One Grain of Sand

I think it’s time that I once again retire from the world of online dating.

Not just because I’m in the middle of a huge life transition and it’s not a good idea to start a relationship in the midst of that. Not just because we’ve established that I am the most stubborn person on Earth.

Mainly because…it’s stupid.

My hippie friend and her husband met online and made it. Their love story is beautiful and they make me happy. But everyone else I know, it failed. However, my Muricah food tour companion said the same thing I did (she uses her POF account to “laugh @ the winners.” We actually had a contest to see who could shoot down some poor moron in the most original capacity); it feels like forcing something that isn’t really there.

I want the love story. I want that epic Noah and Allie where you work out the misunderstandings, even though it took forever for them to finally decide to sit down and actually talk, but when they did, they realize they had wasted so much time not trusting each other and talking about things as they happened, letting outside influences stick their noses in, but they worked it out and built a beautiful life. Just like my 12 year old suggested, I want the Stefan and Elena (book version, not ruined TV show version) where they just knew, no matter what happened between them, they just knew. She often tells me where my supposed epic love is. She tells me so in between bouts of hating me. I want that moment, that moment where you look @ that person and think they’re cute and why didn’t you notice before or you stop dead in your tracks and think…wow, who is that? You don’t get that moment from the internet.

I have always wanted the epic love like my friend and fellow blogger Nancy at Whispered Inspirations has found with her hubby where she just knew. I guess I feel like online dating is trying to force the epic love story and when you try to force something, it doesn’t happen. No matter how much I think that I know who I’m supposed to be with, you can’t force it, and I can’t make someone want to be here with me, nor would I want to, because they wouldn’t be happy. They’d need to realize it on their own. Much like Noah in the Notebook, he waited for Allie to figure it out on her own and when she did, they fought for each other and with each other and had a lovely life. Maybe someday I’ll find that epic love story and it will happen naturally, with a random meeting and a lovely chat that turns into more. You can’t find it when you’re searching for it (unless of course you’re searching for what you’ve run from) and by online dating, maybe you’re pushing too hard to find a mate to fit your love story instead of waiting for the love story to play out. I shouldn’t have to settle for less than the life that I want and so richly deserve. I shouldn’t have to settle for a life that is “good enough” and that includes my interpersonal relationships. I don’t want a computer to determine my compatibility with someone. I want the man who doesn’t care if we’re compatible on paper, or what he thinks happened or didn’t happen and vice versa. I want the man that no matter how hard he tries, he can’t get me out of his mind, needs to know what I’m thinking so he wastes time seeking it out, and in the end makes the choice to work on it with me, every day, because in the end, it’s how it’s supposed to be. I think about how when I went back to school to do something profitable and how miserable I was, how my marriage was a chore because there was no moment of “This person could be the one.” I do not want any aspect of my life to be a chore, especially not the most important adult relationship of my life.

I asked my friend if it was so wrong to feel like I deserved the epic love, the love that made me want to become better, love myself more and the love I was so sure of that I would wait for it, fight for it, fight with them and when things are the suckiest, love someone when I don’t even like them. She said no, because she was waiting for the same thing and she shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than that. So, she’ll keep mocking the POF winners and I’ll keep on building my self esteem and putting my life the way I want it, so when the time is right, I’ll get my epic love story, have that chance meeting, and happily ever after the way I’ve always wanted and I absolutely deserve and so does she. Everyone deserves the person who is going to feel for them the same thing that Noah felt for Allie:

“Well that’s what we do, we fight… You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing…So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.”

Maybe it’s not realistic, but I would rather wait my life for the love story where no matter what happens, you make it through the storm than some complacent blah thing that some computer created for me. If something is how its supposed to be, you’ll end up there eventually. So, no one needs to force it by hunting for it, because we’ll find it, rediscover it, and cherish it when we do.