We Build Then We Break

I hate the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

Well, truthfully, I hate TV as a whole. I really can’t get into it (save for a couple of shows), but I REALLY hate the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

After my Twitter TL was inundated with posts about how Bachelorette Emily Maynard found true love with Jef Holm & how he was sooooo perfect & that’s real love, blah blah blah, my hatred was reaffirmed.

We all buy into the fairy tale romance of this show. The exotic locations, the whirlwind courtship, the proposal speech with the Neil Lane sparkler, to the point where women on my TL said they wouldn’t accept a proposal unless it was done just like this. Sure, it’s romantic, but this show has produced one marriage out of 23 seasons. As of this moment, 17% of the couples who found “love” on this show are still together (22% if you count the guy who dumped the fiancée he chose for the one he left in the finale). This stat always prompts the question as to why these fairy tale romances don’t work.


Fairy tales don’t transition into reality very well, so they end. Real love is when your partner has seen your dark side & still loves you, doesn’t give up on you when you eff up, reassures you when life goes to crap & through the bills & the kids & the situations life throws @ you is still your best friend. That is real love.

Sure, the down on one knee romantic proposal with the dream ring might be nice (I’ve never had one), but that’s not the end of the fairy tale; it’s the BEGINNING. The wedding starts the marriage, which should be the story. Too many people sweat all of these details about the perfect ring & perfect proposal & perfect wedding & still complain about the flaws in those things that they hate while their marriage crumbles because they signed up to be a bride/groom, not a partner.

I’ve been married & it failed, much like 83% of the couples on The Bachelor/Bachelorette. That doesn’t mean that my dream of being my trifecta of wife/mother/journalist is over; I’m just more realistic about what love actually is. It’s not that ring, or one day, it’s about finding the person who compliments you, completes you, & gets you, even when you don’t get it, & while some people find that on their fifth date, most people don’t & especially won’t find it on a TV show. When you find it, they could ask you while driving to the movies with a Cracker Jack ring & you could wed in sweats @ the courthouse on a random Wednesday & it’ll be more romantic than a tropical proposal on ABC. Why? Because its real. You’re going to be someone’s wife/husband & you wanted the life with them more than the details & to that someone, that’ll mean more than anything.

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