“Somehow don’t you dare fail, fail me now…”
It’s funny how one move that seems so small in the grand scheme of things can end up being the gamechanger. Last year, I was writing an exam that would make or break me in a class I was performing horribly in when I got an emergency phone call. The little one was upset, she had never been at my house without me. What to do? I gave instructions on what to do until I got there & walked out of my exam. I went home & took care of her.
It seemed like such a small act, child >; grade but the big fat F followed by the words “Academic Probation” certainly put me at a disadvantage. How to excel at something enough to stay afloat when you’re not very good at in the first place? The answer? You don’t.
But sometimes it’s the smallest acts that set the ripple effect. Something that to me seemed so minor (& I stand by my choice to this day) would impact so much. I didn’t think about the repercussions of walking out of an exam; I wanted to do the right thing for someone I promised I would be there for. No one predicts that the next semester would bring so much turmoil, dysfunction within the college & a workload that came with homework that took longer than our classroom hours for the week. I didn’t even think; I just did the thing I thought was best.
As Sisyphus, I climbed the mountain & like Sisyphus, I got splatter by the big rock. I guess now I need to gauge my next move. I’m not sure what that will be, but I’ll figure it out. One thing about me is that I’m always thinking, which means I’m always finding new ways to handle life’s big challenges. I did the best that I could under circumstances that were less than ideal & that’s all I can do I guess.
But in all things, it’s the smallest acts that make all of the difference. The thing that may seem so insignificant to you may have changed someone’s life. That small thing may have meant everything, or it may have turned a normal activity into a battle. But of course, even that battle isn’t hopeless, because like our ASH quote of the week says:
“Victory is always possible for those who refuse to stop fighting.”