My New Life As Me – Page 28 – The Misadventures of MHC

Ooh La La

July 29, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

I always feel kind of badly for Britney Spears.

She’s come a long way since her nervous breakdown as a result of the dissolution of her marriage and her battle with depression, but people still judge her for the head shaving and umbrella bashing and the worst; her not retaining full custody of her children.

I have never believed that a child “belongs” with his/her mother. I believe a child belongs with the parent that is best suited for them. Some dads (like Kevin Federline in this case) are better suited to raise their children. Ms. Spears travels a lot for her career, she is currently in Vegas doing shows, while her boys have been attending school in California with their father and stepmother. They see their siblings. It’s all a good situation.

We should be commending Spears for putting the needs of her children ahead of the needs of herself. I will never claim to be a perfect mother. Sometimes I raise my voice, sometimes (a lot of the time) my house is a mess. Sometimes I overshare on my blog in an attempt to be more open and get myself into trouble. Oh, and I swear…A LOT. However, my hippie friend told me that as long as she’s known me (which is a long ass time), she’s always seen me do the best that I can to put my daughters first. I was having a kind of downer, stressed out mom day, where the kids don’t listen and one comes downstairs covered in ink and there’s a tantrum and back talk and you seriously contemplate shipping them to the Jolie-Pitts. My hippie friend chose to write a piece for the ASH Life and I told her I was proud of her and she said she wished she had my patience for my girls, my desire to put aside what I wanted for what they need, etc. I told her I’m not always good @ that, and she told me “you’re better than most people, so give yourself some credit.” I think she needs to give herself some credit too. She’s been through a parenting situation no mother should have to go through and she’s done so with class, grace and a positive spirit that can’t be broken. Her boys are so lucky to have such an amazing mom (and stepdad/dad. The Eagleman is pretty bomb ass awesome too). I guess sometimes when you’re looking into the dark side of your role as parent, when the world tells you that you need to be perfect every second and that there is this standard of parenting, that when you can’t or won’t or aren’t that person, you can’t always see that you’re still a great mom. I’m a good mom. My hippie friend is an amazing mom. Britney Spears is an awesome mom because when all is said & done, the kids come first.

So, why not give Britney Spears credit? She clearly loves her boys. She adores them. Photos of them show a loving and nuturing relationship and you can’t fake a candid photo or the look in someone’s eyes in a photo. Her boys love her. But she’s also mature enough to see that her lifestyle of performing is not the type that a child should live, so she sees them as much as she can while continuing to give them the gift so few celebrity children have; stability, normal schooling, normal names, a normal life. Preston and Jayden Federline will likely grow up well adjusted and happy, something so few celebrity children get to do. We should be commending Spears for getting her life in order, moving forward and putting her kids first.

So, kudos to you Britney Spears, for being a parenting role model.

Gotta Be Tonight

July 28, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Just Fun, My New Life As Me, Relationships

While life is an ever evolving platform, it’s always nice to know that there are constants.

One of those things is my friendship with my two high school besties.

For 19 years we’ve laughed, cried, lost touch, gotten back in touch, fought, made up & repeat. We’ve gotten married, gotten divorced. We’ve had babies, lost children, fallen apart & put ourselves back together. These constants keep us sane.

Because she felt my spirits needed lifting, my best friend drove to see me while the other kept in touch via text. The locations are different, Blackwater coffee is now a bar. The stories involve kids & bad first dates. But the laughs, the tears, the quick witted punch lines are all the same.

It’s comforting to know that there are people who have seen you grow up into an adult, raise a family, screw up royally, & still just be a friend. I know we’ve all done some stuff, whatever, but when it all crashed down, we answered with an honest “you done effed up, now how are you gonna put that back together?” Or “I’m so sorry.” Sometimes, it’s just a matter of holding a shoulder while they cry.

But it’s always nice to have those touchstones to keep you grounded & strong. Those cool women are mine & I hope they feel the same. Besides, after nearly 20 years of friendship, we gotta stick together: we know all of the dirt.

All That I’ve Got

July 27, 2013July 27, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Can someone please explain to me how we live in a world where we can get a pizza in 30 minutes & we can instantly send cat memes over the Internet but medical tests TAKE A FREAKING WEEK?!

I’ve often wondered if doctors hold onto results because they want to feel heroic so they wait & wait so when they say you’re fine you automatically praise them. Either way, this is the worst wait ever & I had a kid that was 11 days overdue.

I guess I’m frustrated. I just want to know what’s up so I know if I need to book time off work, make arrangements for the children or have some peace of mind. On the bright side, this particular health issue has taken less than a week to get looked at, unlike some of the others, which took awhile to get appointments, etc. But before it was “you might have to take this medication” or “you may need minor surgery.” This has that dangling participle of the “C” word. Angelina Jolie was heroic for chopping off her boobs. Maybe I’ll chop off my own and call it a day. We live in a world of instant gratification. We get mad if our server doesn’t bring us bread in 30 seconds or it takes us more than 5 minutes to get a reply from a text. Then we are expected to wait for huge test results. Everyone says “don’t think about it,” but how can you not?

I actually feel for women who have to wait even longer for appointments, ultrasounds, etc. I couldn’t imagine having to wait weeks or months for an initial ultrasound & the terror that goes with it. There’s also the fact that so many people I know have been recently diagnosed with the disease, including my former mother in law, who had to have some serious surgery to get to a cancer free place. She lost her brother and her sister is fighting lymphoma. While she’s in good health right now, it’s not guaranteed and after seeing her go through so much, it makes this situation all the more frightening to me. It also makes me consider packing up & moving her granddaughters closer to her. My own grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer, which took her life. My own father passed from melanoma. Cancer has always been very prevalent in my family, so when you’re put in a situation like this, your mind naturally goes to a scary place. Waiting only makes it worse, because the longer you have to wait for a resolution, the more awful your mind makes it.

On the plus side, my best friend since high school Gigi will be here in a few hours & I’ll be able to take my mind off of things for a night. We’ll dance, drink cocktails & have a much needed catch up session. It’s just what the doctor ordered (or I assume, as I still won’t know what he thinks FOR ANOTHER FIVE DAYS). But it is what Gigi ordered and she’s known me since I was 14. She knows I need a break from life and she knows how to cause mischief. We’re gonna have a blast.

I think there has just been too many things going on all @ once & I just need to step back & recharge & refocus. Between revisiting my past to build the ASH Life and getting nostalgic to this latest health debacle, paying back bills, helping my oldest with her counselling, my own counselling and my ex mother in law’s health and family issues, I’ve had a lot to think about and not a lot of time to really get things put together. Once I get this behind me, I can get back to getting things how I’ve come to enjoy them. My life is running rather smoothly & I’d like to keep it that way. So, I just need to ride out the days & chill out, which of course is much easier said than done, when every time you get dressed or undressed, you can see the thing that’s stressing you out just below the surface of your skin.

Finally, as I’ve said, I always like to thank people for the things that they do. So, thank you FB friends for the 30 seconds you took to wish me luck. Thanks to the IRL friends who keep me calm (sort of), especially my high school besties, the Psych Major. Thanks to my coworkers for being awesome, switching shifts & just being cool people. But most of all, thanks to my Texan. Thanks for being there for me when everything goes to Hell. Thanks for praying for me & listening to me bawl & for being the most amazing example of God’s love for seven years. You rock. xoxo – MH

Anchor

July 26, 2013July 26, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Mommydom, My New Life As Me, When Things Suck Hard

The great test results wait!

Day one.

First of all, has NO ONE figured out a way to get results faster?! Really? We can do everything from our phone in a nanosecond but apparently medical test results take a zillion freaking years. /rant

Anywho, I’m trying not to panic & fixate, but I’m so good @ these things! Since I’m gonna do it anyway, I reckoned I’d regale everyone with tales of my thought process through this fantastic week.

I’ve decided the person I most resemble as a fictional character is Jennifer North from Valley of the Dolls (minus the good looks, fame & drug problem). Like Jennifer, I’m a small town girl from a messed up background who just wanted to be @ the top. Much like Jennifer, I’m called a doormat. But also, I sometimes feel like walking boobs.

It’s stupid, because I have a lot of great features, but the thought of the highly unlikely outcome that this lump may be cancerous & I may lose my breast (again, worst case scenario) actually made me feel…ugly. Like, super mega ugly. A lot ugly.

I know breasts don’t equal good looks, but I’ve always been proud of my curves. So, when that thought creeped into my head, it was really odd. Do I value myself by my breasts?

I guess I’m sort of writing in the hopes that I will learn I’m not the only woman who feels this way in a sitch like this. Do all women look @ their diet, bras, deodorant & wonder? Do they all look @ their ever changing menstrual cycles & wonder how those are connected? Do they have a moment where they think “I might lose my breasts & be ugly?”

I’m sure it’s nothing, but as I’ve said, we as women are conditioned to think lump = death sentence so it’s hard not to let those thoughts creep in my head.

This is day one. I’m hoping there won’t be more waiting in my future & I can’t put this behind me.

Thank U

July 21, 2013July 21, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Just Fun, My New Life As Me, Relationships

I am a person who tries hard to be grateful.

I’m grateful to God for the life I live. I’ve accomplished so many things professionally, I’m successful @ my new job, I have been blessed with beautiful & wonderful children who will grow into successful women. I have awesome friends, the best you could ask for, a skill set that I am passionate about, & I’m not too bad looking.

Because I try to be grateful, I like to show my appreciation for people who do things that enrich my life. As you’ve all known, all of my blog’s titles are actually song titles of whatever I’m listening to, unless there is one that happens to fit. Music is a huge part of my life & my all time favourite band is Lifehouse. So, when I couldn’t afford tickets, two of my friends used their Caesars total rewards to get us some & I got to see my future husband Jason Wade live.

I’ve thanked them a million times, but thank you again, amazeballs friends.

Secondly, I’m blown away by the support, love & feedback for my new project, The ASH Life. I’m blown away by the number of readers, the comments, emails & texts from people reading & loving what’s started. This is my baby, a chance to give parents a voice, a chance to offer support & a community for people to come together & show positivity & I’m so glad you enjoy it. Thank you to the awesome writers, readers & friends for helping this take off.

If you haven’t seen it, check it out here.

http://livetheashlife.wordpress.com

Thank you for reading ASH Multimedia too. I appreciate all of it. It means so much to me that people read & enjoy my words. I hope you continue to in the future.

xoxo MHC

My Blog Beats For Love

July 17, 2013July 26, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dear Blank, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

I love my children, even when they are being mouthy pains in my butt.

During summer vacation, the crew often holes up in my bed in the mornings, usually @ 4:30am because my 3yo wants to play “Grumpy Birds”(I often wake up to find her playing hahaha).

Well, they were playing with my phone & my 6yo says:

“What’s Oke?” (It took me a minute to realize what she was asking. She was pointing @ an app on my phone)
“Oh. Um, it’s an app Auntie _____ signed me up for (& flirted with guys for me) so that I could make new friends.”
“Like e-harmony?”

My 12yo’s ears perked up.

“WHAT?! NO! YOU CAN’T USE THAT!”

Later that day I discovered my account had been deleted, as was the app. I began to give my daughter a lecture about stealing Mommy’s phone while she’s in the tub & how sometimes people have to go, blah blah blah, hope they’re happy & I got this.

“Why? No one cares that we’re not happy. The right thing is the thing that makes the most people happy & you & Blank as a family made us happy, G happy, you happy & him happy. He said it all of the time when I was eavesdropping; no one made him happy except for you. He needed to marry you because he was so happy. Now only he is happy. How is that fair? If this was right, everyone would be happy, not one person & if they were a good person, they’d want to make us happy too.”

Then she threatened to take off on her dad, show up at his work & tell him that he promised that we could have anything we asked, so go home with us. I threatened with groundings & no camp. FYI she still hates me. I’ve reached a point where I say “yup, I know, I’m awful. Now check the attitude.” I think I’m handling it rather well.

I guess I taught my daughters tenacity too well. They want one person (much like me) & since I’m the worst liar, they see through my statements of wishing him well, blah blah blah. They know I want him here as much as they do & resent my inaction. Of course, I’m a grown up & know if he wants to be here, he would come back for me. He would do what he said & swallow his ego, his pride & be with me. I won’t reduce myself to chase a person (I will write about my attempts to move forward though. But I do get a lot of comments from people appreciating my candour, as they’re in the same boat, so maybe it’s helpful). I don’t want someone out of guilt or obligation. I want them to be where they want to be. So, I’m trying to muddle through life alone, bowing to the peanut gallery & allowing myself to be forced into dating again & opening up the prospects of finding someone who will suffice, or maybe Mr. Right (even though I met him & blew it).

But how do I introduce someone new to the girls (which wouldn’t be for a year @ least) when they appear to have their mom’s stubborn streak & only accept one person? They come first & if they don’t like the man in my life, well it’s curtains for him. Obviously, that date with the substitute teacher is on hold permanently, as they’re just not ready for the idea of Mom having male friends (12 even resents my platonic male friends, because they might get ideas & ruin it for when he keeps his promise & comes back).

I guess I should be thankful that they are capable of loyalty, even if it is misguided. Their devotion to the man they wanted to be their stepdad (& who told them he would be) is very sweet. I also feel guilty because I didn’t tell them anything right away. He had left & come back so many times before that I just believed that he would. It was always the same; he’d leave, talk to me after a period of time claiming we should be friends & then after we talked, he would profess his devotion to me & ask to be with me. My friends said it would be the same, so I waited, my now ex best friend said it might take up to a year, be patient. So, I was. Then when they said that they lied (& blamed me for their callous disrespect. I don’t miss them, nor will I. Own your own deceit), I was forced to finally explain that there would be no more Blank, no more G. So, now we’re here & I feel so guilty, like I broke my kids.

I don’t want them to get attached to another man, just for him to leave us. I don’t want to meet anyone else, I’m still in love with him. The girls want him & I’m sort of outside looking in wanting to please everyone but I can’t & living with the guilt of knowing I hurt my girls & stupidly wondering if it would all go away if he came back, even though I couldn’t really trust him to stay.

Welcome to parenting, MHC style. Sometimes it ain’t pretty but it is what it is. Unfortunately, we’re learning to muddle through together & hopefully we’ll all get through it & be happy.

It’s Not Over

July 16, 2013July 16, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Celebrity Fluff, My New Life As Me, Social Media, support Windsor!

I think it’s time I unretire from the world of print journalism.

Now that I have a full time job & my economic future is bright, I’m going to assemble my portfolio & shop it to various Windsor publications to freelance. I know it’s only been three months, but that’s too long to not have a byline if you’re me.

Maybe I should explain; this is all I know how to do. I’m sure I have other discernible skills, after all, I’m employable, but writing is the only true career path I want or that I choose to pursue. Freelancing will give me back my byline, which will make me a happy MHC.

This sort of factors into that “stubborn” thing I referenced. I could be a law clerk; I don’t want to. I don’t want to work in office administration either. It’s alright, but it’s not for me. Writing is my passion; my one true love. The day I meet someone who understands that they will ALWAYS take a backseat to my career, I’d actually want to marry him. My girls & my career come first. Bitchy? Of course. But I didn’t want to be seven different things & then settle. Much like every other major decision in my life (I believe there is one partner for me, one signature scent, I rarely try on more than one outfit with shopping, I know what I want) there was only one profession for me. Since I was eight years old, this is what I’ve wanted to do & I’m damn good at it. Now that I’ve stroked my own ego, it’s time to get to work.

I’m excited about this. If I get picked up, I may have a new “beat” (although I love entertainment journalism) & break into a new facet of my beloved world of the written word. I’ll work with new editors, new publishers, make new contacts! I’ll have DEADLINES! The idea of pulling an all nighter proofing a piece makes me giddy!

So, wish me luck, I hope someone wants to pick up a determined journalist ready for the next challenge.

Stupid Girls

July 13, 2013July 13, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Celebrity Fluff, Crazy Talk, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Seriously WTF?

I just realized that my entire adult life can be described in about 8 P!nk songs. I’m not sure if this is really cool or horrifying. It’s entirely possible that this means I need more sleep & between work, raising the fam jam, setting up the ASH Life in time for launch (cheap plug, insert cheap pop here) & stopping my friends from leading a revolt against The Adventures of Tintin, I’ve gone crazy.

Or I need to stop making Red Bull a staple in my diet. Whatever.

PS I love P!nk.