Category: When Things Suck Hard

Explosions

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Photography, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, When Things Suck Hard

Last summer, a really good friend of mine suggested that we start attending church. I find it to be a very positive experience and now that my girls are attending as well, I feel like it’s really helping us improve as a family.

Yesterday,  my friend & I were inspired by the sermon we heard. We learned about how Jesus was nearly thrown to his death in his hometown of Nazareth for telling the people something that they did not want to hear. However, eventually the people calmed and let him on his way. This was coupled with the most famous Bible verse on love, which I’ve mentioned on this blog before, but I’ll repost for those who are too lazy to go back and look for it:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

It seemed like an odd pairing, as we go from a malicious attack on someone’s character to the gentle promise of love, which I guess it why my friend & I found it so interesting, so much so that I decided to share it with y’all. We all think of Jesus as this gentle, loving creature, but sometimes he was rather harsh and succinct with his comments towards people. He didn’t mince words and told people exactly what they need to hear, even if they didn’t like it. However, once people had a chance to calm down and reflect on his words, they realized that he meant them in the most loving capacity. He used the modern parallel of relationships; sometimes we have to tell our partner something that they don’t want to hear and they lash out, because the natural reaction to harshness is to be harsh back. When someone calls us on our crap, our reaction is to deny and make up excuses. However, once the initial anger dies down, you’re left with the realization that they likely meant no harm, they were reaching out because despite your current interactions, they care for you and wanted to help you. But you just lashed out and lied and hurt them (I know I’ve done this more than I’d care to admit).

Hence why the Reverend brought up Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. Because love doesn’t end. Love cannot fail, even when it seems hopeless, love is still there. Love is not an emotion that is turned off. You can pretend it’s gone, but it’s there, lingering in your mind and no matter how you try to bury it or push it away, it remains constant, in your mind and heart and nothing, not even harsh words or a proverbial kick in the face makes it go away. Sometimes what seems harsh is actually one’s desire to protect the person they love most in the world. But in the end, when cooler heads prevail, you’re left with the realization that the person who seemed harsh, arrogant or even stupid was likely the one person in the world who cared about your feelings the most. But love will never reject you, no matter how stupid you’ve been, which was the lesson our Reverend wanted to convey yesterday. His message was that sometimes we will say something to someone and they will get angry and walk away, ignore you and hurt you. But in the end, they will realize that you said it because you love them…and they will know that you were right and they will eventually tell you. But you have to show the true meaning of love; be patient and let them come to you on their own and when they do, do not dwell on past infractions. Forgive, put them behind you and focus on the fact that you love each other.

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Man in the Mirror

by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Douchers, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

“THE thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge.”

Everyone who knows me well knows my favourite author in the entire world is Edgar Allen Poe. One Christmas, my ex husband bought me a copy of my “favourite” Poe story (the Raven), only to have my friends tell him in unison that its actually the Cask of Amontillado.

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I won’t spoil it for you, because its awesome, but it’s a story of how a man sets forth an interesting revenge for a perceived insult. The narrator never specifies what the insult was, just that it happened. The story takes some interesting turns from there, including the narrator’s sickness at heart over what he had done.

The truth is, that rash actions made in anger entomb us as much as the person that we’ve locked away. We may have chained them up in the darkest part of our hearts & locked them away, but they are still there, rattling their chains & pleading with you to come back & let them free. Meanwhile, you have imprisoned yourself in the same tomb, bound by your anger to an action you know was wrong. So, you venture down to the darkness & peer through the small window, watching them suffer, punishing yourself. They know you’re watching them suffer, feeling the sadness of knowing you’re taking great delight in their pain, unknowing that its guilt you’re feeling. Guilt for acting rash, vengeful & leaving you to languish.

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For years, literary experts have believed that the narrator was actually insane & invented a reason to hurt his victim, because the slight was actually in his mind. I’ve always felt that Poe is trying to teach us that revenge is never a good idea. While yes, the narrator got away with it, it weighed on him for decades, eating away at his soul until he became a broken man.

Truthfully, most “slights” that prompt us to lash out in anger exist only in our own mind. We overreacted, we blew a minor slight out of proportion. Yes, people do dumb things, but chances are it wasn’t as bad as you made it out to be. We are our own worst enemies.

This is why reactions made in anger are never good; they hurt you more than you hurt them. You’re haunted by it, taunted by it & will never truly escape the guilt. Your victim lives in your heart imprisoned in the place you dare not go. By holding on to the anger, the revenge, you’ve held onto that person & the line between love & hate is so fine, that most experts will tell you that if you badmouth a former flame vehemently, you’re trying to mask your love for them. Why not set them (& yourself) free? Take them out of the prison of your heart & let them roam free in it. Let the only thing you keep chained in the basement be your desire for revenge.

Karma

by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.”

I HATE when people point out when I’ve screwed up.

Of course, it happens so often, I’m almost used to it. I trust the wrong people (everybody), I take the wrong advice, I don’t trust my gut & I always believe in the goodness in everyone, even when they proved they don’t have any. I confide in people who prove that they are completely untrustworthy & believe them when they lie. Add in my own klutziness, big mouth & procrastination & I screw up…a lot. Sometimes I fall off of my own shoes, so there’s that.

When you tell me, I’ll cry. I can’t help it. Under my general screw upery is an overwhelming perfectionism. This is probably why I’m so anal retentive.

Of course, we know when we’ve screwed up. We’ll look at the mess we made of things & we’ll want to make it right, but no one wants their face rubbed in it like a dog, especially by the person we’ve wronged. We think we’re helping by reaching out, but we’re actually adding to the guilt. They hurt us in a manner most cruel & we are still showing compassion? So, we puff out our chest, hold onto our pride & act all cool, when in reality, we’re probably hurting & likely have added to the guilt by using our pride as a shield.

But like my father said, the bravest act of a coward is to repair his destruction, face what he has done & put it right. It’s a hard step, as it requires the admission that they were wrong, and forgiveness from themselves. After all, everyone else has likely forgiven them for their mess, but how do you forgive yourself for the hurt? I know when I’ve hurt another person, I will go to any lengths to apologize, but I won’t forgive myself. I’ll hold onto that guilt for months, wanting to make it okay. So, I hold onto my pride in the hopes that by acting indignant when I’m called on crap, I can feel better. Normally, I just feel lower because I blew another chance to do the thing I wanted to do, repair the relationship with the friend/partner/family member, but it wasn’t on my time or in my way.

So, while pride can be a good thing, it can also prevent you from being who you want to be. Don’t be afraid to swallow it sometimes, even if it wasn’t “your” way & take your lumps & yes, even feel guilty. Eventually those feelings will fade & you’ll be happy again, knowing you did what was best for everyone. After all, why watch the life you want like Scrooge talking to the spirit of life’s present? Wouldn’t you rather be there? There’s nothing wrong with pride in one’s self & work, but don’t let it keep you from being happy.

“We are rarely proud when we are alone.”

Never Say Never

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH General, Current Events, Douchers, Mommydom, Political Fluff, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, support Windsor!, When Things Suck Hard

I would love to write something beautiful about the Newtown, CT massacre that left 26 innocent souls dead, but I could never in a million years adequately express my condolences or say anything that could honestly provide solace.

Instead, I’m going to answer a question posed online:

“Do your children know about the tragedy?”

The answer kids, is YES.

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Only Hope

by maryhelenc, posted in Current Events, Douchers, Mommydom, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, When Things Suck Hard

Sometimes I am absolutely shocked & disgusted by people.

As details emerge about the tragic murder of 10 year old Jessica Ridgeway, the armchair critics & sanctimommies are out in full force, blaming Ridgeway’s mother for her death by allowing her to walk the two blocks to meet friends to walk to school & sleeping through calls from the school after working the late shift.

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Enough For Now

by maryhelenc, posted in Relationships, When Things Suck Hard

My friend Drew is arguably the most important person in my life (that isn’t one of my children).

He is my more than just my best friend and partner here on ASH Multimedia; he is my quasi-therapist, my drill sargeant, my sounding board and the one person I can goof off with and be immature and silly and not feel badly. He’s been with me through some really crappy stuff and I’m so glad he’s in my life. He’s one of the few people I trust explicitly.

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