Seriously WTF? – Page 22 – The Misadventures of MHC

Re-Run

June 21, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

Much like the rest of the world, I couldn’t believe that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West opted to name their daughter “North West.”

Not only is the moniker fodder for endless mockery, but it smacks of a publicity stunt.

Some celebrities give their children ridiculous names, but the name itself means something to the couple and who am I to judge? Beyoncé and Jay-Z named their daughter Blue Ivy after her father’s body of work and their wedding date. Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin named their son Moses after a song he had penned for his wife and daughter. No Doubt singer Gwen Stefani named her son Zuma after a beach she grew up on. While I wouldn’t choose those names for my children, @ least they all have a special meaning.

However, West and Kardashian are known for their desperate grabs for fame & it would seem like poor baby North is a victim of her parents’ quest to stay in the papers. But then again, even non famous parents give their children “tryndy” spellings or cutesy monikers and that can be just as bad as naming your kid Audio Science. Now, I’m no parenting expert, but these were the things I considered when naming my girls:

1. Can everyone pronounce it? Names like Kyndyll or Maddalynne may look cool to you, but chances are, no one will know that’s supposed to be Kendall or Madeline. Write it down & give it to five friends, if any one of them trips on it, then a substitute teacher will too.

2. Remember, babies grow into people. Gracie is a super cute little girl name, but would you go to Dr. Gracie? Or Dr. Peaches? Or Pilot Inspektor, barrister & solicitor? When practising my child’s name, I put “doctor,” “barrister & solicitor,” “DDS,” etc. If it didn’t sound like someone I would let give me a root canal, I omitted the name.

3. Kids are mean. I was Harry Melon through most of public school. While Mary Christmas, Sandy Beach, or Spring Water may seem cute, it’s likely going to get your kid’s ass beat.

Kids are not props or toys. They are people with futures too. Parents have a job @ birth to name their child something that won’t stunt that future. Remember that before you name your baby.

As for baby North, here’s hoping she has a good nanny, as her parents have shown that they have little concern for her welfare.

Pound The Alarm

June 17, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?

Here’s my not so big secret; I’m overweight.

It’s not something I’m proud of. I’ve been struggling with my weight since a 150lbs weight gain 11 years ago. I’ve gone up and down and up and down and school didn’t permit me to have the best diet ever. This is why during my last semester, I started doing Stratusphere Yoga and running 5k every other day to start getting in shape. I’m seeing results slowly as I change my diet, less greasy foods and more focus on dairy, fruits and veggies and drinking more water. All good things and my pants are indicative of the results.

I’m doing all of this because I need to be accountable to myself for my body. After all, it’s mine alone and I need to take responsibility for my body and how I look. So, I do things like exercise, change my eating habits, etc. If I eat ice cream and gain weight, then that is my fault too.

This brings me to the idea of “fat shaming” that I wrote about awhile ago and something a fellow writer has said on his Facebook page. This is that while no, we shouldn’t shame you if you weren’t built to be a size 0, or if that isn’t the look you strive for, we should stop sugar coating obesity as what it is; fat. I am fat. I know this. I am aware of this and I don’t need people to shame me into feeling bad about myself. But I also know that I am accountable for being fat and if I want to change it, the buck stops with me.

I hate it when people say “It’s not my fault,” and then order the double Big Mac with super sized fries and then cry about people commenting about their weight gain. Well, you didn’t wake up nearly 400lbs. You made the choices that made you obese. While some people will never be smaller than a women’s size 18, that’s how their body is built and they might have worked hard to achieve those results. Wanting to be in the best shape for your size is not a bad thing.

I have a friend who is a big girl and she works it. She knows she’s fat and she has a positive self image and I think she’s amazeballs for it. What bothers me is these people who claim that they are “totally cool” with their bigger selves and then complain about people who either have no patience to sugar coat the truth or someone thinner, by continuously insulting them, or making reference to their skinny ass. No one is going to hold your hand through life or magically help you lose weight. You need to put in the time and the work. If you don’t, then don’t complain when people don’t tell you how great you look.

I guess I’m saying these things because for years, I made those excuses. It’s not my fault; I work crazy shifts, I have no time to work out, running is for losers, I like ice cream, etc. and there was always a reason why I couldn’t work out. But I was only hurting myself when I couldn’t fit in the cute clothes that I liked, etc. Now I work out with my kids in the room with me (they don’t do the poses quite the same, but they try) and my track star daughter comes running with me sometimes. I go @ night after they’ve gone to bed and use the track across the street from my house. My reminding myself that I am responsible for my body and only I can make it look how I want, then I can focus on sticking to my goals.

So, everyone has two choices. You can be fat or you can work to get in shape. But no one can make you fat and no one can help you get in shape. Those two choices are your call.

Butterfly Kisses

June 16, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Douchers, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

In honour of Father’s Day, I’ve decided to write about my relationship with my own father figures.

My father passed away when I was five years old, so I was that kid who sat out of craft time while the other kids got to make their paper neckties. It was pretty demoralizing and likely didn’t help with that fear of isolation, but I’m not here to psychoanalyze myself.

I’ve often wondered if my dad would be proud of the person I’ve become, or if he would think I was some kind of raging screw-up. I haven’t really been the best kid all of the time. I’ve lipped off to my mom, I’ve been a pain in the ass and I’ll likely never have a husband, namely because I don’t particularly see it as important and I don’t know if I want to date anyone ever again (my track record of cancelling the last 15 dates in a row is pretty telling), nor would my children accept anyone else besides the mate they want for me. My first marriage was a comedy of errors and my academic performance in any class that wasn’t english, the arts, sociology or media was pretty piss poor. I mean, yeah, I got the diplomas, but could I have been better? Am I the person that my father would be proud of? It’s something that weighs on me every single Father’s day.

Then there is my foster father, whom I call my dad. He is a great man, who encouraged me to be myself. He told me that I was a charismatic, dynamic young lady and people would be jealous of the person that I was, because all eyes go on me when I enter a room because I’m bright, witty, and charming. He taught me to be myself, trust my own instincts and believe that I was capable of anything. Somewhere I lost those lessons along the way and I guess I need to reclaim those lessons, because my dad is a smart man and he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t believe it. He’s the most important male influence I’ve ever had and I hope he’s proud of me too. Sometimes I wonder, for all of the reasons listed above. Maybe I don’t live up to my full potential. Maybe I don’t surround myself with the right people. Maybe I screw up the positive relationships in my life to spend time with people who hold me back from being my best self. I don’t know, but I know that I hope he’s proud of me.

So, these are the things I think about every single father’s day. I hope all of the dads out there are having a great day. To the stepdads who pick up the slack for the deadbeats and the dads that take their job seriously, I commend you. To the single moms going it alone, be proud of yourselves. To the grandpas and uncles and male role models who step up when no one else is there and come out to family outings, etc. I hope you know how important you are.

I Need Your Love

June 2, 2013June 3, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, Current Events, Mommydom, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Television

Giuliana Rancic outraged mothers this week when she made the controversial statement that she puts her marriage ahead of her nine month old son Duke.

She stated that she feels her husband Bill may be a better father than her and that kids do better in homes with happy parents, so she makes her marriage her first priority.

Photo Courtesy of: celebritypregnancy.sheknows.com

A lot of women stated that Rancic, who was famously open about her struggles to conceive (Duke was delivered by gestational surrogate), should be more grateful for her son, and that she should be the world’s most doting mom and shouldn’t have any struggles to bond, etc. This reminded me of when my best friend got pregnant with her son after years of struggles to conceive. While sitting with me and another friend, she said she couldn’t wait for her son to be born because she hated being pregnant. Once she left, the other friend said how my best friend was “sick” for not revelling in the pregnancy that she had longed for and if it were HER having the baby, she would relish every second that she was carrying her little one.

This begs the question; are parenting struggles reserved for women who can conceive easily? I can freely admit that I hated every single second that I was pregnant. From the moment I peed on that stick from the moment that each of my daughters were born, I loathed being pregnant. I was tired, sore, I barfed a lot and often ended up on bedrest. It wasn’t fun. My best friend struggled to gain weight, had horrible morning sickness and food aversions. She was pregnant throughout a hot summer in a house with no air conditioning. It wasn’t terribly fun.

Rancic’s admission that she currently feels that her husband has bonded to their son more is honest. She mentioned that as Duke grows, it may be different. However, we need to stop putting pressure on women who struggle to become mothers and try to make them perfect mothers. We’re all human. Moms who have a child via IVF are just as prone to PPD. Moms who have a child via surrogate may suffer from the same anxiety that people who adopt have; the idea that it’s harder to bond because they didn’t have the “joy” of carrying him or her. Rancic’s point that children fare better in homes where parents have a happy marriage is true. Could she have worded it better? Absolutely. But, the Rancics are committed to keeping their relationship together for each other and for Duke and that should be commended.

However a child comes into the world, parenting a child full time is still a hard job. It’s not always easy and it’s not always exactly as you imagined and sometimes your co-parent might handle a certain age or stage better than you. There’s no shame in being honest about these things. Just because it was harder to create the child, doesn’t mean you are obligated to somehow parent flawlessly, with no qualms, concerns, or anxiety. That’s just silly.

Wipe Your Eyes

May 29, 2013May 30, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Just Fun, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, Political Fluff, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, Television

An open letter to Adam Levine:

Dear Mr. Levine,

I couldn’t help but notice you’ve gotten yourself into a wee bit of a situation by saying “I hate this country” after the shocking results of last night’s episode of the Voice. You even had to take to Twitter AND release a statement saying that you love America because no other human being has ever said something while irritated. Apparently, saying something while pissed off is now national news. I could definitely understand why you would be frustrated by this negative press and the concern about how it will affect your last team member Amber Carrington. So, I propose a solution;

move to Canada.

Seriously! Move to Canada. We say we hate our country, it’s Prime Minister, and even Toronto’s crack smoking mayor and no one really cares. We’re a pretty apathetic bunch. We also embrace American celebrities who move here while shunning the ones who were born here, except for Dan Akroyd, Ryan Reynolds & Ryan Gosling (we don’t care much for Justin Bieber either, that’s why we sent him to you). We don’t really have tabloids, so you wouldn’t be facing a scandal for getting annoyed with a popular vote and making a sarcastic jab. In fact, we would have likely just blamed Alberta and went back to eating our Tim Horton’s donut and bitched about some shoddy reffing in the Kings/Sharks game.

Yes, Mr. Levine, move to Canada. You will keep your Godlike celebrity status without all of the paparazzi and scandals about nothing. You’ll also get free health care & our music station actually plays videos! Our Prime Minister is kind of a douchebag, but we make fun of him all of the time, so we won’t get offended if you do too, as long as you don’t mock our coffee, Mounted Police or hockey. You can still watch the Lakers and they will always win because the Raptors absolutely suck. We do have country music, but we try to keep it centralized in it’s own province and you could collaborate with one of our amazing musicians. As a supporter of same sex marriage, I am happy to tell you its perfectly legal here! Our money is super pretty & we don’t have annoying pennies anymore. Also, if you need a place to crash, you could stay on my couch.

If this doesn’t work, well you could always just take your shirt off and I’m pretty sure America will forgive you. I know I would. Either way, it’s your call.

Sincerely, MHC

Music Again

May 25, 2013May 25, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Douchers, MH vs Dating, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?

When I was a kid, I only had two goals in my life. I wanted to be a writer and I wanted to sing.

Fast forward to my 19th year of life, when I took a chance and applied to Humber College’s Bachelor of Music program (and journalism to fall back on). Shockingly enough, I received an advanced acceptance to both! I was so excited and I told my music teacher Mrs. Christmas (no her first name wasn’t Mary. That was her husband’s first wife) who reiterated what the faculty @ Humber said, that my future in performing arts was limited because while I was a talented singer, I had a squeak. The squeak would prevent me from ever becoming a successful performer. So, I gave up on my dream of full time performing and focused solely on writing. This is likely for the best, as I am a much better performer than I am a singer.

Anywho, years later (you don’t need to know how many), my friend Yogi said she wanted to sing @ karaoke with me and I sent her an audio clip of me singing acapella and she told me that it was great! No mention of the dreaded squeak that made me somehow untalented. Just that I was awesome. So, from that day on, I accepted the squeak.

We all have something like that. I am an amazing person except for ____. However, we need to swap out “except” with “accept”. By embracing the things about us and the people around us that totally suck, we will be able to truly love ourselves for who and what we are. So, I will always accept the parts of me that suck and be completely accepting of my flaws, just like my squeak. I seriously contemplated uploading audio of me singing my favourite song (Stubborn Love by the Lumineers) because I’m pretty sure I squeak a lot, but I am techno stupid and I don’t know how to do that.

So, the next time someone says “you’re great except…” just swap that word for “accept” and love who you are, squeak and all.

Cry

May 21, 2013May 21, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Douchers, Mommydom, Seriously WTF?

There are two very different facets of my personality.

There is the adorably dynamic & charismatic bubble brain that people know & love & there is another side, that I like to call “Crazy crying MH.”

Crazy crying MH is actually super annoying. She strains my relationships because people perceive me as weak & people feel the urge to protect me from bad things. It means my logical mind cannot process what’s happening, or I’m feeling overwhelmed, or an extreme emotion, like betrayal, sadness, confusion, etc. It’s frustrating for the people around me & I love the people who @ least try to be my friend even though Crazy crying MH exists.

My parents handled it easily, they told me that my emotions were high & to retreat to my room while I had a chance to calm down. I asked the friends who have known me my entire life how they handled my melodramatic crying jags & they said “we told you to shut the f*ck up & you would stop & be like, sorry about that. Then you’d talk like a normal person & be cool again.” There is one person in this world who can calm my self imposed hysteria by saying my name. However, I hate Crazy crying MH.

I hate her because she brings back that desperate need to be approved of, loved & accepted. When I feel lost, or like my interpersonal relationships are strained or that I can’t communicate my feelings properly, that’s when I become that person that I hate. My ex husband is right on the level that I allow my friends to influence me & my choices more than I’d like, because deep down, I’m afraid that their lack of approval in my profession, my choice in mate, my hair, et al, that I’ll lose some of their respect, which prompts me to second guess myself, which brings out Crazy crying MH, which makes them lose respect for me, which makes me cry more, which brings about the cycle of suck.

But it all comes back to me & my reluctance to be confident in my life, my choices, my path. Wasn’t the whole point of escaping the controlling douche husband for me to become my own person? So, why does it matter if my friends approve of every little thing? I don’t agree with all of their choices, why do I expect them to agree with all of mine & why does it weigh on me when they don’t approve? I don’t like the idea that people will view my friends like they’re my bodyguards, it’s disrespectful to them, because I don’t want my friends to feel like they have to be my brute squad, because then I’ve given them a job & I don’t want to burden people with protecting me. Maybe more people should tell me to STFU, because I’m more likely to snap out of the crying zone & defend my choices.

So, while I’m forced to accept that Crazy crying MH is a facet of my personality, I don’t have to let her out. I need to stop worrying about whether or not everyone agrees & just do what I feel is right & if I’m wrong, then stand by my mistake. This way my friends won’t feel like they need to guard me like a baby chick & I can eventually bury Crazy crying MH until she comes out so rarely, it’s a shock when we see her.

Let Her Go

May 14, 2013May 14, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

I’m a firm believer that with great power comes great responsibility.

I personally don’t believe that celebs get to complain about the paparazzi hounding them, as they use the media to promote themselves, their careers, etc. so naturally there is a bad side with the good. However, there is a limit. I don’t feel celebrity children should be photographed, they did not choose that lifestyle. But there is also a limit to what should and should not be published, such as rumours that are vile, unfounded, etc.

This brings me to Beyoncé Knowles, who has recently been admitted to hospital for exhaustion amidst pregnancy rumours. People Magazine reported the story and the keyboard warriors came out in full force, slamming Knowles, her husband Jay-Z, her daughter Blue and questioned the validity of her first pregnancy, claiming she used a surrogate and she needed to provide evidence that she had given birth to satisfy them. Knowles has released photos of her pregnancy belly (I hate the term baby bump) in her documentary “Life is But a Dream” but people still claim that Knowles has not “proven” she was pregnant and that her baby daughter is ugly.

This makes me wonder how much free time we as a society have when we demand proof that a stranger gave birth to a child. Does it really matter how Blue came into the world? It could have been a surrogate, adoption, or Knowles gave birth to her, as she has said. That is Knowles and Jay-Z’s daughter and they love her. How she was born is irrelevant. Blue is also a 16 month old child and not famous. Her parents are famous entertainers, but she is a baby. Insulting her appearance, her temperament, etc. is just cruel. In this day and age, when adults tell children not to bully children, those same adults turn around and bully a 16 month child, as well as other celebrity children, including Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Suri Cruise. These are small children and completely irrelevant to the lives of the people who harass them. Why such vitriol for small children, or even the celebrity parents?

I’m not a huge Beyoncé Knowles fan. I enjoy a few of her songs, but I’m not going to rush out to see her concerts or anything. However, I’m also not going to question whether or not she was really pregnant with her daughter, insult her baby’s appearance, or claim she’s part of the illuminati. I’m going to listen to the songs that I like. Perhaps we as a society should stop looking for reasons to tear down a happily married couple who are successful and just enjoy their bodies of work, not belittle their defenseless child or demand access to a woman’s private moments. After all, if someone had questioned whether or not I had given birth, I would punch you in the face. Kudos to Knowles for handling these rumours with class and grace.

What Makes You Beautiful

May 8, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Douchers, Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?

I’ve been reading a lot about the idea of fat shaming and makeup shaming, etc. and how these are supposed to help women lose weight, give up the mascara, etc.

My good friend the Psych Major and her husband are known for this. They don’t hold back and will tell people “You’re fat” when asked. This causes a bit of strife with my other friends, as they call them narcissistic and think that the only thing that matters is physical appearance. Having known the Psych Major for her entire adult life, nothing could be further from the truth. She’s a loving, kind, gentle and understanding person. She just also calls a spade a spade and isn’t going to sugar coat it to make you feel better. If you ask her, she’ll tell you that you’re overweight. She won’t call you a fatty and bully you, but she’ll give it to you straight. I’m overweight and I know this. This is why I’ve chosen to work with a dietician and start a diet and exercise program to help me get in shape, make better food choices, etc. I’m not doing it because I feel I need to lose weight to please the masses, I want to set a good example for my children. Personally, I think we should all stop making excuses and get up off of the couch and focus on our health (not so much the size on our pants), myself included, even if it’s just 10 minutes of walking and drinking more water. But do I think we need to shame people through bullying and name calling? Nope. Not all women are built to be thin. Some people are going to be curvy, some thin, and some women are going to be thrilled to death that they’ve reached their skinny size of 20. When I read that Abercrombie & Fitch doesn’t sell clothes in women’s L or XL sizes so overweight people couldn’t wear their gear, I was shocked. I also realized that as a thin teenager I could never have owned a shirt from there, as my DD cup chest has never fit in a shirt smaller than a large.

But I have noticed for years that it’s considered socially acceptable to shame women for wanting to look nice. I wear makeup. I don’t do pounds of foundation, or even lipstick, but I do play up my eyes a lot and my makeup collection is in a huge trunk. I do it for me, because I like to look nice when I go out in public. Much like food, presentation is important and I think there’s something to be said for a person who puts themselves together. I have my bummy days, but I like to look nice when I go out in public. However, I will constantly read people say things like “Oh, she’s obviously more comfortable with herself because she doesn’t wear makeup or worry about clothes, etc.” or I’ll see people lying about how they never wear makeup while watching them put on their mascara. It’s almost like it’s some sort of sin to wear makeup. Women appear damned if we do and damned if we don’t. If we don’t wear makeup, then we’re some kind of pinko-femminazi, but if we do wear it, clearly we have crippling low self esteem and need it to feel some kind of self-worth.

I don’t understand why women should feel ashamed for wanting to take care of themselves. I may pray to Bath and Body Works and the L’Oreal corporation and use various products to help keep my skin hydrated and my face looking fresh, but I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to keep myself looking and feeling good. Obviously it’s working, as I know people who are younger than me who have been called my mother. If you’re not a makeup person, that’s cool, stay true to who you are, but there is no reason to belittle the women who enjoy make up and pedicures either. We should do what we feel most comfortable with to feel good about ourselves, whether it’s sweats and a t-shirt or dressed to the nines. But much like shaming someone for their weight, we shouldn’t shame someone for wanting to look nice either.

Every woman is different. Their comfort level is different. Their style of dress and how they wear their hair is different. Let’s embrace these differences and enjoy them without bullying each other. Honesty and shaming are different. Telling a friend, “I wouldn’t personally wear that eye shadow” or “You’re overweight” is totally different from shaming someone into making a good food choice or for wearing lip gloss. Do what works for you and let them do what works for them.

Laying Me Low

April 30, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Mommydom, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

I love Pink.

She’s such a cool chick; talented, smart, and strong with some old-fashioned ideals. She and her husband Cary Hart chose to work on their marriage instead of throw in the towel like so many Hollywood couples. She’s also a cool, laid back mom who does her best to shield her little girl from the harsh public eye so she grows up as normally as possible.

However, a recent interview with Allure magazine in which the singer/songwriter mentioned that her daughter Willow had suffered a concussion (she points out that the doctors said “kids fall”) and Willow’s penchant for saying “F***, Hi” had the keyboard warriors out in full force, tearing down the mom for inadvertently teaching her daughter foul language and why wasn’t she watching Willow (despite the article saying that she was walking right in front of Willow).

I will never claim to be the perfect mother. Mainly because I’m not. My housekeeping skills are subpar, I’m goofy and silly and I also feed them stuff with preservatives! GASP! My parenting struggles are well documented (You can check them out HERE, HERE & HERE) and while I may not be that perfect TV mom (I’m more Peg Bundy than Carol Brady, only without the neglect and I can actually cook), I know I’m doing my best to be the best mom that I can be.

It’s hard enough to be a parent without the sanctimommies in full force telling us why we suck. It’s not always easy. Kids get hurt. Kids mouth off. Sometimes, you think to yourself that if you have to watch one more episode of Toopy & Binoo or hear that One Direction song, you’re gonna throttle that cross-dressing mouse or kick Harry Styles’s curly haired ass. However, as long as you’re doing the best you can for your children, then you’re doing okay. So, don’t feel badly if you’ve had a rough day with the little ones or if they hurt themselves or if you REALLY just want to drink a glass of wine and never hear the word “Elmo” again.

So, on behalf of moms everywhere, let me tell all of the parents out there: You are doing a good job. Yes, you. You’re doing a great job and I hope you know that. So, whether it’s been an amazing parenting day, or you’re curled up in the fetal position because they’ve copped a huge attitude, kudos to you.