Killing Loneliness

I love Christmas.

Any holiday that combines entertaining guests, baking, & shopping makes me a happy girl. I love spoiling my daughters, friends, boyfriend, etc & knowing I did something that makes them happy makes me happier than anything else in the world.

I’m so excited to see the looks on the girls’ faces when they see the Santa loot. They’re going to be so excited!

But the holidays are leading to the single most horrifying moment; when they go with their father for two days.

I know I have to get used to this, but I hate it. I hate when they leave, even for four hours. I hate knowing they’re in a place that I can’t guarantee that they are getting what they need, that their parent is doing right by them. I need them here with me, even if I can’t be home. I know they’re safe here, protected here. I know they’re with responsible people & it’s something I can’t when they aren’t.

But it’s part of co-parenting, sending them with their other parent. I know I should find a positive, welcome the break, find an activity but I know all I will do is miss them, spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying about them & obsessing about my own insecurities & count the seconds until they are back with me.