Something Just Like This

It’s time for another round of “Things that Really Grind my Gears.”

Today’s topic; why people who hack phones and steal photos are disgusting people. Also, if you look at them, you’re fucking gross too. 

This week, a round of personal and private photos and videos made by WWE superstar Paige hit the internet. These were four years old. She was 19. But most importantly, they were hers. I will not link those photos. They are none of my business. I haven’t looked at them. Why? They’re none of my business. I had the privilege of meeting Paige a few years ago outside of a WWE live event. She was sweet and lovely to my 10 year old daughter. She told her they were best friends and gave her a hug. My daughter has never forgotten that day and tells me all of the time that she can’t wait for her best friend Paige to feel better and get back into the ring to win championships. Maybe it’s because I met her and saw a sweet young woman who adored her little fans that this whole thing upsets me more than usual. I don’t know her, but I caught a glimpse of Saraya Jade Bevis (Paige’s real name) that day and she was the sweetest and most authentic human being. She didn’t deserve this. No human being deserves to be violated and humiliated like this. I hope she has the support of family and friends and her fiancé & that the legal action she is pursuing protects her. 


Then came the memes. People sending the photos to Paige’s mom, Saraya Knight, her fiancé, & the wife of one of the men in the video. Then jokes were made. After all, this is just so funny, right? It’s not funny. It’s awful. If you follow me on social media and share this garbage, please unfollow. There is nothing funny about kicking someone while they’re down. 

The next day, WWE Superstar Summer Rae was threatened with badly photoshopped “leaks,” which forced her to respond. Apparently it wasn’t bad enough to humiliate one person; we needed to invent pretend photos to feel powerful and tear down a woman. 


 The women and men involved in these, real or doctored, are victims of a crime. They’ve been humiliated (or someone has tried to humiliate them). To the person who does this, you are fucking disgusting. If you are distributing them, you are just as bad as the people who stole them. 

Fun fact; I work with cell phones. I sell them for a living. I troubleshoot them when they get messed up. I see your search history and your photos. Glass houses friends. I see a lot of people claiming that they should know better, they shouldn’t take these photos. That this is what you get. Wait. What? Nope. That’s not how it works. That’s like me saying that if you bought a house and then got robbed, that you should have known better than to buy nice stuff. You did not have permission to see Paige naked. You didn’t have permission to see Summer Rae naked. Doctoring photos to pretend you saw Summer Rae naked is the equivalent of lying in high school about sleeping with a girl that said no. Every time you view these personal photos, or in the case of Summer Rae, pretend photos, you are just as bad as those who stole them. You are actively participating in the degredation of a human being in the attempt to humiliate them. When you post memes or jokes about the situation, you are basically saying that you’re cool with a gross invasion of someone’s privacy, or lying about another human being for your amusement. It’s wrong & gross. I’m pretty sure if the contents of your phone were dumped online, or those personal things you’ve sent your partner, you wouldn’t like it. So why would you be okay with it because it’s a celebrity? They’re humans, not trained zoo animals who owe you their dignity. 

When I go off on my soapbox about this (like I did a few years ago when this happened to Jennifer Lawrence), creeps always tell me that if a male celebrity’s nudes leaked, I’d be all over it. Well, you would be wrong. When WWE Superstar (& my celebrity crush) Seth Rollins’s private photos hit the internet, I made it a point not to look at them. Why? Because Seth Rollins didn’t want me to see him naked. Those photos were for his girlfriend, not me. I don’t want to participate in the degredation of a man who’s career I enjoy watching on TV. So, I refrained. It’s not that hard. It’s just called being a decent human. 


So, to my fellow browsers of the internet, I implore you; don’t be a douchebag. Stop making fake nude photos to attempt to humiliate someone. Stop distributing personal and private photos to humiliate somebody. Stop making memes to make light of the fact that someone was violated and the victim of a crime. Stop sending the photos to the victim’s mom, fiancé, etc. Stop throwing stones to shame these victims while hoping no one ever checks your glass house. Just be a decent human being. It’s not even hard. Before you look, think of the most humiliating moment of your life. Now, imagine if you’d want the entire world to be a part of that. 

I know it’s probably really tempting to go see a celebrity you think is attractive naked, but had they wanted you to see them naked; they’d have posed nude publicly. We need to stop acting like we own famous people and have the rights to their bodies, their privacy, their dignity, even their most personal moments. Everyone deserves dignity and control over their body. Stop taking it away from them. Don’t look; log off. 

Spiteful

Today I discovered the most amazing thing! It’s called “Alternative Facts!” 

KellyAnne Conway, aka President Donald Trump’s campaign advisor/uhhhhh what is her job now? Said that Press Secretary Spicer wasn’t asked to lie, just present “alternative facts” about the inauguration. My friend Liz made her own list of alternative facts. In honour of my friend Liz being rad, here is “A Series of Alternative Facts (50 of them)!”

This is not my friend Liz. My friend Liz is much hotter and knows how to dress in public. This is not an alternative fact.
1. I am a size 4

2. And Britney Spears. 


3. I have a PhD in Unicorn Studies from Hogwarts. I was sorted into Gryffindor. 

4. My diet consists of cake. Cake makes you thin. 

5. So do carbs. 

6. YOU CAN MAKE FRIENDS WITH SALAD. 

7. My kids are the most well behaved children ever. 

8. My house is always clean. 

9. I did not order Swiss Chalet because it was easier than cooking after working 11 hours last week. Everyone knows I make sure my kids only eat organic food from Whole Foods every single second. 

10. We also didn’t have Mucho Burrito for lunch. 

11. I’m married to Seth Rollins. 


12. I’m also the WWE Universal Champion. 

13. And I’ve won as many Oscars as Meryl Streep. 


14. I’m totally a millionaire. The cell phone job and the freelancing is a clever ruse. 

15. And my hair colour is totally natural. 

16. The film Gigli was an underrated gem. 

17. So was Batman vs. Superman. 

18. And CM Punk’s UFC career is totally promising. 


19. ET is totally adorable and not at all terrifying and scary. 

20. Geese too. 

21. Nickelback is a really great band and we as Canadians are proud of them. 

22. Tinder is a great way to meet people. 

23. Poutine is an overrated snack

24.  Fifty Shades of Grey is super romantic and not at all about stalking. 

25. Kevin O’Leary is a great choice for Prime Minister. 

26. I absolutely care about your pointless FB status humble bragging about your life. I only rolled my eyes to make sure my brain was excited too. 

27. Coldplay is amazing “pump you up” music. 

28. My quality of life didn’t improve by playing Skyrim. 

29. I absolutely didn’t pre-order my Nintendo Switch before I registered for driving school because I am a responsible adult. 

30. I also did not book a week off from work to play Nintendo Switch. 

31. Jacked up pickup trucks in the city are total panty droppers and do not infer that you have a tiny penis. 

32. Chris Brown is a gentleman. 

33. I can see John Cena. 

34. When I spoiled the ending of Prison Break, I was HELPING Paul, not ruining his TV experience. 

35. I love running. It’s so great. 

36. I would totally listen to an entire Pitbull album over being smashed in the face with a bottle. 

37. Van Hagar was better than Van Halen. 

38. Beyoncé is my best friend. 


39. Facebook statuses about Thoughts and Prayers are totally helpful. You don’t need to donate money. Also, bragging about your good deed makes you look altruistic and cool. 

40. I can deadlift eleventy million pounds. 

41. My cat Peachy can cure cancer, she just chooses not to. 

42. Vaccines for sure cause autism. I read it on the internet. 

43.  Ross and Rachel were on a break.  

44. I can’t believe so many engagements from the Bachelorette/Bachelor fail!

45. Ice cream sucks. 

46. It’s totally normal to dislike animals and not at all a sign that you’re probably a psychopath. 

47. Donald Trump is a perfectly rational thinking human being. 

48. And the epitome of class. 

49. With a thick skin and an ability to take criticism well. 

50. Alternative facts aren’t complete bullshit. It’s just a different way of looking at something! 

White Noise

I think it’s time for me to admit that I do really stupid things.

I wouldn’t necessarily say stupid,  but maybe “I have no chill” as the cool teenagers say.

Because my journalism career is picking up all kinds of steam, I decided to separate my personal social media from my professional one. I figured it might be better to separate my work from my social media, where I discuss super important things like crossfit, why I think running is stupid, and of course, the return of Seth Rollins and my childlike crush on Seth Rollins. It’s honestly really boring and why I have any followers, I will never know (speaking of which, follow me on Twitter and read about my boring life and teenybopper crush on Seth Rollins!)

Still say that this is where MiTB ended. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

So, I opened up this super cool professional Twitter account, which you can totally follow here if you want to read my latest articles! My next article should be up in the coming weeks, so I’m excited.

I’ve also been offered an opportunity to contribute to a new news and popular culture blog (check out my writer profile HERE). That’s kind of exciting. And one of my blog posts was extremely well received by readers, including some fitness writers! Not too bad for a story about a goose.

But the editor for some of the many newspapers I applied for jobs with read this blog and then told me he thought it was really good! Naturally, when responding to the compliment, I managed to do in a way that can only be classified as “completely awkward asshole.” That’s how I deal with compliments folks. Like an asshole. Of course, I DID make an impression, so next time there’s a posting at the Examiner, I can apply with “Hey, remember that time you complimented my work and I asked if you were being sarcastic like a douche? That was me, I swear I’m talented and have the education and portfolio to back it up. Please give me a job.” But it was such a big deal to me. Someone who’s body of work I admire and I hope will someday be my editor complimented this mishmash of thoughts. It was like a big sign that said “You are on the right track MHC.” This silly compliment made me so very proud & it took everything in me not to text everyone I know that the editor thinks I don’t suck. But most of the people in my life are sick of the play by play about my career, the stories I’m working on, the emails I’m sending, etc. I sometimes forget that this is actually only really important to me, and that the eye rolls I get are perfectly natural. I sometimes wonder if I’m the only person who gets this passionate about what they do and who they want to be.
That same night, another freelance opportunity presented itself and I applied. Then I sent a message on LinkedIn asking if there was more I could do to help with my application. That’s when I realized that while in my personal life, I have infinite patience, in my professional life, I have NONE. No chill ever. In my personal life, I am the giver of chances, I am the person who wants to offer love and forgiveness and the opportunity to prove that you can be the person you are capable of being if you would just try really hard to stop doing dumb ass shit (until I reach my limit, then you’re erased). I want my children to learn from my example; how to be healthy, mentally healthy, strong, brave, and determined. I give them chances to grow. I’m patient with them. I listen. But when it comes to my professional life, I become so impatient. Reply right now. Interview right now. Let’s get started. Let me write right now. The position I interviewed at Great West won’t even be available until the fall. So, here I am, trying super hard to be patient, because I’m starting to realize that my eager beaver ways might be putting off potential editors. While I think it would be awesome to have staff that wanted a job as much as I want one, maybe others disagree. So, I am going to try this patience thing. I’ve heard it works in some circles. I’ll wait the proper seven days and then call and follow up. Hopefully, I will get in and can proudly announce the next paper I’ll be writing for so my friends and family can all pretend to care and roll their eyes again. I’ll apply the patience that I give to those I love the most to the world I love the most and see if it pays off.

I’m just so excited. The more places I can published & the more time I can put in a newsroom, the closer I get to the thing I’ve worked my ENTIRE life for. And I get ahead of myself. And then I do and say stupid things which doesn’t help. Sometimes I swear I’m a cartoon character.


If not, I’ll find a happy balance between “aggressive bitch” and “wishy washy passive.” It’s gotta be in there somewhere.

Holy

Since I started working with Great West Media last year, I have emailed the publisher once a week, every week. I have emailed him 66 times. 

Yesterday, I took a trip to St. Albert to interview with him. 

An opening arrived. He was very honest and said I was competing with people with 15 years editorial experience, but there are some positions opening up in the fall that I would be better suited for & this would be a preliminary interview. He liked my work. He admired my tenacity. Could I make it in two hours? Uhhhh…duh. Sure it was deadline day, and I had a sentence to add into my hiking piece. But I can’t turn down a chance to meet a publisher! So, I went on the epic road trip to St. Albert & made it in 1.5 hours, a new record for me. I didn’t even get lost. Baby Jesus was in my corner. 


I think the interview went well. They asked about my adding some extra freelance work to the local paper on top of my current freelance work until I can take my road test & get a car. I’m already freelancing, why not?! It’s money in my pocket. It’s new & different subject matter (City Council writing was discussed) & I learn more and more about becoming a better reporter. It’s another step closer to the goal that I’ve worked so hard for & moved across the damn country for. One step closer. 


Even if I just sell more stories until I can buy a car next year while I build my wireless career as the cell phone boss lady, it’ll be okay. I start my new job on 07/04 & I’m excited to get into my new store. And this meeting was productive. It’s one step closer…& more money. I put in the time, the effort & hard work & I got the meeting I’ve been gunning for. He didn’t have to do that, after all, he said himself that there were other candidates with more experience. But he read my work & it was damn good. And if I freelance with the newspaper, I’ll get some time in a newsroom & a chance to learn other styles of reporting. My new editor has been very hands on with my latest work. I’m soaking up the feedback like a sponge. Anything to learn and grow & become the best damn reporter I can be. 


I don’t fear failure anymore. Mostly because I don’t really know what it is. If it didn’t work the first time, I believe in doubling down & trying again. Didn’t get the meeting? Try again. Want a better job? Take the road less travelled to get the interview. Nail it. Bad weekend for your diet? Eat better tomorrow. Was that WOD or run loaggy & crappy? Oh well, your time will improve tomorrow. This is the mantra that I have built my life around. There is no failure; only a setback in which I can then use to become the woman I’m supposed to be. Thanks for that kick in the nuts, I’ll just bounce back better. 

Life is always about proving to yourself that you can be the best you that you can be, without hurting people or stepping on them on the way. You can always improve, grow, be better. If you want it badly enough, you’ll do it. I always remind myself that if former WWE champion Seth Rollins can rehab 10 hours a day & crossfit on one leg to get back to what he does best, I can get my ass to the gym. If I can be brave enough to move away from everyone I love to be a writer, I can learn to drive, freelance, take everything thrown at me until I get to where I need to be. I can be the best cell phone boss lady I can be and make my store successful. Why? Because I want it. That’s why. 

Still pretending this is where MiTB ended. Fight me

The Fire & the Flood

After a few bumpy weeks, stemming from my first birthday & holiday far from everyone & starting a new job & having a week long homesick meltdown, I’m finally feeling like myself again. I keep forgetting that life is a process. Humans are designed to grow. So, I’m gonna do what I do best; be the happiest woman in the world. 

When I get anxious, I get paper & a pen & make a list of everything that makes me happy or good thing anyone has done for me lately. Very Katniss Everdeen. But it works. It reminds me that my life is rad. So, I’m going to share my list of 50 things that make me happy (in no particular order). I was going to do 100, but I ran out of time. 

1. We have a new Prime Minister Designate in Canada! Congrats to Justin Trudeau! I have long supported Mr. Trudeau’s Liberals, so this makes me happy.   

2. My teenage daughter was elected to her Student Council as a write in candidate. 

3. Seth Rollins is still WWE champion.  YES THIS IS IMPORTANT. SHUT UP PAUL. 
4. Now that the intimidation factor  & awkwardness has worn off, I’m starting to like my job a lot. I’m making good money & will be able to support my family better. My coworkers in mobile are nice. I like them. It’s not the long term dream job, but it’ll keep me fed & housed. 

5. I should be going home to visit my friends in less than a month!

6. I’m not as alone as I feel. I have friends here. Heather & Kymo are good people & I have fun with them. 

7. My work stopped playing shitty music. 

8. Erica. That is all.   

9. After 18 years, marriages, kids, and now 3000 miles, I always have Chris Gleason to talk to. Best friends who have your back from a different time zone are the best friends. 

10. I’ve lost all but 6lbs of the 15 that I gained moving here. 

11. Gains. 

12. Crossfit. Because gains. 

13.  My youngest hasn’t gone to the office once since we moved. 

14. Starbucks.  
15.  My middle daughter skipped a grade & after an initial struggle, is doing well at school. 

16. One of my electronics colleagues loves Zelda as much as I do. 

17. My cat Peachy. 

 
18. My boyfriend. I always said he was a good person but not always necessarily a good boyfriend. Now he’s both. I’m very lucky to have this man in my life, who loves me & drives me to be a better woman & partner. I know I gush a lot, but I love him very much, not just for how he treats me (most of the time), but because I have so much respect for him as a person. He’s a good man, with integrity. I’m a lucky person to have someone like him in my life, who is capable of growth, with a strong work ethic, is capable of intelligent conversation, is strong & witty & very brave. Someone who makes me feel like I can be myself, even when I’m being a bitch & he would never make me feel small or unloved. There isn’t anyone else I would want by my side in this crazy life, because even when he drives me nuts, I still want him around. 

19. The new Star Wars trailer. 

20. It’s almost time for Mockingjay part two. 

21.  Pecan tarts. 

22. My old Crossfit coach Lacey. Not only is she one of my fitness inspirations, but my middle daughter looks up to her & she continues to encourage her, even while so far away. 

23. The fact that I’m actually comfortable with my body & in my own skin. That’s rad.   

24. My teenage daughter is considered a good influence on her friends. 

25. Taylor Swift. Literally everything about Taylor Swift.   

26. Fall. Because basic white girl. 

27.  The amount of pretty lakes and trees I have found here in Alberta. 

28. Even though I care not for baseball, I love how the country is so excited about the playoffs. 

29.  Pikachu

30. There is a new Legend of Zelda game coming out!   

31. Boo Berry & Count Chocula is back!

32. My iPhone. 

33.  This song.   

34.  My 8yo made her sisters be quiet so I could sleep in on Sunday. 

35. Any interaction between my boyfriend & his daughter. 

36. Reruns of I Dream of Jeannie. 

37.  PENGUINS. ALWAYS PENGUINS.   

38. Vladimir Putin memes. 

39. My daughter’s love of the DIY network. 

40. The Weeknd Update

41. My bed. 

42. Halloween is coming! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS…  

43. Pizza. 

44. This list. 

45. Harry Potter. Finally reading it. It’s amazing. 

46. Good Samaritan stories. I love knowing that people are still good. 

47. Red lipstick. Aka the only shade of lipstick I wear.  

 

48. My 6yo needs 100 hugs a day. I’m okay with that. 

49. The Great Gatsby. 

50. The fact that you’re still reading this list. That’s so awesome!

That’s my list. I hope you can make a list of awesome stuff too, because everyone should have a lot of things that make you happy.