Tag: women

My Reply

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Life, MH vs Dating, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

Sometimes I read stuff & get cranky & pull a Peter Griffin & play “What Really Grinds My Gears.”

  
Today’s edition: why women are catty bitches & I’m so over it. 

Last night, I watched the Golden Globes because I have worked as an entertainment reporter for many years & I like pretty dresses God dammit. I could comment on the show, Ricky Gervais, but instead, I’ll address why women are catty bitches & why it drives me nuts. 

Actor (& super hunk if you ask all of my friends) Jason Statham & his girlfriend of five years, Rosie Huntington-Whitely announced their engagement at the event last night, with full attention on Ms. Huntington-Whitely’s sparkly new bauble. As always, the comments on this story included why Statham, 48, shouldn’t be dating Huntington-Whitely, 28, because the age difference is gross & of course, why the ring was too small, ugly, etc. I’m sure Ms. Huntington-Whitely cares so much that random women online hate her ring, but it was sad to see few positive well wishes, just women taking shots on another woman. Similar things happened when photos of Blake Lively’s engagement & wedding ring hit the Internet, only that ring was too big, gaudy & why was it pink?! Kevin Costner was forced to address the price tag of the ring he chose for his wife Christine Baumgartner (Joan Rivers famously made Baumgartner cry by mocking her ring, prompting her husband to purchase her a much larger one). But why does it matter to the masses? Unless Ryan Reynolds or Jason Statham is buying you an engagement ring, it doesn’t matter. Those rings are gifts from them to their wives, maybe we should back off. Even on FB, I see people snarking at women about the size of their wedding rings, their homes, their Pinterest crafts. No building each other up, just a sick game of one up-manship. Why? I know when the time comes, I wouldn’t care what my boyfriend bought me, or if it met my “dream ring” criteria (if I really had that. I’m so indifferent hahaha). If he picked it out for me, it could be a garbage tie & to me, it would be the most beautiful thing on the planet because he bought it for me & wanted to marry me & much like thee women, I wouldn’t even notice the cattiness. 

 

We live in a society where wage inequality is still a thing, women’s rights are being marginalized in my neighbour’s land, Planned Parenthood is under attack. Women are still being forced to choose between career & family & told to “keep their legs closed” to prevent sexual assault or unwanted pregnancy. Girls are sent home because their clothing might distract boys, we blame women for their own sexual assaults & child support gets clawed back, leaving women in a cycle of poverty. Meanwhile, instead of taking up for one another, we are belittling each other for things that don’t matter & superficial bullshit that means nothing at the end of the day so women can feel like they’ve “topped” each other. Women are even attacking each other for such things as feeding their babies, as Alyssa Milano learned when talk show host Wendy Williams (who made headlines when she claimed actress Jennifer Lawrence deserved to have her privacy violated and her private nude photos leaked online last year) told her that breastfeeding should not be done in public, as breasts are meant for sexual enjoyment. Ms. Milano shut her down, by why are women constantly defending their basic rights or things that should bring them joy…to other women?

Even when women are successful, we tear them down. Look at the comments about Taylor Swift representing the wrong type of feminist because of her friends. They build each other up, celebrate their uniqueness. So, we cattily tear them apart for being friends because they’re too pretty, they’re models, etc. Okay. 

 I don’t compete with other women. I teach my daughters that we don’t compete with other women. I compete with myself to be a better woman. When I see women belittling other women, I often wonder why they are so insecure that they can’t celebrate the achievements of other women. Women wonder why we’re still fighting the same battles, it’s because of us. We’re attacking each other! Either because we’re the wrong type of feminist, or because they fed their kid or they may possibly have something you don’t. If women spent half as much time building each other up as you did questioning if they understood what feminism means to you or snarking about looks, fashion, etc. women’s rights wouldn’t be something we were still fighting for. 

  
I’m sorry for the rant, but I guess I’m sick of seeing women have their joy trampled by catty women, women who should be supporting other women, famous or not. Perhaps if you can’t be nice, maybe you should just be quiet. 

  

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon

by maryhelenc, posted in Douchers, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, Social Media

Let me tell you a little story. 

I go to the same Tim Horton’s every single day because Canada. Every day a well dressed man holds the door open & proceeds to flirt with me. I politely tell him I have a boyfriend & I’m not interested & maybe go away. So, today, this happened;

  
Because naturally “no” means “please sir, grab my ass.” Duh. 

I’ve always considered myself a feminist, but I also understand that I suck at it. While I believe that all women deserve equal pay & treatment, I also sort of victim blame. I’ve lost a lot of weight & I am confident in my skin (I’m still trying to lose that last 15lbs so I’m in the normal range of the BMI). One of the things that frustrates me is the lack of fitness lately because I pride myself on getting in shape. But I also know I dress in a manner that some men catcall. I believe you can wear whatever you want & you shouldn’t be catcalled, but I also understand I’m in the minority. I play up my cleavage, I wear tight ass pants. I know I’ll get attention, both positive & negative, but let me make one thing clear, you DO NOT EVER TOUCH ME. 

  
I’m not touchy feely on a good day. I don’t like people hugging me (unless we are close friends or I gave birth to you), so I especially do not want some creepy bastard putting his hands on me. But then I got thinking, maybe the creepy bastard doesn’t actually realize he’s a creepy bastard! So, I decided to help. Here’s a helpful list of rules to help you for future dealings with me (or any other woman):

1. Do not EVER touch me. 

2. In case of any confusion, please see rule number one. 

3. Repeat rule number one. 

4. My name isn’t baby. I am not a baby, and even if I was, I most certainly not your baby. 

5. My name isn’t sweetie, pumpkin or honey. Those are foods. 

6. My parents gave me a name. Stick with that (the only exception to this rule is that my boyfriend calls me Dollface sometimes. But I’m sure we all have friends who call us by a nickname). 

7. If you had a daughter, would you want a strange man interacting with her the way you are treating me right now? If not, don’t do it. If you don’t have a daughter, you have a sister or a mom. Would you like it if a random stranger slapped her in the ass? 

8. The friend zone isn’t real. If you choose to remain friends with a woman after she’s declined your advances, then you made your choice. A woman doesn’t owe you anything because you listened to her or were a good friend except a thank you. 

It’s not hard guys. It’s about basic respect. I shouldn’t have to have my boyfriend with me every second to keep you from hitting on me (and just so we’re clear, had he been there today, it would have played out the same, because he respects my desire to take care of myself. He probably would have laughed at the creeper limping away covered in tea. That’s about it) & I’m sure every woman feels the same way. I’ve heard the best pick up line is not acting like a total douche. Try it sometime. 

  

Day Four: Parenting

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Crazy Talk, Douchers, Fitnesslicious, Life, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

The actual topic is my relationship with my parents, but my father has long passed away & my relationship with my mother is both complex & interesting & very hard to explain. Also, my mother regularly reads my blog (waves to my mother), so I’d rather not say anything good or bad, as I’d just rather not.

However, my relationship with my children is different. It’s a source of pride for me. As their only stable caregiver (as their dad has his own issues and anger management problems & is more concerned with other things than being a dad, which is why he doesn’t pay child support or like schedules or routines or anything constructive), it’s important to me to be the role model. I went through a period last year when I wasn’t the role model, so now it’s even more important to me to be the role model. I need to go to work every day & not miss a single day. I need to work hard. I need to think of my career & how continuing to work at building a portfolio helps me show them to work towards their goals. I have to be careful who I date, as that person will the be the person they build their standards around. This is something that comes up a lot with my tween and her penchant for liking bad boys on TV. She says love will fix them, sadly, it doesn’t.

Maybe I take this too seriously, but I feel like it’s my job to teach them the right way. It’s my job to teach them how to become strong young women & I need to live that example. So, each day I need to model myself as the type of woman I want them to grow up to be. That means live healthy, be healthy. Focus on being emotionally strong & confident in myself & that I’m setting the right example. This is important to me. This is my job as a mother.

Fortunately, I’ve been lucky to have been given three smart, beautiful & compassionate girls to raise. They care about others, they’re helpful & kind. They all get good grades in school & are talented musicians & love to read. They’re all growing into young women & I want them to become strong & proud women who reach for the stars, focus on their goals & know they can do everything. Society will try to pigeon-hole them into vapid morons who have to be barefoot & pregnant while also maintaining a bikini bod & live to serve their husband. The media will make them think they should want a career & a husband while maligning both. Other women will teach them to tear down other women. That’s why I need to live the example I want to set for them. If I want them to feel they can have a career & don’t need a man to complete them, then that’s how I must feel. If I want them to respect their bodies, then I mustn’t go out & have one night stands or whatever (no disrespect to moms who do. Everyone’s thoughts are different). If I want them to choose a partner that will cherish & respect them, then this is the partner I must choose. I must walk my walk every day so my good, wonderful girls do not turn towards influences that will only tear them down. So, yes, maybe I take it too seriously, but that’s okay. I’d rather be “too focused” on being a role model than not at all & when my children are struggling, wonder where it went wrong, knowing they emulated my poor choices & the example I set for them.