Current Events – Page 17 – The Misadventures of MHC

I’ll Fight

November 24, 2013November 29, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

The best laid plans…*grumbles*

I’ve heard everything from the universe is trying to right something in my life that is off of its axis to London just sucks, but all of my house hunting has been futile this far. I had a lovely place lined up for the first of this month when certain situations (my landlords here wanted me to stay longer & I didn’t realize I needed to give 60 days notice, angry tween spazzed & after I moved my timeline to January, I was presented with an implication of the possibility of getting everything I ever wanted) arose, I had to decline, as they couldn’t hold it for me. Now I can’t find anything suitable for my family. I’ve been down to London 4 times & each time have found nothing. Balls.

But setbacks are simply setups for comebacks, so instead of moping about, this has strengthened my resolve to leave Windsor & start over. It’ll just take a little longer than I planned. I’ll get through the holidays & save up a little more & then move.

My friend Gigi asked me if there was anything worth staying in Windsor for & I presented her a scenario in which I said I would have “won @ life.” She laughed. However, I’m not big on waiting for my future to come to me, or for the universe’s grand design. If the universe is keeping me here for a couple of extra months, then it best get on providing the reason why, because I’m in no mood to play games hahaha. I can be VERY stubborn & I AM LEAVING. I am starting over. I will do that in a new city. None of these setbacks mean anything, because I’m determined to make my life what I want. I want to be happy. I want a great life for my girls & a place to build my portfolio & maybe even a happily ever after with the love of my life. In order to do that, I need to be focused on the things I need to do to make that happen. So, I’ll research what city is best for me, I’ll keep striving to be the best Mama that I can be & I’ll keep writing my “how to not screw up your life by doing the opposite of what I do,” manual known as this blog, because it makes me a stronger writer. Focusing on those things that make me most happy while continuing to focus on my relocation will keep me grounded & will make it that much more satisfying when it all comes together & I’m sitting in my new home, in my new city, enjoying my new life.

So, challenge away universe. I’m pretty determined & when I set my mind on something, there’s no stopping. I’ll get what I want…just watch me.

Shallow Days

September 27, 2013September 29, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Dear Blank, Douchers, Life, MH vs Dating, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Social Media, Television

Spoiler: Do not read if you have not yet watched the season premiere of Glee.

I rarely watch television, but there are about four shows that I enjoy & one of them is Glee.

I was disappointed that I missed the premiere (as I was on a train heading home from house hunting), so I followed along on Social Media & was delighted to read that my favourite couple, Kurt & Blaine had reconciled & were now engaged. As I read the details of the over the top proposal, I read people everywhere demanding a proposal like that, which reminded me of a recent post on one of my favourite blogs, Mommy Man, sharing my disdain for over the top marriage proposals. (Something I mention on this site regularly after the finale of the Bachelorette)

I do not find them romantic; I always feel like that Star Wars character that screams “it’s a trap!” After all, your whole family is there, or an arena full of people, or a flash mob & they’re all staring @ you waiting for an answer, so you have to say yes or you’re an asshole. Then you have to plan a wedding, where the bride is the centre of attention & everyone is staring & critiquing everything, & everyone is mad because so & so wasn’t invited or the bridesmaids hate their dresses & nothing is about the celebration of two people joining their lives, it’s about this party that’s worth the down payment of a house & the whole process freaks me out. While it’s sweet when Blaine plans this for Kurt, as the world of Glee is meant to be over the top, I’d probably stand there, deer caught in the headlights & then puke.

I caught up with an old friend this week & we were talking about how she & her partner are in no rush to wed because it just works for them & she reminded me that even when we were kids, I was never the “wedding” type. I always said I wanted to elope & we would just tell people when we felt like it. I’m not good with commitment; I’ve discussed it twice. Once with the sudden proposal & I spent my entire engagement trying to get out of the wedding, including nearly jilting my ex-husband @ the altar. I got my amazing daughters, so the union wasn’t a total wash, but it’s apparent that marrying him was a mistake. The second time we made a plan & the closer we got to the planned date, the more I panicked. Were we ready? Were we skipping steps? Too fast? Too slow? Do we really have to have a wedding where people will quietly judge me for being married twice? Can’t we just stay in the place we are in the relationship & just remain, because the person was right, but the timing of the engagement plan is all wrong. Maybe I just haven’t met the right person & that’s why it freaked me out. Or, I self sabotage. Whatever.

I’ve often wondered if I fail being a girl because there is no dream ring, dream wedding on Pinterest. I know my limitations & commitment is one of them. I’d either need to be engaged for a million years or one day, where the person I love shows up @ my door & tells me that no matter how much of a mess the rest of life, our relationship might be, loving me is the right thing & we just elope that day. Maybe that’s the key to relationships; keeping everyone else out, which is my big beef about these elaborate proposals. I’ve learned that sometimes, well intentioned friends & family members will butt in to your relationship when times aren’t pretty & it’s up to the two of you to keep them out, because then your relationship becomes the source of third party gossip, with someone else’s hyperbole & is usually completely wrong. Ignore them, talk to each other. You’re killing the trust by listening to your friends & family (or theirs!) over your partner. It’s okay to talk to someone for advice, but I’ve learned you need to limit that too. So, by inviting them all to your choreographed, Bruno Mars lipsynched proposal, you’ve invited them to be part of your relationship. While it’s sweet that you want to share that moment, the choice to make a lifetime commitment should be a private one, the celebration (the wedding) can involve family. When my marriage was falling apart, I had so many people offer me advice because “I was at your wedding,” so obviously they knew how to fix it. Generally, when I’m fixating, I just want a sounding board. I don’t want advice from the peanut gallery, as it makes my mind more jumbled.

I think I’m more like another Glee character, Emma Schuester (nee Pillsbury), who just cannot handle the pressure of a big, public commitment & giant wedding. The actual choice to share my life with someone will always freak me out, even if it feels like the right person. Emma jilted her fiancé Will because the wedding & the choice freaked her out & they went back to dating. They later wed in the choir room, with only their students present. And while it might seem lame to most, the idea of myself & my partner (& the legally required two witnesses) being the only ones present when we make a commitment (after I’ve breathed in the bag) sounds better than all of the flash mobs, dance numbers & Beatles covers in the world.

Headlights on the Highway

September 22, 2013September 22, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Dorkdom, Douchers, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

I like my job. It’s a very nice job. It’s not in my field (either of them) but it pays me well, which is important as I’m a sole support parent receiving no financial support whatsoever from the children’s father (while yes, he is unemployed & has been for some time, he also refused to pay child support for 11 months when he was working & preferred to wait until his wages were garnisheed). I like that they are flexible so I could freelance on the side when I’m ready to & I can transfer to a new city without issue.

However, I sometimes have to stop myself when guests complain of high prices & the expectation of paying money for a new device from telling them that their first world or “white people” problems are not so bad & they need to quit whining.

Yes, there are cell phone networks that offer unlimited everything for $30/mos, but you get what you pay for, which is a tiny network, slow connection & internet throttling after a certain percentage. When people whine, I want to remind them that a cell phone is a luxury item & to STFU.

Before I get flamed, yes, a phone is essential, but for $15 you can do prepaid & have a flip phone for emergencies. I am writing this from my iPhone. I do not need to have the capability to blog from my phone. I could easily go home to my computer (luxury item) and log onto my internet (luxury item) & update my blog (luxury item). You do not need a smartphone unless you work where you need access to email @ all times. You do not need to update your Facebook (luxury item) from your phone or listen to music (luxury item) from your phone. You need it to make calls. Anything else is a bonus.

Yes, my job security relies on you wanting those luxury items, but let’s call a spade a spade; that’s what they are. I love my iPhone, but I also know it’s a toy & to use it, I’m willing to fork out the money. If I want fast internet, I need to fork out money. Same with cable, netflix, video games, etc. They are bonuses in life.

Remember, while you’re whining because you don’t have your shiny new gold istatussymbol, there are real people suffering real problems, like divorce, death, hunger, war, income loss, job loss, and homelessness. If your biggest woe is that your $750 trinket is going to cost you $70/month, life’s good for you.

We neeed to rationalize what is a necessity & what is just for fun. Food we need, phones we don’t. With that in mind, I’ll resume selling luxury items to the masses.

Sent from my iPhone

Hold On

September 10, 2013September 10, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Crazy Talk, Current Events, Life, Social Media, support Windsor!, When Things Suck Hard

Today is Suicide Awareness Day.

Please don’t give up. I know it hurts that they left you, or that you didn’t make the team, or get that job. I know it hurts that they called you those names & said you don’t matter. I know you want them to love you & they don’t & it sucks & you want to not hurt anymore. I know you wish your parents cared but they’re mean & it seems like there’s no one & no where left to go.

Well, I don’t know you, but I’m here & you can contact me via email @ ash.multimedia@yahoo.ca or find me on Twitter. I think you’re great & you worked really hard. I know someone will love you even though they didn’t. Your parents are likely proud of you, they just don’t know how to show you or let their own sadness bring them down. People come & go & it’s okay because the best ones will come back or better yet, never leave. Don’t wait for them, live your life & be a beacon of awesome. Life hands miracles to us every day & can be found with courage, faith & conviction. Give yourself a chance to find them.

But it will be okay. Maybe not right away, but it will be. It will be alright & you will become a champion because everything that hurt you taught you to be strong and you will be alright.

If you do have suicidal thoughts, call the number listed with your country. Qualified crisis counsellors will help you & if nothing else, you’ll feel like someone listened & for awhile, you’ll be okay. Feeling suicidal does not make you crazy, or worthless, or a bad person. It means that you’ve lost the ability to cope & that’s okay, you can find it again, I promise. I also promise someone out there needs you. You might not have even met them yet, but they do. Hold on for that someone, whether its a friend, a parent, a teacher, your child, the person that you love most in this world, regardless of your current relationship, hold on for them and for you.

Blurred Lines

August 26, 2013August 27, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, Current Events, Life, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

An open letter to everyone,

Dear everyone,

I’m so glad that you have decided to go to Social Media and complain about your precious eyes after Miley Cyrus danced in her underpants @ the VMA’s. I’ve read everything from how she’s pathetically begging for attention to how Robin Thicke was some kind of victim. However, as a semi-retired journalist, I’m going to weigh in.

You all did EXACTLY what you were supposed to do.

Much like the Madonna/Britney kiss or Rose McGowan’s assless dress, you all talked about Miley & Thicke, who performed a mash up of their songs & recreated their videos. Cyrus’s new single Wrecking Ball is number one on iTunes & Thicke’s single Blurred Lines is number 2 (It should be noted that Blurred Lines was the number one single of summer, with Cyrus’s We Can’t Stop @ number two). Everyone is talking about Robin Thicke & Miley Cyrus on a night that was supposed to be about duelling performances between Lady Gaga & Katy Perry & the N*Sync reunion. Cyrus & Thicke knew they needed to get people talking, as bad press is good press & they did. They played you like fiddles & you all fell for it.

Miley Cyrus is sitting somewhere laughing at you in her million dollar house with Liam Hemsworth by her side & watching as Bangerz is the most pre-ordered album on iTunes. Thicke is sitting somewhere laughing his ass off as Blurred Lines is getting a bump in AirPlay while everyone dissects the lyrics & he maintains the number one single of summer. You gave them EXACTLY what they wanted; notoriety.

So, congrats for falling in line with your outrage & social commentary. I’m sure Cyrus & Thicke appreciate it. I’m sure they’ll thank you @ the Billboard Music Awards when they clean house or in one of the tens of millions of articles about it or when both songs get a boost next year when MTV shows highlights of the awards. Because the only reason it’s controversial is because you’re talking about it.

Sincerely & ironically, MHC

Take It Off

August 10, 2013August 10, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

An open letter to the parents who complained about the content of last night’s Ke$ha concert.

Dear parents,

Last night, my friends & I saw Ke$ha. I saw you there, swarming security, complaining about Ke$ha’s scantily clad dancers & profanity. You blamed Caesars for not providing you with family friendly entertainment. So, as a fellow parent I have one thing to say;

Shame on you.

Shame on you for taking to social media to complain about a concert your tween child had no business attending. Caesars had signs everywhere reminding people that while it was all ages, there could be explicit language, a warning that was hammered home when we bought our tickets. Shame on you for not doing your job as a parent & researching what kind of show Ke$ha puts on. Shame on you for demanding that a casino provide family friendly entertainment.

My 12 year old begged me to bring her to see Ke$ha & I said (wait for it) NO. I knew her show was not for her demographic & opted to keep her home. Just because Caesars Windsor sells tickets, doesn’t mean your little angel needs them.

Speaking of little angels, were yours among the Tweens in short shorts & fishnets, bikini tops or plunging mesh tops, cursing out everyone, waving the middle finger & referring to my friend (who said the shorts were too short) as “Free Willy” & screaming “you should f***ing kill yourself because you sasses me!” Because that happened & the girl who’s mouth that came out of couldn’t have been older than 13. Ke$ha may be provocative & her lyrics sexual, but her first statement on stage was “please be yourself & love each other for being yourselves.” I think you have bigger problems than Ke$ha saying she likes boobs & balls.

At the end of the day, you are a parent & you have an obligation to teach your children what is appropriate & what isn’t. You need to know what your children listen to. If you aren’t doing that, then you’re not parenting. Instead of complaining, why not educate your child that Ke$ha’s language & raunchy lyrics are not how you wish them to carry themselves. Explain why that is not appropriate speech. Parent them.

So, don’t blame Caesars or Ke$ha for putting on an inappropriate show, blame yourselves for not caring enough to take the five minutes to know if your kid should have been there in the first place.

Sincerely, MHC

My Precious

August 1, 2013August 2, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Crazy Talk, Current Events, Dorkdom, Just Fun, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

I spend a lot of time on Facebook on the bus rides to & from work. During this time, people ask a lot of rhetorical questions. So, I decided to play guru & answer all of the rhetorical questions people post on Facebook! Hooray!

***Disclaimer: I am not smart nor qualified to dispense advice. The magic 8 ball is more qualified than me. Any taking of my knowledge & applying it to your life isn’t wise, as I’m not wise.***

Rhetorical question #1: why are people cruel?

Answer: because you let them. A lesson I have learned is that people will be as mean as you let them. Don’t allow it. Ignore it, be a lady (or gentleman) & do not dignify cruelty with a response. Simply remove what they intend to use as “ammo” & carry on like they do not exist. Also, people are cruelest to the one that loves them most. They know you’ll take it, absorb it, nurse that wound & continue to love them. It’s control. You can love someone more than life, but you don’t need to take their crap. Remember the words that my foster father gave me years ago: people are generally good & those that aren’t get what they deserve.

Rhetorical question #2: why do people Facebook creep/stalk their exes? It’s soooo annoying & I just want to punch my cousin in the face because she does it all of the time & then cries.

Rhetorical answer: because they are still in love with them. There are only two true emotions; love & indifference. Hate is just an angry version of love. If you care soooo much about what your ex is thinking that you creep them incessantly, you are still in love with them & any attempts to move forward are just attempts to replace what you left behind (The song Hurricane by Parachute addresses this well). Even the “I need to know they are thinking about/talking about me” proves you are in love with them, because that just screams that you need validation, that they think of you as much as you think of them. I guess the one upside to low self image is I just assume you’re not thinking about me and I need to do something to move on, so I just avoid. I will block you & everyone you know until I feel indifference. It’s likely the extreme opposite, but it makes me feel better. Also, don’t punch your cousin. Violence is never cool.

Rhetorical question #3: why do families hurt each other?

Rhetorical answer: because happy families that make sense & love each other every second only exist on TV. Every family has its moments where someone is a donger. Maybe they’re all dongers. MAYBE YOU’RE A DONGER. But we hold family to a higher expectation; stop that. All human interaction can be marred by human emotion. Blood doesn’t change that.

Rhetorical Question #4: WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SENDING ME GAME REQUESTS?!

Rhetorical answer: okay, this isn’t rhetorical, it just is. Go to settings & block the requests.

Rhetorical question #5: why are men/women such jerks?

Rhetorical answer: they’re not. Jerkdom is not defined by gender; it’s defined by jerks. Maybe that person dealt with so many other jerks who were hurt by previous jerks who were hurt by the original jerk. Think vampirism, only with jerks. Show kindness in the face of jerkdom. You’ll be surprised how people’s attitudes will change once you show them kindness.

Rhetorical question #6: why is dating so hard?

Rhetorical answer: chances are that you have unrealistic expectations. Obviously things like kids, sexual appetite, matrimony, are deal breakers, but if you’re looking for a supermodel when you aren’t or nitpicking about details that don’t matter, you’re choosing to make it hard. Life is about compromise & you need to figure out which details are set in stone & which ones aren’t & stop sending people packing because they didn’t have ocean green eyes with tanned skin. I know this, because I walk out of dates all of the time for dumb stuff just like that.

Rhetorical question #7: WHY WON’T MY CHILDREN BEHAVE?!

Rhetorical answer: I have no idea. But if you ever find the answer, share it with the rest of us. May God give you strength.

Rhetorical question #8: why are some people so awful? Like for reals, I wouldn’t do that to my BEST FRIEND & I can’t believe you would put that on Facebook. Not talking about any one person, but if I was, you know who you are.

Rhetorical answer: you did just put it on Facebook. Congrats, you got attention.

Rhetorical question #9: why does everything bad happen to meee? FML (sorry, can’t talk about it)

Rhetorical answer: see above.

There you have it, answers to random questions found on Facebook! I hope you got a cheap laugh & perhaps I’ll do it again sometime.

Unapologetic

July 25, 2013July 27, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

Today has been one of those days. Long, stressful & blah. Because I’m too lazy to reblog, my day was marred with this (complete with the order form from the doctor because cred). Normally, I like to distract myself from stressful things by not talking about them or writing philosophical drivel. As part of the ASH Life mission statement to focus on positivity through adversity, that is what I shall do. So, here is a play by play of the worst day of 2013 for your entertainment.

0600: wake up for work sick.
0620: decide makeup isn’t worth it
0627: question whether or not the lack of makeup was the right call
0655: get on the bus
0730: start work. Listen to jingles on TV. Jingles remind me to switch the overlord’s perscriptions to Target.
0900: call clinic & ask if I should drink a litre of water for a boob ultrasound. They laugh. I don’t.
0945: become super thrilled that the alarm on the iPad is being fixed.
1016: make conscious effort not to bite off nails. Celebrate little victories. Wish I was listening to Little Victories by Matt Nathanson instead of work jingles.
1040: take bank deposit to bank. Contemplate Starbucks. Wonder if caffeine causes health issues. Contemplates cutting out caffeine. Remembers I’m an insufferable bitch when sleepy. Decides caffeine must remain a staple.
1107: makes official decision on caffeine

1308: realized I have less than an hour of work & my appointment is in 82 minutes. Resist urge to vomit as I feel Target guests would not like that.
1345: seriously contemplates pulling the plug on the headphone testers so I never have to hear Clarity again.
1350: coworker says I look like crap. Asks if I’m sick.
1415: bus is late.
1419: started blog post about two conversations I had, one with my ex husband & one with the Texan. Will finish later.
1421: bus is finally here. Nine minutes.
1429: one minute to spare!
1435: get fitted for sweet gown

1455: leave to catch bus. Put on David Cook. Cry. Compose self enough to catch bus.
1530: chill in my bed with the two smaller ones & enjoy this playtime. It’s not ideal, but I’m so drained & sore & frazzled. This way, I can enjoy them & get some rest.

Now for the longest week EVER. Waiting for results. It’s really sucky but we do what we have to in order to get through. I know this might seem flip, but I’ve always bottled up scary things. Now, I’m going to trudge through with a sort of sarcastic wit & keep up my own spirits while I hopefully hear everything is okay.

Light it Up

June 24, 2013June 29, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, MH vs Dating, My New Life As Me, Political Fluff, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

While I have a love/hate relationship with the Facebook, I LOVE George Takei.

Mr. Takei’s humour is dry and witty, but he also gives a lot of thoughts on the LGBT community, which I enjoy as well. While I am not gay, I do have LGBT friends and relatives and I want them to enjoy the same basic human rights as I do. I do not feel that it conflicts with my religious beliefs as Jesus himself never mentioned it once.

Anywho, today while mentioning waiting on the Supreme Court’s ruling regarding Prop 8, several people spoke out against the idea of same sex marriage. The normal bigotry was there, but then one woman made a comment that the LGBT community only wants to get married “to mince down the aisle and throw a big party.”

Speaking as someone who cares very little for matrimony (more on that HERE) I must say that this is, by far, the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Clearly this woman has never watched one of those stupid wedding shows like “Say Yes to the Dress” or “Bride Wars” or any of that other crap. Most straight women I know care only about mincing down the aisle and a throwing a big party. I barely planned my first wedding, I honestly grew bored with details and my MIL kept taking over so finally I just let her. I really didn’t care. I’m not one to plan a big thing where I’m the centre of attention and means nothing in the grand scheme of things. It’s a big, expensive party. Even when I was casually planning ideas for a wedding (more to mock the idea of Pinterest. Seriously, Pinterest is effing stupid as Hell), I picked a colour scheme for each season, and then stopped caring. Personally, I was more excited about the idea of the marriage; the dinners with the kids, the paying of the mortgage, the arguments about money, the family vacations, and the idea of waking up next to him each morning and watching crappy television with him at night while talking about the day @ work. I wanted a life with him, one that we built together, even when it was hard, or we didn’t get along or drove each other nuts. I wanted the day in & day out moments, housework & car repairs & field trips & to grow old with him. When I thought about our life together, I thought about the life. I’d learn to be a better housekeeper, he’d learn to communicate. I thought about the simple joy of being with him forever. I didn’t need a party or a piece of paper to do those things.

To imply that only the LGBT community care about the elaborate party when TLC revels in brides screaming at their families about wanting to look like a fairy princess and “IT’S MY DAY!” is a titch bit ridiculous. The day isn’t about the bride being a fairy princess; it’s about two people telling family and friends “This is my choice. I chose this person to stand beside me in life, to own property and raise a family with. This person may not be your choice, but s/he is mine and I want to make that choice legal.” Everyone deserves that right, whether it’s two males, two females, or a man and a woman. Everyone deserves that chance and I hope the US grants that right.

I have been to many weddings in the last five years, and I can honestly say that every single bride was looking forward to playing dress up more than investing in the marriage, save for one. It’s no surprise that all of these marriages are on the rocks or have ended, except for that one, who are living a happy life with their young daughter. People put more time into the wedding than the marriage, and then they fail. This is not limited to the LGBT community. This is EVERYONE. The opposite is true too. I put very little effort into planning my wedding and that marriage failed too. Maybe we need to find a balance. Plan a wedding, but not so you’re a fairy princess; but that you’re hosting an event for friends and family to celebrate your choice. Make the marriage the focus, not the centrepieces. It’s not about mincing down an aisle or dresses or flowers; it’s about making a partnership. So, whether it’s a same sex union or a heterosexual one, the focus needs to be on the union; not the party.

Re-Run

June 21, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

Much like the rest of the world, I couldn’t believe that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West opted to name their daughter “North West.”

Not only is the moniker fodder for endless mockery, but it smacks of a publicity stunt.

Some celebrities give their children ridiculous names, but the name itself means something to the couple and who am I to judge? Beyoncé and Jay-Z named their daughter Blue Ivy after her father’s body of work and their wedding date. Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin named their son Moses after a song he had penned for his wife and daughter. No Doubt singer Gwen Stefani named her son Zuma after a beach she grew up on. While I wouldn’t choose those names for my children, @ least they all have a special meaning.

However, West and Kardashian are known for their desperate grabs for fame & it would seem like poor baby North is a victim of her parents’ quest to stay in the papers. But then again, even non famous parents give their children “tryndy” spellings or cutesy monikers and that can be just as bad as naming your kid Audio Science. Now, I’m no parenting expert, but these were the things I considered when naming my girls:

1. Can everyone pronounce it? Names like Kyndyll or Maddalynne may look cool to you, but chances are, no one will know that’s supposed to be Kendall or Madeline. Write it down & give it to five friends, if any one of them trips on it, then a substitute teacher will too.

2. Remember, babies grow into people. Gracie is a super cute little girl name, but would you go to Dr. Gracie? Or Dr. Peaches? Or Pilot Inspektor, barrister & solicitor? When practising my child’s name, I put “doctor,” “barrister & solicitor,” “DDS,” etc. If it didn’t sound like someone I would let give me a root canal, I omitted the name.

3. Kids are mean. I was Harry Melon through most of public school. While Mary Christmas, Sandy Beach, or Spring Water may seem cute, it’s likely going to get your kid’s ass beat.

Kids are not props or toys. They are people with futures too. Parents have a job @ birth to name their child something that won’t stunt that future. Remember that before you name your baby.

As for baby North, here’s hoping she has a good nanny, as her parents have shown that they have little concern for her welfare.