I try not to complain.
I really do. My good friend Nancy at Whispered Inspirations has a saying “too blessed to be stressed” which I’ve tried to adopt into my daily life.
I’m not stressed, I’m tired.
I think back to when I had two jobs, two kids & I made this look easy. Now sometimes it seems so hard. Then I remember why it was so easy back then; I had help.
I had an amazing assistant editor who went above & beyond the call of duty. I still feel he needs a shout out because I’m remembering now that I’m back into the fray that he was invaluable to my career. My homelife has always been me vs the world but his partnership on the professional side of things made life so much easier. I could likely get a new assistant but honestly they would suck in comparison. Part of being invaluable is being irreplaceable.
Now it’s just me. Me balancing schoolwork, homework, kids, a job, & a life. Apparently there’s a learning curve & part of the learning is remembering that I am human. I need days off. I need sleep.
I try not to complain because this is the life that I chose. It’s the life that will bring me security & success. I have all of the tools to make my happy ending, I just need to make them all fit. I often wonder how other people make it look so damned easy & why can’t I be that awesome too? Then I remember the number one rule of life; never compare yourself to anyone else.
So, while there are days (like today) that I would rip off my own arm for one hour off, I remember when I was unemployed & felt useless & that I wouldn’t want my life any other way, if for no other reason than because I can look back & know there were no wasted opportunities. I just need to remember that I’m not the same woman I was before. There is no assistant. There is no partner. There is more expected of me & finding the balance is a little trickier. That’s not to say it can’t be done, it’s just harder. I need to remind myself to take a day off because I have no one to remind me that I’m working too hard. I need to learn my own limitations.
Until then, I’m going to take a nap.