Hear Me Now

An open letter to the mainstream media,

Dear Media,

Normally I am in full support of everything that you do. In fact, I’m your biggest fan! I defend paparazzos and their slimy work, because I understand that with great fame comes great responsibility. However, today, as a member of the mainstream media (albeit on a much smaller scale), I am writing this letter to ask you very nicely to not do that thing you do where you hound people constantly in the name of a good story.

With the news of H.R.H. Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge’s pregnancy and the media’s obsession with photographing her, even from miles away, I am asking you as a colleague and a mom to please LEAVE THE DUCHESS ALONE.

Don’t follow her everywhere with cameras every freaking second. Don’t put a bounty on her for “the first bump photo”. Don’t camp out at the hospital waiting for pictures of “the heir/heiress apparent.” Don’t print ridiculous stories about how she could miscarry any second, the Queen hates the baby, or that the baby is actually an alien. Don’t do it.

The Duchess has already been hospitalized for extreme morning sickness and the comments about her weight have already started. Stop now, before it gets out of hand.

Pregnancy is a stressful time for a woman. We have body image issues, health issues, emotional issues and frankly, if I had been famous during any of my three pregnancies, a paparazzo would have gotten punched in the face. Please do not ruin this happy time for the Duke and Duchess by stalking them. Stalking really isn’t cool any time, but they know that they are public figures and get photographed constantly. You have the rest of their lives to annoy them; let them have these nine months.

Maybe you could focus on H.R.H Prince Harry. He likes to party and sometimes gets naked. Maybe he could take one for the team and cause a scandal so the Duchess could have some peace. Maybe the Princess Eugenie and Beatrice could wear some form of ridiculous headwear and attract some attention or sister Pippa could wear something that showcases her amazing ass. Maybe you could focus on a different British person of note. What’s David Beckham up to? Who’s currently playing Dr. Who? Maybe you could look into that.

In all seriousness, your obsession with the Royal family has already cost this child his or her grandmother, please have some respect for the Duchess and her health and keep your reporting to her public appearances and let her enjoy her private time without being swarmed.