30 Days of Truth: Day One

Day one: something you hate about yourself.

That’s easy; almost everything.

I hate how I look. I always say I’m vain because I won’t leave my house without perfect hair & makeup when in reality, I think au natural moi looks like crap. The thought of anyone seeing me in my yoga pants with my hair a mess scares me more than a little. The boyfriend hates when I say I hate how I look & when I used the “you haven’t seen me first thing in the morning” comeback, he says he has & I look beautiful. I told him to get his eyes checked.

I sometimes wonder how he puts up with me. He’s wonderful; handsome, quiet, smart, funny, mature & level headed & I’m…an idiot. I have the worst time management skills, I talk way too much about every subject, especially my job, I work too much, I’m hypersensitive, I can be an immature goofballI, I sing along with the music at the mall & I cry a lot. The fact that he’s willing to a) be seen in public with me & b) deal with my lunacy & tell me it’s adorable makes him either even more wonderful or completely insane.

Truthfully, I wonder how anyone puts up with me. My friends are the most awesome people I know & they’re stuck with me as their companion. Personally if I had to listen to me cry after I Effed up AGAIN, I would have put me down Old Yeller Style, especially Drew. He clearly has the patience of a saint, as he deals with my immaturity, over analyzing & general kookiness. He deserves his own holiday.

I don’t have a lot of qualities that I like. I’m overweight, almost all of my character traits are flawed & I’m a huge pain in the ass. Most days, I’m pretty okay with this, because I’m still more fortunate than most people. I have my girls, an interesting job, opportunities, a relationship I’m happy with & an amazing support system (who are going to slap me when they read this hahaha) & I managed to do it all even though I am a huge pain in the ass! Then there are the other days, when I look @ myself & wonder what anyone sees in me that’s worth knowing.

The one good thing is that my daughters are much smarter than I am. They KNOW they’re amazing & I tell them so every single day. I want them to be much more secure than I am & not a therapist’s dream. They’ll go much farther in life than I have & will change the world for the better. They’re my greatest accomplishment & I often wonder what I did to deserve them, so I would know to do it every day.

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