I’m convinced nobody actually knows what they want.
I’m the first to admit that I have no freaking clue about what I want. Sometimes, I want to find someone & maybe venture out into the dating world, until I stick a toe in the water. Then it scares the crap out of me.
I’m not really one for games & grand impressive gestures. I find that all very tiresome. Just tell me what you want & let’s see if we want the same things.
I knew a guy who wanted the same girl for years, but she was with someone else. Even when he was in a relationship, he told this girl he wished she wasn’t with someone because he wanted her. Once she was available, he came to her & professed his devotion to her & told her about the life he wanted with her (even though he was with someone else). Then she told him she wanted him back. That’s when he cooled his friendship with her. All that waiting & pining just to let it go.
Another guy wants a relationship, even though he’s not emotionally available & ends up offending every woman around him by saying the wrong thing & putting his foot in his mouth over & over again.
Then there’s all the girls I overhear in line @ Tim’s @ the college, talking about “testing” the guys they like & then boo-hooing when the guys get frustrated & take off.
I’m no better. I want to date but I’m not really in the relationship place. I’m in the casual dating place but for most people that means casual sex. I don’t do casual sex. Why risk a disease or a pregnancy & be stuck with someone you don’t even like that much as parent to your child for the rest of your life? I can barely effectively co-parent with a man I loved for 10 years, let alone a one night stand. I’ve been told in order to get a guy I’ve got to get slutty, & I simply will not do that.
So, why is it so hard? Maybe too much relies on another person? I’m the first to admit that I don’t do emotions well. It takes me a long time to tell someone that I have romantic feelings for them and even longer for the L word. I have a huge fear of putting myself out there because what If they say no. The closest I’ve come to putting myself out there was when I accidentally told a guy I wanted to be with him because I was drunk & tried to say someone LIKE him. I’m too skittish. So, when I put myself out there, I obviously think you’re worth the risk.
Maybe others are the same way. Maybe they’re just too afraid to take the risk. It’s funny how most of us are more willing to do a crazy stunt like get a tattoo, piercing or bungee jump than tell someone they have feelings for them. I guess the fear of physical pain is less than the fear of heartbreak. Because those wounds can’t be healed with a bandaid.
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