Category: Mommydom

30 Days of Truth: Day One

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Dear Blank, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships

Day one: something you hate about yourself.

That’s easy; almost everything.

I hate how I look. I always say I’m vain because I won’t leave my house without perfect hair & makeup when in reality, I think au natural moi looks like crap. The thought of anyone seeing me in my yoga pants with my hair a mess scares me more than a little. The boyfriend hates when I say I hate how I look & when I used the “you haven’t seen me first thing in the morning” comeback, he says he has & I look beautiful. I told him to get his eyes checked.

I sometimes wonder how he puts up with me. He’s wonderful; handsome, quiet, smart, funny, mature & level headed & I’m…an idiot. I have the worst time management skills, I talk way too much about every subject, especially my job, I work too much, I’m hypersensitive, I can be an immature goofballI, I sing along with the music at the mall & I cry a lot. The fact that he’s willing to a) be seen in public with me & b) deal with my lunacy & tell me it’s adorable makes him either even more wonderful or completely insane.

Truthfully, I wonder how anyone puts up with me. My friends are the most awesome people I know & they’re stuck with me as their companion. Personally if I had to listen to me cry after I Effed up AGAIN, I would have put me down Old Yeller Style, especially Drew. He clearly has the patience of a saint, as he deals with my immaturity, over analyzing & general kookiness. He deserves his own holiday.

I don’t have a lot of qualities that I like. I’m overweight, almost all of my character traits are flawed & I’m a huge pain in the ass. Most days, I’m pretty okay with this, because I’m still more fortunate than most people. I have my girls, an interesting job, opportunities, a relationship I’m happy with & an amazing support system (who are going to slap me when they read this hahaha) & I managed to do it all even though I am a huge pain in the ass! Then there are the other days, when I look @ myself & wonder what anyone sees in me that’s worth knowing.

The one good thing is that my daughters are much smarter than I am. They KNOW they’re amazing & I tell them so every single day. I want them to be much more secure than I am & not a therapist’s dream. They’ll go much farther in life than I have & will change the world for the better. They’re my greatest accomplishment & I often wonder what I did to deserve them, so I would know to do it every day.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Dear Blank, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, Relationships

You know, the day where we celebrate the decapitation of a martyr who defended his religion with stale chocolate crap!

I know I must sound cyncial, but I have never understood Valentine’s Day. The idea that someone needs a day to tell me that I am special to them makes me a little bit sad. If you care about me, shouldn’t I mean something to you all year round?

I will admit that I do buy the three loves of my life (my daughters) stuffed unicorns every year, because they love the idea of Valentine’s Day and it makes them happy. It’s our little tradition and it means something to us.

However, I think too much emphasis is placed on  one day. Many people will allow their partner to step on them all year long but then on Valentine’s Day, they receive some sentiment all the other 364 days of mistreatment are long forgotten. So, I have always chosen to refrain…until this year.

Maybe I didn’t go all out or anything but I did get my beau something. I realized that by autocratically nixing the idea of today, I wasn’t being fair. What if it’s a big deal to him? My daughters  really wanted to buy everyone they love gifts so we did. I didn’t even throw up.

Maybe it’s because I purchased items for people who treat me with love and respect all year round, so it was no different than MH’s random gift giving days. I’m with a man who treats me beyond well, so I wanted to do something nice for him. My friends are amazing supports to my girls and myself so it was nice to do something nice for them. I’ll probably never decorate the house or get excited about the whole idea of Valentine’s Day, in fact my evening consists of a lot of writing and homework with no date or romance on the menu. But, it was nice to help the girls make people happy and in turn make them happy, as they loved picking out stuff for everyone they care about (They contend that their gifts are better than mine haha).

Maybe they’ll grow up to become one of those hopeless romantics. Either way, I really can’t force my anti-holiday stance on them. So, I hope that they enjoyed their shopping and their gift giving and have fun with their dad on their daddy-daughter date. After all, this day is allegedly about love and there is no one that I love more. So, Happy Valentine’s Day little ones, I hope it’s everything you want it to be.

“Always do what you’re afraid to do…and sometimes that means loving someone.” – Raine Maida

This Blog Saved My Life (30 Things)

by maryhelenc, posted in Douchers, Just Fun, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Social Media

Hash tags amuse me.

The latest Twitter craze is “30 Things About Me”. How DOES one condense that into 140 characters? I couldn’t, but I’m long winded.

I started thinking about whether or not I could come up with 30 facts about myself that people don’t already know. I’m pretty much an open book and if someone wants to know something, they could just ask. But it still seemed like an interesting idea, so I decided to compile a list.

Keep reading this post

Killing Loneliness

by maryhelenc, posted in Mommydom, My New Life As Me

I love Christmas.

Any holiday that combines entertaining guests, baking, & shopping makes me a happy girl. I love spoiling my daughters, friends, boyfriend, etc & knowing I did something that makes them happy makes me happier than anything else in the world.

I’m so excited to see the looks on the girls’ faces when they see the Santa loot. They’re going to be so excited!

But the holidays are leading to the single most horrifying moment; when they go with their father for two days.

I know I have to get used to this, but I hate it. I hate when they leave, even for four hours. I hate knowing they’re in a place that I can’t guarantee that they are getting what they need, that their parent is doing right by them. I need them here with me, even if I can’t be home. I know they’re safe here, protected here. I know they’re with responsible people & it’s something I can’t when they aren’t.

But it’s part of co-parenting, sending them with their other parent. I know I should find a positive, welcome the break, find an activity but I know all I will do is miss them, spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying about them & obsessing about my own insecurities & count the seconds until they are back with me.

Enough For Now

by maryhelenc, posted in Mommydom, My New Life As Me

I try not to complain.

I really do. My good friend Nancy at Whispered Inspirations has a saying “too blessed to be stressed” which I’ve tried to adopt into my daily life.

I’m not stressed, I’m tired.

I think back to when I had two jobs, two kids & I made this look easy. Now sometimes it seems so hard. Then I remember why it was so easy back then; I had help.

I had an amazing assistant editor who went above & beyond the call of duty. I still feel he needs a shout out because I’m remembering now that I’m back into the fray that he was invaluable to my career. My homelife has always been me vs the world but his partnership on the professional side of things made life so much easier. I could likely get a new assistant but honestly they would suck in comparison. Part of being invaluable is being irreplaceable.

Now it’s just me. Me balancing schoolwork, homework, kids, a job, & a life. Apparently there’s a learning curve & part of the learning is remembering that I am human. I need days off. I need sleep.

I try not to complain because this is the life that I chose. It’s the life that will bring me security & success. I have all of the tools to make my happy ending, I just need to make them all fit. I often wonder how other people make it look so damned easy & why can’t I be that awesome too? Then I remember the number one rule of life; never compare yourself to anyone else.

So, while there are days (like today) that I would rip off my own arm for one hour off, I remember when I was unemployed & felt useless & that I wouldn’t want my life any other way, if for no other reason than because I can look back & know there were no wasted opportunities. I just need to remember that I’m not the same woman I was before. There is no assistant. There is no partner. There is more expected of me & finding the balance is a little trickier. That’s not to say it can’t be done, it’s just harder. I need to remind myself to take a day off because I have no one to remind me that I’m working too hard. I need to learn my own limitations.

Until then, I’m going to take a nap.