The Misadventures of MHC

Pound The Alarm

June 17, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?

Here’s my not so big secret; I’m overweight.

It’s not something I’m proud of. I’ve been struggling with my weight since a 150lbs weight gain 11 years ago. I’ve gone up and down and up and down and school didn’t permit me to have the best diet ever. This is why during my last semester, I started doing Stratusphere Yoga and running 5k every other day to start getting in shape. I’m seeing results slowly as I change my diet, less greasy foods and more focus on dairy, fruits and veggies and drinking more water. All good things and my pants are indicative of the results.

I’m doing all of this because I need to be accountable to myself for my body. After all, it’s mine alone and I need to take responsibility for my body and how I look. So, I do things like exercise, change my eating habits, etc. If I eat ice cream and gain weight, then that is my fault too.

This brings me to the idea of “fat shaming” that I wrote about awhile ago and something a fellow writer has said on his Facebook page. This is that while no, we shouldn’t shame you if you weren’t built to be a size 0, or if that isn’t the look you strive for, we should stop sugar coating obesity as what it is; fat. I am fat. I know this. I am aware of this and I don’t need people to shame me into feeling bad about myself. But I also know that I am accountable for being fat and if I want to change it, the buck stops with me.

I hate it when people say “It’s not my fault,” and then order the double Big Mac with super sized fries and then cry about people commenting about their weight gain. Well, you didn’t wake up nearly 400lbs. You made the choices that made you obese. While some people will never be smaller than a women’s size 18, that’s how their body is built and they might have worked hard to achieve those results. Wanting to be in the best shape for your size is not a bad thing.

I have a friend who is a big girl and she works it. She knows she’s fat and she has a positive self image and I think she’s amazeballs for it. What bothers me is these people who claim that they are “totally cool” with their bigger selves and then complain about people who either have no patience to sugar coat the truth or someone thinner, by continuously insulting them, or making reference to their skinny ass. No one is going to hold your hand through life or magically help you lose weight. You need to put in the time and the work. If you don’t, then don’t complain when people don’t tell you how great you look.

I guess I’m saying these things because for years, I made those excuses. It’s not my fault; I work crazy shifts, I have no time to work out, running is for losers, I like ice cream, etc. and there was always a reason why I couldn’t work out. But I was only hurting myself when I couldn’t fit in the cute clothes that I liked, etc. Now I work out with my kids in the room with me (they don’t do the poses quite the same, but they try) and my track star daughter comes running with me sometimes. I go @ night after they’ve gone to bed and use the track across the street from my house. My reminding myself that I am responsible for my body and only I can make it look how I want, then I can focus on sticking to my goals.

So, everyone has two choices. You can be fat or you can work to get in shape. But no one can make you fat and no one can help you get in shape. Those two choices are your call.

Watch Over You

June 17, 2013June 17, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Just Fun, Mommydom

I can’t sleep.

This is a fairly normal occurrence, so meh. However, I got thinking about how when I was little, I could read my favourite story & be out like a light.

My 3 year old doesn’t like being read stories. She likes to make them up. She recently invented her own fairy tale, which I use now to impart the lesson of the day.

Her kingdom is actually six kingdoms. Her kingdom is purple. Everything is purple; the streets, the castle, the river. She lives in her castle with her two sister princesses, her best friend & the king & queen. (who sits on a throne or does yoga) Her nana, the queen mum, lives in a tower & watches hockey. There is also a squirrel named Jumpy, who lives in a royal tree.

Her daddy is the guard of the brown kingdom that is ruled by her dad’s cat, who wears a kitty cat crown. The train kingdom is next, where her friend is the conductor prince. Then the ocean kingdom, where her friend the pirate prince & his mom the gypsy queen protect the seven seas. Her favourite uncle & his dog live in the rainbow kingdom, where everyone has nice shoes. Finally, her auntie rules the yellow kingdom with a mischievous princess that won’t get out of the pool.

All of the kingdoms lead to a village where a scary witch lives. Since there is no hands on in the kingdoms, the scary witch must be outsmarted. She generally helps me with her stories & we learn a lesson.

I thought I’d share this because I’m so proud of her @ 3years old for creating her little world. She spun this one day & she’s remembered all her details & continues to add on & create tales for her characters. I try to write them down & maybe someday she can tell her kids those stories & help them sleep @ night.

With video games & TV sapping the imagination of little ones, it’s nice to know that they can still pretend & create with their minds. I know that tomorrow, I can’t wait to learn more about the purple kingdom.

Butterfly Kisses

June 16, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Douchers, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

In honour of Father’s Day, I’ve decided to write about my relationship with my own father figures.

My father passed away when I was five years old, so I was that kid who sat out of craft time while the other kids got to make their paper neckties. It was pretty demoralizing and likely didn’t help with that fear of isolation, but I’m not here to psychoanalyze myself.

I’ve often wondered if my dad would be proud of the person I’ve become, or if he would think I was some kind of raging screw-up. I haven’t really been the best kid all of the time. I’ve lipped off to my mom, I’ve been a pain in the ass and I’ll likely never have a husband, namely because I don’t particularly see it as important and I don’t know if I want to date anyone ever again (my track record of cancelling the last 15 dates in a row is pretty telling), nor would my children accept anyone else besides the mate they want for me. My first marriage was a comedy of errors and my academic performance in any class that wasn’t english, the arts, sociology or media was pretty piss poor. I mean, yeah, I got the diplomas, but could I have been better? Am I the person that my father would be proud of? It’s something that weighs on me every single Father’s day.

Then there is my foster father, whom I call my dad. He is a great man, who encouraged me to be myself. He told me that I was a charismatic, dynamic young lady and people would be jealous of the person that I was, because all eyes go on me when I enter a room because I’m bright, witty, and charming. He taught me to be myself, trust my own instincts and believe that I was capable of anything. Somewhere I lost those lessons along the way and I guess I need to reclaim those lessons, because my dad is a smart man and he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t believe it. He’s the most important male influence I’ve ever had and I hope he’s proud of me too. Sometimes I wonder, for all of the reasons listed above. Maybe I don’t live up to my full potential. Maybe I don’t surround myself with the right people. Maybe I screw up the positive relationships in my life to spend time with people who hold me back from being my best self. I don’t know, but I know that I hope he’s proud of me.

So, these are the things I think about every single father’s day. I hope all of the dads out there are having a great day. To the stepdads who pick up the slack for the deadbeats and the dads that take their job seriously, I commend you. To the single moms going it alone, be proud of yourselves. To the grandpas and uncles and male role models who step up when no one else is there and come out to family outings, etc. I hope you know how important you are.

Before Tomorrow Comes

June 13, 2013April 11, 2022 by maryhelenc, posted in Douchers, Fitnesslicious, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships

As Hannibal from the A-Team said, “I love it when a plan comes together.”

I love when I take a look at my life and things are going almost EXACTLY the way I want them to. I’ve been out of school for a little over a month and I’m already starting a job next week. It’s not in either field, but it’ll pay bills, which is great. However, tomorrow I have interviews for two more positions, both more financially lucrative. Again, not in my fields of study, but still rewarding. I also have a meeting to close up another chapter in my life that has been plaguing me for some time. That’s behind me too. My weight loss and fitness goals are being met, and I’m healthier. All of these things are good things and remind me of how easily I can make things happen when I put my mind to them.

I’ve even had a couple of really positive chats with “the dad.” While we’ll never be friends, we understand each other a bit better now. He’s on medication and I’ve long accepted that my inability to provide genuine romantic love for him contributed to the end of the union. It doesn’t excuse his actions, but I don’t think I helped boost his self esteem either. However, he did remind me to make sure that I make my own choices, because “Your friends; they control you. Don’t let them do it anymore.” (I’m not sure if I 100% believe that, but I have had a few people tell me this lately) He also gave some advice about love, believe it or not, because when I was happy, he wasn’t terribly thrilled, but now he realizes things are better if I’m happy & wishes that the kids could get their way because they were happier then too (which is weird, when your ex-husband says you were better off with someone else. He’s not wrong, but it’s huge growth for a guy who once told me his only joy would be when I was miserable). Will we ever have our pre-marriage friendship back? Unlikely. But we can co-parent without killing each other…right now. We’ll see how long this truce lasts, because we’ve both wrecked those truces before. I have to give him a lot of credit for this current truce, he’s been doing more for the kids and trying to get along with me, which has been good for the girls.

My hippie friend and my amazeballs Texan tell me that I need to recapture my “MH-ness” which is that I take no crap from anyone. I’m dominant and life is my bitch. So, that’s how I will carry myself, because that’s who I am and I’m proud of who I am. So, much like Hannibal, I love when a plan comes together. Things are all working in a direction so that my life will be almost exactly the way I want it. It will never be 100% the way I want it, but almost is better than not @ all, and I’ll take almost right now.

My friend the Texan told me that the hair Gods are in my favour, so that is coming together too.

Graduation

June 12, 2013June 12, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Just Fun, My New Life As Me, support Windsor!

I’m live blogging convocation!

***actually everyone I know got their diploma & this is how I kill time. Also my hair looks really cute & I wanted to show it off***

I went out the in the rain and my hair still looks fantastic so yay.

I’m so proud of my classmates for their accomplishments. To my classmates, whether you are here or not, or have to make up a class & graduate in December, I’m so honoured that I met you, got to work with you & become friends with you. I think you’re all amazing & I look forward to seeing what our next chapter holds.

Congrats class of 2013. Take your bow. You deserve this moment.

Can’t Be Tamed

June 6, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Fitnesslicious, My New Life As Me, Relationships

I was backing up my external hard drive last night and I got looking at a great many things, including old letters that I wrote last January and various old photos.

I was showing them to my mom who said “You look more like you did in your early 20’s than you did in your early 20’s.” I had never noticed, but I guess that’s true. Between the weight loss and the fact that I am no longer under constant stress from late night arguments, money woes, etc. that maybe I do look younger.

Here is a photo essay of the style evolution of MHC!

18 year old me. Wasn't I cute? — 18 year old me. Wasn’t I cute?

MH with pink hair and piercings...and fat. I'm 70lbs lighter now. — MH with pink hair and piercings…and fat. I’m 70lbs lighter now.

Taken a couple of days ago. I normally wear my glassed, but since I'm not in the other photos, I'll use this. — Taken a couple of days ago. I normally wear my glasses, but since I’m not in the other photos, I’ll use this.

I’ve focused more on my physical appearance again, focusing on eating the right foods, drinking more water, taking care of my skin and yes, I do look better. Younger? I don’t know, but if so, maybe I’m Benjamin Button (I have had younger friends be mistaken for my mother…more than once). However, I’ve always taken pride in my appearance, even though it sometimes seems like some kind of sin to do so. Women who wear makeup are vain and vapid and incapable of being bright and witty. However, I think liking how you look on the outside will help you like yourself on the inside. You need to like your reflection and during the second picture, I didn’t, even with the pink hair and piercings (which I look back on as some sort of weird phase, trying to make up for how much I didn’t like myself by trying to make myself look better by being edgy and such). So, the better I felt about myself, the more pride I took in my appearance. Last year, I looked put together all of the time. My friends knew I wasn’t myself in the fall and winter because I wasn’t wearing makeup to classes and I just tossed my hair in a ponytail. I wasn’t taking pride in my appearance, which meant I likely didn’t like who I was inside. Now that I’ve taken control of my life, stopped letting my friends dictate how I handle situations (which caused a lot of crap in the fall and I made a mess of a lot of things, but I wanted to fix some situations and I didn’t trust my own judgment. But I learned a lesson in trusting my gut and not letting people convince me to do things their way) and stand firm in my own choices and truly feel independent, you can see the results. I look better. I’ve lost weight. I like who I see in the mirror, which transcends into me returning to my super dominant self.

There’s no shame in wanting to look good, because looking good helps you feel good. It might be that pick me up that you need to help motivate you to reach the next goal. It’s not just vanity; it’s taking pride in who you are and presenting your best self.

I Need Your Love

June 2, 2013June 3, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, Current Events, Mommydom, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Television

Giuliana Rancic outraged mothers this week when she made the controversial statement that she puts her marriage ahead of her nine month old son Duke.

She stated that she feels her husband Bill may be a better father than her and that kids do better in homes with happy parents, so she makes her marriage her first priority.

Photo Courtesy of: celebritypregnancy.sheknows.com

A lot of women stated that Rancic, who was famously open about her struggles to conceive (Duke was delivered by gestational surrogate), should be more grateful for her son, and that she should be the world’s most doting mom and shouldn’t have any struggles to bond, etc. This reminded me of when my best friend got pregnant with her son after years of struggles to conceive. While sitting with me and another friend, she said she couldn’t wait for her son to be born because she hated being pregnant. Once she left, the other friend said how my best friend was “sick” for not revelling in the pregnancy that she had longed for and if it were HER having the baby, she would relish every second that she was carrying her little one.

This begs the question; are parenting struggles reserved for women who can conceive easily? I can freely admit that I hated every single second that I was pregnant. From the moment I peed on that stick from the moment that each of my daughters were born, I loathed being pregnant. I was tired, sore, I barfed a lot and often ended up on bedrest. It wasn’t fun. My best friend struggled to gain weight, had horrible morning sickness and food aversions. She was pregnant throughout a hot summer in a house with no air conditioning. It wasn’t terribly fun.

Rancic’s admission that she currently feels that her husband has bonded to their son more is honest. She mentioned that as Duke grows, it may be different. However, we need to stop putting pressure on women who struggle to become mothers and try to make them perfect mothers. We’re all human. Moms who have a child via IVF are just as prone to PPD. Moms who have a child via surrogate may suffer from the same anxiety that people who adopt have; the idea that it’s harder to bond because they didn’t have the “joy” of carrying him or her. Rancic’s point that children fare better in homes where parents have a happy marriage is true. Could she have worded it better? Absolutely. But, the Rancics are committed to keeping their relationship together for each other and for Duke and that should be commended.

However a child comes into the world, parenting a child full time is still a hard job. It’s not always easy and it’s not always exactly as you imagined and sometimes your co-parent might handle a certain age or stage better than you. There’s no shame in being honest about these things. Just because it was harder to create the child, doesn’t mean you are obligated to somehow parent flawlessly, with no qualms, concerns, or anxiety. That’s just silly.

Wipe Your Eyes

May 29, 2013May 30, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Just Fun, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, Political Fluff, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, Television

An open letter to Adam Levine:

Dear Mr. Levine,

I couldn’t help but notice you’ve gotten yourself into a wee bit of a situation by saying “I hate this country” after the shocking results of last night’s episode of the Voice. You even had to take to Twitter AND release a statement saying that you love America because no other human being has ever said something while irritated. Apparently, saying something while pissed off is now national news. I could definitely understand why you would be frustrated by this negative press and the concern about how it will affect your last team member Amber Carrington. So, I propose a solution;

move to Canada.

Seriously! Move to Canada. We say we hate our country, it’s Prime Minister, and even Toronto’s crack smoking mayor and no one really cares. We’re a pretty apathetic bunch. We also embrace American celebrities who move here while shunning the ones who were born here, except for Dan Akroyd, Ryan Reynolds & Ryan Gosling (we don’t care much for Justin Bieber either, that’s why we sent him to you). We don’t really have tabloids, so you wouldn’t be facing a scandal for getting annoyed with a popular vote and making a sarcastic jab. In fact, we would have likely just blamed Alberta and went back to eating our Tim Horton’s donut and bitched about some shoddy reffing in the Kings/Sharks game.

Yes, Mr. Levine, move to Canada. You will keep your Godlike celebrity status without all of the paparazzi and scandals about nothing. You’ll also get free health care & our music station actually plays videos! Our Prime Minister is kind of a douchebag, but we make fun of him all of the time, so we won’t get offended if you do too, as long as you don’t mock our coffee, Mounted Police or hockey. You can still watch the Lakers and they will always win because the Raptors absolutely suck. We do have country music, but we try to keep it centralized in it’s own province and you could collaborate with one of our amazing musicians. As a supporter of same sex marriage, I am happy to tell you its perfectly legal here! Our money is super pretty & we don’t have annoying pennies anymore. Also, if you need a place to crash, you could stay on my couch.

If this doesn’t work, well you could always just take your shirt off and I’m pretty sure America will forgive you. I know I would. Either way, it’s your call.

Sincerely, MHC