“In the end, even if not in the short-term, love will conquer all.”
I found this quote on Twitter & I thought it was too cute.
It made me think as lately most of my friends are at these relationship crossroads. It happens to everyone after you’ve been with someone for more than a few months and that warm fuzzy infatuation feeling wears off and you’re in that real love stage. We all end up in that place and for some reason, when things get a little hard, one person wants to work on it while one person always seems to want to bail. We live in a society where love is disposable. When life gets hard, we throw it away & think everything gets better. Oh, we’ll get a new partner & it’ll be better…until chances are we ruin that relationship. It probably fell apart the same way too. But why?
Because the problem never went away…because the problem is you.
You are the problem, just like I am the problem, everyone is the problem! The truth is that we think because we left a relationship, then we “fixed” the problem, when in fact the problem is still there. It’s internal and it’s never going to get better and just because you’re going to make the same mistakes over again.
Maybe you never tell your partners when you’re angry, so they’re constantly guessing why you’re mad and then you just walk away because well…they’re still doing that thing that pissed you off. People don’t read minds, how were they to know when you didn’t tell them? Maybe they asked and you said it’s fine (SUCH a chick move). Maybe you overreact when you need to have a frank conversation and cry, so that your partner doesn’t feel they can tell you when your relationship needs work. Maybe when you feel confused, you try to rationalize & take everyone’s advice but your own & make a giant mess & ruin everything. Maybe you bury your head in the sand like an ostritch and pretend everything is fine when in reality, everyone is pissed off and nothing is working. Maybe you displace aggression and yell about the floor mat but in reality you had a bad day at work. But there is something that needs work and that something is how you handle conflict, how you handle stress, how you handle arguments, you, you, YOU. The reason you can’t find someone is because of you.
This is one of the reasons I continually try to evolve as a person. I know that friendships and relationships end and it’s because of something I did (as well as something they did), so I try harder to improve myself because remaining static will only hinder your life’s journey.
However, chances are that much like the quote says, there is that one person that you can conquer odds with…eventually. Maybe it’s the person you’ve been with for years, maybe it’s that old flame that sticks out in your mind but you treated them really crummy. But that’s the person you need to know about the most and you will loop back over and over to that person. People believe once something fails, it’s broken but just because you’ve found “the one” doesn’t mean the path to forever is going to run smoothly. In fact, a lot of times there will be periods of damn hard. However, running away from the problem doesn’t make it go away. It just eats at you, damaging the rest of who you are until you become a broken person. Look at Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel. Timberlake left Biel when she was hoping for a commitment and he wasn’t ready to settle down. He dumped her unceremoniously and slutted it up. Six months later, Timberlake went back to Biel and asked for another chance and the couple wed late 2012.
Sometimes things just don’t effing work at the time, but they won’t ever work if you don’t even try. They won’t work with the next person either. It’ll be a continuous loop of failed relationships until you look at yourself and start looking at how you treat others, how you communicate with them, how much you invest in actually attempting to make it work. But eventually, you’ll meet someone that you can’t stop thinking about no matter how many times you eff it up and eventually, it’ll work. I mentioned it back in September and it bears repeating, that couples who have been married 40 or 50 years will tell you that in their day, you fixed something when it didn’t work right, you didn’t just throw it away.