I love my mother, but sometimes she drives me bonkers.
The year is almost over & she feels I need to “reflect” on the past. I’m not a reflecting person. I don’t dwell on anger or missteps or things like that. I prefer to go forward & keep living. My mom dwells & wants me to do the same.
“MH did you ever think last year at this time you’d be a single mom?”
“MH when you look back on your marriage, remember you got three kids…”
“MH when you look back, do you ever think about the exact moment when you knew you’d be alone?”
“MH did you ever think (insert friend) would stop talking to you?”
I don’t like looking back. When something is over, it’s effing over. That way I can focus on important things, like my daughters & my writing & my scarf collection. I can honestly say I’ve never looked back on my marriage, as it’s over. Dwelling on it will prevent my chances of being happy with my own life. The people who left don’t deserve my thoughts. They showed their worth. I instead choose to cherish the friends & loves that stayed.
I don’t look back on the previous year. I want to focus on my future, which is pretty damn good. My girls are healthy, my journalistic career is going well, I have a new career on the horizon, good friends & a scarf collection.
So, I won’t look back on the missteps, the mistakes, the miscues & the tears. I will instead choose to look towards the new opportunities that wait for me in the coming days…
…until the Mayans are right & we all die.