The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 26

by maryhelenc, posted in Uncategorized

Day 26: Name one popular notion that you think the world has wrong.

That people are too damaged to be loved.

Everyone says that. “Oh, they have too much baggage,” “they’re too messed up,” et al. I don’t believe that.

I think too often we cast aside some of the finest people in the world because they have baggage, they struggle. People suffer from depression, etc. Why do we then isolate these people and cut them out of our lives because “they’re damaged?”

We’re all damaged in one way or another and we shouldn’t stop caring about someone because they’re damaged. If anything, we should love them even more to show them that the things that make them feel “broken” don’t affect that you care.

I have a friend who’s son struggles with mental illness and she has made more sacrifices than anyone I know to make sure that he is cared for, but she has always been sure to draw him closer with love. In fact, that’s how she cares for everyone; with love. I would rather love someone 10 times more when they’re struggling, when they can’t handle things, when they’re gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles and can’t handle things than make them handle those times alone. Perhaps if they knew someone would understand and care enough to want to listen to them, maybe even support them, maybe they wouldn’t feel so damaged anymore and more people with mental illness would feel comfortable going to get help.

When someone has a physical ailment, we help them, but when they’re psychologically ailing or even just struggling emotionally sometimes, we pushed them away. We need to erase the stigma of mental illness so that people feel comfortable talking and we need to love people when they’re at their worst, so they can be their best.

Naturally if someone is abusive or hateful, then yes, you need to step back. But if someone just struggles or has emotional baggage, that’s not a good reason to leave them behind. If they have mental health struggles, that’s not a good reason either. If anything, you’ve validated their self loathing!

People are not disposable. We need to open up our hearts more, love more, protect more and not make people feel unworthy.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 22 & 23

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, ASH General, Mommydom, My New Life As Me

Day 22: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

I never know how to answer these questions. Mainly because they are dumb.

I don’t know where I see myself because I’m not one of those long term vision sort of people. The most I can set a timeline for is maybe a year and that’s if I have to plan something that takes that long. I’m more of a “wait and see” person.

I hate thinking too far ahead because then I worry that I’m missing out on the moment. Sometimes I think about the girls going to prom or maybe an upcoming birthday, but never too far ahead. I guess I’m just not that person.

I guess I would see myself hopefully more financially secure, happier, and maybe have a nice RRSP and a house or something. I’ll continue to write and people will continue to pretend it’s interesting and I will still really hate geese.

Day 23: List your 5 hobbies and why you love them.

I don’t have five. I have one. Writing. We’ve been over this stupid blog challenge. Writing is all MH does. It’s all MH knows how to do. It’s the only talent I have (well, some people say I can sing and I’m apparently rather charming). Writing is the answer to all of these questions. I love writing, I love the ability to tell and retell a story. I love the idea that people read something I wrote and maybe care for 35 seconds. I love writing letters to people I care about and hope they love them and maybe save them. I hope someday I write something so powerful that it changes someone’s perception when they read it and I truly believe someday I will write something and all of my dreams for my life will come true as a result.

So…hobbies 1-5? Writing.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 24 & 25

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, ASH General, Celebrity Fluff, Dorkdom, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri

Day 24: Describe your family dynamic as a child vs. now.

I have already sort of done that on Day 3 so I’ll just link it up back there. My childhood was…strange, so I’d rather not get into it.

Day 25: If you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it be and why?

Edgar Allen Poe.

Not just because he’s my favourite author, but because he’s an interesting guy. He was a drunk who suffered from bouts of meloncholia, married his cousin and wrote a bunch of murder mysteries that were beyond amazing. We could talk about writing and get really drunk while bitching about our respective lives. It would be a hoot. As long as he didn’t knock me out cold and bury me behind a wall, I’ll be really happy.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 20 & 21

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

Day 20: Describe Three significant moments from your childhood

1. The death of my father. It’s hard enough to lose a parent, especially when you’re little. Daddies are supposed to be invincible. They’re supposed to be able to do everything and they don’t get sick, let alone get cancer and die. I remember my mom telling me that Daddy went to Heaven when I was five and I cried and laid in bed for days. It was brutal. As I got older, I felt the void more, because I knew he wouldn’t walk me down the aisle when I got married, he wouldn’t meet my daughters, etc. Maybe I would have grown up into a better person.

2. Foster home. Nothing like that stigma of being some sort of screwed up kid! Going into foster care was scary and embarrassing and all of a sudden I felt sort of different. I was like a girl without a family, and all I ever wanted was a family…well, a normal one. I was scared and I both wanted and didn’t want to go home. Those are a lot of emotions for a 12 year old girl to process. But I made it through.

3. Moving in w/ my “parents.” Moving in with the foster parents I eventually looked at as my family was the best day of my childhood. I finally had a real family, with two parents and no worries about where the next meal was coming from and parents who helped with homework and vacations and hugs, lots of hugs. This is the family I based my future family around and for the first time in my life I was confident and happy and I felt like a regular teenage girl. My problems were grades and lame boys and fights about shirts. It was the most wonderful part of my childhood, the seven years I spent there.

Day 21: If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

I already have one. I live my life and I haven’t developed a drinking problem yet. I’d say that’s pretty super hahaha.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 19

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Fitnesslicious, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, WWE Wrasslin'

Day 19: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

I don’t have a city I’d like to live in.

Vaughan wouldn’t be so bad so I could go to the Stratusphere yoga studio instead of just doing the DVD, but I have no “dream city.”

The only place I would want to live is in a home that I own. Someplace where I plant my own garden and paint the walls any colour I want. Someplace where I mow the lawn and pay property taxes and have my last name on the mailbox. Someplace the girls know is ours, no landlord to collect rent. It would be a dream come true to me to live in my own house that belongs to me, something that nags at me since I work in a real estate law firm.

…maybe someday.

The 2013 Day Blog Challenge: Day 18

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Douchers, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

Day 18: The Most Difficult Thing I’ve Ever Had to Forgive.

There is one person, but that subject will not be discussed here or anywhere else for that matter. It’s off limits.

I generally forgive everyone though. I don’t stay angry; it’s a waste of my time. I prefer to forgive and move forward with my life. Holding onto anger is liking drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. It’s pointless. Why waste time being angry @ someone? Chances are they feel like a bag of crap for hurting you anyway, so why make them feel worse about the whole thing?

I don’t forgive people for their sake; I do it for mine. I don’t want to hold onto things that make me angry as I would rather hold onto things that make me happy. I need to set an example for my daughters by showing them that while it’s okay to be mad, it’s not okay to STAY mad, especially because of something long forgotten.

Grudges suck & I’d rather not hold onto them. It’s a waste of my time, which I don’t have a lot of to begin with. I have a full life; school, my daughters, my various jobs all keep me very busy. I simply don’t have time to be angry about something someone did years ago or thinking about someone or something that isn’t worth it to me. Not to mention how damaging holding onto anger is to one’s health. I would rather avoid the migraines, weakened immune system (mine is already weak enough) and weakened liver that comes from holding onto anger. Not to mention holding onto anger causes you to say things you don’t mean, hurt the people you care about and prevent you from having successful interpersonal relationships down the line. You can’t be a friend to someone if you abandon people the first time they annoy you for your newer, better friends. You can’t be in a successful relationship if you’re still thinking about your former lover and how they hurt you, made you mad, are creeping them on FB, etc. You need to let those things go.

This is why I forgive everyone everything. I won’t forget and I’ll handle the residual scars as they come, but I’ll make sure I tell you about why I’m worried, hurting, etc. I’m not going to bottle it in and risk damaging my health, psyche and other interpersonal relationships over it. I would rather be happy and enjoy the world around me.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 17

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Celebrity Fluff, Relationships, WWE Wrasslin'

Day 17: Something you wish you were good at.

Nothing.

I have limited patience to learn a skill. I have many half completed crafts, paintings, projects, etc. Unless I’m truly passionate about something (writing), I really don’t care. I don’t feel some void because I lack talent in a particular area.

If I really wanted to excel @ something, I would. That sounds arrogant but its true. If I want to do well in something, I will work my butt off to excel, otherwise it’s a chore. This applies to my interpersonal relationships, work, education, et al. If I care, I will bust my butt to be the best (insert thing here) I can be. Otherwise I’m indifferent.

I love Drew’s photos, but I’ve never wanted to take them. I love my friend’s artwork but I have no desire to paint. I wouldn’t mind learning to ballroom dance, but I’ll take lessons someday. I don’t fret over what I can’t do; I only take joy in what I can do, because what I can do, I do well & I’m proud of the things I can do, to the level that I sometimes want to take a page from the Chris Jericho playbook & say I am the best in the world at what I do.

Heart Attack

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Douchers, Seriously WTF?

Jennifer Lawrence is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

At 22, she has starred in two major franchises, one of which is expected to break the box office bank this year, has been nominated for two Academy Awards and took home her first last night for the critically acclaimed Silver Linings Playbook. Despite the fame and hype, she remains delightfully dorky, with witty comments like “I beat Meryl” and poses with her Oscar shooting the finger. Lawrence doesn’t take herself too seriously, which is good for the rest of us socially awkward weirdos.

Everyone was talking about Lawrence, but not because of her big win, but because while rushing to accept the highest honour of her field, she tripped over her huge Dior gown and fell flat on her face (something I would totally do). Yes, the top story was not about this young woman’s big moment, or even Daniel Day Lewis’s record breaking third trophy, it was that a girl fell down.

Photo credit: Just Jared
Photo credit: Just Jared

What shocked me during the show was that while the rest of the seasoned and polished actors sat stoically in their seats and tittled at Lawrence’s awkward fall, only Playbook co-star Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman rushed to the young woman’s aid, the former remaining on the steps until she reached the stage safely. Many bloggers and entertainment journalists were quick to downplay the actions of these two gentlemen, claiming that “it’s just what normal folks do” and “not a big deal.”

Well, the right thing to do IS a big deal.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or a total stranger (Jackman and Lawrence had never met prior to this moment), being genuinely kind to another human being is a big deal. We so often downplay the acts of kindness that people bestow on us while holding on to the mean things and making them a big deal. Perhaps we should do it in reverse. There’s something to be said for chivalry, which seems lost on so many men (and women) these days and there’s something to be said for two Hollywood hunks jumping from their seats and running in their tuxedos to help a young woman to her feet. Yes, it was “the right thing to do” but they didn’t have to do it. There was security, any number of other actors, Lawrence managed to make it to her feet on her own, but they still instinctively thought to help her. Cooper remaining on the stairs while Jackman led the auditorium in a standing ovation was also sweet; they attempted to turn the moment around for her, and in a small way, they did as Lawrence thanked everyone for the applause in her quirky way.

Perhaps if we focused more on praising people for acts of kindness instead of blowing up misfortunes and who did what to wrong who on what day, we could all be a little bit happier. We all complain about the lack of human compassion in the world, but then we downplay acts of kindness as “No big deal” and “Why are we talking about it?” Meanwhile, an inappropriate joke made by the Onion will generate rage and attention long after the apology was issued. Perhaps we should take more time to talk up the things people do that are great, as in the long run, those acts of genuine kindness should hold more weight than the times we screwed up. I’m pretty sure Jennifer Lawrence would rather people talk about how nice these men were than continuously asking her how it felt to fall down.

Or maybe everyone was just jealous that she gets Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman helping her up while when we fall down, we just fall down.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge Day 16

by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Celebrity Fluff, Dorkdom, Mommydom, My New Life As Me

Day 16: List your five greatest accomplishments.

1. Becoming a mom. My road to becoming a mom was not easy. I literally had to earn the right to become a mother. I think because I had to fight for it, to earn that priviledge, that honour makes me understand what I have and appreciate it more. I’m not saying other moms don’t; but when you’ve had to fight for something, it makes you realize how much you want it, how much you love it. When you have to put yourself out there and risk everything just to have it, it makes you realize how much it means to you. Becoming a mom made me realize how much I could love another person, how important the idea of protecting and loving those who are “mine” (and nothing hurts worse than losing one that is “yours”). They are “mine” and I have an obligation to protect them, teach them, love them, and hope I don’t screw it up along the way. So far, I think I’ve done pretty well.

2. My journalism diploma. That is my baby. I worked my butt off to get it and achieved every goal I had for myself professionally since I was eight years old. That piece of paper is my professional world. It’s my livelihood, my passion, hanging on my wall.

3. Interviewing Amanda Marshall. Everyone wants to meet their idol; I got to do the thing I loved the most in the whole wide world while talking to my idol. From her wishing Yogi well on an audition to her refreshingly honest answers, it was the greatest day of my career and not much will touch it.

4. My name in print. All of it, every single time. My byline is the greatest thing in the whole wide world to me that is not one of my children. It still amuses me to this day like the first time. I love my job more than anything else in the entire world (again, that is not my daughters) and nothing, not even Channing Tatum offering to run away with me, Ryan Gosling and Chris Hemsworth would be as amazing as seeing my name in print beside something I’ve written. When someone tells me they liked it, I’m even happier.

5. I’m still alive. Sometimes, when life kicks our asses, we need to hold onto this; we’re still alive. My life hasn’t always been easy, sometimes it’s been awful and horrible and really sucky, but I’m still alive. That means there’s a tomorrow to look forward to! For every horrible day, there’s an amazing one coming and sometimes we need to look forward to those amazing days and remember that we are one of the lucky ones; we’re still here.