What’s Wrong With That

After I was (once again) signed up for online dating by a friend who decided I need to start dating again, I couldn’t help but laugh @ most of the profiles. I’m sorry, but they crack me up. A few of my friends are on various sites & they too find this hilarious. So, I asked the ASH readers (as well as my friends, most of the suggestions came from my Muricah Food Tour companion, who sits on a dating site to chat with “winners” as she says) for some “Online Dating Pro Tips.”

1. Avoid Douchebags at all costs. A good way to tell is if they are shirtless in their profile pic & have any of the following in their profile: YOLO, KCCO, or Live, Laugh, Love. I was told by a guy friend that female douchebags can be spotted when they quote Katy Perry lyrics.

2. If you’re still ranting about being cheated on, dumped, etc. on your profile, then maybe you should take it down.

3. If your user name is “AwesomeSingleGuy,” “HonestGentleman,” “SweetLady,” or “KindHeartedGal,” you’re probably not any of these things. Perhaps “Donger” was taken? A coworker also informed that this rule applies if you have “cute” or “sexy” in your name (all of these names were actual people who have chatted with my Muricah Food Tour companion).

4. If you have no display pic, you’re probably married.

5. If your display pic is your car, you likely have a small penis. Adversely, of your display pic is your feet on the beach, you’re a woman with body image issues.

6. If s/he just wants to “hang out” and not go out to dinner or coffee, they’re ashamed to take you in public.

7. Calling a person you have never met “Baby” is frowned upon in most social circles.

8. Be honest. Asking for “a man/woman who takes care of him/herself” does not mean “thin/ripped.” I work out every single day, go running, walk home from work, eat right, etc. I am not thin, but I take care of myself. I had a male friend be told the same thing by a girl because he is a stockier build but works out to get in shape. Also, if you’re not thin/ripped (which 90% of these people aren’t), you should start taking care of yourself.

9. If they say they’re a doctor, they’re not a doctor.

10. Please know how to spell. Even if you’re not a super grammar nazi, no grown up wants to date someone who “types Lyke dis” & asks “wut u up 2 l8r?” I thought it was just me, but apparently it’s a lot of people.

11. TYPING IN ALL CAPS MEANS THAT YOU ARE YELLING. WHY ARE YOU YELLING?

Those are the ones we came up with. I’m sure there are more. Many, many more. But as I slowly enter the dating world (I’ve replied to one person & turned down two guys @ my store), I feel ground rules are important. So, thanks to everyone who pitched in rules for the ASH Multimedia guide to online dating.