All That I’ve Got

Can someone please explain to me how we live in a world where we can get a pizza in 30 minutes & we can instantly send cat memes over the Internet but medical tests TAKE A FREAKING WEEK?!

I’ve often wondered if doctors hold onto results because they want to feel heroic so they wait & wait so when they say you’re fine you automatically praise them. Either way, this is the worst wait ever & I had a kid that was 11 days overdue.

I guess I’m frustrated. I just want to know what’s up so I know if I need to book time off work, make arrangements for the children or have some peace of mind. On the bright side, this particular health issue has taken less than a week to get looked at, unlike some of the others, which took awhile to get appointments, etc. But before it was “you might have to take this medication” or “you may need minor surgery.” This has that dangling participle of the “C” word. Angelina Jolie was heroic for chopping off her boobs. Maybe I’ll chop off my own and call it a day. We live in a world of instant gratification. We get mad if our server doesn’t bring us bread in 30 seconds or it takes us more than 5 minutes to get a reply from a text. Then we are expected to wait for huge test results. Everyone says “don’t think about it,” but how can you not?

I actually feel for women who have to wait even longer for appointments, ultrasounds, etc. I couldn’t imagine having to wait weeks or months for an initial ultrasound & the terror that goes with it. There’s also the fact that so many people I know have been recently diagnosed with the disease, including my former mother in law, who had to have some serious surgery to get to a cancer free place. She lost her brother and her sister is fighting lymphoma. While she’s in good health right now, it’s not guaranteed and after seeing her go through so much, it makes this situation all the more frightening to me. It also makes me consider packing up & moving her granddaughters closer to her. My own grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer, which took her life. My own father passed from melanoma. Cancer has always been very prevalent in my family, so when you’re put in a situation like this, your mind naturally goes to a scary place. Waiting only makes it worse, because the longer you have to wait for a resolution, the more awful your mind makes it.

On the plus side, my best friend since high school Gigi will be here in a few hours & I’ll be able to take my mind off of things for a night. We’ll dance, drink cocktails & have a much needed catch up session. It’s just what the doctor ordered (or I assume, as I still won’t know what he thinks FOR ANOTHER FIVE DAYS). But it is what Gigi ordered and she’s known me since I was 14. She knows I need a break from life and she knows how to cause mischief. We’re gonna have a blast.

I think there has just been too many things going on all @ once & I just need to step back & recharge & refocus. Between revisiting my past to build the ASH Life and getting nostalgic to this latest health debacle, paying back bills, helping my oldest with her counselling, my own counselling and my ex mother in law’s health and family issues, I’ve had a lot to think about and not a lot of time to really get things put together. Once I get this behind me, I can get back to getting things how I’ve come to enjoy them. My life is running rather smoothly & I’d like to keep it that way. So, I just need to ride out the days & chill out, which of course is much easier said than done, when every time you get dressed or undressed, you can see the thing that’s stressing you out just below the surface of your skin.

Finally, as I’ve said, I always like to thank people for the things that they do. So, thank you FB friends for the 30 seconds you took to wish me luck. Thanks to the IRL friends who keep me calm (sort of), especially my high school besties, the Psych Major. Thanks to my coworkers for being awesome, switching shifts & just being cool people. But most of all, thanks to my Texan. Thanks for being there for me when everything goes to Hell. Thanks for praying for me & listening to me bawl & for being the most amazing example of God’s love for seven years. You rock. xoxo – MH