Category: Fitnesslicious

Fitnesslicious

Pieces

by maryhelenc, posted in Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me


I work dedicated afternoons, which means by the time my work day is over, it will eventually get dark. So, I like to sit by the Princess Patricia Light Infantry Fountain & enjoy nature & reflect on my day. It’s 15 minutes of my life that is all for me & I love it. I have music & fresh air & it’s just awesome.

I’m so grateful to live in a place where there are pretty rocks & trees & water all around me. Being around it helps me stay centred and focused. Sometimes I look around and think about how lucky I am to have such awesome stuff around me. I truly have an awesome existence. I have wonderful kids. I have amazing friends. They are supportive people who build me up & want me to succeed. They ask about my fitness goals. They’re with me when everything falls apart. I’m even slowly kind of reconnecting with an old friend through my friend Yogi’s Squatties team. She’s done amazing things & I am beyond proud of her. The Squatties are rad. Women building up other women to achieve goals. It’s pretty amazing. I have a job that keeps me fed & clothed.  I have an amazing writing career that only continues to grow. I get to meet amazing people and share their stories with the whole world!  I have pretty places to go running & a crossfit gym. I’m also like, super pretty.  All happy things. 


I think that’s where many of us miss out when it comes to life. It’s not about having the most rad life; it’s about making your life the most awesome. How can you look at life & not be blown away by all the things you’re blessed to have?! Whether it’s family, a good friend, a job, a roof over your head, or you really like the show Bojack Horseman, there’s gotta be something in your life that makes you smile! If not, I feel so sorry for you. Too often people discard people because they see them as objects. They expect others to make them happy. But they don’t want to be happy & want to drag everyone else down into their misery. They can’t find joy because they aren’t a whole person. Then they project their own desire to make someone else, their job, their kids their reason for happiness onto others. Pathetic really. I can’t help but pity them. My therapist told me that I was wise because I have always found ways to love who I am. I  happy because I choose to be. No person or thing can take something that comes from my deliberate choice to find something to smile about every day. 

But that’s been the focus of my life these past few years. I want to be a whole person, a happy person, and someone I’m proud of. I have no holes that need to be filled by a person, job title, etc. If I have a goal, I’ll achieve it. If I want something, I’ll buy it. I am in control of my life, my future & I choose to carry myself from a position of strength, Grace, class & dignity. But most importantly, I want to look in the mirror and like me. I always tell people that you should carry yourself like you’re the prettiest girl at the party, because you should think you’re the prettiest girl at the party (boys, you can be pretty too). Love yourself. Once you do, you can see how amazing everything around you is.

Find a way to love yourself. I write myself messages on my bathroom mirror when I feel down to motivate me. Why? Because then it’s a matter of me driving me. Right now it’s my BFF Erica’s favourite quote from her favourite show. I see it every morning & go do my kick ass thing. And it kicks ass. I opted go to therapy to be stronger. My therapist told me I already was. I just needed reminding. So I remind myself. I see no shame in counselling. I wanted to evolve. So I took steps to evolve & I am proud of my continued metamorphosis. 


Every single night, I’m once again reminded that I am fortunate enough to live in a world where I get to sit by the lake every night, go home to my family, and if I’m lucky enough to wake up the next day, do it all over again. Because everything about my life is beautiful, because I built it myself, for me, my way.

Just Like Fire

by maryhelenc, posted in Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

Ever since I moved out here, I’ve had well wishing friends asking me when I’m going to come home, back to Windsor or London, with them, where I belong. 

The short answer; never. 

I bought a drill this week. I’m going to hang curtains on my day off. This isn’t my permanent home, I intend to find another house when my lease is up next January, but for now, it’s where I live. I’m going to make it cozy & mine. It’ll be nice. I’m back into running, and it’s still horrible, but the scenery is lovely. And I’m back at crossfit & my hips hurt so much less. I make time for lakefront yoga. You can’t ask for better than that. 

 

If you ever need to find me, check my Instagram. I am probably here @ Beaumaris Lake
 
And I’m not sure what my future holds yet. I don’t really like to think long term, when I do, it blows up in my face. Some people, myself included, cannot handle thinking of the future. For all I know, I’ll end up in Iceland writing for some Icelandic magazine. But I’m teaching my girls to be fearless in pursuit of their goals & to work hard & trust their instincts. I’m doing well as a writer here. I do well at my job. I’ve made some awesome friends. My 9yo has an army of bunnies. The kids are thriving & we are enjoying our lives. 

  
But this is the first spring that I’m not planning to uproot my life. Maybe that’s a good thing. I kept running away from something & the universe kept saying “No!” I thought about running home to the safety of Melissa & Doug & familiar, but I’m not really that person. I’m the person who would rather face the scary new challenge than run away. I ran twice & it backfired twice. Maybe it’s time I accept that the universe has a plan for me & I’ll just let it play out. I’m sure it’s probably really rad. Maybe it involves marrying Seth Rollins. 

  
Recently, I was put in a really crappy situation, but instead of crying and moping or running away like a pussbag little bitch & ignoring the problem, I turned it into a positive. My family is better for it. Struggles are not about crying. They are opportunities to be better, do better. I pity the people who cannot see hard times as a chance to evolve & just bail (or lay down & wallow in self pity & blame your depression). You are denying yourself a chance to be the best version of yourself & you end up disappointing yourself & everyone else & stuck wishing you could take it back & hounding their best friend to try to apologize to the party you’ve wronged like a coward. You’ve denied yourself the best part of you & shown them how much better they deserve. The good thing about meeting challenges head on is you have no regret; you know you tried. I refuse to live like a coward, full of regrets. I’m going to grow & become amazing & be the woman I’m meant to be. 

  
I have no time to waste waiting for opportunities or anything else to knock on my door. I kick doors down. I don’t take scraps; I deserve the best life has to offer, the same best I give out. As my girl Brie Bella says, I run it, I rule it & ill make my own happiness out of nothing because I can. 

   
Yes, the fall & winter were a struggle. But part of forging your own path means that sometimes you’ll trip over a root. There is no well worn ground for me to follow. I’m hacking through the branches & finding my way on my own. But at least I can say my journey is mine. It’s not a path someone made for me or the socially accepted life that was dictated to me. I am living for me & teaching my girls to forge their own paths & not follow the herd. They will be strong & fearless warriors & I’m so proud to watch them emerge as strong women. Never be afraid when there is no path. It’s your chance to create one & build the life you deserve. 

  

Never Ending

by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

About 2.5 months ago, something happened that changed my life a little bit. I’ve addressed it briefly in bits & pieces, but now it’s time to discuss the elephant in the room. 

I have arthritis & I’ve fallen off the fitness wagon. Completely. 

The gym used to be part of my every day life. Now it’s sporadic at best. I haven’t been in almost a month. The holidays & commute threw me off & now it’s fear. Fear of damaging my hips further. Fear of injury. Fear of crossfit. But part of who I am is fitness. I gained 15lbs at my old store. And it’s bothered me. The new gym hasn’t been as welcoming as WLCF. It’s cold & running in the cold scares me. I’ve got a ton of excuses, but not enough motivation. And working near the chips isn’t helping. I asked my friend to send me a pic of his disapproving face to help me get back on track. 

  
I’ve been so mad at my body for betraying me. I’m good to it! I feed it kale! I exercise, cut out most processed junk, etc. Of course, that’s been for two years. Most of my adult life was eating shit food & wondering why I was depressed. Lack of exercise & lots of junk food. Our bodies crave real food, not chemicals, soda & alcohol. The more we put this in our bodies, the sicker & more depressed we get. I’ve felt like shit because I’m eating like shit. So, imma gonna stop eating like shit. I need to stop being afraid of pain and go through it so my hips will get stronger & hurt less. I’ve never been afraid of anything. But permanent injury freaks me out. Who will work? Who will raise the girls? It’s us vs. the World. 

  
So I flipped the script. Who’s gonna take care of the girls if I have a heart attack because of Doritos? Who’s gonna work if my hips get so sore that I can’t stand? Who’s gonna take care of me if I don’t? You’ve gotta love yourself to do the right things for your body. To be a good parent, you’ve gotta set the right examples. So I’m gonna get up and go to the gym. I’m gonna go running (you can view my results on Twitter lol). I’m gonna eat kale. And my body will thank me. 

  

Welcome to the Show

by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Current Events, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me

It’s been a weird few weeks. 

I haven’t really felt like blogging. I’ve been writing, as I’ve been working hard at the magazine as I AM GETTING ASSIGNED STORIES AGAIN! But I didn’t feel like blogging. I even pulled the app from my phone for a bit. I’m all about being more selective about what I share with people. Even my close friends aren’t learning as much about my life. I guess I’m internalizing a bit. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think there are people who use my blog to figure out my mood, etc. instead of actually communicating with me & I’m kind of over that. But I really wanted to share this tale of how strong women inspire strong women & maybe it’ll motivate other strong women. 

But I’m losing the plot a little bit. Hold on, let me back up the train a bit. 

  

This week, my girls were talking about heroes & women who inspire them. I’m always interested to see who catches their attention & motivates them. For my oldest daughter, it was Sasha Banks. 

  
My teen daughter has made it no secret that she wants to become the youngest WWE  Women’s Champion in history. She’s also been told by her father, grandfather, and maternal grandmother that she can’t. She’s lazy. She’s selfish. Spoiled. So she’ll never make it. However, she keeps on training. Working on her athletics in gym & her theatrics in drama class so she can become that girl that has her moment. I always remind her that for every AJ Lee & Sasha Banks, there are hundreds of little girls that didn’t make it, so she’s gotta put in the work Sasha & AJ did. I tell her that she’s capable and while I fully intend to be at ringside when she wins that title, it’s always good to have a university education in case of injury. Last week, Sasha Banks showcased her Wrestlemania Diary, where she revealed a journal where 10 year old Mercedes (Sasha’s real name) wrote about her dreams to become the WWE Women’s Champion. Last Sunday, my eldest child, decked out in her Legit Boss gear, got teary when the opening notes of her favourite’s music hit and as Sasha Banks got her moment, she said “Sasha did it, and in a few years, that’ll be me.”

  
Regardless of the outcome of the match (which pissed off every one of my kids), Sasha Banks inspired many little girls who are told that they can’t, like my daughter, so she should be proud of what she accomplished. Much like little Mercedes looked up to her heroes, in a few years, my daughter will describe how Sasha Banks walking to the ring helped inspire her. That’s gotta be amazing. 

Later this week, I introduced my daughters to THE GREATEST CINEMATIC EPIC OF OUR TIME; Legally Blonde. My 9 year old, whom we call the Overlord called me at work to tell me;

“MOMMY. ELLE AND THE DOGGY SAVED THE LADY AND WON THE CASE AND SHE DID IT ALL BY HERSELF AND THEN TOLD THE JERK BOY TO GO SCREW HIMSELF. SHE IS AWESOME.”

I take flack for loving Elle as much as I do, but she’s pretty bad ass. She got into Harvard Law all by herself. And she became a lawyer all by herself. She didn’t hold it against Vivian that they fought for the same guy, because he didn’t deserve either of them. And Elle just wanted to make the world better for people. She kind of rules. The Overlord kind of wants to be a lawyer…and I need to watch my language, as screw yourself shouldn’t be in a kid’s vocabulary. 

  

 And my youngest daughter told me this week that I’m her hero. Because Mommy writes for a magazine & moved to a Cow Province to be the best writer & sells phones & works hard & gives hugs & takes her to Zootopia & does crossfit & I would never blow up her planet like Darth Vader blew up Princess Leia’s planet. It was kind of cool.

  
But it reminded me why I need to make sure that I’m being my best self every single day, as there are little people who are watching me. Little people watch how you treat people, how you carry yourself, how hard you work & emulate you. While its great that Sasha Banks & Elle Woods inspire my kids to become champions & dog toting lawyers, I’m the one they see every day. I need to be the bad ass woman that conquers the planet, works hard, and treats people well. I’m the one who will teach them what kind of woman they want to be. I don’t want them to be like me; they will accomplish far more than I will, but my character sets that blueprint. I need to make it a good one. 

  
So, the lesson here is, never be afraid to be the best version of you. You never know who is watching.

  

My House

by maryhelenc, posted in Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me

Since my beloved Target Mobile closed last year, I’ve been pretty cavalier about jobs. I’m always like “meh, I’ll get a new one,” the minute I don’t like it. 

However, I have to say that I love my current job, even if it initially did wreak havoc on my life. 

I’m fortunate to work in a field that is essentially recession proof. While journalism is increasingly becoming Buzzfeed & Vice; a millennial’s world (so I was told at my last interview), I learned a long time ago that as long as I had a platform to write, an option to be published & a way to support my family, I’d be good. So, I took a job to support my family that in hindsight was the best & worst decision I’ve ever made. 

The commute made me tired. My days off were spent sleeping. My trips to crossfit were rare & while the infections in my kidneys healed, the arthritis in my hips is a reality. Crossfit helps keep the pain in check, and when one’s day job requires me to stand for 8 hours & then ride a bus for two, pain free is important. I never saw my kids. My editor stopped assigning me stories because I never had time. I was burned out. So, I called my boss & said I wanted out of that store or out of the company. I wanted my life back to the way it was & this was too much. This job wasn’t worth what I was losing; my kids only get one childhood, I only get one body. I couldn’t neglect either anymore. 

But I am fortunate to work in a job that cares about their employees. Instead of letting me quit, they moved me closer to home. Now, I like going to work, mostly because I’m not worn out before I get there. I worked with amazing people, but I was just so tired & sick & felt under a microscope. But if you work hard for people, they will work for you. I worked hard at my job. I was on time. I got rave reviews from customers. My VP was impressed with my commitment to my job. My performance review was positive, and our dealer reps often recommend that I try to transition into their corporate brand stores because I take the time to learn about the brand & their core values. I’m grateful to be in a company that sees me as more than a number. I’m a human with kids & a life & feelings. And by putting employees first, I felt valuable, which is why I liked working at Target Mobile in the first place! My boss took the time to get to know us. He knew my kids names. He knew my coffee order. He knew that I loved video games. He knew us as people, not stats. My current employer knows that to keep employees, you have to make them feel valuable. So, I went from a woman who was “meh, I’ll get a new job if I hate it,” to someone committed to being as successful as possible. 

 
The change has made me so content. I get up with my girls & send them to school. I go to the gym. I work my shift, sell phones, make money (& the people watching is better than TV!), then go home to read my youngest her stories. I play video games with with my nine year old. My teen daughter tells me about her day. I watch TV with them. We spend my days off actually doing stuff. I shop articles to various magazines. I’m kind of a free agent & that’s not a bad thing. Since my divorce, it’s been long commutes, working long hours, two jobs, all to support my girls. Now, for the first time ever, I get to feel like a hands on mom as well. No matter what else happens in my life, this move, my current life, it’s all good because I’m getting to be the mom I always wanted to be; one that is present and available. It’s been so awesome to see how they’ve thrived here. My teen daughter is a school leader, one her teachers praise for her academic & social skills. My once painfully shy middle child is now a social butterfly, with friends and birthday parties & fun. And my six year old actually listens to her teacher, is more affectionate & happy to learn. They love it here, so I am happy. 

Life isn’t perfect; there are a couple of things that aren’t there, but I managed to take a situation that was negative & make it work for me & my family. Old MH would have cried & fallen apart. New MH worked to find a solution & I am proud of my continued growth as a person to becoming the strong, powerful person I’m meant to be. 

   

Make You Smile

by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Current Events, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Sometimes I realize how ill equipped I am to handle stress in this province of cows. 

For the last two months, all of the things I came to use to overcome stress weren’t there. You can’t sit amongst nature when it’s nuclear winter. You can’t go to the gym & lift heavy when you can’t support your weight on one leg. I felt under a microscope at work. My identity was that I was someone else’s. I sometimes felt like I worked, raised the girls & slept. I want to do so much more than work, pay bills & sleep. I want to be a role model to my girls. I want to be a good friend. I want to be a capable partner who stands on her own two feet, and that my person can see that I want a life of my own, in charge of my own life, not just to be theirs, as that’s never what I want. I want to be physically & mentally strong. Without my normal stress relievers, I felt like I was burning out. 

  
So, I talked to my friend Gleason, who reminded me of how good meditation can feel. I remember it for awhile, and then forget. Thanks to Sarah, I’ve discovered some great new music (Elle King!). And I even bought one of those adult colouring books. I laughed at them, but they do a lot to relieve stress. And of course, writing. Lately, I’ve worried about people reading too much into my blogging. I write whatever I’m thinking in the hopes to give myself clarity, not necessarily “this is what I want right now.” I just know I struggle with asserting myself, and with anything deep, so I write to avoid over thinking and self sabotage. But maybe I need to stop baring my soul so much. Maybe I need to be more guarded about my feelings. Maybe I need to stop assuming that people care when I open up & get personal with them. 

Maybe I need to stop talking about that. 

 

I am WAY too invested in Harry Potter.

In the end, I need to focus on dealing with my own stress levels & get through it on my own, for me. I chose to move away from my support system. I can’t rely on them. I need to remember who I am. I am a bad ass. Tomorrow is my first trip back to the gym after two months. It’ll be intimidating, and exciting. I got a chance to enjoy nature for the first time in forever. It was so nice to just have me, my music & fresh air. And if I get stressed at home, I’ll colour. I’ll work at work & continue to do well. All good things. And once again, I’ll feel like I’m kicking ass & taking names & setting a good example for the little ones that look up to me, which is what I want most in life.  I love them & I want to set a better example for them. I want to grow because I love myself & want to evolve for me. For the first time in awhile, I’m focusing on my own needs so I can be a better woman. Sometimes I give so much to my girls & the people I love & my mom & my brother that I forget about me. I need to remember to nuture myself. 

  
Part of adapting to a new life is learning that I can’t do things the old ways all of the time. I can’t always get around trees or lift heavy things. I may not always have friends to talk to. I’ve got to adapt. So, I’ve been learning to adapt & find ways to be a better mom, writer, friend, partner, and woman. Because that’s what life should be about; getting better, learning to be better, and treating people better. That’s all I want for myself; to set a better example & love better. 

  

Let’s Get Lost

by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Fitnesslicious, Life, My New Life As Me

This has been a great week. 

I met my company’s Vice President & he was very impressed with my abilities, my performance. My District Manager told me that my warm, bubbly personality was a hit with customers. That she got rave reviews from my manager before she left. I was a huge asset to the company. I was so proud. I work really hard & it was nice to know that my company sees that. I love my job. I like my electronics team. I’m proud of how hard I work. It means a lot to me that they are impressed by my performance. 

The fox says buy phones from me

I also went to my follow up appointment and aside from some swelling in my kidney, the inflammation in my hips has gone down & the infections are cleared. While my hips are developing arthritis, I can still train & have a normal life. All of that resting & medication that made me anxious & nauseous finally worked! I’ve also received the formal go ahead to return to crossfit, as long as I start slow! I’m so excited about this. Crossfit is a huge part of my life, so not having it has been brutal. Getting back into the Crossfit community is going to be awesome. I’m excited. When I got the call on Wednesday about needing to go in for an ultrasound (after having had Xrays) & more tests, I left work early in tears. I’ve been so afraid of what might happen that I cried at work. It was pathetic. But I’m a single mom; sick time is not a thing. I was afraid for my budget, my income, would my company understand? But now that I’m finally recovering, I can focus on health & happy. I won a massage gift card at work, so I’ll be doing that next week too. I feel like I’ve earned a me day. 

My mom is getting her ID (I’m paying for it) and she’s getting ready to move out. I’m a little scared about money, but I’ll figure it out. We won’t starve. Maybe luxury items will be fewer, but we won’t starve. I’m sure I can afford this house on my own. If not, I’ll downsize in the summer. But I’m excited to have a positive home once more.

And finally, my cousin George sent me the first pic of my dad that I’ve had since he died. It means a lot to me that I can have this in my home. My dad was so special to me, so I can finally show my daughters who he was, as well as talk about who he was. 

 

My handsome hero, my Daddy
 
It’s funny how last week I was worried about my health & scared & this week I’m getting praised by my employer & getting good news about my health. That’s the joy about dark times. They’re temporary. In the end, there is only good. It’ll be nice to get back into that routine, doing things I like, that make me a better person. 

I always strive to be a better person. I want to treat people better. Love more.  Work harder. Be nicer. Do good for others. I don’t ever want to not be that person. Sometimes, I need someone to be that person for me, & I’m so lucky that my three best friends are always there for me when the chips are down, even 2000 miles away & I love them.  Thanks for being rad. 

 

Aren’t my friends adorbs?
 
The important thing is that tough weeks don’t last, tough people do. And I’m pretty tough (except for my left kidney. It’s still pretty vulrenable). So, I’ll keep working hard and making the bosses proud. I’ll keep working to stay healthy. And I’ll keep thinking everyone has it in them to be a good person & that life is always beautiful. 

   

No Filter

by maryhelenc, posted in Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships

Yesterday was the best day I’ve had in recent memory. 

I have been writing professionally for nine years. During that time the universe has blessed me with some amazing opportunities. But yesterday, I got to bring my daughters with me while I was working. We covered a trade show for female gamers at a comic book store. They weren’t interested in what Mommy does. They bough trinkets for themselves, a Captain America ornament for our tree, played chess & drooled over the Brie & Nikki Bella Pop Vinyls their collection desperately need. 

  
 
We then went out to my full time workplace in the hunt for Xmas decorations @ their behest. I feigned annoyance, but I was secretly delighted that they wanted to meet my coworkers. During the Target Mobile days, they often came to visit me at work & I would live for the days that I could show off my beautiful, witty & funny children. I think they missed that too & enjoyed that brief return to the normalcy we were used to. 

Lately, I’ve been so exhausted & burned out from the commute, the job itself (retail @ Xmas is taxing), and the lack of free time to focus on my girls, the gym & journalism that I’ve just been overwhelmed. I’m starting to feel like I can provide for them or be there for them & I want to be both. So, it was awesome to be able to integrate them into my work life a little bit. 

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a failure as a mom. I’ve been a single mom for five years & I still haven’t found that work/life balance? Then I find myself thinking maybe there isn’t one. Maybe it’s about rolling with punches & changing the dynamic as the needs of the house change & just doing the best that you can. Maybe it’s just about teaching them how to be responsible adults by being one & devoting as much time as you can. Maybe that’s all I can do & by doing that, I’m still the mother I want to be. 

This past year, I’ve scaled down the material items & focused on being present. I’ve made more of a point to enjoy their interests & encourage them to pursue them. Get to know their friends. Sometimes I’m the mean mom who says no to the beloved material item that they think that they need (like the giant plush fox or the aforementioned Pop Vinyls), which used to make me feel guilty, but now I know that I can’t make up for having to work with stuff. I can give them the time that they need to do stuff that they want, even if it’s travel to work on a Sunday to find a wreath that they might like or embracing the power of positivity with the New Day because they just want me to watch TV with them…or throwing a birthday party for the cat. 

  
All weekend, I’ve beaten myself up for everything from Xmas shopping later than usual to taking a Walmart cashier’s comment about expecting my daughter to do the laundry personally & her doing her own laundry meant I failed as a mom. But I’m not failing. I’m doing the best that I can for my family, while still making them the priority & trying to be a role model. Our bills are paid, we have a warm home. They’re doing well in school. And every day we’re learning how to make our family better. So, I think we’re doing okay. 

  
 

Confident

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

Every once in awhile, I read a news story online & it really grinds my gears. 

  
Over the weekend, Ayesha Curry, wife of NBA star Stephen Curry (and more importantly, mom of viral video sensation Riley Curry) took to Twitter to lament about women’s fashion, saying she preferred to “keep it classy” & women should “keep the good stuff covered up.”

  
Naturally, the Internet exploded, with women attacking Mrs. Curry for her opinion, prompting model Chrissy Teigan & Khloe Kardashian to rush to her defense. While I don’t think verbally assaulting Mrs. Curry was the best way to go, it once again introduces the conversation about why women (& men!) think it is perfectly acceptable to tell women what to wear. 

I’m going to be super up front; I wear whatever the eff I want. Unless I am at work, I have tops that show cleavage & after I lose that last 30lbs I’m needing to drop, I am going to wear short shorts. I’ve read all the articles that women over 30 shouldn’t wear such things but too bad, random blogger, I’m going to wear whatever I want. I earn my money, I buy my clothes, I’ll wear what I want. As the mom of three daughters, I teach them about time & place. Cut off shorts are not for school. Tank tops with spaghetti straps are not for work. The list goes on. I pick my battles with my teen daughter so she knows while it’s important to express ourselves with our clothes, we also need to be mindful of age appropriate (she’s 14) & school/work appropriate. But it drives me nuts that women are taught that we choose our clothes to impress men or appease women. I don’t choose my clothing to impress my boyfriend. He best be impressed by my mind, my tenacity, who I am. How I look should be a bonus. 

  
 But Mrs. Curry furthered the belief that women have the right to tell other women what to wear like it’s any of their business. You know who you are, the ones who yell at the girl in the mini skirt to put her vagina away, or post the memes about keeping your bits & pieces covered. Why does it matter to you? If that’s not your personal style, don’t wear it. Maybe they like feeling sexy without relying on a man to tell them. Why is it that women are told to dress to impress men, but not offend women. No one would tell a man walking down the street to keep his tits covered. No, when he strips down, it’s hot! Much like when Miley Cyrus was vilified for posing topless, but Nick Jonas praised for posing hugging his junk, women need to stop trying to control other women’s bodies and ordering them to fall in line with their level of morality. 

One’s clothing does not measure their level of class. I have friends who dress in a way that flaunts their figure that carry themselves with more dignity than those who tell them to cover up. Class is how you treat others, how you carry yourself. Instead of worrying about how that woman in the miniskirt is dressed, maybe think about what you’re putting out there. Have you helped others? Have you been kind? Have you been judgmental or rude? Do you use profanity (something I’m VERY guilty of)? Are you carrying yourself in a way that you want your children to emulate? Because none of those values are determined by a hemline. 

I wonder how Mrs. Curry would feel if people told her how to dress her young daughters, or if she was upset when strangers weighed in on her parenting when she taught Riley how to do the “whip, nae nae” dance earlier this year. She was probably very upset and thought people should think before they speak. Maybe she can do the same next time she feels the need to degrade her fellow women & focus on building each other up, not tearing down by equating clothing with character. 

  

Hello

by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Current Events, Dear Blank, Fitnesslicious, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Social Media

I think I’m finally starting to settle into my life. 

I’ve decided to make the next focus of my life here to establish a set of friends, more of my own interests & a continued focus on the interests I do have. Crossfit. I’ve started reading, something I used to really enjoy until my ex husband mocked my book choices (while my favourites are classics & The Hunger Games, I often favour VC Andrews style brain trash. However, I’m currently reading Harry Potter). My oldest friend Gleason has suggested meditation & I am enjoying it. I’m doing yoga again.  Sometimes I worry that almost every aspect of my life here revolves around my mate. I must stress how absolutely grateful I am that he was here for me during my transition to Alberta. He has been so supportive. But he’s often my only adult companion. He & I now work in the same building. I do not ever want him to see me as someone he needs to take care of or protect. It’s important to me to keep our relationship, myself & him healthy, which means maintaining separate interests, giving ourselves some space sometimes, etc. I cannot stress how much I fear being dependent on anyone, so I really need to maintain my own identity, and allow him his. This doesn’t mean that I’m not in love & excited for our future, but I always want us to be equals. The best way to do that is to continue to build a strong life for myself & my girls, so that I will always feel like I am doing my best to be my best. I think you should allow yourself time to miss each other sometimes. And, if the two of you are capable of building lives for yourselves, imagine how strong the foundation will be when you start joining them together! 

Also, it’s important for me to start building relationships & a life here. It’s important that I start forging ahead & making this place home. So, I’m doing that. There is nothing wrong with focusing on oneself. I always want to try and learn how to be better, more loving, kinder, treat people better. I want to always be somehow better than I was yesterday, while I get comfortable in my own skin. Most importantly, I am the mother of daughters. I want to teach them that women are strong and capable of doing anything. I want them to see that you can be an independent bad ass, and even when you’re with someone, a good man will support your desire to do well, not hinder you.  But as I focus on making this place home, I’ve noticed I’m becoming a lot more comfortable allowing people into my personal life. I’m comfortable with him interacting with my closest friends (Erica is so happy to have someone to sports with, as I don’t sports), I’m comfortable with photos (but very few) on my social media (thanks to some friends asking my best friend at work about my love life).  I’m slowly letting the walls I built up so high for so long down…

…this is lies. They didn’t come down slowly. They crashed to the ground. 

The past two weeks were the first time in years that I was suddenly without walls. Everyone knew me before I met them. All of my nervous talking too much or just plain idiocy couldn’t be hidden because I was a faceless new person. And EVERYONE knew everything about me; how many kids I have, who I date, when I moved here, my journalism career & I felt very naked & exposed & just plain terrified.  I wanted my walls back. I wanted the safety they bring. But they were gone. I had spent years making sure that all anyone knew about me was parenting, fitness & cell phones. I maintained a very detached personality. People didn’t know about my personal life, my feelings, anything but I had kids, went to the gym & hated geese. But nope. All gone. And that scared me so much.  But after the panic, I felt…okay. Better than okay. I felt pretty awesome. I wasn’t really afraid of anything; losing, being left alone. It was more of a “this is my life now, so let’s keep making it work for me.” I felt confident about things I hadn’t felt confident about in years. Perhaps the fear that holds me back from truly being happy was trapped in the walls that I built to “protect myself” from pain. I still won’t invite people into my relationship, as there isn’t room for you with the kids & penguins and such, but if you ask, I won’t change the subject anymore. I’m going to start letting (select) people in. But vampires still can’t come in. They aren’t invited. 

I guess the lesson here is when you build walls to keep from getting hurt, you keep all the horrible feelings inside. The hurt, the mistrust, the fear. You also make it impossible for anyone to love you, as no one should have to work to tear those walls down. Eventually, they’ll feel like they’ll never get through to you & give up. By letting them go, I feel more confident about my future than I ever have & it’s really nice to no longer have that nagging feeling that it’s all going to go away. 

And somewhere, Erica is saying she told me so. Whatever.