My two oldest & dearest girlfriends were chatting on Facebook messenger (in our chat called “First Wives Club of Awesome” because self explanatory) & we decided to write a parenting book. Yes, we shall impart wisdom to the masses!
We came up with some chapter names. Feel free to let me know in the comments if we missed anything!
Title: How to Successfully Parent by Doing the Opposite of Every Other Parenting Book.
Chapter 1: Wine is Your Friend
Chapter 2: Sometimes, Something Stronger is Your Friend
Chapter 3: You are not a bad mom if you sometimes really want to go to a friend’s house for shots. You are also not a bad mother if you feed them bologna…or raise your voice.
Chapter 4: There is never a good enough hiding spot for your vibrator, kids will find it.
Chapter 5: They will show Grandma, so prepare her now.
Chapter 6: It doesn’t matter what they eat as long as its food, Kraft Dinner for 3 weeks straight is just fine.
Chapter 7: You will need to know how to get permanent markers off of the wall, the dog, your shoes. Your child is not a perfect little angel and will do weird sh*t. Accept it now and come up with a f***ing plan.
Chapter 8: If they find a hole they will stick something in it. It doesn’t matter if its on their own body or not.
Chapter 9: If you have more than one, they are plotting against you…& they will win.
Chapter 10: Bedtime stalls & counter strategy.
Chapter 11: You only eat your own food by yourself when they are sleeping.
That’s what we have so far. Did we miss anything? Let us know!