Near Life Experience

I don’t want to be one of those people who acts like some kind of expert on mental illness because I went to a doctor. Those people make me want to punch things…like them.

But, I’ve seen what’s working for me & slowly understanding some of how I ended up so miserable. Two of the things that triggered how I felt we’re my piss poor diet (of nothing) & my lack of exercise. I went from working out 6x/week to yoga @ home 6x/week to…nothing. Sure, I walked everywhere, but I also started eating the snack foods that I had cut out. I wouldn’t eat all day, drank way too much caffeine & barely slept. All of these things can trigger depression like symptoms. Your blood sugar fluctuating causes mood swings & sleep deprivation increases anxiety. I never realized how something as simple as 3 healthy meals & 2 light snacks can make a huge change in one’s attitude. I’m doing yoga again & couch to 5k. It’s already done wonders. I’ve even cut out a big chunk of my caffeine intake.

I always think about what everyone else needs, that I never think about me, what I need, that my feelings are valid too. I make dinner & pick so I know there’s enough if the girls want seconds. I buy them enough clothes to outfit Kenya, but I rarely buy myself anything. I’m not one to get angry about cancelled plans or things like that, but I also never assert myself. By resuming my workout regime, I’m finally doing something for me that makes me happy & only me. I think it’s time I start focusing on myself & what will make me happy & healthy, starting with the body.

I’m still no expert on depression or anything like that. I’m barely qualified to give advice to a goldfish. But I know I’m emerging as MHC again. I’ll look good & feel good while setting a better an example for my girls.