maryhelenc

Day 17: Music

February 17, 2014February 17, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Celebrity Fluff, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife

The challenge is to put your iPod on shuffle & list the first 10 songs to learn about yourself through music.

1. Come Back Down – Lifehouse
2. Burning Hearts – Silverstein
3. Fiction – Avenged Sevenfold
4. Never Gonna Be Alone – Nickelback
5. This Song Saved My Life – Simple Plan
6. Whispers In The Dark – Skillet
7. Only Hope – Mandy Moore
8. She Is Love – 3 Doors Down
9. Trip – Hedley
10. The High Road – Three Days Grace

I’m not sure what you could take from that, other than I listen to a wide range of music & a lot of Canadian artists.

I love all music. Death metal. Classical. All of it. It makes me happy. All of my song titles are song titles. I can’t go a day without listening to at least one song. Of course, there are some artists I listen to more than others (Katy Perry, Ed Sheeran, Blind Pilot, Christina Aguilera, Maroon 5, Lifehouse & Ellie Goulding are my go-to’s for everything) & in my world, Christina Aguilera is the greatest voice of our generation & if you question the Queen, I may stop being your friend. I couldn’t live without it, I love all music all of the time…

…that’s not true. I really hate Wiz Khalifa. Like a lot. I hate Kanye West a lot too. But don’t worry, he loves himself enough for both of us.

Day 16: Body Image

February 16, 2014February 16, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships

I used to love my body…then I got fat.

I got REALLY fat. I weighed almost 300 lbs @ the time I graduated college & had my second daughter. I felt disgusting, so I worked out, did weight watchers & lost 70lbs.

But it’s a yoyo thing; I get depressed, I gain weight. I get motivated, I drop it. I had friends tell me “you look fine!” Maybe I do, but not to me. I think I’m fat. I can understand how Rachel Frederickson ended up underweight during her recent stint on the Biggest Loser. When you’ve been a thin girl & now you’re a fat girl, there is nothing more intoxicating than the compliments, the scale number going down, the smaller pants. It’s amazing! So, you keep on wanting it & that’s how you go too far.

One of the things I realized is that my low self esteem kills my relationships. I choose men who are narcissistic & then feed their egos because I don’t like myself. I think it’s okay to be ignored, neglected because I’m a fat & ugly basket case & they’re great guys & are “putting up with me.” That’s not true; they were lucky to have me! I treated them well & was supportive & loving. Then I drain my friends because I feel like I let those men and my family down by not being good enough and kill those relationships by feeling unworthy of friendships. I need to get out of the mindset that I’m unworthy or ugly. I need to look @ myself & think I’m pretty & bright & sweet & kind & I deserve to be loved. But I don’t see pretty; I see fat. So, I decided to take control & stop being fat.

I started eating better. No more days of not eating while focusing on work, the kids, etc. Three meals & one snack. I watch my calories & fat through the Lose It! app. I talk to my best friend the Psych Major (who, along with her husband, are personal trainers) about the right eating habits & I work out every night. Every night is Stratusphere Yoga. I did the 30 squat challenge & I’m on Day 17 of the ab challenge. I’m going to do 30 days of push-ups next & come spring, I’ll be ready to start couch to 5k. All of these things have helped me safely lose 15lbs thus far. I have a long way to go, but I prefer to look at how far I’ve come.

I need to take responsibility for my own happiness, my own self esteem. After all, if I can’t love myself, how can anyone else, so I’m taking responsibility for my weight & I’m committing myself to losing it. After all, there are no magic pills or fad diets. The only way to lose weight is to eat right, drink lots of water & get up off of your ass & exercise. So, that’s what I’m going to do & finally lose the weight & gain my self esteem back. It might take a long time, but that’s okay. I’m in no hurry to do anything. But the more I work towards getting my body to the way I want it to be, the more confident I feel and the happier I am. All of these things will count towards me getting to be the person I know I’m capable of being.

Day 15: Death Row Meal

February 15, 2014February 15, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Seriously WTF?

The answer is pancakes. Always pancakes.

I have a serious pancake (or pancake type food) addiction. It’s my comfort food, my favourite of all foods. Whenever I’m depressed, my friends will offer me IHOP because they know I will never turn down a pancake.

So, it would only be fitting that my last meal on Earth would be from the pancake family. But not waffles. Waffles just WISH they could be pancakes, preferably covered in Nutella, nature’s other perfect food.

Day 14: A Year of Change

February 14, 2014February 14, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, ASH General, ASH Photography, Current Events, My New Life As Me

The challenge was to post a photo from last year & discuss how I have changed. Normally, I’d say I’m the same girl I’ve always been, but that’s not true.

Last year, I felt life was hopeless. My daughter was mad at the world & I felt like a failure as a mom. My education wasn’t going well. My friendships were strained. My magazine folded & life without journalism felt bleak. I was healing from a breakup. I was freaking miserable.

But, I kept going. Sometimes, when life feels hopeless, all you’ve got are the little victories. I went to school today. I got my kid in therapy. I handed in my assignments. I went to placement & did well. Soon, those little victories become big ones. I finished school. I found a job. I did well at my job. I helped my child cope with anger & she’s doing well & doesn’t need counselling anymore. I became stronger & more self aware. All of these things helped me be happier.

Then there are the physical changes. I’m 15 lbs lighter. My arms are thinner. I wear a smaller size, and of course, the most obvious; my hair. My once jet black hair is now a warmer brown. The change brightened my face, made my eyes stand out & dare I say I feel like I’m prettier.

The year was hard but I’m grateful because once again I learned what I can accomplish if I try, which is a lot. So, I’m stronger, wiser & more at peace. These lessons I will take to my shiny new home, that I will move in to in 75 days.

Day 13: Goals

February 13, 2014February 13, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Social Media

I know I’m sort of cheaping out, but I’ve recently written a post about my goals for 2014, so I’ll just link to it HERE. & my goals for life HERE. Enjoy!

Day 12: What I Never Leave Home Without

February 12, 2014February 11, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Dorkdom, Life

There are many things that I never leave home without; my purse, my iPhone, my headphones, my passport & my Certificate of Divorce HAHAHAHA. But that’s all normal crap that everyone brings with them everywhere.

So, I guess the one unique thing that I never leave without is my necklace.

I never leave without it because I never take it off. I’m a nerd who loves the Legend of Zelda & when I bought my now ex best friend this necklace, I bought one for myself too because I’ve always wanted a Triforce necklace. The Legend of Zelda was my favourite thing growing up & I’ve played every game, I’ve studied the timeline religiously & even own Hyrule Historia, the LoZ encyclopedia. I wear my nerdiness proudly, although I do sometimes get asked if I’m in the illuminati, which is always fun. My district manager has taken to only calling me Princess Zelda, which I’ve decided to take as a compliment.

So, the one thing that I don’t leave my house without is my necklace. If I took it off, I would likely feel naked without it.

Day 11: Favourite Quote

February 11, 2014February 10, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, ASH General, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri

I have many, most of them are by Oscar Wilde or Edgar Allen Poe. However, my all time favourite quote was said by the wisest person of all. He was brilliant, yet often dismissed for being dumb. He was fat shamed, bullied & his ideas largely discredited. He associated with misfits; his best friends had anxiety issues, OCD & Schitzophrenia, Dyslexia & of course, a serious case of Biploar Disorder. But he learned through those friendships, & one could learn more about unconditional love, life & happiness from this wise peron than any psychologist or self help guru in the world.

Day 10: My Biggest Fear

February 10, 2014February 9, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Just Fun, Life, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

I’m afraid of lots of things.

I’m afraid that I’ll never fall in love again.

I’m afraid I’m not the best mom I can be.

I’m afraid I’ll never reach my fitness goals.

I’m afraid that I’ll never work in media again.

I’m claustrophobic, I’m afraid of mice & I’m not terribly fond of snakes. But my biggest fear is the most horrifying creature on Earth. The source of all terror. To demonstrate the most evil being alive, I shall post the photo that my friend Dawna made for me & posted on my Facebook.

Day Nine: The People Who Mean Most To Me

February 9, 2014February 17, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Fitnesslicious, Just Fun, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Aside from my children that is.

Today I’m supposed to post a favourite photo of my best friend, but I couldn’t narrow it to just one. I have a group of awesome friends that I love.

Whether I’ve known them my entire life, or a few months, these are the people that have been there for me through good, bad, ugly, mopey, whiny, batsh*t crazy & everything in between. I’m lucky to call them friends. So, thanks amazing friends, for being you. I love you all lots & may have (for the purposes of this post) stolen your FB display photo because I don’t have a pic of you without my kids in it lol. ❤

Day Eight: Where I’ve Been…& Where I’d Like to Go

February 8, 2014February 9, 2014 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Current Events, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, WWE Wrasslin'

I must confess; I’m not a seasoned traveller.

I went to Vermont with my foster family when I was 15 years old & gained 10lbs eating Ben & Jerry’s. I went to Tim Horton’s Camp as a child & broke my arm & ended up with a lovely scar. But, my favourite place on that short list is Ontario Pioneer Camp.

The first time I told my foster parents that I loved them & referred to them as my family was when I left for my first trip to Girls’ Camp. It was so easy there. It was easy to be Christian; everyone was. There were no cliques. Everyone was a friend. No one disliked anyone, we all loved each other & wanted to serve God. When I became a counsellor, I loved my little campers. I loved to teach them about life, God & how to sail. Sailing was my passion there; I loved my little boats & everything about them & sometimes, when everyone was asleep, I’d sneak down to my beloved sailboats & enjoy the beauty of the lake. I loved the place so much, that I took the name of it for my eldest daughter. It was a place of peace & joy; two traits I wanted her to have (& she does…most of the time).

But the one place I’ve always wanted to go is New Orleans. I want to go to the French Quarter, walk the old streets. I want to go to the Lestat cafe (if it’s still open) & stay in a big old hotel. I want to go to jazz clubs & old graveyards. When I got married, we were supposed to go there for our honeymoon but finances prevented it. But, I still want to go there so badly…just not during Mardi Gras.

Of course, I also have to go to the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. My youngest daughter LOVES football. She’s a little stat quoting analyst who watches NFL AM like it’s church. Once a month I take each girl out for a day of fun and she chose to eat chicken wings and watch her team, the Saints (she also got into a very heated debate with an elderly man which ended in her saying “Mr. Man, stats can’t wie! My team is better!”). Since football is a big interest for her, it’s my job as her mother to understand & embrace her interest (well, I try. She rolls her eyes a lot & explains things many times. I feel it’s payback for the number of times I repeat ” put your backpack away”), so if I ever make it to New Orleans, we’ll be cheering Drew Brees & the Saints to victory, while she’s decked out in her official Saints cheerleading uniform.

Speaking of understanding your child’s interests; the sometimes angry tween has begged me to take her to New Orleans all year. Of course, it’s not for the scenery, or the history, or anything like that. She wanted to go to Wrestlemania XXX, to see her idol, Divas Champion AJ Lee.

I would like to travel to many places, but NOLA is at the top of my list. I hope to get there someday, whether it’s on my own, as part of my “dream wedding” (more on that later) or to take the tiniest princess to see her “boys,” I know I’ll get there someday.