It’s not a super exciting thing, but for those who know me well, it’ll be a funny story. And you’ll probably giggle a bit.
In case you’re new to the wonderful world of ASH Multimedia, let me bring you up to speed. I used to be really fat. Now, I am 92lbs lighter (as I lost the last of that pesky 15lbs I gained during my commute from Hell) & I have 43lbs left to reach my goal weight. I’ve worked super hard to get healthy. Part of that includes running. I effing HATE running. I have dedicated many a blog post to my hatred of running. But, combined with Crossfit, it helps me reach my goals. I want to be healthy, in shape, set a good example for my girls. But running is still stupid.
Every other day, I go for my morning run around the lake near my house. But I never actually make it because the harbingers of doom are always hanging out. You know, GEESE.
Again, if you’re new, let me catch you up; geese are the absolute fucking worst. WORST. They’re evil & scary & will likely murder me. If you follow me on Instagram, you will have watched my epic boss battle with Satan’s unholy army (which can be found here & here). You can actually pinpoint on my Runkeeper Go maps EXACTLY when I encountered these evil creatures because it’s where I turn around in terror.
See?
Well, I’ve made it my personal mission to actually run all the way around the lake & not “run until Honky McTerrorface & his evil family appear.” So, like every other morning, I got up, did my yoga & went running. All was well until…you guessed it. GEESE.
Fortunately, our evil feathered creatures of death were distracted by a elderly man taking photos of them, for what I can only assume is a coffee table book called “The most evil monsters known to mankind.” I sped up, fearing for my personal safety, assuming I’d be one of those people who gets chased or murdered by the unholy spawn of Satan & all that would be left of me would be a plaque with my face while people gathered around it feeding bread to the mother fucking geese, having learned nothing from the tragedy. However, Satan’s minions were excited for their Snapchat debut (they dig filters I guess. Unrelated side note; I reactivated my Snapchat at work this week. It lasted maybe 10 minutes before I decided it was the stupidest & deleted it again. I didn’t even send a snap to my favourite Snapchat friend because I’m an asshole) & ignored me…& I finished my run & finally made it all the way around the lake.
This might seem like a stupid story, mostly because it totally is. But it’s fun & not everything needs to be some metaphor for some deeper lesson. I wanted to reach my little goal more than I wanted to be afraid of the goose. So I was. By achieving this mini goal, it helps me stay on course to achieve my next fitness goal (regain all of my crossfit strength & set a back squat PR# of 150 by year’s end). Every time I achieve a little goal, I can accomplish more until my fitness goals are about getting stronger & maintaining & not losing weight. It’ll be nice. But to do that, sometimes I’ve gotta do unpleasant things, like risk being murdered by geese…
Do you know how much easier it is to go to your job when you know you only have to go 11 more times?!
Seriously. Super awesome. I’m like “let’s hit this target guys so I can get out of here!” I MAY be excited to start my new job. I am so grateful for the opportunities that this gig has afforded me, but it’s time to move on and I’m REALLY excited to move on. Haha. However, this is not my old universe, so I’ll have to remember some very important managerial rules;
I am not friends with my boss, so I can no longer say bitch on conference calls…unless of course, I become friends with him and find it is socially acceptable to use the word bitch in conference calls. I probably should limit my use of the word bitch in my store. Maybe. I can’t promise miracles yo.
I am the manager in training, which means in a few months I will be running my ship, which means I can no longer pin my hair on my head however I feel like. I must actually make the bitch bun look nice, and look like the cell phone boss lady that I am about to become. That means waking up early to do my hair AND run. Boo lol.
I will once again get to say “I AM the manager,” when someone asks for a manager.
Many of my new team members are new to wireless, so I get to add “Bad ass cell phone trainer/boss lady,” to my list of skills.
Seriously, stop saying the word bitch so much MHC.
I have to be a responsible adult. Boo.
But the thing I am happiest about is the outpouring of love, congrats and support I received from my former co-workers, friends, and family. I received a message from my former co-worker/quasi-sibling/pretend nemesis Chaddy Chad offering to revive our friendly rivalry, as well as congratulating me, saying he knew I deserved to take the lead. My old boss reminded me that yes, he made a phone call, but I’m the one who earned the job and he was happy for me…but if I don’t kick butt, he will hunt me down. Texts from friends, colleagues, etc. wishing me well. I am so incredibly fortunate to have so many people who love me and want me to succeed. It’s funny; when you surround yourself with people who love you (and you love right back) & want to support one another, how far you can go. My people are a zillion miles away (except for about three people), but they still have my back in all things. Those are the kinds of people I want in my life. Thank you for being those kinds of awesome people.
I’m just utterly in love with my life right now. I have the wireless career plan that I had worked so hard at Target to build (and then ended) back on track. I am part of a company that has a culture and people that I love. I’m part of an organization that I respect and admire and I want to build a long term career with (if a long term journalism job doesn’t ever pan out). But while right now it’s the Dave & MHC show, once I prove myself, it’ll be my store, my team. I get to cultivate people & help them reach their goals! I’m freelancing with a National Newspaper Award winning editor who sees a lot of potential in my writing and my story ideas. And as I learn to drive and buy my own car, I can keep working towards the goal. I’ve been doing home repair, putting up curtains and hanging pictures and making my home feel like MY home. The kids are doing well. I was afraid I’d have to start over at Crossfit, but no, I still have a lot of strength in me. I guess life is a little like running. Running is stupid, but it’s necessary to remain healthy and active. But there’s a big ass hill by my house. When I moved here, walking up that stupid hill was enough to wind me. This week I ran up that hill as part of a 5.5 KM run. Even after running almost 4.5 KM first, I made it up the hill and still managed to finish the run. And when you run uphill, your legs get stronger. I guess, as always, I’ve gotten stronger. And because I’ve gotten stronger, I have gotten almost everything I’ve ever wanted, which makes me the happiest MHC in the whole wide world.
Remember when I used to randomly switch jobs because I decided on a whim that I hated it?
We’re not quite in that place, but I did get a new job.
I’ve always managed to maintain good relationships with my old colleagues. Because of this, when opportunities come up, I am fortunate enough to take advantage. I told you I had some other options on the go. Well, one of them was with a company that I have a lot of connections with. My former District Manager (whom I still call Boss Man Adam despite him not actually being my boss anymore) made a phone call and suggested the YEG District Manager call me about an opportunity in the area. We had a good chat and what started as a sales rep offer turned into a Manager in Training/Co-Manager position that will lead to me taking over the store once I prove I can do what Boss Man Adam said I’m capable of. As much as I love my current boss and manager, more money & career expansion is too much to pass up so I’ll be starting a new job in two weeks!
Hey, remember when we all went on a work trip? It was rad.I don’t feel badly about this change.When I took my last job it left me with horrible anxiety that it would affect the parts of my life that made me the most happy…& it did. Even though I reclaimed what makes me most happy (family & fitness), now I’m joining a company that I love, respect the culture & see nothing but growth. For this I am grateful, even if the commute is kind of sucky. However, it’s not the worst commute I’ve ever done & I still have time for crossfit. But life has a way of just becoming awesome, so I’m proud of how I turned it all into a positive & built my career & myself the way I want & I learned not only can I survive here on my own, but I thrive and everything always just gets better! Hard work & being a good person always pays off and things will always work out if you treat people well, be nice & work hard.
Not the worst commute everBut it’s a place I can build a career and still freelance (BTW my latest assignment is freaking awesome) & build my portfolio. More money means I can afford to buy a car next year (BECAUSE I CAN LEGALLY DRIVE NOW BITCHES). More money means more in the college funds as the dad reminded me this week (before I blocked his number because he’s annoying and rude) he’s on a fixed income & has no real plan to change that so I’m expected to foot the bill for everything. So, I need to be able to increase my earning potential. And I’m excited. I’ll be running my own store & building my own team and that’s gonna be amazing.
So, feel free to stay tuned on Facebook (unless I’ve blocked you on Facebook), Twitter (unless I’ve blocked you on Twitter) or LinkedIn (unless I’ve blocked you on LinkedIn) for the next stop in my wireless career. I think it’s gonna be a good one.
So, a really important thing happened today that I need to share with all of you.
I’m going to post a photo & I will leave you to figure out what it is. I know I swore it would never happen, but I guess I never realized how much it was something I really wanted and needed. It came about in a way that was VERY unexpected & super fast, but I’m sure once I tell the story, you’ll see that it was the right time & it’s the right thing.
Still stumped? I’ll explain.
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But first, let’s listen to the song selection that titled today’s blog post.
(BTW, every blog post will be titled by songs by Against the Current or PVRIS for the forseeable future)
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That’s right guys; I FINALLY GOT MY COW PROVINCE DRIVER’S LICENSE.
I’ve been afraid to drive for YEARS. I once promised it would be a cold day in Hell before I ever bothered to drive. My ex husband once threatened to divorce me if I didn’t learn to drive by my 25th birthday…and my 30th. Oop. I don’t really like it when men tell me what to do. I always meant to out here, but I always got sidetracked, what with the infected kidneys & such. After awhile, I started to doubt that I could. But after I was offered my third journalism gig that I had to turn down because it required the occasional commute to another town, I got fed up & realized I’m holding myself back from my dreams! I came here because I’m a damn good journalist who works damn hard. I have devoted my entire life to this & I am letting jobs slip through my fingers because I won’t learn?! Stupid.
So I got the book. I studied during downtime @ work. My manager quizzed me. I took the online tests. I corrected the typo in the book. Then, when I felt ready, I went for it & I FAILED. Yup, I failed on the first try. So, I texted my best friend & told her how stupid I felt & that driving was dumb & I wasn’t gonna do it. I even contemplated moving home; obviously this wasn’t where I belonged. She told me to shut up & take it again, because her best friend needs no man, no encouragement, nothing but her own wherewithal. So I did & I passed & I can now learn to drive like a big person. Pretty cool, huh?
GOOD JOB PROVINCE OF ALBERTA. THERE IS A TYPO IN THE BOOK.
But, much like everything else in my life, I did it on my terms, my way. I got it when I was ready & because I wanted to, and not a moment before. I no longer allow anyone to tell me what’s best for me. I know what’s best for me. I know what I want & what works for me & I intend to get all of it. That means learn to drive & get that kick ass media job I’ve always wanted, because dreams are meant to come true & they only work if you do.
And it’s nice to have photo ID again. I have a passport again too! I can prove who I am!
I don’t know if Hell froze over, but if it did, I’m not sorry. I have a career to continue building, dreams to make reality. You know; stuff.
I’ve always said that no matter what happens in my life, professionally, I am killing it. I can use present tense because I am ALWAYS killing it. Call me an egotistical bitch, but I’m very good at what I do & when I set a professional goal, I get it. Why? Because I’m MHC & I work 10 times harder than I need to because I’m determined to be the strongest woman I know.
This past week, I’ve been contacted for two interviews; one for a management position that would allow me to begin to merge my wireless career & public relations career and one AT MOTHER EFFING POSTMEDIA. MOTHER EFFING POSTMEDIA. LET THAT SINK IN BITCHES. POSTMEDIA. It’s not the position I am gunning for, but it is a start. It’s opportunity and all I’ve ever asked for is an opportunity. I can prove myself with the rest. But everything I’ve worked for since I was eight could start to come together. And if it blows up, I have an opportunity to continue my reign as the Queen of Telecommunications. Speaking of my reign, my manager called me today to tell me that I was this week’s top performer for all of Northern Cow Province. All hail the Queen. My last blog post was praised on Twitter. Random strangers messaged me to tell me they think I’m gifted with words. Boom. My new editor has been really hands on, working with all of us to appeal to our strengths and help us grow as writers. I’m so excited to work with him, as I’ll just become a better reporter. I’m so super happy. I have almost everything I’ve ever wanted after a minor setback in the winter. But that’s all setbacks are; minor. With hard work & determination, it’ll always come together.
I wanted this job so badly that I ditched my signature red lip in favour of a natural look. I am actually wearing more makeup to look like I am not wearing any than when I wear cateye and red lip
Regardless of if anything pans out, I know the opportunity is there. All humans are 100% capable of making their lives how they want it to be & I am gonna do just that. I have a destiny to be so much bigger than I am, and so do you. We all do. Part of that destiny is teaching three girls to (if I can borrow a line from Queen Britney Spears) work bitch. I’ve been pushing myself at the gym (my quads will tell you all about it), I’ve been pushing my cardio by following my Runkeeper plan. Strong women create strong women & I intend to raise three unstoppable forces. To do that, I have to be one myself.
I was gonna run around the lake, but geese.
Life isn’t perfect, and it will never be perfect, but it’s coming together nicely & I can take comfort in the knowledge that I did all of it MY way. I’m gonna continue to do it all MY way because, not only am I teaching my daughters to do it their way, but because I can take joy in knowing everything I’ve ever accomplished I did on my own, for me. It wasn’t my coaches that lifted the weight, I did it. No one got these interviews for me, I DID. No one sold the phones for me, no one wrote the words for me, no one did it but me. I DID IT & for the first time in my life, I’m going to embrace what I can do. Once you embrace what you can do and what you can accomplish, no one can take it from you ever again.
MH’s guide to life is simple; 1. Be a bad ass. 2. Own the fuck out of your bad assery. Let your light shine bright & never let anyone or anything make you think you can’t. You can. Own that you can. I tell my teen daughter that you can look for the light at the end of the tunnel or you can bang two damn rocks together until you get a spark to light it yourself.
I work in customer service and media relations. I pride myself on my level of customer service. At my last workplace my customer service score was 100%. During my Target Mobile tenure, one of my customers sent an email to Target Canada’s head office praising my service. During my management team’s follow up calls, they tell me how my customers praise my empathy, genuine interest in them & product knowledge. There’s a reason my friends call me in the Cow Province instead of their cell providers in Ontario; because I take pride in my job & my ability to do it well. They call me “Cell Phone Jesus” (although I prefer the title “Queen of Telecommunications” as is in my Twitter bio). Thanks to this, I may never need to apply for a job again, for I’m often contacted by recruiters for open positions. In fact, I’m currently in the interview process for a new position that will help me transition my wireless career into a wireless/public relations career. I REALLY want this job, so if you could send all the happy thoughts, love, trend the #HireMHC tag on Twitter, prayers or sacrifices to Cthulu, that’d be GREAT (yup, I humblebragged. Fight me).
Flashback to when Bossman Adam bought me a tiara
But customer service is super important to me, because as both a customer service representative & a person who buys stuff, I expect it on both sides of the counter. So, when I see an example of poor customer service in my travels, I tend to want to comment.
This past week, lovable WWE jerk Kevin Owens made a comment online about a restaurant called Notre-Bouef-De-Grâce, claiming he waited quite some time & he and his wife Karina ended up leaving when they were told to wait even longer for their meal. The staff then proceeded to take catty shots on Twitter in a manner reminiscent of Owens’s in character tweets to fans & then somehow, the story ended up being relevant enough to be discussed on Ariel Helwani’s podcast, prompting Owens to post a rebuttal. While right now, it’s a source of annoyance for Owens, it’s a helpful lesson in good customer service.
I always tell my team that we are representing a company and cellular brands. We are the face of them. If we do a good job, they tell their friends. If we don’t, they tell EVERYONE. Go to any restaurant or cell company’s Facebook & see the comments of “I went into _____ location & they were dicks!” Or ask someone what cell company/restaurant to recommend. They will lead with “don’t go here, they suck.” Why? Because humans naturally gravitate towards the negative. When I think of my first cell phone & the bad customer experience I received (I won’t name names), I know that bias slips into my work, as I lead with Rogers phones, as I’ve had great service with Rogers. Once again, that level of positive service reaps rewards. I’ve never met Kevin Owens, but I do know based on this, I won’t go to Notre-Bouef-De-Grâce next time I’m in Montreal either. Not because of the complaint, but the response & the continued attempts to embarrass Mr. Owens afterwards. That’s just bad customer service. That night, he wasn’t lovable jerk Kevin Owens; he was thoughtful husband Kevin Steen, a guy that really just wanted to take his wife out to dinner. He got poor service & made a comment about it on social media, you know, like everyone else ever.
I think I empathized with him because I know how seriously Kevin Owens takes his role as brand ambassador for WWE. Last September, my mom bought my kids & I WWE live event tickets to celebrate my youngest’s sixth birthday (& mine, which is 10 days later). My youngest, dressed in her Nikki Bella gear from head to toe carefully made a sign saying she wanted to meet her hero, as well as her favourite wrestler, Seth Rollins. However, Nikki Bella was injured, but fellow Diva Natalya helped my child get a birthday wish from Nikki, which she did & is still on her IG. However, when Kevin Owens arrived, my then eight year old rushed over to the fence to try and get an autograph for her uncle, who’s birthday had just passed & a shy eight year old was drowned out by the “it’s still real to them” crowd & he didn’t hear her. She cried. My oldest suggested we put it on Twitter & maybe it could be funny promo fodder or we’d get a snarky tweet because she finds them funny. After all, it was an accident. Even my eight year old knew it was an accident & had moved on to seeing if she could wave to Cody Rhodes. Owens tweeted back asking what had happened, and even though I stressed it was an accident, she was fine, no harm done, he arranged for the girls to go backstage to the meet & greet, where they got to meet Seth Rollins (& they all nearly died of joy) & messaged a belated birthday wish to their uncle. By the end of the night, my eight year old was crying again, because she didn’t get to meet Owens to thank him. But to say it didn’t stick out is an understatement. Many of my wrestling fan friends already liked Owens for his in ring ability, but his commitment to the fans made them respect him more. My kids adore Kevin Owens & can’t wait for his action figure to arrive (although it DOES have to apologize to their Sami Zayn for the whole being a jerk to Sami Zayn thing) & I have no problem lining his coffers with my purchases of Kevin Owens merchandise (even though I’m sure his gesture has more to do with him being a father of a child close in age than my buying his merch). The guy running the Notre-Bouef-De-Grâce Twitter could learn from him.
For my family, Kevin Owens isn’t just a wrestler; he’s a guy who did a really cool thing for my kids. He didn’t have to do anything. But he did & my kids are forever grateful. Nikki Bella didn’t have to wish my daughter a happy birthday. She wasn’t even there! But she, Natalya & Owens went above & beyond & it’ll always stick out & I’ll never tank them enough. THAT is being a brand ambassador & something too few people seem to care about. Both situations started with a tweet about an experience. The difference is that Owens represented his company well & Notre-Boeuf-De-Grâce didn’t.
It costs you absolutely zero dollars to be a good person, but being a douche can cost you many dollars. While the customer may not always be right, they are a person too & should be respected, even if the answer isn’t one they wanted to hear. A simple “sorry you had a bad time, did you want to DM us what happened?” Could have gone a long way. In this day and age of social media, restaurants can’t afford to be sassy to anyone because by day’s end, the universe will know & you will only have yourself to blame when your business looks bad.
We all work with people every day. Treat them like they were your best friend, not like just another customer, or chances are, you won’t have any more.
We have been friends for 20 years (Dear God). We’ve been friends through the best of times, the worst of times, marriages (both of us), divorce (mine), kids, depression, and that heartbreaking time that Hulk Hogan joined the nWo. I’m very fortunate to have maintained such an awesome long term friendship. We used to talk about TV & sports. Now it’s kids & fitness & life.
Why Hogan…Why?
But when you’ve known someone as long as I’ve known him, they’re more apt to tell you when you’re not living up to your potential. Or, in my case, when I’m being a doormat.
Awwwww!
For years, I’ve told him about my life, my kids, my plans, goals, etc. and the one question he’d ask me whenever I would talk about stuff is “Is that what Mary-Helen wants?”
“I know the hubby thinks you can afford that Van, but what do you think? What do you want?“
“I know he’s talking marriage, but is that what you want?“
“I know you say you’re fine with that schedule, but is that really what you want? Will it really work for you?“
“So you’re giving him what he asked for, despite him having no respect for you whatsoever. When does he care about what you want?“
I would answer that I was doing what I wanted, because I was writing & crossfitting & doing my thing. But was I really getting what I wanted? I often said that I didn’t want to rock the boat at work, or make the Dad angry. Blank & I were together & happy & he worked so hard that I didn’t want to upset him. I would always say “I don’t want him to get mad & leave me,” and when I did assert myself, I would be afraid of the disappearing act. So, maybe I wasn’t. Or was I? I don’t even know anymore.
I spend so much time making people happy that I end up sacrificing what I want. I would try to stand up for myself, but when it didn’t make things better, I’d stand down. Give in. Maybe I need to be more assertive and stop taking stupid people’s stupid shit.
But, since winter turned into spring, I’ve been asking myself this question a lot. What does MHC want? What do I want for my life, my kids, my future? I’m in control of my life & deep down, I always have been. I just let my fear get in the way of that. And like a good friend, or Glinda, my friend wanted me to figure it out on my own.
the first person to photoshop my friend Gleason’s head on Glinda’s body gets a cookie
Maybe I need to stop worrying about what everyone else wants and do what I want. I need to stop worrying about what the Dad wants & what my friends want & what he wants & focus 100% on what my kids & I want. And we want to continue to live our quiet life. Go to church. Go to Starbucks. Tomorrow we’ll go see Captain America. I want to go running after work every night. I want to crossfit & gains. And most importantly, I want to be the best damn writer & role model I can be. And with the awesome new changes at my magazine, I’m excited about what kind of writer I am going to become. And I’ve already taught my girls about forgiveness and compromise. Now I need to focus on teaching them how to stand up for what they want &I make their voices heard. If people don’t like that, then oh well. Your time in my story is over. I no longer stress about that. I have a world to conquer.
Sometimes it takes reminding, but I do have a voice & I need to use it to stand up for myself at work, in life, and to myself. Because what I want matters too…and I intend to get it.
I work dedicated afternoons, which means by the time my work day is over, it will eventually get dark. So, I like to sit by the Princess Patricia Light Infantry Fountain & enjoy nature & reflect on my day. It’s 15 minutes of my life that is all for me & I love it. I have music & fresh air & it’s just awesome.
I’m so grateful to live in a place where there are pretty rocks & trees & water all around me. Being around it helps me stay centred and focused. Sometimes I look around and think about how lucky I am to have such awesome stuff around me. I truly have an awesome existence. I have wonderful kids. I have amazing friends. They are supportive people who build me up & want me to succeed. They ask about my fitness goals. They’re with me when everything falls apart. I’m even slowly kind of reconnecting with an old friend through my friend Yogi’s Squatties team. She’s done amazing things & I am beyond proud of her. The Squatties are rad. Women building up other women to achieve goals. It’s pretty amazing. I have a job that keeps me fed & clothed. I have an amazing writing career that only continues to grow. I get to meet amazing people and share their stories with the whole world! I have pretty places to go running & a crossfit gym. I’m also like, super pretty. All happy things.
I think that’s where many of us miss out when it comes to life. It’s not about having the most rad life; it’s about making your life the most awesome. How can you look at life & not be blown away by all the things you’re blessed to have?! Whether it’s family, a good friend, a job, a roof over your head, or you really like the show Bojack Horseman, there’s gotta be something in your life that makes you smile! If not, I feel so sorry for you. Too often people discard people because they see them as objects. They expect others to make them happy. But they don’t want to be happy & want to drag everyone else down into their misery. They can’t find joy because they aren’t a whole person. Then they project their own desire to make someone else, their job, their kids their reason for happiness onto others. Pathetic really. I can’t help but pity them. My therapist told me that I was wise because I have always found ways to love who I am. I happy because I choose to be. No person or thing can take something that comes from my deliberate choice to find something to smile about every day.
But that’s been the focus of my life these past few years. I want to be a whole person, a happy person, and someone I’m proud of. I have no holes that need to be filled by a person, job title, etc. If I have a goal, I’ll achieve it. If I want something, I’ll buy it. I am in control of my life, my future & I choose to carry myself from a position of strength, Grace, class & dignity. But most importantly, I want to look in the mirror and like me. I always tell people that you should carry yourself like you’re the prettiest girl at the party, because you should think you’re the prettiest girl at the party (boys, you can be pretty too). Love yourself. Once you do, you can see how amazing everything around you is.
Find a way to love yourself. I write myself messages on my bathroom mirror when I feel down to motivate me. Why? Because then it’s a matter of me driving me. Right now it’s my BFF Erica’s favourite quote from her favourite show. I see it every morning & go do my kick ass thing. And it kicks ass. I opted go to therapy to be stronger. My therapist told me I already was. I just needed reminding. So I remind myself. I see no shame in counselling. I wanted to evolve. So I took steps to evolve & I am proud of my continued metamorphosis.
Every single night, I’m once again reminded that I am fortunate enough to live in a world where I get to sit by the lake every night, go home to my family, and if I’m lucky enough to wake up the next day, do it all over again. Because everything about my life is beautiful, because I built it myself, for me, my way.
Ever since I moved out here, I’ve had well wishing friends asking me when I’m going to come home, back to Windsor or London, with them, where I belong.
The short answer; never.
I bought a drill this week. I’m going to hang curtains on my day off. This isn’t my permanent home, I intend to find another house when my lease is up next January, but for now, it’s where I live. I’m going to make it cozy & mine. It’ll be nice. I’m back into running, and it’s still horrible, but the scenery is lovely. And I’m back at crossfit & my hips hurt so much less. I make time for lakefront yoga. You can’t ask for better than that.
If you ever need to find me, check my Instagram. I am probably here @ Beaumaris Lake
And I’m not sure what my future holds yet. I don’t really like to think long term, when I do, it blows up in my face. Some people, myself included, cannot handle thinking of the future. For all I know, I’ll end up in Iceland writing for some Icelandic magazine. But I’m teaching my girls to be fearless in pursuit of their goals & to work hard & trust their instincts. I’m doing well as a writer here. I do well at my job. I’ve made some awesome friends. My 9yo has an army of bunnies. The kids are thriving & we are enjoying our lives.
But this is the first spring that I’m not planning to uproot my life. Maybe that’s a good thing. I kept running away from something & the universe kept saying “No!” I thought about running home to the safety of Melissa & Doug & familiar, but I’m not really that person. I’m the person who would rather face the scary new challenge than run away. I ran twice & it backfired twice. Maybe it’s time I accept that the universe has a plan for me & I’ll just let it play out. I’m sure it’s probably really rad. Maybe it involves marrying Seth Rollins.
Recently, I was put in a really crappy situation, but instead of crying and moping or running away like a pussbag little bitch & ignoring the problem, I turned it into a positive. My family is better for it. Struggles are not about crying. They are opportunities to be better, do better. I pity the people who cannot see hard times as a chance to evolve & just bail (or lay down & wallow in self pity & blame your depression). You are denying yourself a chance to be the best version of yourself & you end up disappointing yourself & everyone else & stuck wishing you could take it back & hounding their best friend to try to apologize to the party you’ve wronged like a coward. You’ve denied yourself the best part of you & shown them how much better they deserve. The good thing about meeting challenges head on is you have no regret; you know you tried. I refuse to live like a coward, full of regrets. I’m going to grow & become amazing & be the woman I’m meant to be.
I have no time to waste waiting for opportunities or anything else to knock on my door. I kick doors down. I don’t take scraps; I deserve the best life has to offer, the same best I give out. As my girl Brie Bella says, I run it, I rule it & ill make my own happiness out of nothing because I can.
Yes, the fall & winter were a struggle. But part of forging your own path means that sometimes you’ll trip over a root. There is no well worn ground for me to follow. I’m hacking through the branches & finding my way on my own. But at least I can say my journey is mine. It’s not a path someone made for me or the socially accepted life that was dictated to me. I am living for me & teaching my girls to forge their own paths & not follow the herd. They will be strong & fearless warriors & I’m so proud to watch them emerge as strong women. Never be afraid when there is no path. It’s your chance to create one & build the life you deserve.
About 2.5 months ago, something happened that changed my life a little bit. I’ve addressed it briefly in bits & pieces, but now it’s time to discuss the elephant in the room.
I have arthritis & I’ve fallen off the fitness wagon. Completely.
The gym used to be part of my every day life. Now it’s sporadic at best. I haven’t been in almost a month. The holidays & commute threw me off & now it’s fear. Fear of damaging my hips further. Fear of injury. Fear of crossfit. But part of who I am is fitness. I gained 15lbs at my old store. And it’s bothered me. The new gym hasn’t been as welcoming as WLCF. It’s cold & running in the cold scares me. I’ve got a ton of excuses, but not enough motivation. And working near the chips isn’t helping. I asked my friend to send me a pic of his disapproving face to help me get back on track.
I’ve been so mad at my body for betraying me. I’m good to it! I feed it kale! I exercise, cut out most processed junk, etc. Of course, that’s been for two years. Most of my adult life was eating shit food & wondering why I was depressed. Lack of exercise & lots of junk food. Our bodies crave real food, not chemicals, soda & alcohol. The more we put this in our bodies, the sicker & more depressed we get. I’ve felt like shit because I’m eating like shit. So, imma gonna stop eating like shit. I need to stop being afraid of pain and go through it so my hips will get stronger & hurt less. I’ve never been afraid of anything. But permanent injury freaks me out. Who will work? Who will raise the girls? It’s us vs. the World.
So I flipped the script. Who’s gonna take care of the girls if I have a heart attack because of Doritos? Who’s gonna work if my hips get so sore that I can’t stand? Who’s gonna take care of me if I don’t? You’ve gotta love yourself to do the right things for your body. To be a good parent, you’ve gotta set the right examples. So I’m gonna get up and go to the gym. I’m gonna go running (you can view my results on Twitter lol). I’m gonna eat kale. And my body will thank me.
The Misadventures of MHC 