Life Is Waiting

by maryhelenc, posted in Dear Blank, Douchers, MH vs Dating, Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, WWE Wrasslin'

In the words of the late Owen Hart:

“Enough is enough & it’s time for a change.”

My life has been in this sort of holding pattern & I feel stuck.

Truthfully, my life hasn’t really been my own for a long time. I like to pretend it is, but it hasn’t been. The divorce & custody proceedings have kept me from adequately planning a future. For six months, I’ve kept my personal life on hold because I believed a person who promised me they would always come back for me, no matter what. So, I waited, rejecting any possible suitor because I trusted that he’d come back for me like he said he would. The divorce is final, & people break promises every day (the MH fatal flaw, believing in promises & holding them sacred). Law is definitely not for me & my media prospects are limited, & this leaves me spinning my wheels, wondering what to do.

I’m professionally dissatisfied, personally dissatisfied & just kind of blah. So, I need to start coming up with a plan to make my future more what I’d like it to be, instead of waiting, hoping it’ll all just fall into place. I need to take control of my life & make it work for me, no more excuses.

First thing is a career change, one that requires an education that is only offered far from Windsor. It’d be a better fit for me, something more people focused & less paperwork. Perhaps leaving Windsor is what I need. You can’t wait for something that is never coming if you’re not near it. Maybe putting as much space there will make it easier, because I don’t want to keep waiting for something that just won’t happen. The one thing that worries me most is leaving my good friends to venture somewhere that I don’t know anyone. But I didn’t know anyone when I moved to Windsor & I met amazing people. Maybe it’ll happen again. I’d only be a train ride away & technology will keep us in touch too. However, I’m not sure that I want to leave town to pursue a career that may or may not be right for me. Then I’d be far from my support system and still have no clear direction.

There’s also the girls to consider. They need their Dad & I’m not sure how he’d feel about us leaving. Obviously, we’d need to work that out and I’m not sure how well that would go, seeing as he has no access to transportation, which would impede him from being able to see them on a regular basis, which isn’t something I want to restrict the girls from.

Truthfully, this is only one plan. Plans change all of the time. But I definitely need to figure out where & who I want to be so I can do that. I’m not good @ complacency, I need to start achieving…once I figure out what that is.

Just A Fool

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Current Events, Douchers, Mommydom, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, Television

I’m always amused (and sometimes disgusted) by the internet.

People hide behind their keyboards and tear everyone around them apart behind user names and the like and use the concept of internet anonymity and free speech to defend their rights to be evil people.

I don’t believe in internet anonymity. Sorry, but it’s bullcrap. I use my real name on my Facebook account, Twitter too. I don’t hide behind an alias so employers can’t find me, post on websites like People and EW.com under my real name and my blog’s comments are moderated and my site has security. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, you shouldn’t be able to do it on the internet.

Which brings me to my point. People magazine posted a photo a slimmer and more natural Christina Aguilera at the premiere of the Voice. The comments from supposed adults ranged from complimentary to comments of “she’s still a pig” or oinking. These comments are likely from the very same people who wonder where these kids get the idea that bullying other kids online is okay.

I love Christina Aguilera. I’ve made no secret about it. She’s a talented woman who gives no eff about what you think of her. She’s gonna wear tight clothes and dye her hair pink and wear ridiculous makeup and she doesn’t care. Why? Because she is comfortable and happy. I don’t always agree with the clothing choices of my friends (or my 6yo, who dresses in a way that can only be described as her), but she’s happy, so who cares? This is the lesson we should be teaching women. Wear what you want. Cut your hair how you want. Whatever. As long as you show people respect, your body is your own.

We live in this weird world where we judge women by their haircuts, the length of their skirts, the tightness of their tops and their makeup instead of by what we can do and then pretend to be outraged when the news focuses on the “promising futures” of convicted rapists. We hide behind righteous indignation, claiming that we feel for that poor girl for being judged for what she drank or wore, but then turn around and call Kim Kardashian a slut or Chrisitna Aguilera a pig. Why would a man look at a woman in a short skirt and not devalue her when we all do the same thing under a username behind a keyboard?

We can’t teach our children to stop bullying when we do it too. We are adults, we need to set the example and look at how we address people. We need to stop using the excuse that “they’re famous so they expect it” when we call Miley a “butch” or a “troll” and “She knew what she was getting into” when the girl in our friends Facebook photo wore the short skirt. Even if you use a user name and hide behind a keyboard, you know who you are and what you’re projecting and if you wouldn’t want it said to your sister/daughter/best friend, you probably shouldn’t say it about anyone.

Mirrors

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Dorkdom, Mommydom, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships

“One of the greatest gifts you can give anybody is the gift of your honest self…”

Yesterday marked the birthday of one of the greatest minds in the history of everything; Mr. Rogers.

Yes, Mr. Rogers was a freaking genius. He believed in handling things in his life with quiet honesty, talking to children like they were actual people, and helping them understand the world with gentle guidance and patience, something the modern world is missing. Mr. Rogers was a genuinely good man, who loved God, wore sweaters made by his mother and was devoted to his wife until his passing in 2003. He was arguably one of the most beautiful souls on Earth and I’m so glad his family decided to continue his legacy by recreating the world of make believe on Daniel Tiger’s Neighbourhood, a favourite of my three year old.

Mr. Rogers believed that kids could spot a phoney from a mile away, which is true (nothing is crueller IMO than hurting a child. If a child truly loves you, adores you, and thinks you’re special and you hurt them or walk out on them, then you should reevaluate who you are as a person, because you’re probably horrible), so he opted to be as honest and kind as he could, so that children knew he cared about them. He taught them such things as it’s okay to get mad, as long as we don’t hurt people. It’s okay to be hurt and it’s okay to feel sad. Mr. Rogers helped kids to understand that it’s okay to have feelings.

Mr. Rogers also believed that love was the most important thing ever. He said the greatest lesson we could teach someone is that we love them and that they were capable of being loved and giving love, something we as adults lost somewhere along the way. One thing that he wanted to remind people was “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” Another lesson lost on adults. Sometimes, we love people. Sometimes, they suck. Sometimes, you suck. Sometimes, we all suck. But we expect everyone to understand our flaws while rejecting the other person’s. We expect perfection while demanding acceptance.

Maybe I really am just a naive person with a child-like outlook @ the world, but I like how Mr. Rogers looks @ things. It’s okay to be angry/sad/kooky/batsh*t crazy and you’re still worthy of being loved. You’ll eff up royally and you still deserve to be loved and you can still love people even when they aren’t perfect. In fact, it’s totally okay. All of your emotions are valid and it’s okay to talk about them and kindness works so much better than cruelty. It just all sounds so much better than tearing each other apart, driving people away and doing terrible things to one another. I think I’d like the world a lot better if we adopted Mr. Rogers’s school of thought, maybe we would enjoy being neighbours.

My Blog Knows What You Did In The Dark

by maryhelenc, posted in Mommydom, My New Life As Me, Seriously WTF?

Apparently I sweat the small stuff.

I don’t get angry or frustrated at huge issues, but the small ones drive me bananas.

When my life is hectic and there are eleventy billion major issues going on in my life, it’s no thing. However, there will be one teensy problem, one minor issue and it will drive me NUTS to the point where I obsess and become insufferable because I just want to fix that tiny problem.

I’ve always had this belief that life is like the messy garage. That garage looks so overwhelming with piles of boxes and crap everywhere and that stack of stuff may just fall on your head. So, I’ll pick up a broom and sweep the floor. For some reason, sweeping the floor will help me want to tackle the giant job because Look! I swept the floor! Sure, it seems so small and really effing miniscule, but I tackled something and good for me! It helps me feel like I can take on all of the big problems.

I always feel this way in my real life. I hate the feeling that I can’t handle my life, because I need to feel like I’m not screwing up. So, I will talk to my friends about the stress of a super tiny, unimportant problem and drive everyone batty, but it’s only because the big stuff feels so…big, so I’ll talk about the little thing because I can fix the little thing quickly. It’ll take two seconds to fix that little thing and then I can fix the big things, because I fixed that little minor issue and that means I have problem solving skills! I’m so determined to handle all of my major issues alone, that I get stuck asking for help. So instead, I focus on a small issue, something that I feel I can fix, which will help me feel confident handling the big stuff.

So, if I seem overly fixated on my incorrect coffee order, or that issue with my phone bill, or something equally as inane, it’s because there are likely a ton of other things I’m struggling to deal with on my own. Perhaps I need to stop trying so hard to be super human MHC and actually ask for help when things go awry instead of drive everyone crazy by focusing on that tiny, unimportant thing that in the long run seems so pointless. Maybe I need to reevaluate my thinking and find a balance, so I don’t feel like I’m surrendering my independence by asking for help for the big stuff and stop thinking fixing the small stuff will help me handle the big stuff. Maybe then my messed up coffee order or that inane problem won’t become such a sticking point and I can learn to stop sweating the small stuff.

Here By Me

by maryhelenc, posted in Dorkdom, Mommydom, MusicIsLifeIsMusicIsLife, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”

One of my best friends hates going out with Drew and I.

Apparently…we’re…children.

Drew & I are just silly. We sing along with the mall music, skip, order our Yogen Fruz in a Swedish accent and firmly believe in the area code rule, where we get to act as ridiculous as we want as long as we’re in a different area code. I wear a Pikachu hoodie in public (which I get a lot of compliments for, people love Pikachu) so my concern about what people think of me isn’t that high; Drew cares even less. Her logic is “What will people think?” Well, they are total strangers, so…uh…who cares?

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Life isn’t that serious. While yes, there are aspects of life that should be taken seriously, like employment, or parenting (which should also be fun. We as parents need to learn to be silly, make faces and sing songs and let kids enjoy being children by getting down to their level, not the other way around) and relationships, but when we’re old and gray and on our deathbed, we’re not going to remember those moments that we paid the gas bill, or that boring trip to the mall where we bought socks and went home, or the time someone wasn’t there. We’re going to remember fun filled adventures, warm moments, love in our heart and the times someone was there. We waste time worrying what people think about choices that don’t really affect them and impact our own lives instead of doing what’s best for us and our families. We spend too much time worrying about being judged by the company we keep, even though that company may be the best person for us. My friends aren’t necessarily the “best” people in the world. Maybe their ethics aren’t the same as mine or aren’t as educated or maybe are completely insane. But they’re awesome, so meh.

Let’s stop taking life so darn seriously and enjoy it more! It’s okay to be silly, goofy and just plain weird. Not everything is this super serious moment of truth; sometimes it’s just going to the bookstore. So, let’s save the seriousness for the moments that need it and enjoy the rest of them in our own unique way.

You Wanted More

by maryhelenc, posted in Mommydom, My New Life As Me, support Windsor!, When Things Suck Hard

After a very weird couple of weeks that involved working when I wasn’t actually employed, I’ve come to a very important decision.

It’s time to retire from the world of journalism.

That’s not to say if a really good paying position opened up that came with an office and a T4, I wouldn’t jump on it, but as it stands, it’s time for me to get a regular 9-5 gig, which is what I’ve been applying for.

It’s just so draining being the editor sometimes. Your ideas are largely ignored, your stories cut, leaving you holding the bag, and your opinions largely dismissed. I’m also tired of the work that I do. Yes, interviewing local artists and celebrities is super fun, but I want to write things that make people think, educate and inform (none of which I do here). I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because I’ve been very blessed to have been afforded the opportunities that I have, but if my heart isn’t in it, then I’m not doing my job well. I post on my blog more frequently when I’m professionally dissatisfied and seeing as I’m posting almost non-stop, it’s a pretty safe bet that my job is not providing the fufillment it once did. Obviously, I can still write, as I have a blog and paper to keep me motivated. Finding an outlet isn’t a problem. Perhaps a break from the actual media world would kick start my interest in the only job I’ve ever wanted to do.

Not to mention I’m a sole support parent who’s education is coming to an end. I need to find something steady to support my family. As my daughter’s father is incapable of helping me support them right now, I’m on my own paying bills, buying clothes, etc. & I need to make sure that their needs are being met. I’m not able to look for another media gig or something in law and stick to only my fields of study. I need to be able to work anywhere so I can support my family.

So, I’m going to work a regular day job, something I haven’t done in two years, as school and media have kept me from doing just that. I’ll apply everywhere and find something, maybe somewhere that isn’t Windsor. As a sole support parent, I need to be open to go where there is a better financial future for my daughters. So, these are all the variables I need to consider. It might be nice just being an employee and punching a clock and not having all the pressure of putting it all together. I think I could even get used to it (until I get frustrated and work to run the company).

Nothing Left To Say

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Douchers, My New Life As Me, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?

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I hear people say this a lot and I don’t think it’s a statement about society now more than it is about us as a people, in which we genuinely expect people to hurt us.

We live with this ideal of “stranger danger” where people we don’t know are going to hurt us or insult us because of the way we wear our hair, or our clothes, etc. (Drew & I were guilty of this, as we brutally lambasted the frontman of the Neon Trees for this right before he performed Everybody Talks). But we all think of strangers as jerks, people who suck and are mean and are just looking to screw us over. That’s why when a friend or a loved one hurts us, we end up crippled, because we honestly expected them not to.

We trust the people we care about, sometimes blindly. We love and adore them and think they can’t hurt us ever. They will never say a snotty thing, never do something we don’t want them to, never act like a douchebag. We put them up on such a pedestal and think they are perfect and angelic and so freaking wonderful. Then, the reality sets in and they are in fact sometimes a huge, raving jerk. Then they do something stupid and we’re crippled because we just don’t understand how this person we saw so much good in could hurt us so freaking much.

We need to abandon the idea that the people we love won’t hurt us, because they will. People hurt each other, intentional or not, but it happens. The one attribute that I am most proud of is that I am completely incapable of intentionally hurting someone I love. I can’t. I don’t know how to do it and the thought of it makes me so upset to the point that I end up puking. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t hurt you, it just means I can’t do it on purpose (It’s not all selfless, for some people, my inability to get pissy and throw shade their way has more to do with the idea that they could get pissy right back and hurt me. But for about seven people in this life, it’s simply that I can’t). I’m sure I’ll lose my temper and shove my foot in my mouth, do something stupid, act super whiny or annoy the piss out of you. It’s just that I can’t do it on purpose. I know many people who are perfectly capable of destroying someone they love, tearing them to pieces until there is nothing left of them, some of those people are my closest friends. It doesn’t mean that one of us is “better” than the other, it just means that I don’t have that mean streak. Some people have a different brand of morality than others and that’s okay.

I think we need to stop holding the people we love to unrealistic expectations. You can love someone and sometimes hurt them. Just because they can’t retaliate doesn’t make them weak or you an asshole, it simple means you’re wired differently. You need to accept that & work on curbing that dark side of you. Just because someone is nice doesn’t mean that they can’t be a raving bitch some days. Just because you are capable of hurting someone who trusts you doesn’t mean that you will always hurt them, it just means you have to be more mindful of how you treat them. Maybe people need to stop promising each other that they won’t hurt them, but that you’ll try hard not to, and if you do, you’ll be really sorry and talk it out together.

Mission Bells

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, MH vs Dating, Quotable Quotes and Potpourri, Relationships, Seriously WTF?, Social Media, Television

I know I’ve mentioned it a million times but I seriously HATE The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. So much.

First of all, I hate how my Twitter TL is all “This is so romantic” or “Poor ____, it won’t last” or “That’s the only type of proposal I want. Neil Lane ring too, because that’s real love.” Please all go die in a fire. Secondly, I hate that it’s considered super romantic to compete with 29 other people for some person who is systematically toying with a whole bunch of emotions. Then you can’t see each other in the really real world after the show, because your “love” must be exploited for ratings. Barf.

None of it is real. None of it. The exotic locations, the phoney dates, all of it is for show. Yes, it has produced two successful marriages, the exception isn’t always the rule (My friend got married on her fifth date, but that doesn’t mean it works for everyone). These people don’t know how to roll with the punches, with the crap that sucks, with the fights and the clogged drains and the communication mishaps, etc. While it all seems romantic, these stupid shows give the idea that love is warm and fuzzy and dare I say, easy.

Even Nicholas Sparks added conflict. While people remember that Noah and Allie from the Notebook conquered every obstacle, including years of separation to find their happy ending, people forget that they fought every day. It wasn’t easy; they fought all of the time! They struggled and worked to endure and they did. But that gets lost along the way amongst the swans and the romance. IMO, the greatest quote from that book and film is this one:

“Well, that’s what we do. We fight. You tell me when I’m being a arrogant son of a bitch; and I tell you when your being a pain in the ass, which you are, 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You’ve got like a two-second rebound rate; then you’re back to doing the next pain in the ass thing. It’s not going to be easy, No. It’s going to be hard. But I’m willing to work at this; because I want you. All of you. Forever. You and Me. Everyday”

Real love, true love is the person who knows you’re a douchebag and still wants you. The person who understands that you probably suck, you’re not as great as you think you are (or as horrible as you think you are) and accepts everything you do, even those things that suck ass. They love you when you’re the least likeable, when you do the things that your friends hate, they hold onto you when you push them away and even when everything sucks and nothing looks hopeful and you can’t even stand that person’s face, you still want to try, one last time to see if it all works out. Yes, that seems a little dramatic, but it’s true. All of the greatest couples that I know have had their shares of miscommunications, problems and struggles. Maybe money was tight. Maybe they didn’t know how to talk to each other. Maybe they broke up and acted like total dicks and in a moment of clarity realized he/she was the right person and started over. We don’t have an instruction manual to help us deal with other humans and we generally mess it all up. But the person who’s right for you is willing to work through all of the stuff that sucks to get to the parts that are amazing and that’s not something you can get from a TV show. You get to do cool stuff and go to pretty places, but how are you going to handle the tough times, when you’re not on the same page and you need to slow down/speed up, or the dishwasher is broken, or you got in that big stupid fight about stupid stuff? That’s the thing that truly defines love.

Truthfully, if someone could love me for me, through my general kookiness, give me a million chances, understand that I’m too nice to get angry and I’ll probably cry 18 times a month, the locations, the ring, the “love story” would mean nothing to me. Give me a garbage tie and tell me you won’t give up even when I’m a douchebag. We need to stop looking @ TV love like it’s any kind of real love and look for the actual epic love; the person who truly gets you, even when you are your worst self, because they make you strive to be your best self.