Tag: happiness

Bird Set Free

by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Current Events, Life, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Sometimes I get days off. And after spending time with my kids & crossfit, I hang out by a lake by my house and read books & think about stuff. 

Tonight, I spent my night FINALLY reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, because nerd. I like to sit among rocks & trees & read and enjoy nature. As a kid, I used to go to Bible Camp & read my Bible in the woods (fun fact, my oldest daughter was named after the place I went to Bible Camp). I’ll get more of this because my schedule has changed & I now get weekends off. Yup, normal Monday to Friday. I like being around nature because it’s a calm, peaceful place. Birds & trees are silent, and anyone near you is minding their own business. And no one is paying attention to you. 


Because of my personality, I’m often thought to love attention. This is not true. I hate it. I feel uncomfortable when eyes are on me. It makes me nervous like I’m in a spelling bee & my nose is bleeding & I pissed my pants and the word is “superfilous” (the choice of word stems from when I was visiting back home & we were having a shark party & my best friend & I decided I would tweet anything that we said. So we decided to take a random word & add “choking on dicks” to it. Superfilous means “unnecessary,” so this sentence was actually accurate. We laughed. We were extremely drunk. I drink once a year. This is why). I hate when people stare at me or when I’m forced to be in the centre of attention. When I used to perform, my hands shook. I do presentations at work because I have to, not because I enjoy it. I think that’s why I started writing. I get to tell stories. I’m not the subject. I’m the narrator. People don’t read something I wrote & think about me, they think “hey! That play sounded good!” Or “that person seems interesting!” It’s not about me. Even this blog about my life isn’t necessarily to be about me. It’s more about learning lessons & evolving, something all humans do. To most of you, I’m a faceless weirdo. But then, there are some of you who know me better than anyone, and those are the people I struggle with talking about why I hate being stared at or watched or whatever. 

This isn’t an idea that I share to my social media feeds. I never share my super personal stuff there. That’s like showing weakness or something. People will think I have feelings or some shit. This is for the like four people that read my blog with any regularity. So, Erica & like, three other people. I used to know who they were, but  I’ve turned that privilege over to a close friend who monitors my web security for me (that person is not Erica).  It’s actually nice to be able to write whatever I want without worrying if I’d offend anyone, because I knew who was reading it. Erica always says that the people whom I might offend are soulless creatures anyway, human poison who prides themselves on hurting me for kicks. That their only purpose is to hurt me as often and as painfully as possible for their own amusement because they are sick fuckers & who cares if I offend them, but I’m not really one for offending people. I like making people happy. It brings me great happiness to bring joy to others. All I want to is to love everyone & be a good mom & a good person & write happy shit and make people smile. I used to write things with a password just to make one human smile. I wanted to be able to use my one talent to reach them & help them communicate with people so they wouldn’t run away from things & return, repent, repeat. But, I never could. So, I waved my little white flag. Cut off all communication because I’m beyond tired of being shut out & stonewalled. It’s bullshit & it’s not how you treat people. Now all I care about is being a good person & mom & writer. News stories don’t touch you; they inform. I write now to inform, not make you think or touch your soul or break down invisible barriers. My blog, just me sharing my life. Not even interesting. 

But there’s always this nagging feeling that I cannot prove one way or the other that people use my blog to observe my life without being in it & that has always hurt me. 

Yes, you read that right. IT HURTS ME. 

Why MH? Why would that hurt you? Because I feel like I’m in my own twisted version of the Truman Show. I hate this feeling like I’m not worthy to be part of someone’s life, but it’s fine to observe me like your favourite character on a teen drama like One Tree Hill or some shit. It makes me feel subhuman. It chips away at my self esteem to know you’re good enough to watch like a TV character, but not good enough to speak to, have in your life. And when I feel like this is the case, I get really sad & feel very small. 


So, I’m left with this weird dilemma. I could stop blogging. That would make the most sense. Give up writing, the thing I love most to help keep people away from me. And what does that leave me with? Nothing, I guess. Erica says that’s what bad people want, to take everything from me until I have nothing. But of course, I’ll never have nothing. I’m pretty much the most blessed person I know. Great kids, great job. Amazing freelancing gigs, so I’ll always be writing, just not here. Bad ass Texan friend.  All good things. Sometimes I look at my incredible life & get excited to share it with people, which is why blogging has become an intrical part of who I am. It’s how I sort out my thoughts to build a better life for myself & my family. It’s how I scratch my creative itch. But even more importantly, I look st my life & I am so freaking grateful. I’m living my dream life and I built my dream life all by myself! Isn’t that the freaking coolest?! And I write because I’m so happy that I get to be the one to live this incredible life. However, I guess the Truman Show viewers bother me because those are the people I’d rather have in my life, but aren’t. And I’m not Truman Burbank; I’m an actual human & you shouldn’t get to view my life if you left it (or in some cases, I asked you to leave it). 

This brings me to my point; maybe to remove myself from the Truman Show, Truman needs to close the bubble. 


Erica reminds me that it’s not fair for me to continually sacrifice my joy so that people who cannot muster the bravery to be in my life can be viewers of the Truman Show. She rants & raves about selfishness, cowardice, etc. She’d say maybe the people who use my blog as the Truman Show should just go rebuild the bridge that they burned because they obviously need me…& a therapist. But I don’t make things easy. I build walls because people hurt me. Writing is how I try to let them down. But letting people who hurt me near me? Nope. Terrifying. Worse than geese.  Nope. My success rate at reaching people is 0% (which makes me question my abilities to write anything but news, as I’ve never emotionally connected to anyone). Not putting myself through that. One of my closest friends suggested that I start letting those walls down, and I balked. Walls keep us safe. Besides, why is it always me who has to make the first step when there’s conflict? Why is it always me who has to extend the olive branch, to try? If they wanted to find me, they would. They don’t. I’m tired of luring out scared bunnies. It’s tiring. 

Not this guy though. He’s good people.

Maybe it’s because for so long, I was told my blog was the way to get back in after people hurt me, that I’m reading too much into nothing but my gut instinct. I’ve been known to do that. But maybe I need to step back from sharing my life. Cancel the Truman Show. 

I wouldn’t even know what to say to reach out to nothing. Please just talk to me & stop hurting me? Don’t put me through this anymore, just talk to me? I love my blog, please don’t force me to shut it down, just please reach out & speak to me? I’ve always been one for many chances & I would give as many as needed & I could explain why I’m not even mad anymore. But I already did that in something only one person on Earth can read. But I know if I did that, I’d be talking to a wall. Maybe I’m not the only one who builds walls. Or maybe this time I built them too high. So I guess I’ll just be bidding you good afternoon, good evening, and good night. 

Your Type

by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Fitnesslicious, Just Fun, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Social Media

I’m starting to think I’m spreading myself too thin & I’m pretty sure I don’t give a fuck.

I’ve been offered another freelance position with TWA Entertainment writing for one of their entertainment blogs. I’m reviewing a book for Great West as well as working on another piece. My story pitch was well received by another editor, but he’s not sure if it works in the paper I suggested, so he’s taking more time to think on it. But most importantly, I have a meeting next week with the editor of Metro Edmonton. I’ve met the guy before…and emailed him. And texted. And sent resume after resume. I’ve pretty much proven I can be VERY tenacious when I need to be. But I finally got a meeting for my sixth freelance position & I am so nervous that I may throw up. My best friend Erica calls him “Editor hottie” and said she “ships it” but I ignore her. This is a big opportunity for me & I REALLY don’t want to blow it. This would give me real newsroom access & it would mean so much to me. And I could still work my day job, which means I’ll get to keep doing such amazing things such as live & pay bills. Yay!

…oh, and I finally got a better work phone, so win for me. My boss asked how I got such a solid device as my work phone (which I now carry 24/7), I said because I’m awesome & everyone fucking loves me. He laughed. He gets me. 

LOOK AT MY WORK NEXUS 6P. LOOK AT IT. Although my business cards need work
That’s my fear; that I’ll spread myself so thin between management, journalism, raising my family, and fitness that I’ll burn out like I did in the winter. I keep reminding myself that I cannot allow that to happen. I’ve worked too hard for this & I need to keep my work life balance in check. So far, I’m doing alright. My friend Jannik jokes that I’m much easier to stalk now, as my schedule is so precise.I can’t complain about my work schedule; I build it because I’m the boss hahaha. Monday, Friday, Saturday are day shifts in my store, and running.  Tuesday – Thursday are night shifts in my store & crossfit (with a floating day off in there). Sundays off. Always (except for next weekend, where I’ll be reviewing Fringe Festival plays for Vue Magazine! How cool is that). I keep asking him if it counts as stalking if I know he’s there & leave him snacks and binoculars. We have an odd rapport. But my point is that I’ve built myself a balance. I worry if I keep adding to my plate like a fat kid at a buffet, if it’ll all topple down.

Aren’t we cute? But I don’t visit enough. Or ever. I am so mean.
But I guess I know that this is how it has to be. No one ever achieved success by sitting on their ass. I need to work hard. I’ve always worked hard, but this time it’s paying off in spades. I’m passionate about writing. It’s literally all I know how to do (oh, and kick ass in wireless. I’m good at that too) & work doesn’t feel like work. It feels like me doing what I have to do in order to become the successful woman & role model for my daughters I need to be.
When Fong, the weird pyramid scheme guy (who I thought was asking me for a three way when he asked me if I was open minded, proving that I’m super messed up) asked me if I could scale back & focus on having an easier time making money, I told him no. I like working. I like working hard. I like doing things that make me happy. Why would I trade that in for an easy path? 

So, I push myself by reminding myself that I earned these opportunities & I have to earn the right to keep them. I force myself to the gym when I’m tired or don’t feel like running by reminding myself that I need that self care, and I keep my day for me, my family, my sanity. Last week, I chose to spend part of it by my favourite place in Edmonton reading. Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll be in the exact same spot reading a book I’m reviewing.

If anyone needs me, I will be here every Sunday, recharging in nature

It’s a lot of work, but the best things come to those who put in a lot of work. So, I go into each day with the understanding that I need to put in that work to continue to succeed while balancing work, life, & fitness & being the kindest possible person I’m capable of being.

As always, to follow more of my adventures, follow me on Snapchat (ASHMHC). There’s lots of selfies with this filter. Fight me.

Unstoppable 

by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me

So, I did a thing.


Oops. Wrong thing. But I did that too. My best friend was talking to me & says “You’re not THAT much of a geek MHC.” My reply? “I am getting a Harry Potter fan tattoo on my arm right this second. I took an illustration from the book & got it permanently inked on my arm. I am that geeky.”

But we’re not talking about my nerdiness. I mean, we could, but we aren’t.

Back to the thing I did.


Oh, hey guys, look at that!

The process that was supposed to take three months took three weeks (well, two. I was off the floor for eight days). Apparently, during the CEO visit, my staff actually recommended that they just give me the reigns, as I had proven I cared about their best interest & wanted them to succeed. So, I’m on salary & I have two phones again (but I’ve asked for a new one, because look at this bitch)!


Wait. Not that bitch. But can I take a moment to discuss my loathing for Pidgey? Fuck Pidgey. For real.

This is the picture I sent my boss with the caption “You cannot be serious.” It doesn’t work. I am getting a new one.

Speaking of vacation, I got an email from a local magazine, asking if I could cover some plays for Fringe Festival. I sent my work schedule & we should be able to work around it. But I didn’t hound & plead. They contacted ME based on my body of work in my city. I’ve earned a reputation as a reliable, eager, overachiever that can write the crap out of a magazine article. A reputation that I earned by doing just that. My Great West Editor assigned me a fairly high profile story because he thought I could knock it out of the park. It took a year, but I’ve finally built the portfolio that I knew that I could. And Glentel encourages the growth of their management team, both in and out of the business. My DM’s know my goals, both injournalism & telecommunications, and that I ALWAYS get what I want. I have a strong staff. My DTL (no longer my co-manager) is in the same mall as me (and a “bloody giant” as he says hahaha). I have created work/life balance and balance many things. No word on my story idea, but if I don’t hear back, I’ll just shop it or just publish it on My Trending Stories. Why? Because I can.

My life has never been easy. It’s always been an uphill battle. I didn’t have parents with money to bail me out or pay my tuition or a supportive partner or a family to back me up (although my brother is always there with moral support. He’s bad ass). I’ve always had my friends at my back, but everything I’ve ever acquired or achieved, I earned through hard work & getting back up when life kicked me in the dick. Everything that breaks my heart doesn’t break it anymore. I use it to drive me to get better. Go ahead, hurt me life. I will take all of that pain & heartache & use it as fuel to drive me, make me better, stronger, more capable. It drives me in the gym when I’m setting my first PR since my injury. It drives me when I’m running. It drives me when I’m working. I wake up every morning with the belief that I’m gonna punch life in the face…

…and I am so damn grateful for each setback.

Yup, you heard me. Everything that didn’t work out or hurt me taught me that I have a 100% success rate of surviving that & I know I can take that & become the most awesome woman I’ll ever be, someone I can be proud of. Someone my daughters can look up to. A woman of passion & conviction & who succeeeds at everything she sets her mind to. They watched me fall down & get back up over & over again. They know that when you don’t succeed, you get your ass up & get back in the damn ring. So, thank you life, for crushing my soul 100 times, because I built a better MHC from all of those things. A kinder, gentler, stronger, MHC.

I wrote something this week, but it has a password so only Erica can read it (she’s the only one who knows me well enough to guess the password). I’m not comfortable sharing it, but it’s basically about how what I thought would be my worst nightmare ended up being the fuel for my greatest success & how I know who I want to be, what I want, who it is that I want in my life (spoiler alert; Erica) & how much I learned about what I needed to change about my own insecurities to make things work for me. I hate writing words that no one will read, so this is the high level version of how I carefully built my life from the brink of disaster & I have almost everything I’ve ever wanted. I have the day job that I love & gives me the financial security I need (& I don’t work in a fucking Walmart), I’ve built a successful freelance career so I’m always writing and getting published somewhere. I’ve shed 17 inches and I’ve finally started succeeding at my new Crossfit gym because fuck arthritis & fuck injuries. My kids are happy. And WWE even booked my dream match (after ruining my life at Battleground) I’ve almost won at life bitches!


I got this far by never focusing on what I don’t have, but what I will have by working hard. Grateful for what I have & grinding for what I will have if I just keep my head up, work hard & never settle for less than the best I have in me to offer.

Somebody’s Love

by maryhelenc, posted in Fitnesslicious, Life, My New Life As Me, Social Media


After eight months, I’ve said goodbye to the world of major retail big box chains. 

Peace out.

I left my manager & DM thank you notes, as well as the store manager. Much like when I left the St. Albert location, my coworkers were gifted a bucket of snacky foods and a thank you letter, although this time, there was a welcome letter for the new hire, who has been a good friend to me since I started. I feel it’s important to make sure that those who worked hard with you during your tenure know you appreciate them. I’ve been fortunate to work with a strong manager and a District Manager who is a role model for all women in wireless. She loves her team, works hard for those who work for her and doesn’t take anyone’s crap. I hope that I can lead my new team with the same level of integrity and success that she has.

I’m so freaking excited to be moving forward. In this past month, I’ve taken my new position and I’m so excited to get started. I was under the impression that I’d be shadowing the manager for my probationary ninety days, but he’s made it clear that my new store will be “my baby” after two weeks, and a crash course in wireless leadership. That’s both awesome and frightening, but then I remind myself that they’re trusting me with this because I’ve proven that I can do it. My work history demonstrates that I can be a capable leader. So, it’s about calming the nerves, taking a deep breath and stepping up to the plate.

My writing career is booming too. My first article under my new editor was a success, which makes me happy. When I started with Great West Newspapers, I was afraid to pitch a story. I didn’t think I should. What do I know about Alberta and the lifestyles of people here? I accepted my assignments as they came and when a story idea that I carefully crafted was given to another writer, I wanted to give up. I felt like a fish out of water and maybe I’m not the talented journalist I always thought I was. But when I got the email that there was a change of the guard, I decided to suck it up and be brave. I came up with two ideas and pitched them both. My new editor replied with that both were good, but one was a better fit for the summer months. So, I got to work and when I got the email saying that there were no revisions necessary and it was being printed, I was elated! One of my pieces for My Trending Stories was very well received and I’ve mentioned it before, but the editor of a major Edmonton newspaper told me my blog was witty and clever and he couldn’t wait to read my published work. All of a sudden, I felt very much like the person I have worked my entire life to become. Pitching stories is such a huge part of what I do, so my lack of confidence, much like my lack of driving, has held me back.

Nothing holds me back anymore.


When the editor of a local newspaper set out a call for freelance writers, I brainstormed with a friend (who also happens to be as passionate about radio as I am about writing) and we came up with an idea that could be really interesting. I drew up a little proposal and explained why I thought readers would like it and sent it off. I haven’t heard back yet, which I’m taking as a positive sign. Had he hated it (or required more pictures of Spiderman), he would have just said so. But when some friends asked me about my idea, I told them, and as I was saying “You’ll think it’s silly…” they replied “That sounds really interesting!” I’ve booked interviews already. I’m so excited about how this is turning out. Maybe he won’t want to run with it. If not, I’ll finish it and sell it to another magazine here in YEG. Because why not? The more publications that print my work, the better it is for my career.

Don’t we all Mr. Jameson

I guess I need to stop being so damn timid whenever I feel out of my element and just go out there and kick ass and be a bad ass. My body of work speaks for itself, so I need to stand behind it. I need to stop being afraid that I cannot do something and just focus on the fact that I can and I will do well if I work hard, treat people with kindness and respect and believe that I can be the best journalist and cell phone boss lady that I can be. So, it’s one day off to recharge the batteries then it’s back into the cell phone game as the lady of the house, while getting those crossfit workouts, thrice weekly runs and interviews for my next article done.

It’s a busy, beautiful life and I’m so grateful to be the one who gets to live it.

And I have this one on Team MH. She’s good people

White Noise

by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Life, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

I think it’s time for me to admit that I do really stupid things.

I wouldn’t necessarily say stupid,  but maybe “I have no chill” as the cool teenagers say.

Because my journalism career is picking up all kinds of steam, I decided to separate my personal social media from my professional one. I figured it might be better to separate my work from my social media, where I discuss super important things like crossfit, why I think running is stupid, and of course, the return of Seth Rollins and my childlike crush on Seth Rollins. It’s honestly really boring and why I have any followers, I will never know (speaking of which, follow me on Twitter and read about my boring life and teenybopper crush on Seth Rollins!)

Still say that this is where MiTB ended. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

So, I opened up this super cool professional Twitter account, which you can totally follow here if you want to read my latest articles! My next article should be up in the coming weeks, so I’m excited.

I’ve also been offered an opportunity to contribute to a new news and popular culture blog (check out my writer profile HERE). That’s kind of exciting. And one of my blog posts was extremely well received by readers, including some fitness writers! Not too bad for a story about a goose.

But the editor for some of the many newspapers I applied for jobs with read this blog and then told me he thought it was really good! Naturally, when responding to the compliment, I managed to do in a way that can only be classified as “completely awkward asshole.” That’s how I deal with compliments folks. Like an asshole. Of course, I DID make an impression, so next time there’s a posting at the Examiner, I can apply with “Hey, remember that time you complimented my work and I asked if you were being sarcastic like a douche? That was me, I swear I’m talented and have the education and portfolio to back it up. Please give me a job.” But it was such a big deal to me. Someone who’s body of work I admire and I hope will someday be my editor complimented this mishmash of thoughts. It was like a big sign that said “You are on the right track MHC.” This silly compliment made me so very proud & it took everything in me not to text everyone I know that the editor thinks I don’t suck. But most of the people in my life are sick of the play by play about my career, the stories I’m working on, the emails I’m sending, etc. I sometimes forget that this is actually only really important to me, and that the eye rolls I get are perfectly natural. I sometimes wonder if I’m the only person who gets this passionate about what they do and who they want to be.
That same night, another freelance opportunity presented itself and I applied. Then I sent a message on LinkedIn asking if there was more I could do to help with my application. That’s when I realized that while in my personal life, I have infinite patience, in my professional life, I have NONE. No chill ever. In my personal life, I am the giver of chances, I am the person who wants to offer love and forgiveness and the opportunity to prove that you can be the person you are capable of being if you would just try really hard to stop doing dumb ass shit (until I reach my limit, then you’re erased). I want my children to learn from my example; how to be healthy, mentally healthy, strong, brave, and determined. I give them chances to grow. I’m patient with them. I listen. But when it comes to my professional life, I become so impatient. Reply right now. Interview right now. Let’s get started. Let me write right now. The position I interviewed at Great West won’t even be available until the fall. So, here I am, trying super hard to be patient, because I’m starting to realize that my eager beaver ways might be putting off potential editors. While I think it would be awesome to have staff that wanted a job as much as I want one, maybe others disagree. So, I am going to try this patience thing. I’ve heard it works in some circles. I’ll wait the proper seven days and then call and follow up. Hopefully, I will get in and can proudly announce the next paper I’ll be writing for so my friends and family can all pretend to care and roll their eyes again. I’ll apply the patience that I give to those I love the most to the world I love the most and see if it pays off.

I’m just so excited. The more places I can published & the more time I can put in a newsroom, the closer I get to the thing I’ve worked my ENTIRE life for. And I get ahead of myself. And then I do and say stupid things which doesn’t help. Sometimes I swear I’m a cartoon character.


If not, I’ll find a happy balance between “aggressive bitch” and “wishy washy passive.” It’s gotta be in there somewhere.

Holy

by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Social Media

Since I started working with Great West Media last year, I have emailed the publisher once a week, every week. I have emailed him 66 times. 

Yesterday, I took a trip to St. Albert to interview with him. 

An opening arrived. He was very honest and said I was competing with people with 15 years editorial experience, but there are some positions opening up in the fall that I would be better suited for & this would be a preliminary interview. He liked my work. He admired my tenacity. Could I make it in two hours? Uhhhh…duh. Sure it was deadline day, and I had a sentence to add into my hiking piece. But I can’t turn down a chance to meet a publisher! So, I went on the epic road trip to St. Albert & made it in 1.5 hours, a new record for me. I didn’t even get lost. Baby Jesus was in my corner. 


I think the interview went well. They asked about my adding some extra freelance work to the local paper on top of my current freelance work until I can take my road test & get a car. I’m already freelancing, why not?! It’s money in my pocket. It’s new & different subject matter (City Council writing was discussed) & I learn more and more about becoming a better reporter. It’s another step closer to the goal that I’ve worked so hard for & moved across the damn country for. One step closer. 


Even if I just sell more stories until I can buy a car next year while I build my wireless career as the cell phone boss lady, it’ll be okay. I start my new job on 07/04 & I’m excited to get into my new store. And this meeting was productive. It’s one step closer…& more money. I put in the time, the effort & hard work & I got the meeting I’ve been gunning for. He didn’t have to do that, after all, he said himself that there were other candidates with more experience. But he read my work & it was damn good. And if I freelance with the newspaper, I’ll get some time in a newsroom & a chance to learn other styles of reporting. My new editor has been very hands on with my latest work. I’m soaking up the feedback like a sponge. Anything to learn and grow & become the best damn reporter I can be. 


I don’t fear failure anymore. Mostly because I don’t really know what it is. If it didn’t work the first time, I believe in doubling down & trying again. Didn’t get the meeting? Try again. Want a better job? Take the road less travelled to get the interview. Nail it. Bad weekend for your diet? Eat better tomorrow. Was that WOD or run loaggy & crappy? Oh well, your time will improve tomorrow. This is the mantra that I have built my life around. There is no failure; only a setback in which I can then use to become the woman I’m supposed to be. Thanks for that kick in the nuts, I’ll just bounce back better. 

Life is always about proving to yourself that you can be the best you that you can be, without hurting people or stepping on them on the way. You can always improve, grow, be better. If you want it badly enough, you’ll do it. I always remind myself that if former WWE champion Seth Rollins can rehab 10 hours a day & crossfit on one leg to get back to what he does best, I can get my ass to the gym. If I can be brave enough to move away from everyone I love to be a writer, I can learn to drive, freelance, take everything thrown at me until I get to where I need to be. I can be the best cell phone boss lady I can be and make my store successful. Why? Because I want it. That’s why. 

Still pretending this is where MiTB ended. Fight me

Running With The Wild Things

by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Social Media

Do you know how much easier it is to go to your job when you know you only have to go 11 more times?!

Seriously. Super awesome. I’m like “let’s hit this target guys so I can get out of here!” I MAY be excited to start my new job. I am so grateful for the opportunities that this gig has afforded me, but it’s time to move on and I’m REALLY excited to move on. Haha. However, this is not my old universe, so I’ll have to remember some very important managerial rules;

  1. I am not friends with my boss, so I can no longer say bitch on conference calls…unless of course, I become friends with him and find it is socially acceptable to use the word bitch in conference calls. I probably should limit my use of the word bitch in my store. Maybe. I can’t promise miracles yo.
  2. I am the manager in training, which means in a few months I will be running my ship, which means I can no longer pin my hair on my head however I feel like. I must actually make the bitch bun look nice, and look like the cell phone boss lady that I am about to become. That means waking up early to do my hair AND run. Boo lol.
  3. I will once again get to say “I AM the manager,” when someone asks for a manager.
  4. Many of my new team members are new to wireless, so I get to add “Bad ass cell phone trainer/boss lady,” to my list of skills.
  5. Seriously, stop saying the word bitch so much MHC.

I have to be a responsible adult. Boo.

But the thing I am happiest about is the outpouring of love, congrats and support I received from my former co-workers, friends, and family. I received a message from my former co-worker/quasi-sibling/pretend nemesis Chaddy Chad offering to revive our friendly rivalry, as well as congratulating me, saying he knew I deserved to take the lead. My old boss reminded me that yes, he made a phone call, but I’m the one who earned the job and he was happy for me…but if I don’t kick butt, he will hunt me down. Texts from friends, colleagues, etc. wishing me well. I am so incredibly fortunate to have so many people who love me and want me to succeed. It’s funny; when you surround yourself with people who love you (and you love right back) & want to support one another, how far you can go. My people are a zillion miles away (except for about three people), but they still have my back in all things. Those are the kinds of people I want in my life. Thank you for being those kinds of awesome people.

I’m just utterly in love with my life right now. I have the wireless career plan that I had worked so hard at Target to build (and then ended) back on track. I am part of a company that has a culture and people that I love. I’m part of an organization that I respect and admire and I want to build a long term career with (if a long term journalism job doesn’t ever pan out). But while right now it’s the Dave & MHC show, once I prove myself, it’ll be my store, my team. I get to cultivate people & help them reach their goals! I’m freelancing with a National Newspaper Award winning editor who sees a lot of potential in my writing and my story ideas. And as I learn to drive and buy my own car, I can keep working towards the goal. I’ve been doing home repair, putting up curtains and hanging pictures and making my home feel like MY home. The kids are doing well. I was afraid I’d have to start over at Crossfit, but no, I still have a lot of strength in me.  I guess life is a little like running. Running is stupid, but it’s necessary to remain healthy and active. But there’s a big ass hill by my house. When I moved here, walking up that stupid hill was enough to wind me. This week I ran up that hill as part of a 5.5 KM run. Even after running almost 4.5 KM first, I made it up the hill and still managed to finish the run. And when you run uphill, your legs get stronger. I guess, as always, I’ve gotten stronger. And because I’ve gotten stronger, I have gotten almost everything I’ve ever wanted, which makes me the happiest MHC in the whole wide world.


 

Brighter

by maryhelenc, posted in Life, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me

So, a really important thing happened today that I need to share with all of you. 

I’m going to post a photo & I will leave you to figure out what it is. I know I swore it would never happen, but I guess I never realized how much it was something I really wanted and needed. It came about in a way that was VERY unexpected & super fast, but I’m sure once I tell the story, you’ll see that it was the right time & it’s the right thing. 


Still stumped? I’ll explain. 

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

But first, let’s listen to the song selection that titled today’s blog post.

 

(BTW, every blog post will be titled by songs by Against the Current or PVRIS for the forseeable future)

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

That’s right guys; I FINALLY GOT MY COW PROVINCE DRIVER’S LICENSE. 

I’ve been afraid to drive for YEARS. I once promised it would be a cold day in Hell before I ever bothered to drive. My ex husband once threatened to divorce me if I didn’t learn to drive by my 25th birthday…and my 30th. Oop. I don’t really like it when men tell me what to do. I always meant to out here, but I always got sidetracked, what with the infected kidneys & such. After awhile, I started to doubt that I could. But after I was offered my third journalism gig that I had to turn down because it required the occasional commute to another town, I got fed up & realized I’m holding myself back from my dreams! I came here because I’m a damn good journalist who works damn hard. I have devoted my entire life to this & I am letting jobs slip through my fingers because I won’t learn?! Stupid. 


So I got the book. I studied during downtime @ work. My manager quizzed me. I took the online tests. I corrected the typo in the book. Then, when I felt ready, I went for it & I FAILED. Yup, I failed on the first try. So, I texted my best friend & told her how stupid I felt & that driving was dumb & I wasn’t gonna do it. I even contemplated moving home; obviously this wasn’t where I belonged. She told me to shut up & take it again, because her best friend needs no man, no encouragement, nothing but her own wherewithal. So I did & I passed & I can now learn to drive like a big person. Pretty cool, huh?

GOOD JOB PROVINCE OF ALBERTA. THERE IS A TYPO IN THE BOOK.

But, much like everything else in my life, I did it on my terms, my way. I got it when I was ready & because I wanted to, and not a moment before. I no longer allow anyone to tell me what’s best for me. I know what’s best for me. I know what I want & what works for me & I intend to get all of it. That means learn to drive & get that kick ass media job I’ve always wanted, because dreams are meant to come true & they only work if you do. 
And it’s nice to have photo ID again. I have a passport again too! I can prove who I am!


I don’t know if Hell froze over, but if it did, I’m not sorry. I have a career to continue building, dreams to make reality. You know; stuff. 

A New Day Has Come

by maryhelenc, posted in Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me

I’ve always said that no matter what happens in my life, professionally, I am killing it. I can use present tense because I am ALWAYS killing it. Call me an egotistical bitch, but I’m very good at what I do & when I set a professional goal, I get it. Why? Because I’m MHC & I work 10 times harder than I need to because I’m determined to be the strongest woman I know. 


This past week, I’ve been contacted for two interviews; one for a management position that would allow me to begin to merge my wireless career & public relations career and one AT MOTHER EFFING POSTMEDIA. MOTHER EFFING POSTMEDIA. LET THAT SINK IN BITCHES. POSTMEDIA. It’s not the position I am gunning for, but it is a start.  It’s opportunity and all I’ve ever asked for is an opportunity. I can prove myself with the rest. But everything I’ve worked for since I was eight could start to come together. And if it blows up, I have an opportunity to continue my reign as the Queen of Telecommunications. Speaking of my reign, my manager called me today to tell me that I was this week’s top performer for all of Northern Cow Province. All hail the Queen. My last blog post was praised on Twitter. Random strangers messaged me to tell me they think I’m gifted with words. Boom. My new editor has been really hands on, working with all of us to appeal to our strengths and help us grow as writers. I’m so excited to work with him, as I’ll just become a better reporter. I’m so super happy. I have almost everything I’ve ever wanted after a minor setback in the winter. But that’s all setbacks are; minor. With hard work & determination, it’ll always come together. 

I wanted this job so badly that I ditched my signature red lip in favour of a natural look. I am actually wearing more makeup to look like I am not wearing any than when I wear cateye and red lip

Regardless of if anything pans out, I know the opportunity is there. All humans are 100% capable of making their lives how they want it to be & I am gonna do just that. I have a destiny to be so much bigger than I am, and so do you. We all do. Part of that destiny is teaching three girls to (if I can borrow a line from Queen Britney Spears) work bitch. I’ve been pushing myself at the gym (my quads will tell you all about it), I’ve been pushing my cardio by following my Runkeeper plan. Strong women create strong women & I intend to raise three unstoppable forces. To do that, I have to be one myself. 

I was gonna run around the lake, but geese.

Life isn’t perfect, and it will never be perfect, but it’s coming together nicely & I can take comfort in the knowledge that I did all of it MY way. I’m gonna continue to do it all MY way because, not only am I teaching my daughters to do it their way, but because I can take joy in knowing everything I’ve ever accomplished I did on my own, for me. It wasn’t my coaches that lifted the weight, I did it. No one got these interviews for me, I DID.  No one sold the phones for me, no one wrote the words for me, no one did it but me. I DID IT & for the first time in my life, I’m going to embrace what I can do. Once you embrace what you can do and what you can accomplish, no one can take it from you ever again. 

MH’s guide to life is simple; 1. Be a bad ass. 2. Own the fuck out of your bad assery. Let your light shine bright & never let anyone or anything make you think you can’t. You can. Own that you can. I tell my teen daughter that you can look for the light at the end of the tunnel or you can bang two damn rocks together until you get a spark to light it yourself. 


I’ve got my spark, time to start my inferno. 

This is What You Came For

by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Current Events, Dear Blank, Douchers, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, WWE Wrasslin'

Let me tell you about my good friend Gleason. 

We have been friends for 20 years (Dear God). We’ve been friends through the best of times, the worst of times, marriages (both of us), divorce (mine), kids, depression, and that heartbreaking time that Hulk Hogan joined the nWo. I’m very fortunate to have maintained such an awesome long term friendship. We used to talk about TV & sports. Now it’s kids & fitness & life. 

Why Hogan…Why?

But when you’ve known someone as long as I’ve known him, they’re more apt to tell you when you’re not living up to your potential. Or, in my case, when I’m being a doormat. 

Awwwww!

For years, I’ve told him about my life, my kids, my plans, goals, etc. and the one question he’d ask me whenever I would talk about stuff is “Is that what Mary-Helen wants?” 

“I know the hubby thinks you can afford that Van, but what do you think? What do you want?“

“I know he’s talking marriage, but is that what you want?“

“I know you say you’re fine with that schedule, but is that really what you want? Will it really work for you?“

“So you’re giving him what he asked for, despite him having no respect for you whatsoever. When does he care about what you want?“

I would answer that I was doing what I wanted, because I was writing & crossfitting & doing my thing. But was I really getting what I wanted? I often said that I didn’t want to rock the boat at work, or make the Dad angry. Blank & I were together & happy & he worked so hard that I didn’t want to upset him. I would always say “I don’t want him to get mad & leave me,” and when I did assert myself, I would be afraid of the disappearing act. So, maybe I wasn’t. Or was I? I don’t even know anymore. 

I spend so much time making people happy that I end up sacrificing what I want. I would try to stand up for myself, but when it didn’t make things better, I’d stand down. Give in. Maybe I need to be more assertive and stop taking stupid people’s stupid shit. 


But, since winter turned into spring, I’ve been asking myself this question a lot. What does MHC want? What do I want for my life, my kids, my future? I’m in control of my life & deep down, I always have been. I just let my fear get in the way of that. And like a good friend, or Glinda, my friend wanted me to figure it out on my own. 

the first person to photoshop my friend Gleason’s head on Glinda’s body gets a cookie

Maybe I need to stop worrying about what everyone else wants and do what I want. I need to stop worrying about what the Dad wants & what my friends want & what he wants & focus 100% on what my kids & I want. And we want to continue to live our quiet life. Go to church. Go to Starbucks. Tomorrow we’ll go see Captain America. I want to go running after work every night. I want to crossfit & gains. And most importantly, I want to be the best damn writer & role model I can be. And with the awesome new changes at my magazine, I’m excited about what kind of writer I am going to become. And I’ve already taught my girls about forgiveness and compromise. Now I need to focus on teaching them how to stand up for what they want &I make their voices heard. If people don’t like that, then oh well. Your time in my story is over. I no longer stress about that. I have a world to conquer. 


Sometimes it takes reminding, but I do have a voice & I need to use it to stand up for myself at work, in life, and to myself. Because what I want matters too…and I intend to get it.