Seriously WTF? – Page 25 – The Misadventures of MHC

The 2013 Day Blog Challenge: Day 18

February 27, 2013February 27, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Douchers, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

Day 18: The Most Difficult Thing I’ve Ever Had to Forgive.

There is one person, but that subject will not be discussed here or anywhere else for that matter. It’s off limits.

I generally forgive everyone though. I don’t stay angry; it’s a waste of my time. I prefer to forgive and move forward with my life. Holding onto anger is liking drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. It’s pointless. Why waste time being angry @ someone? Chances are they feel like a bag of crap for hurting you anyway, so why make them feel worse about the whole thing?

I don’t forgive people for their sake; I do it for mine. I don’t want to hold onto things that make me angry as I would rather hold onto things that make me happy. I need to set an example for my daughters by showing them that while it’s okay to be mad, it’s not okay to STAY mad, especially because of something long forgotten.

Grudges suck & I’d rather not hold onto them. It’s a waste of my time, which I don’t have a lot of to begin with. I have a full life; school, my daughters, my various jobs all keep me very busy. I simply don’t have time to be angry about something someone did years ago or thinking about someone or something that isn’t worth it to me. Not to mention how damaging holding onto anger is to one’s health. I would rather avoid the migraines, weakened immune system (mine is already weak enough) and weakened liver that comes from holding onto anger. Not to mention holding onto anger causes you to say things you don’t mean, hurt the people you care about and prevent you from having successful interpersonal relationships down the line. You can’t be a friend to someone if you abandon people the first time they annoy you for your newer, better friends. You can’t be in a successful relationship if you’re still thinking about your former lover and how they hurt you, made you mad, are creeping them on FB, etc. You need to let those things go.

This is why I forgive everyone everything. I won’t forget and I’ll handle the residual scars as they come, but I’ll make sure I tell you about why I’m worried, hurting, etc. I’m not going to bottle it in and risk damaging my health, psyche and other interpersonal relationships over it. I would rather be happy and enjoy the world around me.

Heart Attack

February 25, 2013May 30, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Douchers, Seriously WTF?

Jennifer Lawrence is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

At 22, she has starred in two major franchises, one of which is expected to break the box office bank this year, has been nominated for two Academy Awards and took home her first last night for the critically acclaimed Silver Linings Playbook. Despite the fame and hype, she remains delightfully dorky, with witty comments like “I beat Meryl” and poses with her Oscar shooting the finger. Lawrence doesn’t take herself too seriously, which is good for the rest of us socially awkward weirdos.

Everyone was talking about Lawrence, but not because of her big win, but because while rushing to accept the highest honour of her field, she tripped over her huge Dior gown and fell flat on her face (something I would totally do). Yes, the top story was not about this young woman’s big moment, or even Daniel Day Lewis’s record breaking third trophy, it was that a girl fell down.

What shocked me during the show was that while the rest of the seasoned and polished actors sat stoically in their seats and tittled at Lawrence’s awkward fall, only Playbook co-star Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman rushed to the young woman’s aid, the former remaining on the steps until she reached the stage safely. Many bloggers and entertainment journalists were quick to downplay the actions of these two gentlemen, claiming that “it’s just what normal folks do” and “not a big deal.”

Well, the right thing to do IS a big deal.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or a total stranger (Jackman and Lawrence had never met prior to this moment), being genuinely kind to another human being is a big deal. We so often downplay the acts of kindness that people bestow on us while holding on to the mean things and making them a big deal. Perhaps we should do it in reverse. There’s something to be said for chivalry, which seems lost on so many men (and women) these days and there’s something to be said for two Hollywood hunks jumping from their seats and running in their tuxedos to help a young woman to her feet. Yes, it was “the right thing to do” but they didn’t have to do it. There was security, any number of other actors, Lawrence managed to make it to her feet on her own, but they still instinctively thought to help her. Cooper remaining on the stairs while Jackman led the auditorium in a standing ovation was also sweet; they attempted to turn the moment around for her, and in a small way, they did as Lawrence thanked everyone for the applause in her quirky way.

Perhaps if we focused more on praising people for acts of kindness instead of blowing up misfortunes and who did what to wrong who on what day, we could all be a little bit happier. We all complain about the lack of human compassion in the world, but then we downplay acts of kindness as “No big deal” and “Why are we talking about it?” Meanwhile, an inappropriate joke made by the Onion will generate rage and attention long after the apology was issued. Perhaps we should take more time to talk up the things people do that are great, as in the long run, those acts of genuine kindness should hold more weight than the times we screwed up. I’m pretty sure Jennifer Lawrence would rather people talk about how nice these men were than continuously asking her how it felt to fall down.

Or maybe everyone was just jealous that she gets Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman helping her up while when we fall down, we just fall down.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 11

February 21, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Dorkdom, Douchers, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?

Day 11: List 10 Pet Peeves You Have

1. The things geese do. Like honk, fly, look @ me, walk near me, continue to breed. You know, the norm.

2. Big Mouths. I have a big mouth…sort of. It’s true that I tell my closest friends almost everything, but they do the same for me. We all tell our closest people everything in the hopes that we get advice. But those who disrespect that confidence and will blab to everyone about everything and make everyone uncomfortable really irritate me.

3. Loud Chewers. Ew. Nuff said.

4. Dishonesty. I hate when people lie. It’s just so ooky and it hurts people! Why do something that’s going to hurt someone else? It’s just plain cruel.

5. Negativity. I abhor negativity. I get self defeating sometimes, but there’s always something to be super happy about pretty much all of the time. Why focus on the thing you do not have when you have lots of other cool stuff? Why be mad all of the time when there is a super awesome world waiting for you?!

6. Pretentiousness. Yes, your taste in music is better than mine, your blog is better than mine, you drink red wine and I only like white wine so my pallet totally sucks. You ONLY eat at certain restaurants and I like chicken wings. I totally get how you just know everything and it’s so superior and your house in a better part of town and brand name pants makes you my better. *eye roll*

7. People That Hate the Lion King. How the freaking eff do you hate the Lion King?!

8. Gratiuities Included in the Bill. A tip is a reward for good service, not an expectation. It just irks me.

9. Sanctimommies. I don’t care if you breastfed your child until they started JK and only feed them organic food and helicopter parent and put them in every lesson and teach them dutch in your spare time while playing the harp and knitting all of their sweaters and sewing their socks; not every mom can do that. Some moms feed their kids Hamburger Helper and used formula. They’re not evil. Moms should be building each other up, not tearing them down.

10. Russell Crowe. He butchered Stars and I will never forgive him.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 6

February 16, 2013February 16, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

Day 6: Name the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do.

I’m not one to go on about really personal things on my blog. I prefer high level personal anecdotes. If you only read my blog & did not know me, you likely wouldn’t know intimate details about me & that’s how I like to keep it.

The hardest thing I’ve ever done is something only two people know (besides myself). It relates to a health issue that I dealt with back in August that left me quite ill & some days, just making my daughters breakfast left me so exhausted that I needed to rest. I was very emotional because I had never had to deal with something that serious on my own, with no partner to help me with the kids, or reassure me that I would be okay, which would have been nice as for three weeks I was a human pincushion while medical personnel didn’t know what was wrong & while I was physically recovered by the end of September, it took its toll on me emotionally.

It was rough, but fortunately I had two close friends to help me through. I’m grateful it’s behind me & I truly hope I’m never in a situation like that again.

The 2013 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Four

February 14, 2013February 14, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in ASH Blog Projects, Dorkdom, Douchers, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

Day Four: 10 Things you would tell your 16 year old self.

1. True girlfriends are hard to come by & you’ll likely never have more than two at a time. Some “girlfriends” will do all of those things you see in teen dramas. This never changes, even as adults. Hold on to the true girlfriends & mad love for your guy friends & your gay friends.

2. There’s no shame in being nice, even to people who hurt you. Always treat people the way you want to be treated.

3. There’s someone out there for you. When I find them, I’ll let you know.

4. Don’t keep trying to be perfect. You’ll never be perfect. Just be you.

5. You’re gonna interview Amanda Marshall. It’s awesome.

6. You’ll always be the good girl. You’ll always love & get your heart broken. You’ll never just put out without love. You’ll never be selfish. That’s okay. Don’t let anyone tell you there’s anything wrong with being the good girl. You’ll be the role model for your daughters.

7. Good music fixes everything.

8. Don’t stress when you put on weight. You’re still pretty & you were too thin anyway.

9. Geese will never stop being scary.

10. Life never gets easier. It’ll always hurt. People will leave. They’ll crush you. Sometimes you’ll wonder what’s the freaking point. The point is that you’re amazing & the people who truly matter will know. You’ll become a mom (& a good one), a writer & you’ll be alright. You’ll do amazing things. Just get through the crap by loving the good.

Radioactive

February 10, 2013February 10, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

Word.

I’ve mentioned this quote in two other posts (HERE & HERE) & I love it so much, I’m going to reference it back again today:

“Most of the problems in life are caused by: 1. Acting without thinking & 2. Continuing to think without acting.”

I’m a horrible over-thinker & listen maybe too well…sort of. I couldn’t tell you what I learned in Transcription class this week, but I could tell you every word my friends & loved ones have ever said to me. Then I look @ the words that contradict the words said before & get confused.

But I also act impulsively & do dumb things. We all do & those are the things that end up hurting people that we care about. Then we overreact instead of trying to understand the other person’s POV, we simply react, lash out, cut them completely out of your life, get mad, etc.

So, then what?

You linger in the shadows of their life, lurking in doorways, revisiting what happened. Wishing you could repair that friendship, relationship, whatever. Anything of course, but do something about it.

You’ll listen to the familiar songs, reminiscent of that time, you’ll look at the old photos & laugh @ the memories. You’ll visit the places you used to go, haunt them like a ghost & cling to that last link to that person, but you won’t take that step to say “Hey, I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

It’s funny how humans are genetically designed to recoil from pain, but then will hold onto to the most painful things. We will wrap our guilt around us like a blanket, torture ourselves with it, but make no attempt to be happy. We’d rather hide in the dark. Maybe we all need to step out of the shadows & stop watching & start enjoying. Stop lurking on the fringes, stop dancing around, using every alternative method to hold on & actually do something. Life’s not meant to be spent hiding, asking what if & waiting to make that move, because in the end, it’s just another what if!

“What if I waited too long & I lost everything?”

Bleeding Out

February 7, 2013February 7, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

Ladies & gentlemen, my friends.

I’m sure she’s not the only one that fears death. Me, I’m not that concerned. It’s gonna happen, I can’t stop it & I have bomb ass life insurance to protect my daughters’ interests.

However, I find that more people fear living than they do dying. They let petty things ruin their happiness, they surround themselves with negative people, they don’t take the leaps of faith because “what if”. They hold onto guilt from past infractions & allow it to keep them from becoming the person we need to be. What kind of life is the “safe plan?” Sure, it might seem nice for awhile, until you look at the chances that you didn’t take or the ones that you thought you blew. Then when the reaper comes, all you’re left with is a series of unanswered questions. Not exactly a life well lived.

My friend & I discussed how we all live mundane lives & how that’s humanity. But…why? Why does it have to be mundane? Sure you may have the “mediocre” job or the average home, but those things don’t define you. I can honestly say my life is freaking amazing. Maybe reporter/single mom/law student seems mundane, but I’ve accomplished so many thing I never thought I could do, I have children that amaze me every day & friends who have my back. I’ve been on adventures big & small & I can sleep well knowing I’ve given everything in life all I had. It’s not much, but I know I’ve lived, every day.

We don’t know how many days we get between the DOB & DOD. Do you really want to waste them with anger, resentment, guilt or any of the things that hold us back? I know I don’t. I’m only gonna get one February 7/13 & I intend to use it well. I may not get a February 8/13.

In the end, we only have one life & many of us are wasting it. Let’s stop.

I saw this message from a life coach online, lets practice it:

Man in the Mirror

February 1, 2013February 3, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Douchers, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

“THE thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge.”

Everyone who knows me well knows my favourite author in the entire world is Edgar Allen Poe. One Christmas, my ex husband bought me a copy of my “favourite” Poe story (the Raven), only to have my friends tell him in unison that its actually the Cask of Amontillado.

I won’t spoil it for you, because its awesome, but it’s a story of how a man sets forth an interesting revenge for a perceived insult. The narrator never specifies what the insult was, just that it happened. The story takes some interesting turns from there, including the narrator’s sickness at heart over what he had done.

The truth is, that rash actions made in anger entomb us as much as the person that we’ve locked away. We may have chained them up in the darkest part of our hearts & locked them away, but they are still there, rattling their chains & pleading with you to come back & let them free. Meanwhile, you have imprisoned yourself in the same tomb, bound by your anger to an action you know was wrong. So, you venture down to the darkness & peer through the small window, watching them suffer, punishing yourself. They know you’re watching them suffer, feeling the sadness of knowing you’re taking great delight in their pain, unknowing that its guilt you’re feeling. Guilt for acting rash, vengeful & leaving you to languish.

For years, literary experts have believed that the narrator was actually insane & invented a reason to hurt his victim, because the slight was actually in his mind. I’ve always felt that Poe is trying to teach us that revenge is never a good idea. While yes, the narrator got away with it, it weighed on him for decades, eating away at his soul until he became a broken man.

Truthfully, most “slights” that prompt us to lash out in anger exist only in our own mind. We overreacted, we blew a minor slight out of proportion. Yes, people do dumb things, but chances are it wasn’t as bad as you made it out to be. We are our own worst enemies.

This is why reactions made in anger are never good; they hurt you more than you hurt them. You’re haunted by it, taunted by it & will never truly escape the guilt. Your victim lives in your heart imprisoned in the place you dare not go. By holding on to the anger, the revenge, you’ve held onto that person & the line between love & hate is so fine, that most experts will tell you that if you badmouth a former flame vehemently, you’re trying to mask your love for them. Why not set them (& yourself) free? Take them out of the prison of your heart & let them roam free in it. Let the only thing you keep chained in the basement be your desire for revenge.

Things I Cannot Recall

January 28, 2013January 28, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Douchers, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

“If you tell a man is worthless enough times, he will believe it & become that.”

It’s Monday, which means more gems of awesomeness from my favourite class!

The self-fulfilling prophecy is so sad, because it doesn’t have to be that way, you’ve just been conditioned (either by yourself or someone else) to believe its true.

I so rarely discuss personal events in my life, because my life is boring. But I relate to this so much, that I’m going to open up my weird psyche. Maybe you’ve been there too, or you’ll know why I’m in therapy. But I digress.

I grew up in a world where everything was my fault. EVERYTHING. If something happened in the first foster home I lived in, it was me, even if I didn’t do it. I was just a liar. I was always too demanding, too selfish, too needy, frigid, cold, never good enough, easily replaced. So, because of this I became…nice. The more times I was blamed for someone’s childhood trauma, depression or friend’s inability to get their life together, the nicer I got. I genuinely believed that if I was just nicer, people would be nice back. I never stood up for myself (I still don’t) & if someone has done something that should piss me off & they get defensive, I’ll just back down & try to make them feel better. If someone is angry with me, I’ll bend over backwards to be nicer to them so they’ll stop being angry. I can’t help it, the fear of rage, of being that Mighty Morphin Failure Ranger cripples me. I have to fix it. I’ll cry, beg, because I don’t want to feel replaceable like the people who blamed me told me I was. The silent treatment makes me feel smaller than small, to the point where I’ll do anything to make that person talk to me, even if they’re saying hateful things, because at least then they’re acknowledging I’m alive. I knew I needed to get out of my marriage when I welcomed being shoved into the wall & screamed at, because he was talking to me. The rest of the time, it was video games, books, anything but me. I was silenced & would gravitate to my bedroom, where I would feel invisible, replaceable…alone.

People ask how I became strong while retaining that stupid nice part of me. The answer is that I had no choice. My basic human instinct is to fight (as opposed to flight) & I refuse to let the world rob me of my basic humanity. I know how it feels to be made to feel subhuman, invisible, & broken & I don’t want to make a human being feel that way. So I’ll take their burden, make their guilt mine, rationalize their actions away & forgive them because it was likely my fault anyway. I’ll hold onto the good long after it seems like there is none because I don’t want to think I turned someone into a bad person. Isn’t conditioning fun?

This is why I empathize with people. Imagine being told your entire life that you are weak, no good, you don’t get a say, you’re pathetic. Then you meet someone who tells you that you’re amazing, you’re wonderful, the best thing that ever happened to them. You’re going to think they’re an idiot (I struggle with this. Whenever someone compliments me, I assume insults are coming). Chances are the minute things get confusing, you’re going to fall into old patterns “You’re just an asshole, be an asshole” or “Be nice, be nice, be nice.”You’ve fulfilled your own prophecy & likely destroyed the one thing you’ve always wanted. If we’re told something long enough, we embrace those traits instead of bucking them in favour of the good someone sees in us…or we know we’re capable of. We as humans hold onto the thing that we’re told the most. I was told I wasn’t important, could be replaced with a new friend/wife/foster child & life would be better. So, I do nice things so that I seem important, so that I feel like I matter.

If you’ve been told you’re an asshole by everyone you value, you will likely be an asshole & hurt people because its what’s expected, even though the people you hurt are the ones who didn’t think you were an asshole. If you’re conditioned to believe that you come from a thug culture, you will embody those characteristics. If you’ve been controlled, you will control the person you love, prey on their weaknesses & maintain that power because you NEED to feel like you have some in your life. You can only shuck them with positivity & belief in yourself. It’s why I write so many positive & uplifting lessons here. I figure there are others who feel trapped by negativity & want to read happy things. There’s enough negativity.

We’ve all been conditioned to be something. Maybe we should condition ourselves. Stop thinking the people who think we’re amazing are just stupid. Stop accepting that it just is. Strive to be the person you could be, not what you’ve been led to believe you are. You’re not just an asshole, you’re probably really great, just made some mistakes & the right people will always love & forgive you. Maybe you’re not a thug, maybe you just like hip hop & live in the wrong part of town. Maybe you’ll end up a doctor. Maybe you don’t need to control that person. Maybe you just need to let them love you instead of forcing them to feel the things you want them to, prove to you what they’ll do for you & accept that you are wanted. I need to learn I’m not replaceable & I can be nice as well as assertive. But there is good in you & you deserve to have the good things that come with that goodness. So, listen to the people who say you are good, ignore the old voices that say you suck & become the person you were meant to be.

Karma

January 27, 2013January 27, 2013 by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, When Things Suck Hard

“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.”

I HATE when people point out when I’ve screwed up.

Of course, it happens so often, I’m almost used to it. I trust the wrong people (everybody), I take the wrong advice, I don’t trust my gut & I always believe in the goodness in everyone, even when they proved they don’t have any. I confide in people who prove that they are completely untrustworthy & believe them when they lie. Add in my own klutziness, big mouth & procrastination & I screw up…a lot. Sometimes I fall off of my own shoes, so there’s that.

When you tell me, I’ll cry. I can’t help it. Under my general screw upery is an overwhelming perfectionism. This is probably why I’m so anal retentive.

Of course, we know when we’ve screwed up. We’ll look at the mess we made of things & we’ll want to make it right, but no one wants their face rubbed in it like a dog, especially by the person we’ve wronged. We think we’re helping by reaching out, but we’re actually adding to the guilt. They hurt us in a manner most cruel & we are still showing compassion? So, we puff out our chest, hold onto our pride & act all cool, when in reality, we’re probably hurting & likely have added to the guilt by using our pride as a shield.

But like my father said, the bravest act of a coward is to repair his destruction, face what he has done & put it right. It’s a hard step, as it requires the admission that they were wrong, and forgiveness from themselves. After all, everyone else has likely forgiven them for their mess, but how do you forgive yourself for the hurt? I know when I’ve hurt another person, I will go to any lengths to apologize, but I won’t forgive myself. I’ll hold onto that guilt for months, wanting to make it okay. So, I hold onto my pride in the hopes that by acting indignant when I’m called on crap, I can feel better. Normally, I just feel lower because I blew another chance to do the thing I wanted to do, repair the relationship with the friend/partner/family member, but it wasn’t on my time or in my way.

So, while pride can be a good thing, it can also prevent you from being who you want to be. Don’t be afraid to swallow it sometimes, even if it wasn’t “your” way & take your lumps & yes, even feel guilty. Eventually those feelings will fade & you’ll be happy again, knowing you did what was best for everyone. After all, why watch the life you want like Scrooge talking to the spirit of life’s present? Wouldn’t you rather be there? There’s nothing wrong with pride in one’s self & work, but don’t let it keep you from being happy.

“We are rarely proud when we are alone.”