am guilty of), stop generalizing entire groups of people, & learn to love people & allow love to flourish.

I hope one person hears your words that will be played before every American TV show & takes them to heart & applies them to their life. For they will show others, who will show others & eventually, your dream will be a reality, even if it takes 100 years.

Sincerely,

MHC

Beside You

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, ASH Photography, Douchers, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

What I’ve learned is that all of my blog postings will be inspired by my Ethnic Relations teacher. Really great teacher, really smart guy. It’s a darn shame that I have to miss the last hour of his class to attend the next one as per the schedule of doom.

Today we discussed the difference between a reaction & a response.

I always tell my 5yo that for every reaction there is an equally as powerful reaction. Perhaps I should change that, as I’m not a reactionary person. I respond.

A reaction is a sudden, often negative, lash. Those who respond to a statement with rage, insults & then claim their target “asked for it.” After all, if we blame our victim, it stifles the guilt.

A response is something carefully constructed, something that needs to be said, something that the person has taken the time to think about before speaking.

My prof said “Those who know themselves respond, those who hate themselves react.”

This makes a lot of sense, because someone self-aware isn’t really shocked by someone critiquing them. If you told me I was a neurotic, overachieving, hypersensitive, talkative, pain in the ass, I would likely agree, because its well…true. The person who hates themselves can’t stand it when someone points out their flaws, or what they’re doing that isn’t kind. They lash out, often cruelly, often towards the person who loves them most. After all, they’ll just forgive you when you’re done being angry & they asked for it, right?

During his own time as a student, my prof was required to spend a half hour doing nothing. No music, no talking, just sitting with his own thoughts. It helped him become self aware. Perhaps we should all do this once a day. I would even suggest asking yourself the following questions:

1. Who am I?
2. Do I like who I am?
3. Do I like who I’m becoming?
4. How do I treat people?
5. How do others view how I treat people?
6. If someone treated my child as I treat people, how would I feel?
7. How do people react/respond to me?
8. What do I want most out of life?
9. What would my current actions dictate about me/what I want?
10. What do I need to change to be who I want to be?

Perhaps if we are accountable to ourselves, we will become the person we should be, not the person we turn out to be, because we let our demons control us, make us hate ourselves. It’s half an hour of perspective & perhaps we all need it so we can learn stronger interpersonal relationships. I know I could use some perspective. Why not do it & get to know yourself? Maybe you’ll find out that you can be your own best friend.

Little Things

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Photography, Celebrity Fluff, Douchers, Political Fluff, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

“What man fears, he destroys…”

David Draiman of Disturbed/Device quoted this on Twitter & it’s so true.

When settlers first came to North America, they feared the Native people, so they attempted to destroy their way of life to “help them.” We still fear change, only now we expect immigrants to learn “our” way of life, not the Native one or keep their own. Sometimes, as my good friend over at the Gleason Table says, “Our Premier destroys the province because he fears decent government!”

Man fears beast, so every generation vilifies a new breed of dog. First it was the German Shepard, then Doberman Pinchers, then Rottweilers, now the Pitbull. We have wiped out so many species because we feared interactions with them (well, not the dodo. We eliminated them because they didn’t fear humans).

We fear our own futures, so we systematically destroy them in the hopes that we can just stay where we are. We sabotage jobs, relationships, education because when that step is done, then the next step has to happen & WTF do we do then?! So, we become human hurricanes, tearing everything apart around us. We run from a problem instead of fight for what we want because what we want is scary. We quit our job & go to the next one because we’re afraid to take that step to move ahead. We blame everyone else for the mess we’re in because its easier. S/he made a mistake, so I bolted. My workplace was run by idiots, that’s why I don’t get ahead. The breed is viscous, that’s why it bit that kid, not because I didn’t train it. We never look at the fact that we took a hurricane to our life & destroyed everything good because we were afraid.

However, the interesting thing about the walls we build up to keep things out is that once we’ve let something in, those walls we build up keep that thing in as well. So, while our hurricane tears everything apart, what we’ve allowed to sneak in stands tall, with storm windows up, enduring it all. Maybe it’s the friend who is always there for you, the partner who puts up with your crap, knows exactly who you are & loves you, flaws & all, the job we love, or our own desire to hold onto something because deep down we know we need it, what we’ve let in isn’t easily destroyed.

We need to question why we as humans would rather tear apart what makes us afraid instead of working through it. Why dismiss cultures we don’t understand, breeds we don’t get or tear apart everything instead of just admit we are afraid? Sometimes the bravest act is the admission of fear. Sometimes we have to clean up the boardwalk after the hurricane rips through to see the damage wasn’t so bad & you can finally stop being so afraid of the next breath, the next step.

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Never Say Never

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Current Events, Douchers, Mommydom, Political Fluff, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, support Windsor!, When Things Suck Hard

I would love to write something beautiful about the Newtown, CT massacre that left 26 innocent souls dead, but I could never in a million years adequately express my condolences or say anything that could honestly provide solace.

Instead, I’m going to answer a question posed online:

“Do your children know about the tragedy?”

The answer kids, is YES.

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