Category: ASH Photography

Beside You

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, ASH Photography, Douchers, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

What I’ve learned is that all of my blog postings will be inspired by my Ethnic Relations teacher. Really great teacher, really smart guy. It’s a darn shame that I have to miss the last hour of his class to attend the next one as per the schedule of doom.

Today we discussed the difference between a reaction & a response.

I always tell my 5yo that for every reaction there is an equally as powerful reaction. Perhaps I should change that, as I’m not a reactionary person. I respond.

A reaction is a sudden, often negative, lash. Those who respond to a statement with rage, insults & then claim their target “asked for it.” After all, if we blame our victim, it stifles the guilt.

A response is something carefully constructed, something that needs to be said, something that the person has taken the time to think about before speaking.

My prof said “Those who know themselves respond, those who hate themselves react.”

This makes a lot of sense, because someone self-aware isn’t really shocked by someone critiquing them. If you told me I was a neurotic, overachieving, hypersensitive, talkative, pain in the ass, I would likely agree, because its well…true. The person who hates themselves can’t stand it when someone points out their flaws, or what they’re doing that isn’t kind. They lash out, often cruelly, often towards the person who loves them most. After all, they’ll just forgive you when you’re done being angry & they asked for it, right?

During his own time as a student, my prof was required to spend a half hour doing nothing. No music, no talking, just sitting with his own thoughts. It helped him become self aware. Perhaps we should all do this once a day. I would even suggest asking yourself the following questions:

1. Who am I?
2. Do I like who I am?
3. Do I like who I’m becoming?
4. How do I treat people?
5. How do others view how I treat people?
6. If someone treated my child as I treat people, how would I feel?
7. How do people react/respond to me?
8. What do I want most out of life?
9. What would my current actions dictate about me/what I want?
10. What do I need to change to be who I want to be?

Perhaps if we are accountable to ourselves, we will become the person we should be, not the person we turn out to be, because we let our demons control us, make us hate ourselves. It’s half an hour of perspective & perhaps we all need it so we can learn stronger interpersonal relationships. I know I could use some perspective. Why not do it & get to know yourself? Maybe you’ll find out that you can be your own best friend.

Little Things

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Photography, Celebrity Fluff, Douchers, Political Fluff, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

“What man fears, he destroys…”

David Draiman of Disturbed/Device quoted this on Twitter & it’s so true.

When settlers first came to North America, they feared the Native people, so they attempted to destroy their way of life to “help them.” We still fear change, only now we expect immigrants to learn “our” way of life, not the Native one or keep their own. Sometimes, as my good friend over at the Gleason Table says, “Our Premier destroys the province because he fears decent government!”

Man fears beast, so every generation vilifies a new breed of dog. First it was the German Shepard, then Doberman Pinchers, then Rottweilers, now the Pitbull. We have wiped out so many species because we feared interactions with them (well, not the dodo. We eliminated them because they didn’t fear humans).

We fear our own futures, so we systematically destroy them in the hopes that we can just stay where we are. We sabotage jobs, relationships, education because when that step is done, then the next step has to happen & WTF do we do then?! So, we become human hurricanes, tearing everything apart around us. We run from a problem instead of fight for what we want because what we want is scary. We quit our job & go to the next one because we’re afraid to take that step to move ahead. We blame everyone else for the mess we’re in because its easier. S/he made a mistake, so I bolted. My workplace was run by idiots, that’s why I don’t get ahead. The breed is viscous, that’s why it bit that kid, not because I didn’t train it. We never look at the fact that we took a hurricane to our life & destroyed everything good because we were afraid.

However, the interesting thing about the walls we build up to keep things out is that once we’ve let something in, those walls we build up keep that thing in as well. So, while our hurricane tears everything apart, what we’ve allowed to sneak in stands tall, with storm windows up, enduring it all. Maybe it’s the friend who is always there for you, the partner who puts up with your crap, knows exactly who you are & loves you, flaws & all, the job we love, or our own desire to hold onto something because deep down we know we need it, what we’ve let in isn’t easily destroyed.

We need to question why we as humans would rather tear apart what makes us afraid instead of working through it. Why dismiss cultures we don’t understand, breeds we don’t get or tear apart everything instead of just admit we are afraid? Sometimes the bravest act is the admission of fear. Sometimes we have to clean up the boardwalk after the hurricane rips through to see the damage wasn’t so bad & you can finally stop being so afraid of the next breath, the next step.

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