Whataya Want From Me?

I was talking to a friend of mine the other night & he told me he was “creeping” an ex girlfriend’s Facebook profile to see how much better he fared post- breakup. So, I did what any good friend would do; I called him a stalker.

I don’t care if 90% of people do it; it’s freaking weird. If someone leaves me, I don’t stare longingly at their Facebook photo, creep their friends, etc. if you’ve removed me from your life, then I take the hint. I likely will never ever look you up on social networking again. My ex husband was still on my Facebook & Twitter accounts for long after our messy split because I didn’t notice or care. It wasn’t until my lawyer asked that I noticed & deleted him. I guess I don’t understand the concept because I just don’t do it. If I’m still in love with you, I will do the opposite; avoid you. I don’t want to see your face, hear your name, I want to try & heal.

Fortunately, most therapists (& my good friend over at Whispered Inspirations)share my view. They say that the person who unfriends/blocks their ex is actually the one most affected by the breakup, as they are trying to stifle their feelings of remorse, sadness by hiding. Chances are that person is still in love with their former partner. According to therapists, if you are visiting their online home more than once a week, then you are subconsciously or consciously looking for clues to reconcile.

The thing is, if you are over someone, you don’t think about them…ever. Maybe if you have a child together, but that’s different. But if you have no kids & have no reason to interact with them, then you’re creeping them because you either a) want them back or b) are completely taken aback that they had the nerve to move on without you. If you’re thinking about someone enough to check their online activity 2-4x/week, then chances are you’re still in love with your former partner.

You can’t move forward if you’re still in love with someone else. You can’t be with someone if you’re still checking your ex’s FB before your new flame comes over. You’re not being fair to yourself or anyone else. Either reconcile your feelings of anger or regret or reconcile with them because those are your only options. As one of my law clerk colleagues said (while discussing a friend doing similar) “if it isn’t what you wanted, then you wouldn’t be searching for it. If you’re looking it up, hunting it down, then it’s what you want. Stop taking the cowardly route & show up @ their door.”

…or you can continue to be a weird stalker like 90% of the Facebook population.