I’m afraid of lots of things.
I’m afraid that I’ll never fall in love again.
I’m afraid I’m not the best mom I can be.
I’m afraid I’ll never reach my fitness goals.
I’m afraid that I’ll never work in media again.
I’m claustrophobic, I’m afraid of mice & I’m not terribly fond of snakes. But my biggest fear is the most horrifying creature on Earth. The source of all terror. To demonstrate the most evil being alive, I shall post the photo that my friend Dawna made for me & posted on my Facebook.
Aside from my children that is.
Today I’m supposed to post a favourite photo of my best friend, but I couldn’t narrow it to just one. I have a group of awesome friends that I love.
Whether I’ve known them my entire life, or a few months, these are the people that have been there for me through good, bad, ugly, mopey, whiny, batsh*t crazy & everything in between. I’m lucky to call them friends. So, thanks amazing friends, for being you. I love you all lots & may have (for the purposes of this post) stolen your FB display photo because I don’t have a pic of you without my kids in it lol. ❤
What makes me happy? Everything!
It doesn’t take much to make me happy, as I pride myself on making myself happy every day. I couldn’t imagine living a life where tiny things, such as my favourite song coming on my iPod just when I wanted to hear it, or shopping, or something funny my daughter said didn’t make my whole day awesome. So, to compile a list of things that make me happy is actually quite easy. But, for the sake of not boring you, I’ll keep the list small.
1. My daughters. Duh. They’re my pride & joy, my source of happiness every day. Nothing brings me greater happiness than my girls.
2. Yoga. I love yoga. I love how it makes my body feel better, with less back pain. I love that it’s helping me lose weight. I love that I feel so rejuvenated after a good sweat session with Stratusphere Yoga. Even while I was house hunting, or ill, & couldn’t do a full workout, I still made time for twenty minutes of yoga poses. I even have yoga goals; like someday I’ll be able to do Crow pose properly & not just prep & I’ll do those preacher curls while in Flamingo. Yoga helps the body, mind & spirit.
3. Music. I love all music. I identify with so many songs & they take me back to snippets of time that make me happy. I couldn’t go a day without singing along with the radio or listening to my iPod. I love all music, from death metal to classical & I think it’s my second favourite non-parenting thing in the world.
4. Writing. Another duh. Never a day without a word was my former professor’s motto & I think I live that. I love to create & give my random ideas life. I love telling stories, recreating memories of concerts, sporting events, the first time you heard that song. It’s my passion & it’s everything to me. Writing is like oxygen to me. It makes me a better person, & once I’ve finished moving, I’ll have a byline again & I’ll be telling my stories again before you know it.
5. Edgar Allen Poe. My all time favourite author. I love his work so much. So much, that my favourite work by Poe is often a “How well do you know MH?” Staple. There’s just something about his macabre works that draw me in every time.
6. Tim Burton Films. I used to own his entire filmography until my ex husband pawned them all. My copy of Nightmare Before Christmas was all that survived (although I do have a copy of Edward Scissorhands as well). Jack is tattooed on my shoulder, he’s regularly my Facebook cover photo & even my phone’s lock screen. My all time favourite line from Nightmare was once a text tone on my phone, but I don’t use that one anymore.
That’s my short list of happy things. I hope you have a quality list too. Everyone deserves a list of awesome things that makes them happy, as everyone deserves to be happy every day.
I don’t think I have anything that truly annoys me, well aside from the standard dishonesty, abuse, etc.
I suppose all of mine are social media related.
1. People who display gross things to promote “awareness” on their Facebook page. It’s not helping, it’s freaking sick. No one needs to see a photo of someone’s black & gross frostbitten toes, or a blown up stomach, or someone’s lip half torn off. I read real news for that. I don’t need it on my Facebook news feed. Sharing that story didn’t make anyone more concerned about that health issue, it just made me & all of your other Facebook friends want to throw up.
2. Passive Aggressive Status Updates & Tweets. I love all of those status updates where someone is clearly pissed or upset with someone so they’ll use their status to talk about it rather than call that person. I’ve begun deleting people who do it. Same with subtweets. If you’re constantly crap talking a person & adding #subtweet, you’re clearly trapped in high school & that’s cool. But grown ups call people & work out issues. Try it sometime.
3. Social media narcissism. Yes, clearly I’m blogging about you, and my tweets are all about you & my Facebook status updates are all about you. Dollars to doughnuts there are at least three people who are looking at these thinking ” I can’t believe she’s calling me out like that,” & I’m rolling my eyes because it happens all of the time. Chances are, I am not talking about you. Just like that tweet wasn’t about her & Chris Hemsworth hasn’t proposed to me. Most people are likely not thinking about any one particular thing & just say random crap. The fact that you read into it because you’re desperate to be in someone’s thoughts 24/7 is cool & all, but they’re probably not talking about you. Makes you wonder how much you’re thinking about them to analyze them so much or if you engage in the first two.
Those are my big pet peeves. That and the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
Truthfully, I’ve only ever had one love; the written word.
I truthfully think I may die alone because I don’t think any man will truly understand how much I love what I do. I’ve never wanted to do anything else, I had no plan B. My half assed plan of law was a big fail because in the end, it’s all about my writing, my words. Men already take a backseat to my daughters, but that makes sense. I can’t see any man loving me enough to read every word I’ve written. I don’t think anyone will understand that I hate going days without writing something. I love this. I love my blog, I love that people read it. I love every word I’ve ever written. I would love a mate, but no man will ever take an interest in my work enough to get that this is my non-parenting everything.
I did have a person first love & that was my good friend The Gleason Table. We dated for maybe a minute (or a couple of months) & went to prom & have settled into a comfortable friendship. We talk about our families (he has a beautiful wife who compliments him in every way & two amazing kids), sports, life. He’s been an amazing support through every horrible & awesome thing that’s happened over the last fifteen or so years & I’m lucky to have him as a friend.
Maybe someday I’ll meet someone I love as much as writing, but I doubt it. This is my greatest passion, my heart’s desire & I know deep down, no man will ever understand enough to support my drive to be the greatest writer in the world, read my blog religiously, read my articles & take as much pride in my successes as I do. Maybe that’s why I’m so comfortable alone. I have my work. My words, my passion to make me feel whole.
I try to do one of these every year, because I think writing about a particular subject each day helps me improve as a writer but helps people who read this crap get to know me as a person better & relate to my world a little more.
I could go through the introduction, but this seems much easier, so click here.
Next, some interesting facts about me. Sadly, nothing about me is terribly interesting so you’ll just have to settle for random facts.
1. In December, I bought Silver Linings Playbook to watch on a night off. I still have not done that. Maybe because I so rarely have nights off.
2. In addition to my Branta canadensis specific ornithophobia, I’m claustrophobic & I’m not terribly cool with mice either.
3. I’m way too amused by the doge meme & I visit the doge weather site all of the time. Much obsessed. Very laugh. So funny. Wow.
4. I’m so conscious of how my choices affect my daughters because I know how my mom’s choices affected me. I don’t want them to feel “screwed up” like I do.
5. I carry my Certificate of Divorce in my purse because I worked so hard to get it & spent a small fortune, so I’m pretty proud.
6. I keep a pair of shorts beside my bedside table so I’ll be motivated to exercise in the morning.
7. I just completed a 30 day squat challenge & I’m on day two of an abs & core challenge. 30 days of arms is next.
8. Trish Stratus is my idol & I would literally buy anything she endorses, except the Maple Leafs. I use her yoga DVD & Fit Gloves every day, bought New Balance shoes for running in the spring & if I ever interviewed her, it would be worse than when I fangirled over Amanda Marshall. Interviewing Trish Stratus would be the greatest day of my career.
9. All of life’s woes can be cured with pancakes or pancake type food, like crepes.
10. I once bought myself a diamond ring for my birthday. I was supposed to get engaged that day and when it all went to Hell, I went out & bought my own as some kind of empowerment thing. I have since misplaced said diamond ring in my house somewhere. Don’t all propose @ once guys.
11. I was recently barred from the Caesars Windsor gaming floor for the night because I didn’t have a second piece of photo ID. I’m in my thirties.
12. I cry @ the end of Monsters Inc. Every. Single. Time.
13. My entire love life can be summed up in the chorus of the song Endlessly by Green River Ordinance or All too Well by Taylor Swift. That makes me sad. It also makes me realize that I need to get out more, work less & like better music (except GRO, they are bomb).
14. I called the last guy I went on a date with a pretentious fop. I was most excited that I got to use the word fop in a sentence.
15. I’m designing my seventh tattoo. Okay I outsourced it. Someone else is designing my seventh tattoo. I’m excited either way.
There you have it kids, 15 amazeballs facts about MHC. Sorry they aren’t really that interesting. I’ll try to be cooler next year.
I’m on this big self help kick lately, so let’s keep it going, shall we?
I was out for dinner with a friend who said, at our age (early to kid thirties), any long term relationship may be our last shot at love so we kind of gotta hold onto them. I disagree. I think everyone has a chance to find their one, whether they’re 21, 33, or 102. I refuse to define my life by my age. I can understand feeling the fear if you’re getting closer to the big 3-0 or 3-5 & you’re not married, not even close, or whatever. But, I can’t look @ my life that way. I need to think positively so positivity follows suit. I refuse to allow negativity or fear to penetrate my state of mind. Maybe that’s why I disagree. Who knows?
But I do know one thing I’ve learned is that to attract the right mate you have to be the right mate. You need to hack out the negativity , negative influences & focus on making yourself the most desirable person you can be for you as well as a mate. After all, you’re stuck with you forever, people can leave. So, I’ve been focused on making myself the type of person I want to be so the right type of person will appear in my life. Makes sense, right?
This is why I’m so focused on health, fitness, etc. It’s not just to show my daughters the right way, it’s to evolve into a person I love so others can love me. It doesn’t matter how many times the man in my life says “you’re not fat,” I THINK I AM FAT. I can keep making excuses for being overweight or I can do something about it. For twelve years I’ve said this is the year I’m going to get back to my pre-pregnancy body, and every year I’ve made excuses. No mas. I’m working harder than I ever have & I’m using the Facebook group my friend Yogi created for accountability. I will succeed this time. Once I can look in the mirror & think I’m beautiful, more people will see it.
But true beauty is on the inside too. This is the other reason I’m focused; exercise makes me not crazy. No more panic attacks. No more hyper focused & annoying MHC. I’m much more chill. I’ve often said the man who chooses to put up with me & my general kookiness deserves a medal, well, I need to change that mindset. I should think a guy is privileged to be with me, just like I see him. I will never be the easiest person to love , but I’m making it easier. However, if I make it seem like it’s a horrible challenge, then I’m sabotaging my own romances before they start. I need to look @ myself as a dating jackpot, the living Tal Bachman song, not a simpering moron. By doing this, I’ll attract people who see me this way.
By making myself into the person I want to be, I’ll attract the person that’s right for me. Maybe it won’t be until I’m 102. But I don’t believe there is a time limit on love. If it’s right; it’s right & it may not come easy. You may have to try again or you may be alone for a long time while you enjoy a relationship with the only person you truly can count on; yourself. Either way, it’ll happen if you remain optimistic & create the life you want for yourself. Then you’ll find the person who compliments it, & you’ll be truly happy.
(I understand this deviates a bit from my normal formula of self depreciating wit, I promise to bring it back tomorrow.)
Dear IOC, Major Television Networks & Corporate Sponsors,
Let me introduce myself. I am a 30 something single mom who lives in works in Canada. I’m not a celebrity, of anyone important by any stretch of the imagination. I have never won an Oscar or an Emmy & my only medal is a silver medal when my eighth grade class represented Thun, Switzerland in the bid for a pretend Winter Olympic Games.
I am, however, a huge supporter of the Olympic Games. Every four years, a school project was dedicated to an Olympic sport. I waited with baited breath & stayed up all night to see if you would let Ross Rebagliatti keep his gold medal. I stayed up all night to watch the Beijing Olympics live. I forced my then boyfriend to sit through events we had never heard of (Keirin? What?) & even saluted when the US teams won medals (even though I’m a proud Canadian). I have six pairs of those red mitts, stuffed mascots & books everywhere. I cry when Canadian athletes stand on the podium & stand for my anthem with pride. I love the Olympic Spirit…
…but I will not watch one moment of the Sochi games.
There are things in life that I love more than the Olympic spirit & those are my daughters, my family & human rights. I cannot in good faith celebrate a host nation that punishes people for loving whom they choose or people who support them.
I’ve read about the state-sanctioned corrective rape, the sickeningly high suicide rates & Vladmir Putin’s claims he’s defending “traditional family.” Fifty years ago, my family was not traditional. A single mother, that wasn’t a widow, working full time while building a career was unheard of! Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon would have been stoned in the street for their interracial marriage & children. Traditions change, families are redefined every day. Same sex families are every bit the new normal. I can’t imagine how anyone could look at photos of Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka with their children & not see a beautiful & loving family. Traditional is so subjective. BDSM isn’t traditional, is that banned? No Fifty Shades of Gray? Or is that okay because it’s heterosexual relations? But I digress.
As much as I love the Olympic spirit, I love people more. I love my LGBT family members & friends who would be forced to live a horrible life if they were in Russia. I love my daughters, whom I need to teach right from wrong & the Russian law is WRONG. I cannot support the spirit of the games when your host nation breaks human spirit every day. So , you can keep your games; I’ll watch reruns of Glee. I won’t be enjoying any sponsors during the games either. Sorry.
I know I’m a nobody. I’m not Lady Gaga or Stephen Fry or George Takei. I’m just one woman & I won’t affect your ratings or your games. But I’ve always taught my girls that one person has a voice & I am using mine to tell you that what you are doing is wrong. I’m also using it to implore all athletes to use their time to perform well & if they support LGBT families, use this chance to support them. Use the spirit of the games to support the human spirit, the greatest thing we as people have.
Sincerely, MHC
I wanted to kick off 2014 with a big announcement, so here goes;
I’m really freaking happy.
I feel the need to stress that there is nothing new or exciting about my life. Yes, I have a date with someone I’m really attracted to, but we all know what happens on my first dates hahaha. I do not have a new media gig, I do not have a house (but my trip at the end of the month should fix that). There is nothing new or different about my life. I’m happy because I choose to be.
Last July, when the Texan & I started the ASH Life, a multi authoured parenting blog, I had reached a really confusing point in my life. I had cut ties with people I saw as my best friends, but I didn’t miss them & felt like I should (I do miss one of them now, and hope they like their life & maybe someday we’ll apologize for being douchers & trash talk movies & be life mates again) & I was in the midst of dealing with a lump in my breast & other health issues & I wasn’t terribly happy. So, I started aggressively writing out my feelings & I felt better. When I was done & I got good news about the lump, I decided that I was going to make myself happy. The reason I wasn’t happy was because I wanted others to do what I did for them. I was tasking them with making me happy. It worked, but what one giveth, one taketh away. They would take my joy away & watch me crumble on the sidelines & feel powerful. So, I chose to make myself powerful.
I stopped blaming myself for why people are douchebags. I stopped trying to reconcile friendships or maintain them with toxic people. They would get in the middle of my interpersonal relationships or force their opinions on me & then get angry @ me for being in the middle or because I would fall to pieces because they dangled things in front like a carrot. They toyed with my emotions or were dishonest & those are their actions. I didn’t make you do it; you chose to. I slip up sometimes, but I had to stop internalizing the actions of others & feeling like I make people do bad things. People do bad things because they suck & I allow it. So, I stopped allowing. I stopped rationalizing people’s behaviour away & focused on my own. How am I treating people? Am I walking my walk? Am I the role model I want to be for my daughters? The answer was no. I was becoming a needy sad sack dependant on others for survival & draining, so I needed to check myself.
To check myself I focused on what I needed to do to be happy. People laughed @ my choice not to date, but I’m so glad I did it because I got to know myself. If I wanted to feel pretty, I had to tell myself I was pretty. When I was sick, I had to take care of myself. When I was sad, I had to cheer myself. I had to depend on myself, and the more I did it, the more I learned to like myself. I can’t expect someone to love me if I hate myself. This is what everyone does; we hope the love of another person will heal our past pain or fill the void of that rejection or mask that we hate ourselves & we destroy those who love us the most. I refuse to join that cycle so I went into my shell. But by going into the shell, I realized I was in a relationship. I was with myself & I need to cultivate that one.
I took care of myself & found joy in everything from my daughters to a great Christina Aguilera song (hail Queen Xtina). I stopped accepting responsibility for other’s actions and focused on accountability for my own. And one day, I realized I was truly happy. I said this on this blog once before, but the difference is that no man or beast has made me happy. I’ve chosen to make myself happy every day. Even if the day sucks, I’ll find something and no one can take this sunshine away, because I made it myself.
I hope each and every person reading this right now finds their own happiness. I stress your own, because even if you’re partnered or not, a parent or you have a cat , it’s YOUR job to bring yourself joy. Revel in that job. It’s the best one you’ll have.
Happy new year.
When my ex husband & I split up, I deleted all of his family from social media.
I had to block a few of them for referring to me as a “slut” when I moved on, but I always kept one cousin and a maternal aunt on my Facebook, mainly because they kept their opinions to themselves & focused on my photos of my girls. I now have a paternal uncle as well, mainly because I have tremendous respect for his political opinions (even if I don’t always agree).
The cousin has grown from a quirky teen in love with boy bands & devoted to the Red Wings into a beautiful wife (who is devoted to the Red Wings) & woman who is loyal to her friends, her family & most of all her husband. She LOVES her husband. Worships him. Her husband is her whole life. She can’t wait to start her family with him & 85% of her status updates are about her pride & love for a man who took a job that keeps him from home to support them.
…cue the haters.
She’s constantly called immature, childish, love should be private, etc. I used to talk more openly about my love life on Twitter, gushing when someone did something great, but I was still fairly private about the ins and outs. My blog is high level (sometimes). I’m not the super open person, call my girlfriends to over share about our sex life, kind of gal. But I will admit, I LOVE her shmoopy status updates. Why? Because she’s happy.
She’s a happy woman! She’s in love! She’s a newlywed! She wants to shout from the rooftops that she is over the moon happy about her marriage, her husband & his sacrifices for their family. Yes, you may want to puke in your mouth or it may not be how you live your life, but to belittle a woman for being happy proves what a miserable sad sack you are.
Another fine example is one of my dearest friends. She’s getting married in July to the love of her life. I was privileged enough to attend their engagement celebration last night & her Facebook & IG was littered with comments about her happiness, friends, family & the man who is to be her husband. Every one made me smile. She’s a beautiful person, inside & out & her fiancé is a warm & loving man, devoted to his bride to be. I wish for this for myself someday. But my heart burst with joy as my dear friend revelled in her happiness. Revel with her.
Whether you’ve been married for 10 minutes or 10 years, if it’s healthy, you’re going to sometimes want to gush about your mate. The Texan STILL gushes about her husband the Dentist once a week, because even though it’s been over 10 years, she’s in love like a Newlywed. It’s amazing; not immature.
If it’s not your thing, then do things your way. But if you can’t say something nice about someone saying someone nice, then say nothing at all. The comment box is a suggestion, not mandatory. Spread your misery on your own social networking & let others spread joy on theirs.
The Misadventures of MHC 