Since her dimwitted turn on her “reality” show Newlyweds, Jessica Simpson has been lampooned in the media for her questionable choices.
Rain
It seems like when it rains; it pours.
I’ve noticed almost all of the most important players in my world had their asses kicked by life over the last month. Life’s done a couple of rounds on me this last week as well. It’s almost like we’re in this together, when we’re happy, we’re all happy but when crap busts loose, it busts loose for everybody.
Part of Me
A year ago today I made the biggest decision of my adult life; I ended my marriage.
I’m not a “look back” sort of person; I’m not going that way. However, I couldn’t help but look at where I am right now as opposed to then.
He said I was worthless & wouldn’t last 10 minutes. I’ve been on my own for a year. Maybe I didn’t make the best choices every time or carry myself in the best way but every choice I made was mine and mine alone, with no fear of being called names or spat on.
I have an amazing group of friends who supported me & weren’t afraid to call me out when I was doing something dumb. I wouldn’t be the person I am without them, especially Drew. He was my cheerleader, therapist, companion & sounding board. He helped me see I was okay on my own & because of that I’m a better person for it. I can’t ever tell him enough how much I appreciate him. I found someone who wants me & my daughters because of who we are, not because of what we can give them.
A year ago, I wondered who I would be when I wasn’t a wife. Now I know; I’m Mary-Helen. I’m a mom. I’m a friend. I’m a girlfriend. I’m a writer. I’m a klutz. I sing too loudly with the radio & tell unfunny jokes. I apologize too much & I suck at math. I’m not perfect, I screw up, I irritate people but I’m well meaning & in the end, that’s what matters. That’s me & I think that’s pretty okay.
Mine
Arms Bumalang of AM 800 posed an interesting Facebook question this morning: would you be upset if your partner “checked out” an attractive person when you were with them?
One woman said she would break up with her boyfriend on sight, that he broke the trust, the end. Other responses were that looking is fine, it’s the touching that bothers them.
I generally don’t care. I’ve been called a flirt & I’m not ashamed to admit that I find Chris Hemsworth more than a little attractive. My boyfriend is also a shameless flirt & recently explained his plans to marry Sophia Bush. We laughed. I’m really not a jealous person. I won’t unless I have a reason to be. If you don’t give me a reason to feel threatened, I won’t. We both have a lot of friends that are of the opposite sex so when we started dating, we discussed what we considered acceptable & what was crossing a boundary. We were pretty much on the same page.
People are visual, they’re genetically predesigned to react to visual stimuli. To flip out when they do is asking a human being to deny what makes them human. To the women who claim their partner noticing a pretty girl is cheating, I ask this; do you practice what you preach? You never look at another man? Zack Efron didn’t make your stomach flutter? Do you expect him to only look at you while you ogle construction workers & celebrities? If so, then the issue is you, not your man.
I don’t care if my guy ogles Sophia Bush, Katie Holmes or the waitress. As long as he loves me for the things that actually matter in life, then we’re good.
Maybe I just expect very little, but I think that love means that you don’t expect something from your partner that you can’t give yourself. So, unless you can assuredly NEVER look (no, not even at the celeb you swooned over in high school), then don’t expect your partner to do the same.
Crash & Burn
It was the most terrifying moment of my high school life.
Marry You
Weddings. Ugh.
One of my best friends celebrated her one year anniversary this week. I visited her the day after their anniversary and she said to me, “It’s been a year, but I love that broad more than the day I married her.” I had to crack up at the sentiment.
The same day, my middle daughter looked at me @ the dinner table and asked “Mommy, will you and your boyfriend get married? Because I think you should.” I choked on my food.
This all comes on the heels of my friend Nikki (from MisterMamaSir) showing my beau the wedding invitations that she decided would be perfect for our wedding. (They are nice, check them out HERE) He seemed interested; I may have thrown up.
I’ve made no secret that I really don’t want to remarry (despite my beau saying that he thinks he could change my mind if he suddenly wanted to) but my happily married friend this week actually asked me WHY. My therapist asked the same question and I couldn’t actually provide an answer. I really didn’t know “why”, just that it seemed like a really horrible idea.
I’ve been married and I’m finalizing my divorce. I’ve always said I can’t say never, because the person who says never usually does it. However, the whole idea scares me. I can gladly picture my entire life with one person. I see no problem with the idea of spending my life with one person. I’ve talked about spending my life with one person and nobody needed to breathe into a bag. But mention marriage and I turn pale and hyperventilate.
I guess there should be a reason, right? It’s not just the idea of the legalities that closes off this idea to me. But the fact that I’m totally cool with someone telling me they want to spend the rest of their life with the girls and me is perfectly okay, just not the idea of the wedding and the insanity and the in laws and the fighting and stress of planning with no guarentees that it’s going to work out…of course there’s no guarentees that any relationship will work out.
I hate when I have to tell Drew he is right, but he is; I need to address my fear of matrimony…and my fear of geese. I’m not saying I want to get married now (or ever), but I think I do have to be more open to changing my mind about the subject (I’m not open to the idea of embracing geese though, those things are just evil). Much like other things within a relationship, when one firmly says “No dice” on something with no option of compromise, whether it’s something as small as dinner reservations to as large as kids and family, you’re closing off the ability to grow as a couple, or so the therapist keeps telling me. So, being more open to options and your partner’s wishes gives you the option to be more successful in your relationship. Things change all of the time and you need to be willing to change with it. If you really love someone and want to be with them, you have to evolve with them. If one of you continues to grow while the other remains static; the relationship fails.
So, while I currently have no desire to walk down another aisle or hug a goose, I have to be open to the idea that it may be something that I want someday. Who knows? Maybe I won’t and my partner won’t and we’ll be like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell and live in sin until we die, because that’s how we both want it, not because one is unwilling to consider any other option.
Not Like The Movies
It’s a very odd feeling and it will hit you like a ton of bricks the moment you’re least expecting it.
Perfect
My all time favourite morning show (89X Radio’s Dave and Chuck the Freak) had the results of a survey for “The Perfect Man”.
Some of them were really laughable (must be 6ft tall and like football) while some made sense (care when she’s upset). Of course the criteria for “perfect” is subjective so I’m not really sure how this survey works.
No More Secrets
Last week, my mother surprised me with an odd confession.
During a conversation about the summer & relatives & the like, she informed me that she had not told our extended family that I was finalizing my divorce out of concern of what my strict Roman Catholic family would think.
I Won’t Give Up
You know that feeling when everything is awesome & your world seems perfect & then something happens that makes it suck?
Yeah, that.
The Misadventures of MHC 