The great test results wait!

Day one.

First of all, has NO ONE figured out a way to get results faster?! Really? We can do everything from our phone in a nanosecond but apparently medical test results take a zillion freaking years. /rant

Anywho, I’m trying not to panic & fixate, but I’m so good @ these things! Since I’m gonna do it anyway, I reckoned I’d regale everyone with tales of my thought process through this fantastic week.

I’ve decided the person I most resemble as a fictional character is Jennifer North from Valley of the Dolls (minus the good looks, fame & drug problem). Like Jennifer, I’m a small town girl from a messed up background who just wanted to be @ the top. Much like Jennifer, I’m called a doormat. But also, I sometimes feel like walking boobs.

It’s stupid, because I have a lot of great features, but the thought of the highly unlikely outcome that this lump may be cancerous & I may lose my breast (again, worst case scenario) actually made me feel…ugly. Like, super mega ugly. A lot ugly.

I know breasts don’t equal good looks, but I’ve always been proud of my curves. So, when that thought creeped into my head, it was really odd. Do I value myself by my breasts?

I guess I’m sort of writing in the hopes that I will learn I’m not the only woman who feels this way in a sitch like this. Do all women look @ their diet, bras, deodorant & wonder? Do they all look @ their ever changing menstrual cycles & wonder how those are connected? Do they have a moment where they think “I might lose my breasts & be ugly?”

I’m sure it’s nothing, but as I’ve said, we as women are conditioned to think lump = death sentence so it’s hard not to let those thoughts creep in my head.

This is day one. I’m hoping there won’t be more waiting in my future & I can’t put this behind me.