Category: Relationships

Who’s Thankful For What?

by maryhelenc, posted in Relationships

I have a love/hate relationship with Thanksgiving.

While I do so love making tonnes and tonnes of food for my family and friends, the idea of sitting around with relatives we barely see (or make any attempt to contact otherwise) and talk about how we’re all thankful for each other is kind of weird. I guess it’s because (as I’ve mentioned in previous posts) that I’ve never really had strong extended family ties so the whole idea of it is strange.

I make it a point to get together with family and dear friends and make a huge meal but I never ask what we’re thankful for. I think we should make it a point to be thankful for things all year long, not just while Aunt Ann is passing the sweet potatoes. By the time pie is served, we’ve all forgotten what we’re thankful for and by the next day, we’ve reverted back to the bitter bees who don’t appreciate the life we’ve been given or those we have to share it with.

There are alot of things we should be thankful for but aren’t, things like oppurtunities and chances. So many of us waste oppurtunities because of momentary distractions or because we’re straight up afraid to fail. The world would be alot better if we saw the chance to succeed as a victory of it’s own. Many people don’t even have the chance to try and yet so many of us throw away a chance thinking we can revisit it once we’re done playing around. However, oppurtunity rarely knocks again and NEVER leaves a voicemail. We should be thankful for each step we take in the journey and not focus on the end result. I know I used to be terrible for making excuses for why I didn’t just take steps because it was a long shot or because what if I wasn’t good enough. Now I know that I wasted alot of time that could have been spent succeeding. People should be thankful for the chance to try, instead of afraid to fail.

Family is another thing we take for granted. Family doesn’t necessarily mean blood ties, but the people in your life who make your life better. So many people don’t appreciate their children until they’ve grown and have lives of their own or their spouses until they’ve left. We don’t appreciate the friends who held our hands until you forgot to hold theirs and they moved on. Why wait until Thanksgiving to tell people that you love and appreciate them?  We live in a generation of self-absorption, why not pull yourself back a bit and take a moment to reflect on the people who have helped you get where you want to be?

I am guilty of this myself. I tend to be unappreciative of my job, despite it providing me financial security and focusing on how much it sucks. I have other goals, but I let things get in the way and I don’t think I show my family and friends enough love, so I need to take my own advice. I think we’d be a society of happy people if we took chances for ourselves while choosing to surround ourselves with the people who truly have our back. Then we could be thankful for the food on Thanksgiving instead of reciting the same old greeting card sentiment around the table.  After all, family, friends, and life are every day, but we can only enjoy stuffing three times a year at the most. So, let’s take the oppurtunity to enjoy it.

For Sale: My Family’s Legacy

by maryhelenc, posted in Relationships, Seriously WTF?

While surfing e-bay, I stumbled apon a listing for some World War II memorbilia. Namely, a man’s medals, logbook, cufflinks, medals and stripes. There were several auctions like this, apparently someone wants to sell off their late grandfather’s things and pocket the cash. There was another auction similar where someone was auctioning a longtime family heirloom, passed down over six generations because she wanted a vacation.

This angers and saddens me. My family has no real history to speak of. After my father’s untimely passing, a relative took most of our family possessions and ran. My mom doesn’t really talk much about my grandfathers (who both served in WWII) and it wasn’t until I married my husband that I really understood how important it is that you know where you came from. I’m rather sad that my daughters don’t have anything passed down to them besides an onyx ring and their great grandfather’s service cap. The fact that these people can’t see the value in something like that makes me sad. The medals are the worst, as Grampa risked life and limb to earn those stripes and medals. A museum would gladly take those off of your hands. I actually bid on something from this guy’s collection of auctions because it made me sad to see something that was likely once so prized being sold with unlocked iPhones and Justin Bieber’s hair.

I understand desperate times sometimes call for things we once loved to be sold but some things should be kept sacred IMO. My sister in law proudly wears her grandmother’s wedding rings and I imagine short of life saving surgery for one of her daughters, nothing would pry those things from her finger. I can’t imagine my husband putting his grandfather’s service cap on ebay. I would rather eat glass then sell my wedding rings. You get the idea.

While yes, they are just meager things, they are things that connect you to your roots and tell a story. Someday, Gramma and Grampa are long gone and the only thing that keeps them with us are the stories, the knicknacks and the treasures. Why give those things away?

I guess I don’t get it because the idea of family means so much to me. It wasn’t until I was a teenager until I felt like I was part of one and my husband entertains my constant need to build memories and traditions and all of the things that it seems were lost with my parents’ generation. Either way, I would hate to think that something I wore (or earned) and cared enough about to give to someone would end up auctioned off to a stranger, who would never know it’s true value.

Kiss the brides?

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Relationships

The debut of the show “Sister wives” has everyone talking polygamy.

This isn’t a new idea & dates back to the new testament. Jacob had two wives, Rachel & Leah. While the whole idea prompts many a joke about two husbands forgetting to take out the garbage or two nagging wives, the big question is: can you love more than one person?

To me, the answer is yes, but in different ways. Deep down, we will always have a soft spot for our first love, long after the romance is gone. I have friends I love more than anything (granted I don’t want to marry them) & value their companionship. I couldn’t picture my life without them, but I love my husband more than life itself. Polygamists are capable of loving more than one person in a Romantic & sexual sense.

I just love the irony of a society built on casual sex & adultery has such a problem with multicommitment. While it isn’t for everyone, no one is getting hurt. Meanwhile, every weekend another girl cries because he didn’t call or a guy comes home from work to find his girl & another guy.

I guess (while not for me) it’s just not a big deal to me. Everyone is okay with it & seems to be happy. Maybe we should just let them be a family. After all, it wasn’t too long ago that blended or same sex families were taboo.

So, if the idea of having double the nagging wives or double the forgotten anniversaries appeals to you, have fun! Perhaps if more people focused on their own marriages & not the polygamous ones, more would be successful. I’ll stick with one husband; mine is a handful.

Good Friends Make All the Difference

by maryhelenc, posted in Relationships

I’ve come to realize over the last year how important very good friends are and sometimes they can become more family than blood kin.

Last year my family & I went through some very difficult times. Marital and money problems were everywhere, a baby was on the way, and after my baby arrived, I was diagnosed with PPD. I was shocked as “good friends” bragged about how their life was “soooo much better” or straight up didn’t call. Family members openly mocked me & I was heartbroken and felt so alone. I was amazed & blessed that I developed a great support system from some amazing friends.

It’s funny how people can be friends for years, they attended your nuptials, the births of your children, but when you’re down, they can’t be found. Meanwhile, a girl you met @ bus stop, a coworker who’s living room you helped paint,the young lady you hired as a babysitter & a Vanilla Coke loving pilot will hold your hand while you cry. As I celebrated my birthday with this eclectic group, I realized how lucky I am to have many great folks in my life. From this group to my college chums who threaten recruiters on Twitter, I know that while Windsor may not provide me career satisfaction much of the time, I have found good people to enjoy life with.

So a shout out to my dear friends, who see me through so much, I love you. Make sure you let your besties know how great they are every once in awhile, they’ll be the ones in your corner when you’re backed into one.

Who’s The Smartest Woman On Earth? Kat Von D!

by maryhelenc, posted in Celebrity Fluff, Relationships

LA Ink’s Kat Von D confessed to People Magazine that she is madly in love with Monster Garage host/professional douchebag Jesse James and the world collectively puked in their mouths a little bit.

Apparently the tattooed vixen feels that James has been unfairly painted by the media as a serial adulterer and their love is like, totally different and he would never step out on her like he did his former wife Sandra Bullock. She realized this while playing Scrabble. Cue the swooning.

I’m not sure which is more ridiculous, the fact that she believes this or that she came up with this while playing Scrabble. Let’s be frank, this entire relationship is a match made in Perez Hilton Heaven. Both are heavily tattooed reality stars who got their start on the Discovery Channel. Both have been labelled racists (she for autographing a photo with a swastika in 2008 and he for “that” picture featured in US Magazine) and both have been linked to infidelity scandals (her with Bam Margera, he with all of those women).  James has just been through a divorce, a bitter custody battle and signed over custody of his youngest child. He was linked to five different women during the course of his marriage and has admitted he has cheated on every woman he’s ever loved, including America’s Sweetheart. Obviously he’s a catch, where do I sign up? To her credit, Kat Von D only seperated from Motley Crue’s Nikki Syxx in January, the man she left her husband Oliver Peck to be with.

One has to question what would possess a woman to pursue a guy like James, who cried on TV just two short months ago claiming he just wanted his wife back.  It’s either a pathetic cry for attention from Von D or her self esteem is just that low. Seriously though, it’s a head scratcher. There are a lot of wonderful men out there with the qualities women claim they want and yet it seems to be the guys who are the biggest losers who get their pick. I have often wondered why an attractive, sweet and intelligent guy spends so much time single while the guy who cheats on his girlfriend has a full dance card.

One has to wonder if perhaps women like the drama. Everywhere you look there’s another woman trying to “change” her bad boy. Bristol Palin tearfully wailed to Us and People when her fiance Levi Johnston announced he would use the Palin family to fuel his reality show career. The Jersey Shore’s Sammi came to blows with her BFF JWoww over her boyfriend Ronnie’s philandering. Vienna Girardi sobbed on live TV while her former flame Jake Pavelka cruelly taunted her. Why do they keep going back when there are perfectly sweet guys in the world?

Everyone talks about how men are dogs, but maybe women encourage them to a certain extent. After all, when another woman comes out bragging about her trips to Jesse James’s Monster Garage, Kat Von D will bask in the glow of attention as she bawls her eyes out to every outlet that will listen. Maybe deep down, women are just screamapillars and need constant validation or they will just die. Perhaps women don’t learn at an early enough age that not all attention is good. Someone needs to teach women that life is not like Dawson’s Creek; the bad boy doesn’t magically straighten up and fly right just because you bat your eyelashes and help him find his soul. Usually they’re just bullies and the only way to stop the madness is to stop encouraging your “bad boy” because it’s sooooo sexy.

The only real losers are the nice guys who spend their weekends watching Mr Popped Collar get the girl. Inevitably they become jaded and all the things that girls with their heads on straight love about them fall by the wayside. It’s a sad cycle of bad girls jading nice boys who hurt nice girls who date bad boys. Eventually people need to see the signs and find someone who will give them what they need before the bitterness takes over.

In the interim, we can watch as Kat Von D “fixes” Jesse James with some TLC, a tattoo needle and Scrabble. Good luck darling, you’ll need it.