Look what I found today! My original portfolio, containing my first published pieces! Hard to believe that it’s been seven years, 200 articles & 26 feature interviews later & it’s still the only thing I want to do.
Category: Just Fun
Incomplete
I discovered this amazeballs quote thanks to WWE Divas Champion (& loveable lunatic) AJ Lee & it just resonated with me. I hope it resonates with you too. It kind of reminds me why I’m always trying to work things out with people, even if I’m not particularly happy with them or whatever. Because this is true.
“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.”
I also ganked this from Facebook & felt the messages work hand & hand…or I’m also a loveable lunatic. Whatever. Either way, they’re both cool thoughts & I wanted to share them. Enjoy!
Watch Over You
I can’t sleep.
This is a fairly normal occurrence, so meh. However, I got thinking about how when I was little, I could read my favourite story & be out like a light.
My 3 year old doesn’t like being read stories. She likes to make them up. She recently invented her own fairy tale, which I use now to impart the lesson of the day.
Her kingdom is actually six kingdoms. Her kingdom is purple. Everything is purple; the streets, the castle, the river. She lives in her castle with her two sister princesses, her best friend & the king & queen. (who sits on a throne or does yoga) Her nana, the queen mum, lives in a tower & watches hockey. There is also a squirrel named Jumpy, who lives in a royal tree.
Her daddy is the guard of the brown kingdom that is ruled by her dad’s cat, who wears a kitty cat crown. The train kingdom is next, where her friend is the conductor prince. Then the ocean kingdom, where her friend the pirate prince & his mom the gypsy queen protect the seven seas. Her favourite uncle & his dog live in the rainbow kingdom, where everyone has nice shoes. Finally, her auntie rules the yellow kingdom with a mischievous princess that won’t get out of the pool.
All of the kingdoms lead to a village where a scary witch lives. Since there is no hands on in the kingdoms, the scary witch must be outsmarted. She generally helps me with her stories & we learn a lesson.
I thought I’d share this because I’m so proud of her @ 3years old for creating her little world. She spun this one day & she’s remembered all her details & continues to add on & create tales for her characters. I try to write them down & maybe someday she can tell her kids those stories & help them sleep @ night.
With video games & TV sapping the imagination of little ones, it’s nice to know that they can still pretend & create with their minds. I know that tomorrow, I can’t wait to learn more about the purple kingdom.
Graduation
I’m live blogging convocation!
***actually everyone I know got their diploma & this is how I kill time. Also my hair looks really cute & I wanted to show it off***
I’m so proud of my classmates for their accomplishments. To my classmates, whether you are here or not, or have to make up a class & graduate in December, I’m so honoured that I met you, got to work with you & become friends with you. I think you’re all amazing & I look forward to seeing what our next chapter holds.
Congrats class of 2013. Take your bow. You deserve this moment.
Wordless Wednesday: Watch Your Words
My friends know me so well.
Don’t hesitate to check out more of the silliness that I call my life on Instagram!
You Learn
My two oldest & dearest girlfriends were chatting on Facebook messenger (in our chat called “First Wives Club of Awesome” because self explanatory) & we decided to write a parenting book. Yes, we shall impart wisdom to the masses!
We came up with some chapter names. Feel free to let me know in the comments if we missed anything!
Title: How to Successfully Parent by Doing the Opposite of Every Other Parenting Book.
Chapter 1: Wine is Your Friend
Chapter 2: Sometimes, Something Stronger is Your Friend
Chapter 3: You are not a bad mom if you sometimes really want to go to a friend’s house for shots. You are also not a bad mother if you feed them bologna…or raise your voice.
Chapter 4: There is never a good enough hiding spot for your vibrator, kids will find it.
Chapter 5: They will show Grandma, so prepare her now.
Chapter 6: It doesn’t matter what they eat as long as its food, Kraft Dinner for 3 weeks straight is just fine.
Chapter 7: You will need to know how to get permanent markers off of the wall, the dog, your shoes. Your child is not a perfect little angel and will do weird sh*t. Accept it now and come up with a f***ing plan.
Chapter 8: If they find a hole they will stick something in it. It doesn’t matter if its on their own body or not.
Chapter 9: If you have more than one, they are plotting against you…& they will win.
Chapter 10: Bedtime stalls & counter strategy.
Chapter 11: You only eat your own food by yourself when they are sleeping.
That’s what we have so far. Did we miss anything? Let us know!
Wipe Your Eyes
An open letter to Adam Levine:
Dear Mr. Levine,
I couldn’t help but notice you’ve gotten yourself into a wee bit of a situation by saying “I hate this country” after the shocking results of last night’s episode of the Voice. You even had to take to Twitter AND release a statement saying that you love America because no other human being has ever said something while irritated. Apparently, saying something while pissed off is now national news. I could definitely understand why you would be frustrated by this negative press and the concern about how it will affect your last team member Amber Carrington. So, I propose a solution;
move to Canada.
Seriously! Move to Canada. We say we hate our country, it’s Prime Minister, and even Toronto’s crack smoking mayor and no one really cares. We’re a pretty apathetic bunch. We also embrace American celebrities who move here while shunning the ones who were born here, except for Dan Akroyd, Ryan Reynolds & Ryan Gosling (we don’t care much for Justin Bieber either, that’s why we sent him to you). We don’t really have tabloids, so you wouldn’t be facing a scandal for getting annoyed with a popular vote and making a sarcastic jab. In fact, we would have likely just blamed Alberta and went back to eating our Tim Horton’s donut and bitched about some shoddy reffing in the Kings/Sharks game.
Yes, Mr. Levine, move to Canada. You will keep your Godlike celebrity status without all of the paparazzi and scandals about nothing. You’ll also get free health care & our music station actually plays videos! Our Prime Minister is kind of a douchebag, but we make fun of him all of the time, so we won’t get offended if you do too, as long as you don’t mock our coffee, Mounted Police or hockey. You can still watch the Lakers and they will always win because the Raptors absolutely suck. We do have country music, but we try to keep it centralized in it’s own province and you could collaborate with one of our amazing musicians. As a supporter of same sex marriage, I am happy to tell you its perfectly legal here! Our money is super pretty & we don’t have annoying pennies anymore. Also, if you need a place to crash, you could stay on my couch.
If this doesn’t work, well you could always just take your shirt off and I’m pretty sure America will forgive you. I know I would. Either way, it’s your call.
Sincerely, MHC
Wordless Wednesday: I Want
Just for fun, this is pretty much how every conversation starts when I meet a new person.
There and Back Again
Today, I read a hilarious blog post on Motherhood WTF and it reminded me of an incident I experienced during my adventures in parenting I like to call “Vindication.”
Two years ago, my two eldest children refused to clean their playroom. Nothing I did or said would convince them to clean their playroom. I would ask, threaten, yell, bribe, punish, reward and nothing I did would get them to clean their playroom.
Finally, I called my foster mom and said to her; “I’m sorry for my teenage bedroom.”
My housekeeping skills aren’t exactly top notch. It’s been something I’ve been working on for several years and I’m finally getting into a routine where my house is actually clean on a regular basis (unless of course you came over right now. I have to rebuild the house after the children go to bed hahaha). So, my teenage bedroom was a mess of clothes, Beanie Babies and posters of hunks. Nothing was put away the way it should be. Nothing. My parents rode me constantly about it and I never listened.
So, my apologetic phone call brought about all sorts of giggles from my foster mom.
“Not so fun, is it?”
Nope, it sure isn’t. I think every parent has that moment of “You finally get yours” when their child has to admit that they sound like their parent. I know I quote my foster mom on a regular basis. Clearly she taught me well, after all, I find most of my parenting style was taken from her example.
Someday, I’ll get my big parenting vindication, when one of my daughters calls me and tells me the same thing; that I was right about one of our biggest mother/daughter squabbles. Until then, I’ll just remind myself that glorious day is coming and its going to feel amazing.
All To Myself
A.K.A. Random-assnisity.
I know that chances are, my next updates will be darker in tone, as my life runs from happy-silly to dark on a regular basis, so I decided to write a fluffy, silly little post in the hopes of making everyone laugh. I like to break up the seriousness of life with random-ass silliness, which is kind of the point of this sort of silly little post today.
So, here are 20 random ass things about MHC.
1. I’ve decided to stop my tattoo count @ nine. This means I need three more. I know what they will be and where they will go because I’m awesome.
2. I actually had the most refreshingly interesting conversation about parenting with someone who doesn’t have any kids. He has his own blog, that I would strongly suggest you check out.
3. The necklace I wear every day is the Triforce. People either ask if I love the Legend of Zelda, or if I am in the Illuminati. My answer varies depending on my mood.
4. I will never understand how Lil Wayne is a thing.
5. Before completing this blog post, I was dancing around the house, singing the song that is the title of this post. It was awesome.
6. I’m lying; my dancing was terrible and my 3yo gave me crap for the curse word.
7. I have not eaten my entire lunch by myself since my eldest daughter started eating solid food. Today is no exception.
8. I’m allergic to grass. This makes mowing my lawn difficult and I have actually lost my dog in the grass. But every time I go to mow it, it rains, so I can only assume that God doesn’t want me to mow my lawn.
9. My mom yelled @ me for letting the kids play AROUND THE CORNER. I may have laughed @ her.
10. My mom may be pissed at me.
11. I do not for the life of me understand the point of the show Adventure Time. My 6yo doesn’t get the adult humour and thinks it’s the most awesome show in the history of everything, but I stare blankly and go…WTF?
12. I will gladly use words I make up in sentences and hyperbole such as eleventy million, but don’t you dare say “Funner.”
13. I watch Sailor Moon. Sometimes my kids aren’t even awake. Sometimes I’m a loser.
14. I sometimes can’t tell my cats apart. This is why I’m glad I never had twins.
15. I have an overwhelming urge to watch Dr. Strangelove.
16. I use Listerine like that guy in My Big Fat Greek Wedding uses Windex.
17. I’m determined to own a French and English copy of Le Petit Prince.
18. To this day, I have yet to have someone “Dessine-moi une mouton.”
19. I still like boy bands. Yes, even NKOTB. No, not the new ones. Especially not the Wanted.
20. I may have convinced my youngest daughter to stay out of the basement by telling her boogey-monster lives down there and it eats anyone under the age of 5. She now yells down the basement well wishes to the boogey-monster, like “Good morning Boogey-Monster! Have a good day!”
The Misadventures of MHC 