Glass to the Arson

“The only purpose of our lives consists in waking each other up and being there for each other.”

What moves you?

Everything moves us at some point, whether it’s a song lyric, or a hug from a friend, or a promise of love that we hold onto long after the person who uttered it has gone; something moves us.

While enjoying some wine with a dear friend last night, we talked about life and whether my house is haunted (it is) and the idea of her becoming a mom one day moved her to the point where she was giddy talking about her adorable future son. It made me so happy to see her so excited for her future.

We always gravitate towards something that affects us, something that makes us think, evaluate, etc. For example, when a friend felt her life was lacking something, she suggested that we attend church together. While initially skeptical, I find I’m getting something from it. I’m working harder to be a nicer person, to be more forgiving, tolerent and patient of those who struggle, who are hurtful and maybe even just plain mean. I try to be kinder to them because it’s the right thing to do and perhaps I’m teaching my daughters some valuable lessons that will help them become stronger women. The things that affect us the strongest are the things that we need most in our lives; because those things are helping shape who we are, helping us become the people we need to be. The absence of what moves us creates a hollow sense of happiness. We can enjoy life for a little while, but part of us will always want to be near that thing that moved us. My desire to attend church (which was such a strong part of my youth and banned during my marriage) ended up manifesting into nightmares, phobias of demons and a struggle to find my identity. A return to church has resulted in a calmness, I’m a much more relaxed MHC. Still work too much, still overanalyze and still curse like a trucker, but the former two have always been facets of my personality (I could live without the trucker mouth. I should work on that).

Once we understand what we need or want (which is a hard thing to do), we have to find a way to restore it into our daily lives. It’s not as easy as walking into a new building and saying Hello. Sometimes we have to wade through some pretty murky stuff to find the shining light that we’ve sought out for so long. Sometimes we have to admit that the thing we needed all along was the thing we said we could live without happily and admit that we wasted a lot of time pretending, but in reality, we were always looking for it, because deep down, we always needed to know about it. While I said I was fine without some form of theology in my life, I clearly wasn’t, as I was always researching the idea on some level, gravitating towards Christian or Pagan friends and researching the idea of a higher power. That was the ever present need, the search for the thing that clearly moved me.

So, whatever it is that you continiously search you, the thing that haunts you, moves you, makes you think; stop looking and go make it happen.