My boss REALLY likes conference calls.
Like, a lot.
I suppose I should be grateful that my boss really loves conference calls, because it means she’s invested in my overall job performance. Because she is in Ontario, she understands that leading a team in Cow Province (As Alberta will be known going forward) can lead to feelings of alienation. So, I go on many conference calls and we discuss my performance, how I’m doing, etc. And obviously, the feedback was good, I’m profitable and will continue to be and soon enough when my current manager goes on maternity leave, the store will be mine to run my way, etc. But then, she told me something that everyone tells me and I never listen anyway:
“MHC, I think you just assume that you will just succeed and you’re too hard on yourself because you’re always working to be number one that you don’t factor in things like jet lag, and moving and you’re working yourself to death trying to be the top salesperson here while trying to get your home in order. You must be overwhelmed.”
Can someone work too hard?
I guess it’s because my personality is to be a really nice girl who works really hard. So it doesn’t really bother me. But, as I look at my home, with the trim that still needs to be finished and the table that needs to be bought and the unpacking that needs to be done and the children coming home in a little over 48 hours, maybe I should learn to find some work/life balance.
I wanted to make sure that I settled into my job quickly. I wanted to live up to the expectations that were set for me. So, I didn’t factor in all of the adjustments, nor did I take the sufficient amount of time off to make sure that I could unpack and get my house in order. So, now I’m trying to do it all last minute while working full time. My boss says it’s okay to try and settle and not put so much pressure on myself to be the most successful person that I know. But that feels so out of character.
However, maintaining a successful work/life balance is extremely important and something I struggle with. I have a full life, which is about to get back to normal really quickly. So, I’ll work during the day, head to crossfit at night and then repeat, so my two days off can be for my children and our time together. There’s also getting them off to school in the morning, etc. This past month has had very little work/life balance. Mostly work, rarely life. This won’t do once I’m finally a full time parent again. I need to devote more time to my family, my relationship, but also myself. When one doesn’t take time for themselves and the things that they enjoy, they burn out. Which is probably why I’m exhausted af and feel half dead with the headache from Hell. Because I’ve not allowed myself the things I love that make my life awesome. I’ve had no time for crossfit, no time for yoga, no time to sit amongst my beloved rocks and trees to enjoy how amazing nature is. Just work and paint and no sleep. I’ve been writing a lot, but that’s just a part of my DNA at this point; MH writes and it keeps her sane. But I need to build my routine.
So, maybe I’ll shift my focus a bit for the first time in my entire life. Maybe I will accept that I work too damn hard. Maybe for the rest of the summer, I’ll focus on what actually matters, which isn’t being the most successful person at my workplace, or whatever my kooky goal of the month is. Maybe I’ll focus on building my real people life and creating my routine here and getting reacquainted with how my family and I live day to day. So, having breakfast with the kids, going to work and then the gym, sending random texts, etc. Will it really ruin my children’s lives if I’m still painting some of the trim a couple of days after they get home? Not really. In fact, the not always angry tween is pretty happy about it, because she gets to help paint her Amazing Technicolour Bedroom! I’ll dedicate time to recharge my spirit with nature, and I’ll focus on getting my family adjusted, the thing I didn’t allow myself to do. And then I’ll once again dominate the world of telecommunications…okay, I’ll probably still dominate the world of telecommunications, but once I get home at night, the work phone is shut off and I allow myself to breathe. And by working harder at the things I love most (writing, crossfit, parenting), I’ll be more rejuvenated, which will make me actually like my job more, as its hit or miss right now.
Perhaps by finally taking control of my work/life balance, I’ll perform better at my job, because I’m not pushing myself to succeed and stressing when I don’t. As the Overlord says “You don’t cure cancer; you just sell phones.” Maybe I need to readopt that attitude so I don’t let job stress overtake my life, so I can enjoy it.