Weathering Storms & Life Is Not a Fairytale

Yesterday, ASH Multimedia had the pleasure of shooting a wedding.

Fortunately, I had the pleasure of attending this wedding, as the bride is a dear friend of mine. I’ve known this friend off and on for seven years, we’ve painted each other’s houses (and toenails), laughed together, cried together and I was honoured that I was able to attend her special day.

Photo courtesy of ASH Photography

C wanted a love story like a Taylor Swift song. When she met her bride R she knew she was the one and never wanted anyone else. During their brief separation two years ago, she didn’t date anyone else. She simply held on to the belief that one day they would be together again or she would be alone. She didn’t push R to reconsider, she simply struggled to move on as best she could. In the end, her mate realized that C was the one for her and came back. They weathered their storms and now they are behind them as they begin a new life.

Unfortunately, I am one of those “fairy tale” ending people. I know it’s unrealistic.  I know it’s not how life is, but I also want it so much that I think it sometimes causes unnecessary conflict in my marriage. My marriage is not perfect, in fact, it’s so far from perfect that I’m pretty sure Taylor Swift would have a breakdown if she saw it. Sometimes I look at the world around me and think “Why does everyone have that happily ever after except me? Why do I get the conflict and the issues?”

The reality is that no one really has the happily ever after in the literal sense. I have spent a third of my life with the only man I’ve ever wanted and we have three gorgeous children. That’s pretty happy.  Maybe it’s not sickeningly cute like the marriages of others but it’s ours and I’m glad. There’s work to be done and some days we don’t even like each other, but the commitment is there and that is the real happily ever after.

But yet we all wish for that Taylor Swift sort of love, something right out of a sappy country song that makes us swoon. Even though we know the truth, that no one has that perfect love because it’s not real. Real love means looking at someone and seeing them for their true selves, not just the warm brown eyes that make you melt. Real love requires the rose coloured glasses to come off and see that sometimes your partner is selfish, sometimes they act childish, they have a temper, they spend way too much money at Bath and Body Works (I’m sure my husband will tell you all about my addiction) and knowing that without those flaws, they wouldn’t be “Your love”.

I’m so conflicted sometimes. I want the starry eyed perfect but I also want the reality because I know love without the reality can’t last and in the end, most of us just want to find their forever.  The trick is to decide which side of you is going to win; starry or steady. I’ve been married for nearly eight years and sometimes I can’t decide either! We’ve been preconditioned from childhood that you meet the prince and he brings you a shoe and from that first kiss it’s perfect. We never see Cinderella and the Prince arguing about the mortgage or how the in laws are insufferable bores. That takes away some of the stardust.

C wanted steady and she got it. It wasn’t easy for her; there were many late night phone calls, vent sessions and Ben & Jerry’s but in the end, she got her forever with the person she loved most in the world and I’m happy that she did because she deserves it. We all deserve it.